Chapter 29

Ben sat down at his desk in his old room in Palo Alto. It felt so strange being home, especially under the circumstances. He and his mom ended up finding his father in San Jose, and put him in a hospital there. He had in fact gone on a bender, and was now hooked up to the life support machines he had never wanted. Ben knew this- his father had made it very clear to him when he appointed him power of attorney- but his mom had been so distraught, that he let the doctors put him on the respirator. He was now back in Palo Alto, and in respiratory failure as a result of his liver failing. Ben couldn't help but be angry with him, since he knew this new ordeal would forever change his mother. She was terrified of his dad dying, and Ben wasn't so sure that wouldn't happen, though he kept reassuring her. It was so difficult for Ben to forgive his father, for all the pain he had caused. He didn't know if he could ever understand how it happened- how his dad became such a terrible alcoholic.

The phone rang, causing Ben to jump slightly as he realized he had dozed off, with his head on the desk. The stress is getting to me, I guess, he thought. He couldn't help but smile, though, when he heard Felicity's sweet voice on the other end.

"Hi, honey! How are things going?"

"Oh, hey babe," he whispered. "It's so good to hear your voice, you have no idea."

"What's wrong?" she could tell he was worried, just by the tone of his voice.

"Oh, it's just the normal crap, you know," Ben sighed.

"Did something happen with your dad? Is he worse?"

"No, actually he is a bit better today. They were able to get him off the respirator, and mom and I got to talk to him some."

"Well, that's good. So, why do you sound so upset?"

Ben laughed lightly, "You can tell, huh?"

"Yes, it is me we are talking about. I've always had a six sense about you, you know. Way back before we even met," she smiled.

"Yeah, I guess so." Ben couldn't help but smile as he thought for a moment of his incredible luck in marrying the woman of his dreams. "Well, he and I had a bit of an argument. It's just….he was trying to apologize- yet again- and I just couldn't stand to hear it. I'm so tired of it, you know. I mean, how many times have mom and I heard that crap before?"

"I know that, Ben. But he had a really scary experience. He's probably just processing it all, and he is grateful to you….."

"He can be grateful all he wants, but I'm still not going to forgive him. Not this time, not ever."

Felicity sighed, thinking of how much her husband had been hurt over the years. She began speaking again gently, hoping he would hear what she had to say. "Ben, I know this is so hard on you. I wish I could be there to hold you right now, I really do."

"Me, too."

"But I think you need to put this all behind you now, all the other times that your dad has hurt you. And just focus on what is happening now, so you can get through it. I think you need to talk to your dad, really talk. Hear him out, ask that he hear you out. And try to move on…from this place. Ben, I just don't want you to regret anything. I mean, your dad is really sick."

"I know. You're right. I just don't know how to forgive him. I don't know if I can."

"I think you should try, for your sake, and for your mom, if not for him. I just don't want you to carry all this anger around inside you. You have the most gentle, caring heart of anyone I have ever met, and I think- I think you need to open it up- your heart- to the one person you didn't ever think you could forgive. I think that would help you so much, to move on, and to feel more secure."

"I guess. I don't know. I always get so angry when he just opens his mouth. I just don't know that I can believe him. We gave him another chance, and look what happened."

"I know. It's awful. Nobody can deny that. But do you really want the last conversation you had with your father to be an argument?"

"He may make it…."

"I know that, and I really hope he does. But, maybe you need to forgive him in order to live, really live. You know what I mean? It will give you the strength to move on."

"Yeah, I think you're right." Ben sat thinking of what she had said, and knew that she was right, as always. "God, I wish you were here. I miss you so much."

"I miss you, too."

They were quiet for a few moments, and Felicity knew that Ben was thinking things through. Ben then asked, "Hey, how are things there? We've just been talking about me. How are you doing?"

"Oh, everything is good. I've been checking on your lab for you, with Elena. And everything is going okay, though I have to say, I've been out of pre-med too long, I have no idea what the lab is about."

Ben couldn't help but chuckle. "What? You are the smartest person I know. There is no way that lab is so difficult for you."

"Well, doing art the past few years has diminished my scientific abilities, I guess," she giggled. "No, it's not so bad actually. It's kind of fun."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it makes me feel closer to you. To what your future- our future- will be like. Does that sound silly?"

"No, of course not. I know what you mean. And I'm glad to hear that."

Felicity smiled, warmed by the fact that Ben sounded much calmer. "Well, it's getting late here. I better get to bed. Let me know things go tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah, of course I will." Ben sat rubbing his wedding band, gaining strength from her. "Thanks. I don't know what I'd do without you. I love you so much."

"Well, that's good to hear. And I love you, too."

The next day, Ben entered his dad's hospital room and saw his mom crying as she laid her head next to his father's chest. His father was gently rubbing her head, as he quietly spoke to her. Ben was immediately alarmed, "What's wrong, Mom? Did something happen?"

She lifted her head and looked at her son. "Oh hi, honey. I didn't hear you come in. No, nothing happened. Your dad and I were just talking. About you, actually."

"Me? And that made you cry?" Ben was puzzled.

His dad spoke then. "Son, we were just talking about how you saved my life. How you made such a difficult decision, about the treatment I needed. And it wasn't what I said that I wanted, but somehow….you knew that we needed another chance, as a family. I mean that's what happened, right?"

"Yeah, I guess," Ben responded quietly. "I just hated to see mom so scared."

"I know, son. You've always been so good to your mom. We both appreciate that."

Ben nodded, and then looked at his mom. "Hey mom, can you give dad and I a few minutes?"

She looked surprised, but then smiled. "Of course. I'll be right outside, Andrew." She leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. And then she left, closing the door behind her.

Andrew looked at Ben, a bit nervously, and asked, "What's going on, son?"

Ben sat down next to his father and breathed in a deep breath, as he looked at his wedding band and recalled Felicity's words last night. "Dad, I wanted to talk to you about this stuff. It- it isn't really easy for me to do this. I think you know already that it's very hard for me to forget everything…everything that has happened in the past. How you've hurt me and mom."

"I know," Mr. Covington nodded. "And you have to believe me when I say that I am really sorry for all of it."

Ben nodded, "I know. I just- I'm just trying to figure out a way to forgive you. So we can move on from this place. But I don't think you've ever known how much your drinking, and how you hurt us- mom especially- has really affected me." Ben paused, gathering his thoughts. "I want to hear you out, but you need to hear me out, too."

"Go on, son," his father said softly, tears forming in his eyes.

Ben listened to the machines in the room, and gazed at the heart monitors before continuing. "Dad, you nearly killed yourself here. And the doctors aren't even sure you're going to make it, but you know what? I can't even really feel sad about it, because I'm still so angry. And that isn't fair to anyone, not you, not mom, and definitely not me. "

His father nodded, silently asking him to continue. "I don't know how you became this way, and I am not sure I will ever understand why you drink the way you do. But I realize now that I have to forgive you. I may never forget what you've done to us, but I have to forgive you so I can move on. So, I can get past this anger that has…..has cost me so much. Mainly my relationship with you."

"Son, I don't know that I would ever be able to explain to you why I've done the things that I've done. Why I got so jealous of your mom's friend, why I….why I hit you and your mom when you were a kid." He saw Ben cringe, and continued more gently. "But, Ben, no matter what happened, I always- always- loved you and your mom. If you know nothing else about me, just know that."

Ben nodded, "I know that, dad. We love you, too."

"Thank you for talking to me about this. I know it wasn't easy, and it means so much to me. I know now how sick I've been all these years, and I'm going to get help. My life is too important to me- you and your mom are too important to me. Maybe- maybe we can have another chance now? Maybe when I get out of here, we can spend some time together?"

Ben exhaled slowly, "Yeah, maybe." He wasn't sure his father understood how truly sick he was, and he didn't want to be the one to tell him. All that was important is that they'd had this conversation; everything else would have to wait. He stood up then. "Well, I better go get mom now. She's probably worried."

Mr. Covington smiled slightly, "Yeah, you know how your mom is. I'm not sure what she is going to do when you leave to go back to New York."

"Yeah, I know. And I leave day after tomorrow." He made his way to the door, and was about to go out when he heard his father whisper, "Ben, I love you. And I'm so proud of you."

Ben turned and looked back, "Thanks, Dad."

"Felicity?" Ben called out, as he opened the door to their apartment. It had been a long flight home, and he was exhausted, but he also was really anxious to see his wife. He had missed her so much. But hearing no response, he assumed she wasn't home and sat down on the couch. He laid his head back, trying to catch a few minutes of rest before unpacking and trying to find Felicity.

He had just dozed off when he felt a soft, wet kiss on his neck. He opened his eyes, and found Felicity next to him on the couch, with nothing but a beautiful green nightgown on. "Hey," he whispered.

She leaned in and kissed him on the mouth, and tugged a little on his lower lip as she pulled away. "Hey yourself," she said with a giggle. "I wanted to surprise you when you got home, but when I got out of the bathroom, here you were asleep on the couch. Without giving me a proper hello," she said with an exaggerated pout.

Ben smiled, "Well, we need to remedy that right away." He pulled her to him, and wrapped his arms around her as their lips met in a passionate kiss. He rubbed his hands up and down her spine, and reveled in the feel of her. She sat up then, straddling her legs across him, and began to undo the buttons on his shirt. She smiled when she saw him close his eyes as she rubbed her fingers lightly across his chest. Ben gazed at her through heavy eyes, and was overcome, once again, by the intensity of love he felt for this woman. He forgot all about his worries, as he let himself be taken over by the passion between them. Felicity leaned down and began placing soft kisses on his chest, gradually moving down so she could undo the button on his jeans. She helped him out of his jeans, then sighed as he placed his hands under her nightgown, finding she had nothing on underneath. "Felicity…" Ben whispered huskily, as he explored her body with his hands. She felt herself grow more and more aroused, and when he found her taut nipples, she let out a small moan.

Ben brought her lips down to his, and kissed her with every ounce of his body. She felt a shiver all the way down her spine, as he moved his kisses to her neck, then kissed her breast through the gown. She brought his face to hers again, and whispered, "You have on too many clothes." She quickly shed him of his last layer of clothing, and then straddled him once again. As their bodies became one, Felicity moaned his name and said, "I missed you so much." Ben, overcome with her beauty, and the passion between them, could only whisper, "I know." Felicity kept the movements slow and tender, causing the eventual release aching within them, to be more intense than they had ever known. She collapsed atop him, and Ben brought her head down next to his, kissing her on the temple. "Now that is the best hello I have ever gotten," she sighed.

"Glad I could oblige," he replied.

They moved so Felicity could lie next to him, as Ben pulled his boxers back on, before lounging on the corner of the couch. "This was never the biggest couch, but it seems really small right now," she giggled.

"Yeah, this couch has never seen so much activity."

Felicity slapped him lightly on the chest, "are you complaining?"

"What? No way." He pulled her to him, and she laid her head on his chest. He lazily rubbed his fingers down her back, as she listened to his heartbeat beneath her ear. They remained quiet for some time, enjoying the closeness.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" she asked quietly.

"Hmmm? Yeah, I guess. There isn't much to tell. Like I told you on the phone last night, Dad is getting worse again."

"I know. You said he might have to go back on the respirator."

"Yeah, but he doesn't want that. Mom is kind of angry with me for not allowing it. But I know what he said, and I don't want to go against his wishes again."

"He appreciates that, I'm sure."

Ben sighed, "That's just it. We don't know what he is thinking because he is so weak he can't talk to us. I don't understand how he got so much better, and we had that talk, and now it seems like he's dying again."

"I'm so sorry, Ben. Maybe he woke up so he could talk to you. Maybe that's what he needed before he could let go."

"Yeah, you may be right." He sighed. "I just never thought it would end like this. I mean, I didn't think we'd lose him like this. I figured it would be a car accident or something, when he was drunk. But this- it's just so hard. They were going to start over, we all were. I don't know if Mom will make it without him."

"She'll have you. And what's important is that you resolved things with him, so no matter what happens, you won't regret anything."

"Yeah, I guess."

She lifted her head, and looked at him. She could tell he was working through his grief, and that there was nothing else she could do for him right now. He needed to figure it out on his own. All she could do was give him her love. "I love you," she whispered.

He opened his eyes, and smiled. "I love you, too. Thank you so much- for everything."

She leaned down and kissed him softly on the nose, "You're more than welcome."