Stuck!

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Chapter Two: Bite Your Tongue

Alarmed, Sheppard took his eyes off the kid and glanced about frantically. "McKay!" he shouted. Where the hell did the damn scientist go? Where did this kid come from? What was going on? "McKay!"

How did the kid get in McKay's jacket! Sheppard had no time for this!

The huddled boy grimaced, and squeaked out, "You don't have to yell." The kid tried to raise his hands to his head, but was bewildered by the sleeves that entrapped his arms in too much fabric. "No shouting. I've got the mother of all headaches." He curled up pathetically in the jacket, wincing as he closed his eyes tightly. "Give a man a break!"

"Where did you come from?" Sheppard insisted, his voice a little harsh for someone so small – but he was seriously freaked out. "Where's Doctor McKay?" But he wasn't even looking at the kid as his gaze sought out the missing scientist.

"What the hell are you talking about?" the kid returned sharply. "Did the flash blind you?"

Near him, Sheppard heard Dex's startled intake of breath. John glanced up, seeing the man reach the area where Teyla and Beckett had fallen. Ronon's eyes were wide as he holstered his weapon.

"Ronon?" Sheppard questioned sharply, his hands still clutching onto Rodney's appropriated jacket, "What's going on?"

"Teyla…" the runner broke off, unable to express what he'd found. His bass voice seemed to have left him and he went to his knees beside the Athosian, calling her quietly, the concern evident in his tone.

Beside him, Beckett pressed himself into an upright position, looking dazed but otherwise unhurt. "Bloody hell," the doctor grumbled, rubbing his eyes, and wincing.

Sheppard met Ronon's eyes – seeing shock and confusion.

"What the hell's going on?" the adorable little pip-squeak complained, echoing Sheppard's own thoughts. "Would you let go of me?" the kid in his grasp grumbled, twisting within the oversized jacket and attempting to free himself.

Sheppard let loose the jacket and stretched to see Teyla, ready to go in search of Rodney. Teyla groaned, sounding weak and worn out.

Carson had snapped out of his shock and was, in a quick movement, crouching beside Ronon, muttering in disbelief. Doctor-mode kicked in. "It's all right, lass," he tried to console. "Everything's gonna be all right." And he grasped her arm, talking her pulse. Sheppard's gaze fastened on her arm-wrinkled and thin.

"Teyla, how're you feelin'?" Beckett asked quietly.

Sheppard sat up further, trying to see around Ronon-finally catching sight of what was going on. Teyla slowly turned her head toward the Colonel-her hair white as snow and her face lined with years.

What the…?

"Teyla," Beckett repeated urgently.

"Tired." Teyla's voice creaked like an old door. "Weak. But I am in no pain." It was impossible. Where moments ago, she'd been a vibrant warrior-Teyla Emmagan was withered to an old biddy.

Sheppard felt the blood leave his face as figured it out. No… no… it couldn't be!

He spun around toward the kid, finding little more than the top of his head visible within the oversized jacket as the child fought with the material. He snatched at the child, grasping him by one shoulder and turning him to see his face – familiar in spite of the youthfulness. Confused blue eyes glared at him.

"Colonel?" the voice, high with emotion, cried, "Did that Neanderthal actually fire his 'wonder gun' at the device while it had me and the others in its beam? I can't believe he had the lack of foresight to do such a thing." A snort. "No, strike that. I should have figured it. What did he do to me?" The boy, who looked no more than four, fretted about, messing with his clothing, seeming to be sizing himself up. "I shrunk!" he piped - alarmed. "Look at me! I've been miniaturized!" Held out his hands, his expression a jumble of worry and outright panic. "It's like someone's perverse idea of the 'Fantastic Voyage'!"

"Miniaturized?" Sheppard regarded this idea – taking in the obvious child-like features, the oversized head. Oh God, this was seriously warped. "Not so much miniaturized as…"

"The others?" McKay suddenly stated, looking about. "Teyla and Carson. Are they okay? They were in that beam, too. Were they …" He held his little finger and tiny thumb a few inches apart. "… miniaturized?" He caught sight of Ronon and Beckett, both looking at him with astonished expressions. "Ah, Carson. You're fine then?"

Carson offered no response outside of a little sound way in the back of his throat as he opened his mouth.

Rodney frowned, but seemed to accept the dumfounded reply. "Teyla?" he continued. "She's okay, right? She didn't get shrunk like me?" And he twirled about one little hand to indicate himself as he sought Sheppard.

Unable to say anything, John nodded toward Teyla.

A cute little frown creased the boy's features as he turned toward the last of their group. "Who's the old… oh…" Comprehension filled his overly large eyes, as he gazed at the old woman.

Teyla stared back at him with the same look of astonishment. "Doctor McKay," she croaked as she pressed herself upright. Ronon and Beckett leaned in to help her.

"If she's been turned into an old lady, then… No… no… no…!" Rodney clambered to his feet, unsteady. "I'm not… Colonel, tell me… it didn't happen!"

Unable to believe what he was looking at, Sheppard found himself eye-to-eye with Dr. Rodney McKay – genius – self-proclaimed 'smartest man in two galaxies'-and he never left his sitting position. Sheppard fought to comprehend this-why were insane things always happening around him?

He tried to wrap his mind around it-Teyla was an old woman with skin like leather-and Rodney was a child with a head as big as a melon. Sheppard wanted to haul ass and get the hell out of here. It was Rodney's frightened, freakish, child-like look that stilled him.

"Rodney," Sheppard said, fighting to keep calm, to not betray the voice in his head that shouted out how unbelievably weird this was. "Something happened to you and Teyla with that beam."

Rodney narrowed his eyes, and put chubby hands on his hips. "Obviously," he snapped.

"You've been turned into a…"

"NO! Don't say it! I refuse to hear it…"

"An adorable little nugget of a boy." Sheppard found himself smiling at the expressions that galloped over McKay's face.

"Gah!" The exclamation exploded from the boy. "It's my worst nightmare!" he cried.

Beckett scrambled to Rodney's side, peering at the boy in disbelief. "Good God in heaven," he breathed out. "This boy is Rodney? This wee little bairn is …"

"Don't call me that!" Rodney snapped. "Never call me that!" The boy crossed his arms over his chest, which did nothing to intimidate any of them because he looked too damn cute.

Beckett went down on one knee to look the boy in the eye. "Are you feelin' all right, Rodney?" he asked sincerely.

McKay's upper lip lifted in an attempt at a sneer. "Except for a pounding headache and a strange draft…" his voice trailed off and, red-faced, Rodney snatched the trousers that were bunched around his feet. Not as if it mattered-the jacket came down below his knees. He pulled up his pants and gripped the waistband to his stomach. "This is not happening… this is not happening…" he repeated earnestly. He extended one arm-the sleeve overshooting his wrist to drape over his hand. "Take my pulse, or something, Carson! Fix this!"

Beckett did as asked, pushing back the sleeve to find the wee wrist.

'What's wrong with us?" Rodney asked plaintively, his voice breaking hearts with its innocent tremor.

"I dunno, Rodney," Beckett responded, going silent as he did his work, and patting the back of the hand once he finished his count. "I need to get them back to medical… now!" Beckett declared to Sheppard. "They seem to be okay for the time bein', but I can't tell anythin' here." He paused, closing his eyes a moment before he turned toward Teyla. His eyes filled with concern as he watched her.

The Athosian sat, looking brittle and worn, a stony expression on her face. She blinked at them slowly, attempting to remain composed, but her eyes revealed a consuming anxiety, a terrible bone-deep fear.

Ronon moved to pick up the fragile looking woman, but Teyla declared in her whispery voice, "I will walk." Still, she allowed Ronon to help her get to her feet-he assisted with remarkable gentleness.

Sheppard steeled himself, getting ready for the weirdness of everything, then made a move to scoop up the tiny version of McKay. The kid backed away from him, flapping his hands about at any attempt to grab him. "I can walk, too!" the kid declared shrilly.

"Okay then," Sheppard shot back. "Get movin'." Unable to stop himself, he gave the boy a whap on the behind.

McKay fumed. "Don't!" he ordered. "Don't try that again!" Clutching his pants to his chest, he glanced about for his boots. He set them upright, pulled up his socks, then stepped easily into them-not needing to undo the laces. He sank in to his knees. Then, shoving his sleeves up to his elbows he gave a haughty nod, declaring he was ready to go.

Hardly able to fathom the situation, Sheppard lifted a hand, indicating that McKay should go ahead. Teyla was already moving up the hallway, leaning on Ronon with Beckett at her other side. The doctor glanced back at them-looking worried, mystified and utterly lost.

McKay took one step, his boot catching on his overlong pant leg, and he stumbled. Arms shot out as he struggled to catch his balance, but the clothing-far too large for him-caught-pants dropped-and he was instantly entangled. He would have fallen face first in a jumble, if Sheppard hadn't swooped down, grabbing him firmly under the armpits and hoisting him up. McKay had hardly any time to grab for his pants, and how the boots stayed on his feet was a mystery.

Clasping the boy to his chest, Sheppard held him close and strode forward to catch up with the others.

"Mortifying," McKay mumbled.

"God, you have boney knees. Can you at least move them out of my stomach. Wrap your legs around me, would ya?"

"Humiliating," McKay responded, doing as he was asked, unfolding one leg, and then another, scrunching up toes in an attempt to keep the boots.

"Haven't you ever carried a kid?" Sheppard griped.

"No! I have not," Little McKay responded sharply. "I think we've gone over this before. I don't like kids and they don't like me."

Sheppard recalled the child in the settlement who wouldn't let go of the physicist. "Put your arms around my neck," Sheppard spoke in the boy's ear as he walked.

"I will not!" McKay shot back.

"Do it, McKay. It'll make this easier on both of us. I'm not going to carry you around like luggage. You have to do your part. Be a good little boy and hold up some of your weight."

With a discontented sigh, Rodney pulled his arms out of their cramped position, and dutifully wrapped them around Sheppard's neck. "I hate you," he grumbled.

"I hate you, too," Sheppard responded with a grin, freeing one hand to ruffle the tyke's hair. McKay growled like an angry terrier.

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They'd garnered strange looks as they passed through the town on their return trip to the gate. The drooling, pastry-stealing, leg-hugging, slug-child had skipped up to them when they'd approached-looking as if she was ready to latch onto someone like a lamprey on a salmon. Her face beaming with the anticipation of climbing Mt. McKay again-but the joyful look fell as she saw the different team members.

"Aaah Tahh!" she bawled, fisting her little hands until the slimy members turned white. "Aaaaahhh Tahhhh!" Whether the words meant-'where is my favorite climbing tree and personal transportation system that I occasionally utilize as a large napkin?' or 'who is that kid and why is he making faces at me?'-it was impossible to say. Either way, her screams were loud and annoying-and her response gained a satisfied chuckle from McKay.

Sheppard gave him a poke. "Behave yourself, young man," he said in a low voice.

Rodney's response to that was a simple, "Screw you."

In response, Sheppard jogged the rest of the way to the gate, letting McKay's chin bang into his shoulder. Rodney protested, but it did no good.

They waited for Teyla and the others at the DHD. Sheppard sent through his IDC, and radioed through that they needed a medical team-that something had 'happened'. Honestly, he was reluctant to say more at that point, and he cut off the transmission when McKay started to jabber in his ear, demanding to be let down.

The others arrived and they hurried through the event horizon. Elizabeth came down to meet them, her face instantly drawing into a puzzled expression. She glanced from Sheppard to Ronon to Beckett. Her eyes narrowed, perhaps seeking Rodney and Teyla. Sounding cordial, she stated, "You've brought guests?"

"It's a little complicated," Sheppard responded, trying to control the unruly child in his arms.

Weir offered the elder a smile and uttered, "Welcome to Atlantis."

The old woman started to speak, but instead coughed unpleasantly. Ronon was instantly with her, supporting her as Beckett came to her side.

Elizabeth knitted her brow as the boy in Sheppard's arms continued to fidget.

"I toad you!" the boy complained. "I wanned to walk frew da gate on my own!" He shook his head sharply, grimaced and muttered, "All dat runnin awound by you! I bit my tongue, damn it!"

"Just trying to make things easy," Sheppard returned to the little guy. Then the child twisted about like a puppy on speed. "OW! For the love of…! Damn it!" Sheppard let the kid slip from his place and the boy stumbled as he landed. "Try doing you a favor and…Jeez!"

The kid spun about, and looked up as Weir stepped forward, crouching to meet the child. "Hello," she said, making her voice happy. "My name is Dr. Weir." She smiled widely and openly. "And what's your name?"

The boy rolled his eyes. "Elithabef," he stated, frowned severely and started again, speaking slowly and distinctly. "E-liz-a-beth. We've got problems. Big problems." And he stumbled forward, looking annoyed as hell. With few clumsy movements, he kicked his way out of his cumbersome boots and continued toward the control center in his too loose socks, nearly tripping on those as well. "We need to assemble a team and get back there. We need to discover everything we can about that device. I'm taking Zelenka and ah… who's the guy with the fountain-pen fettish? Always has one in his pocket. Stains everything?" He poked at his chest with one hand as if his breast pockets weren't currently at stomach level. "Where does he expect to find more ink?" And he clutched at his pants as he shrugged.

Weir's lips parted in her astonishment as the boy continued, his voice high and childlike – but the patter was unmistakable. "Rodney?" she whispered. She pivoted her gaze, suddenly able to recognize Teyla. "Oh my God," she said quietly.

Around them, the personnel in the gate room watched in confusion- not hearing-not understanding what was going on.

Rodney jammed the tops of his pants under his armpits as he tried to snap his fingers and popped a hand against his fist, but the result was unremarkable, and obviously annoyed the kid. "Chop chop!" he exclaimed. "Let's get going!"

"Before we go doin' that," Beckett cut off the little man. He nodded to Teyla who was slumped now against Ronon. "We're headin' to medical so we can get them checked out."

"Better line up yourself, Doc," Sheppard said. "That beam hit you, too."

Beckett looked miserable, his eyes pinched. "Aye, that it did." He sighed. "There's no tellin' what sort of mischief it's doin' to all of us. We'll get this checked out. Let's go." And he led the way toward the medical department.

Rodney scowled as Sheppard clapped a hand to his shoulder, turning him toward the infirmary. "One good thing," the boy said in a low voice, tripping a little as he stepped on a sock. "Beckett didn't get turned into an old man. Imagine having to hear about his leaky bladder, bad prostate and old man gas."

"I heard that!" Beckett snapped from somewhere ahead of them.

Rodney snickered happily at that response, and gave Sheppard a grin as he shuffled along on his way to the infirmary in his unwieldy clothing.

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A/N: This story is good. Take it from a Genii who knows good writing when he reads it. Of course, I've read little more than Genii Recruiting pamphlets for the Special Services, but that is mighty fine reading..