(Step-author's note- note from Meru-chan: All you readers, please remember, this was Switches story and has been so far. You'll know when it's us. Eneth-kun has finished chapter six and our dear old beta has yet to wake up from vacation. I'm hoping not to get too backed up. Anyway, here you go oh loverly readers, chapter 2.)

(A/N: I had planned on breaking this up into weeks, but due to the enthusiasm of my reviewers, I decided to put this up ASAP. I'll work out the next part when I can, but my muse gets pissy sometimes and stops working. He feed on reviews though... )

Part 1:

Harry was barely able to get out of bed in the morning. His muscles screamed in agony at the slightest movement. He didn't even bother getting fully dressed. He simply put on a pair of pants, an undershirt, and a white dress shirt. His feet were too swollen for him to put on shoes and his back wouldn't have let him bend over to put them on anyone. How he'd gotten his pants on was a mystery to him entirely.

He hobbled down to the empty common room and frowned. A glance at the clock revealed that breakfast had already begun and he was late. His stomach growled and he groaned and made his way to the dining hall as quickly as possible which wasn't very fast at all.

"I think I'm going to die," he muttered as he entered the hall. He was being stared at, he realized immediatly. Nearly every student in the school was staring at him and he felt extremely out of place in his socks and muggle clothes. He stared down at the floor and scurried over to his seat between Hermoine and Ron.

"Good morning, Harry," Neville said softly.

"It's still morning?" Harry asked warily as he dumped food onto his plate. He didn't even know what the food was, but he was going to eat it anyway.

"Did you sleep well?"

There was Neville again. He just kept yelling. Why was he yelling?

"Neville, please stop screaming. I have an awful headache."

Ron looked at Harry in confusion then shrugged at Neville who looked scared. He had been talking at a normal level.

"Is it true?"

Seamus. Harry stared at the Irish boy, bewildered, then realized that the whole school probably knew. He nodded slowly, "Yeah. I'm pregnant. Woo-hoo." His voice was dead and he felt like crying.

"How long?"

Harry stared at Ron, not knowing what he was asking about. Ron turned to him with malice in his eyes and voice.

"How long have you been fucking Malfoy behind our backs?"

Harry gaped at him, apalled, "Are you implying that you believe I had a relationship with Malfoy? Hell no! It was... it was a one time thing. Yesterday was the first and only time. I swear."

Suddenly lurching forward, Harry grabbed his stomach. One thing was on his mind and one thing only. He didn't care about the aching muscles or the sore back or the stiff joints; he sprinted away as fast as he could. Hermoine automatically followed him, telling the others to stay behind.

While she calmly walked to the lavatories, Harry dumped everything he'd ever eaten into the toilet basin. It ripped at his throat and filled his mouth and nostrils. He didn't even notice when Hermoine appeared behind him and sat next to him on the cold floor, rubbing his back.

"What's going on?" he asked her weakly, rubbing a bit of vomit off of his chin with his sleeve.

"It's called morning sickness. You'll throw up everything in the morning then eat like mad and go to the restroom every ten minutes for the rest of the day. Welcome to pregnancy."

"How do you know this?" he asked as she rubbed his head.

"My cousin stayed with us for a while when she was pregnant. It only gets worse from here."

Harry sighed, "I just got pregnant yesterday. I have nine months of this?"

Frowning, Hermoine replied, "Yes, this did seem to happen pretty fast. It usually takes a few weeks I think. I wonder what it is..."

"Do you think something's wrong with the baby!" Harry exclaimed. It surprised Hermoine because he looked terrified.

"Maybe we should talk to Dumbledore or Snape," she said softly. Harry just swallowed and nodded.

On their way to Dumbledore's office, they were stopped by Snape. Hermoine was forced to go to class while Snape took Harry to dumbledore's office himself. When he entered, he received the shock of his life. There sat Draco, Lucius, Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon, and Dudley.

"What's going on?" he asked shakily, disturbed by the fact that those that brought him the most pain had infiltrated his safe haven.

Dumbledore gave him a grim smile, "Harry my boy, have a seat."

He slowly obeyed the odd request and stared down at the floor.

"What is the meaning of all of this?" bellowed Uncle Vernon, "I have been dragged from my breakfast because of some urgent business with this stupid, pathetic waste of oxygen and I demand to know what this is all about so I may return to my breakfast!"

Everyone stared at him, apalled, even Lucius.

"Perhaps one of the boys should explain," stated Snape calmly. Harry nodded, but Draco spoke before he could.

"Well, um, the thing is... I'm going to be a dad in a little while."

Lucius stood up and prepared himself to begin bombarding his son with belittlements and admonishments; however, he was cut off by Vernon.

"What does that have to with that blasted nephew of mine?"

Harry swallowed, barely able to move and whispered, "I'm the mother."

All fell silent again. Lucius was red in the face as he screamed, "How did this happen! Albus, how dare you encourage these lies!"

"It's true, father," muttered Draco, "I was experimenting with a lust potion and I ran into Harry. One thing just lead to another."

"How does a boy get pregnant?" asked Dudley who was obviously very confused.

Snape loudly cleared his throat, "There was an incident in the potions class. One boy tampered with Neville Longbottom's brew and created a Liaryr Symbiotus." Again, the Durselys looked extremely lost, "It is an artificial creature that enters a body through the orificies and becomes a zygote. It grows in the fraction of the time of a normal fertilized egg which was the original purpose. Harry should be giving birth in about nine weeks."

Harry perked up, "Only nine weeks?" Snape nodded. "Well there's a small blessing. I don't think I could go nine months of throwing up every morning."

"This is disgusting," murmured Aunt Petunia, "No only are you a male mother, the child has a male father as well. It's wrong and unnatural."

It sounded as though Dumbledore began growling, but he was simply clearing his throat or so he made it seem, "There is one other issue. It appears we have had a leak."

Harry looked up and nearly burst into tears when the headmaster held up the latest copy of Witch Weekly. The headline read "Boy Who Lived Pregnant!" in large black letters.

"The ministry has already made contact and wishes to have a meeting concerning the custody of the child after its birth. Because both are minors, their legal guardians must be present."

"Custody?" breathed Harry, then rose from his seat and shouted, "Custody! What do you mean 'custody'! It's my baby!"

"Hang on," said Draco angrily, rising to be equal with Harry, "It's mine, too! Why should you get it!"

"Let's just kill it before its born. Get the boy an abortion and be done with all of this," chuckled Petunia. Harry's blood froze.

Then Lucius announced, "I'm with the muggle. Just kill the damn thing."

At that moment, Sirius Black stormed in with Remus Lupin on his tail, trying to hold him back.

"Albus, what the bloody HELL is going on!" he bellowed, holding up the newspaper. Harry instantly ran up and wrapped his arms around Sirius' waist, burying his face in the animagi's chest.

"Sirius, they're trying to kill my baby. Don't let them kill my baby," he muttered, repeating the same thing over and over while Sirius just looked down him, having no clue as to how to respond.

"Forgive us for being upset, but just the mere idea of Harry having a child this young, let alone at all greatly unsettled us, Albus," Remus explained softly, "Perhaps I could get Harry away from all of this while you all discuss this without him. It's obvious you're upsetting him."

"You are so gay, Moony," Sirius chuckled then glared at Lucius, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Sirius, language," admonished Dumbledore.

Lucius smirked, "Haven't you heard? I'm the proud grandfather of the next addition to the Potter line," he said with a malicious smirk while smacking his son on the back several times.

"What is going on!" shouted Vernon.

Sirius wrinkled his nose at Vernon, "I'm Harry's godfather. You're Vernon, correct? You have no idea how much I want to rip off your-"

"SIRIUS!" shouted Remus, cutting him off. "Harry and I are going to the kitchen to get him something to eat. Would anyone else like to join us and escape this insanity?"

Dudley hesitantly rose from his seat and walked over. Draco shrugged and joined them. The door slammed behind them.

"My dad is going to kill me," stated Draco as they sat in a circle on the floor in the kitchen while house elves scurried around, making food for them.

"That is if Sirius doesn't kill him first," muttered Remus with a chuckle, "It's so great to be back here. I missed it. The country's great and all, but I miss Hogwarts. You'll always miss Hogwarts."

"Neville won't," sighed Harry, "He hates it here. He's the nicest guy in the whole world, but people just keep stomping on him and breaking him. He's almost suicidal now. We've stopped him from jumping out of the window twice, you know. He probably feels so guilty right now..."

They all stared at him. They were silent except for the sound of Dudley chewing on a cinnamon bun. Harry just smiled and shrugged it off, "He'll be fine. We only have a year left, right?"

"I won't ever want that year to end," gurgled Draco, who lay flat on the floor, "I want to stay here for as long as possible. I am so sick of my parents."

Dudley nodded and swallowed his food before speaking, "I know how you feel. I can't wait to get away from mine."

Harry let out a sour laugh, "How could you of all people be sick of your parents? You, Dudley, are a fat, spoiled, snobby brat and they say you're perfect and smother you with gifts. You remember the only birthday gift I have ever received before Hogwarts? You gave me a black eye on my ninth birthday. And I think Aunt Petunia gave me a cup cake once, but she kind of threw it at me and it hit my face. You have no right to be sick of your parents."

Dudley was silent. Remus smiled.

"Your dad was amazing Harry," he sighed, laying down on his back to stare at the ceiling, "He could light up a whole room with his smile, save the day from nothing, and woo every girl in a ten mile radius in under twenty minutes. Just like you, Harry."

"Yeah, except I actually have something to save the world from." The three wizards sighed while Dudley remained silent, dumbfounded.

"By the way, Harry, I love your outfit," chuckled Draco. Harry just snorted then jumped as Draco's hand moved over his stomach.

"What are you doing?" he whispered as the pale boy's hand moved over his stomach, rubbing it gently before sliding under both of his stark white shirts.

"I'm trying to figure out how an entire person is going to fit into that tiny stomach of yours," Draco joked. Harry sucked in his breath and closed his eyes as Draco's chilled flesh moved over his own.

"You're cold," he murmured.

Dudley broke into the soft conversation, "You know they say that eating cheese can stimulate the growth of brain cells in an unborn baby?"

They were all silent for a moment, Draco still runbbing Harry's stomach when he asked, "Can I please have some cheese?"

They all started laughed where they layed on the floor. The house elves hurried to bring him a large tray of assorted cheeses.

"We should start choosing names," sighed Draco as he pulled off a chunk of cheese and pressed it against Harry's lips. Harry's mouth opened and Draco slid in the cheese, allowing his fingers to follow the cheese for a few seconds before removing them.

Harry chewed and swallowed, "James Ronald for a boy and Lily Hermoine for a girl."

Draco snorted, "Predictable. I was thinking more James Lucius for a boy and Lily Narcissa for a girl."

"There is no way I am naming my son after your father," said Harry before Draco put another piece of cheese in his mouth.

"Why not?"

Harry swallowed, "He's evil. What about James Sirius?"

"That sounds good I guess. James Sirius for a boy and Lily Remus for a girl."

"Hey!" exclaimed Remus. Then he paused, "Ok, nevermind."

"What about James Evan?" asked Dudley, stretching out like a cat.

"Who's Evan?" asked Draco, again putting cheese in Harry's mouth.

Swallowing once more, "He's another uncle of mine. He lives in America. He works for a music company so he always used to send Dudley and I music. He gave me my first guitar. An acoustic Gibson. I loved that guitar."

"You played it non-stop for three months," laughed Dudley, "Mom cried when he sent you the other one."

"My black B.C. Rich Widow, platinum edition. I cried when I realized he hadn't sent an amp along with it. There I was with the most amazing guitar on the planet and I was unable to play it. He sent you one, too , didn't he?"

"Yeah, but I got pissed one day and ran around using it to smash everything in sight. Good times."

Harry giggled through a mouth full of cheese.

"Were you ever able to get through that last part of November Rain?" asked Dudley.

Harry sighed as he swallowed, a difficult task, "No. I practiced those few bars for hours on end and I could never get it right. Slash is my god. I have no idea how he does it. I finally got Sweet Child of Mine, though. Beautiful song. They were quite possibly the most amazing group of all time."

"Who?" asked Draco, popping yet again, another piece of cheese into Harry's mouth.

"Guns n' Roses," said Remus, "Even I know that one. Sirius adores them. Axl is his all-time hero. He can't get out the last part either, Harry."

"I can't play guitar anymore," said Dudley, "It won't fit in my lap because I'm so freaking huge."

"We could fix that you know," drawled Draco, "There are potions that can turn all of that fat into muscle in minutes."

"They might have side effects though," said Remus, "Since you're a muggle."

"That's fixable, too," Draco chuckled, continuing to stuff Harry full of cheese.

Remus glared at him, "It's also forbidden black magic. That could get you a kiss."

Harry shuttered, "Hey, no speaking of such things around the hormonal knocked-up guy," he muttered. He grabbed Draco's hand as his fingers slid into his mouth. He sucked on them for a moment before releasing them and chewing on the yellow cheese. Then Harry frowned, "Dudley, why were home when they showed up? Shouldn't you be off at school?"

"Yeah... I kind of got expelled."

"Great going, genius," chuckled Harry to which Dudley responded, "Shove off, Potter."

Remus shook his head, "I need a stiff drink."

"Come see me later. I had some brandy and vodka in my trunk. I might have some everclear left, too."

"And how do you have those?" asked Harry skeptically.

"They're in muggle water bottles. All of them are clear so I can easily say I get dehydrated at night and I like to have water on hand. Usually I just get drunk after getting letters from my dad."

"How do you think you're mom will react?"

Draco smirked, "She'll cry, disown me, beg for forgiveness, cry again, and knit the damn thing a bonnet and a matching blanket. That or get a house elf to do it for her. Father has never forgiven you for that thing with Dobby."

"He's got other house elves. Eh, he wanted to kill me before that anyway."

"Everyone wants to kill you,"chuckled Remus.

Licking his lips, Dudley asked, "Why do they want to kill you?"

"He's the Boy Who Lived," said Draco because Harry's mouth was busy consuming cheese, "He's the only person to survive an encounter with "Lord Voldemort" who's this evil wizard that everyone is so afraid of because he's killed so many people. He's pathetic, he has no power left whatsoever, all of his "minions" are complete buffoons, and he looks like a shaved, shrived up mole."

Harry giggled.

"I've been working on a way to get rid of him for good," Draco breathed, a far away glint in his eyes.

Harry frowned, "I thought you were one of his little servant-guy-thingies. The cheese is getting me high..."

"My dad is. I'm not," sighed Draco. Harry giggled.

"Dud, you should've learned to play drums. We would've rocked, my chubby companion."

Dudley sighed, "Yeah. We sing "Cat Like Theif" better than Box Car Racer themselves."

Harry nodded enthusiastically while masticating the cheese in his mouth.

"What was that song you used to sing when you were dusting? Mom absolutely hated it to death and she made sure you never got stuck with dusting because she knew you'd sing it."

Harry suddenly grinned and burst into song, "I come home in the morning light, My mother says when you gonna live your life ri-ight, Oh mommy dear, we're not the fortunate ones. And girls, they wanna have fu-un. Oh, girls just wanna have fuuuuun."

"Please stop now," said Draco, "For the love all that is good and holy, stop right now."

Harry laughed then smiled mirthfully, "We were the best of friends back then. What happened?"

"I realized that if I hated you Mom and Dad bought me whatever I wanted and when I liked you they punished me for the smallest things. It was so easy to hate you," sighed Dudley."

"Ah," giggled Harry.

Dudley shrugged, "Yeah, that and some chick called me a fat, ugly, stupid spoiled brat and she wished that I would crawl into a hole and never come out."

"Ouch," laughed Remus, shoving a chicken leg into his mouth.

"It was a bit of a slap in the face, yes."

Harry suddenly started speaking, "Oh. My. God, Becky, look at her butt. It is so big," Dudley burst out laughing, "Uh. She looks like one of the "rap guys" girlfriends. But, you know, who understands those rap guys? They only talk to her because she looks like a total prostitute, ok? I mean, her butt, it's just so... big. Uh. I can't it's just so round, it's like there. I mean, uh, gross. Look! She's just so... black!"

"They should be down here," said Snape as he lead the four adults down to the kitchen. It was a long walk considering that Sirius and Lucuius had been bickering constantly since the boys had left the room. The Dursleys had been clinging to each other like the world would end if they parted in the slightest. They were obviously pertubed by the moving pictures, shifting staircases, and unsettled ghosts.

Petunia let out an undignified squawk as Nearly-Headless Nick flew by trying to get his head on straight only to have it fall out of place again as he left their field of vision.

Shaking his head with an agitated sigh, Snape pushed open the kitchen door.

"So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playin' work out tapes by Fonda, but Fonda ain't gotta motor in the back o' her Honda. My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun! You can do side bends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that butt-"

"MR. POTTER!" bellowed Snape. Sirius was biting his lower lip to keep from exploding with laughter as the three other men on the floor were doing. Lucius looked like he was going to throw up while Uncle Vernon rubbed the bridge of his nose and Aunt Petunia buried her face in her hands.

"I see you've been giving him cheese," she muttered.

Dudley frowned, "Why can't Harry have cheese?"

"It enduces hormonal euphoria," said Sirius, "The same thing happened to James. Certain kinds of cheese gave him this major buzz. It was great. Especially that time we bet him 50 galleons that he couldn't sitck out his tongue and touch his forehead."

"Sirius, did you know Harry is a Guns n' Roses fan?" asked Remus as he lifted himself up off of the floor, "He can't get out the last bars of November Rain either."

"Harry plays?" Sirius replied, dumbfounded.

Petunia rolled her eyes, "And he doesn't stop. He played that god forsaken song for 6 straight hours."

"Draco," Harry suddenly breathed sleepily, "Don't let them kill my baby. Make sure they don't try to kill my baby."

Draco nodded, then jumped as Harry suddenly bolted up onto his feet, "Excuse me please," he said and sprinted out of the room.

Remus and Draco pulled Dudley to his feet, needing a little help from Sirius.

"You can't kill the baby," stated Draco in a cool tone. He glared at all of them, sending chills down even Lucius' back, "He's never had a real family before and now he's got one and you're not going to take that away from him. Harry doesn't know that's why he's as protective as he is, but that's the reason, I can assure you."

"You act as though you know more about how his mind works than he does," commented Sirius.

Draco looked at him and blandly said, "I do."
TO BE CONTINUED

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