Stuck!
In response to some of my reviews:
R.D. - Yes, I am a little militant in my request for reviews. I am in the military, so it is to be expected. LEAVE MORE REVIEWS!
MA! How did you find out I was posting? Have you been googling me again! Seriously, Mother, I need my space. I moved out THREE YEARS AGO! Let me live my own life! No more reviews from you!
Wella - it's not looking any better for Teyla. You can review me any time!
Elisa, Dr. Dredd and flah7 - Beckett is a fine fellow, even though he's a 'medical' doctor. Leave more reviews and tell me how much you like it when I write about Beckett!
SheppardsGrrl - Don't know if I can help you much with Sheppard, but leave more reviews anyway.
Julie the Cow - Get back in your stall! No more reviews FROM YOU! It's nearly milking time and I don't appreciate all the hoof marks on my keyboard!
GateBiscuit - Be careful with that Diet Coke - you worry me. If you were to suffocate on your self-created nose Coke, then you wouldn't be able to leave more reviews and that would be a pity. BE CAREFUL!
angw - technology is evil. Cows are Gods greatest creation - LEAVE MORE REVIEWS!
Silverthreads - you're a smarty! Keep reading! Keep reviewing!
hungryfrMREs - Julie is a Jersey! But she's not from Jersey (New or the old one) - she was born in the fertile fields of the Genii homeplanet where she frolicked and played. She's a warm and kind milk factory, and my reason for living. Thank you for asking. For that, you may leave me more reviews.
Gatebrainiac - no, I do not write professionally. I write for the joy of it - and to please Julie. Plus my mom was asking me what I was doing in the barn all the time. I had to install a computer so that it looked like I was doing 'something'. At first, I told her I was just looking at porn, and then I found fanfic. The rest is history.
rodneyluvr, BingoGrl821, power bar, Caro , franki, fanficaddict, Mr. Tudball, EclecticTrekker and everyone else- thank you for your nice remarks! LEAVE MORE REVIEWS!
Now, on to the story. Don't expect me to do this again!
[{O}]
Chapter Five: Mister Cranky-Pants
When Sheppard entered the conference room, he found it chock full of people. It surprised him so much, he stopped. And then something ran into one of his legs and, even more surprisingly, grabbed onto it.
The confusion over the size of the crowd changed, and the colonel looked down, to see McKay hiding behind his leg, holding onto it like a shy child does his father's. Sheppard was torn between finding it endearing...and finding it creepy. Creepy won out, and he shook his leg a little. It seemed to wake the 'child' up, and McKay shook his head, the massive brow furrowing a little as if confused himself over the reaction, and let go. A second later, McKay was around Sheppard and striding up to the table, all signs of fear gone.
The fact that he was barely tall enough to see over it seemed not to daunt the boy in the least.
"Elizabeth," the child's voice called out, still commanding despite its high-pitched tenor. McKay reached the edge of the table, climbed up onto a chair, and then climbed up onto the table. Weir, who had been speaking quietly with Doctor Heightmeyer, turned as her name was called. As did everyone else in the room.
The four-year-old boy raised his chin in an unmistakable fashion, then held his arms out.
"I take it you're all here to see this?" McKay challenged, his anger and fury evident in his tone. "Well, here you go. I am apparently four years old in body, but, believe me, this isn't." And he tapped his melonhead for emphasis. "I can still outthink all of you on even on your best days. Now, you," he jabbed a finger at a young Chinese scientist, whose name he thought was Li, the girl raising both eyebrows. Rodney wasn't done, and he pointed at three others dressed in science blue, "You, you and you...none of you need to be here. And you," he whirled around, this time pointing at someone in a green shirt, who stood with two others, also wearing operations green, "and your friends...leave. Now."
The seven people all looked at each other, as if unsure if they actually had to listen to him, and not wanting to admit they had indeed come here more out of curiosity than purpose.
"NOW!" McKay shouted, his face turning beet red. "You've done your gawking! LEAVE!"
"I would," Sheppard said quietly at the same people, moving unhappily to stand behind Mini-McKay. There was a soft warning in his tone.
And they did, all a little sheepishly, sidling out the door without another peep.
As soon as they were gone, McKay sat down on the table, crossing his legs and crossing his arms tightly over his thin chest. He arched an eyebrow at the rest of the room. There were still about twelve people there—Weir, Heightmeyer, Major Lorne, Zelenka, Biro and several other members of McKay's and Beckett's teams.
Amazingly, the pint-sized glare got them all in motion. Soon, everyone was sitting at attention, watching the boy expectantly. Their curiosity and still obvious amazement were palpable. Only Sheppard wasn't sitting, still standing behind McKay. Elizabeth wasn't sitting either. She had crossed her arms, arching an eyebrow at McKay. Heightmeyer was sitting, but not at the table. She had moved to a shadowed corner and sat in a chair there. She had a notebook out and was writing in it.
McKay was obviously trying his best not to notice. Sheppard slid into a chair behind the boy, covering a quick smile at the fact that McKay was still quite obviously McKay—even decked out in pink shoes, he was still able to cow people.
"Okay," Elizabeth breathed out, looking across to Biro and Sheppard, "Someone explain this to me."
"It's Beckett's fault," McKay snapped out. "He did this."
To McKay's left, Doctor Biro's forehead clouded. She opened her mouth to defend her CMO, but Elizabeth was first.
"Now...Rodney," Elizabeth squinted a little at the child, still clearly not comfortable with talking to him like this, "that's a harsh accusation. I think—"
"Yeah, but he's right," Sheppard interjected, shrugging a little. "To a degree. Ronon's also to blame."
Elizabeth's eyebrows lifted, then creased. "Speaking of which, where is Ronon? And Doctor Beckett?"
"Ronon's watching over Teyla. Doctor Beckett..." Sheppard looked at Biro.
The internist leaned forward, "Is under sedation for an intense migraine. He got a bit of a backlash from the machine they encountered, but he'll be fine. He and I had a long discussion first, though, which I'm ready to relay, if I may." She lifted her eyebrows, waiting for permission.
And hesitated just a moment too long before continuing.
"Yes, go. Go, go, go! Not getting any older here!" McKay berated with a put-upon sigh. Sheppard eyed the boy's back, the smile that McKay's trademark impatience had caused dropping. He realized McKay was trembling. A hand lifted, instinctively wanting to reach out and soothe a frightened child. But then he remembered it was McKay sitting there, and grimaced, wishing he wasn't thinking about such things—it made the creeped out feeling grow. McKay had made it easy before—when the whole thing was just a whole wonderful new way to tease and torment the man—but the way he'd reacted when Biro tried to take his blood, even with his explanation back in the village, and just now when he'd grabbed his leg...suddenly, it wasn't as funny. McKay acting childish was one thing—Lord knows that man did that all the time—but acting child-like was another.
Biro had attempted to give McKay a dark look for his rudeness, but it had faded at the sight of him—McKay was just incredibly cute, even when he was scowling. Dimples, rosy cheeks, huge blue eyes—he was almost cherubic. Sighing, she turned back to Elizabeth. Weir gave her an encouraging nod.
"As you know, the building Doctor Beckett and the others were exploring was an Ancient medical facility, but it was much more than just a hospital and training facility, it was a very advanced research facility. We have postulated that the room where the...event...occurred was one where the Ancients were studying a means to reverse the effects of a Wraith attack."
Elizabeth's eyes widened, "Really?"
"Yes, but, clearly, it was still experimental, otherwise," she waved a hand around, "machines like that found there would be here, yes?" Biro's clipped Minnesotan accent added a curtness to her tone, as if waiting to be challenged. She looked around then, as if looking for an answer for her question, despite its obviously rhetorical nature. When she didn't immediately continue, a large childish huff came from McKay.
"Oh for...you're not seriously looking for an answer, are you?" McKay's bad mood was not improving, and one leg had started jiggling with unreleased adrenalin. He turned his petulant glare on Sheppard behind him. "Now you see why I wanted to wake up Carson."
Biro sighed. "Anyway, the device, as Doctor Beckett described it to me, was obviously meant to transfer the strength absorbed by the Wraith back to its victim. Though, I suppose, any Wraith would actually do. We don't actually know if...that is to say, a Wraith that's recently fed probably has more stored energy, but...Well, perhaps just their mere regenerative abilities would...hmmm..." She trailed off, as is contemplating the thought, a finger tapping her lip.
"Stay focused!" McKay shouted. Biro jumped.
"Rodney..." Elizabeth hissed in warning across the table. McKay gazed sullenly at her, but quieted.
"Yes, yes." Biro shifted in her chair. "Anyway, what we think happened is that, when Doctor Beckett accidentally activated the machine in question, it recognized him as a physician starting it up, and it immediately moved to seek out its patients. It found Doctor McKay first, as he was probably standing the closest. It scanned him, and found...our best guess...traces of the Wraith enzyme still in his blood."
McKay hissed at that, his arms tightening around his scrawny body.
"It would also recognize the Ancient gene in his make-up, so it would assume he was the victim," Biro said. "And then...it found Teyla..."
"Who carries Wraith DNA, and also probably still has the enzyme in her bloodstream," Weir supplied.
"Yes. Now, it may not have actually activated, if it hadn't then been prompted then to begin its work. Doctor Beckett had already suspected the machine's purpose, based on a Wraith skeleton he found bound to a bed, so when it started scanning Teyla, he tried to push her out of the way. Unfortunately, that just put him back in the direct path of the machine's attention, and the machine took his thoughts about the process to be a desire on his part for the process to then occur..."
"Oh, wow," Sheppard muttered. McKay was just squinting at Biro, his pale lips tightly pressed together. The rest of the room was just as rapt, varying degrees of concern on their faces.
"After that, he might have succeeded in stopping it if he had been given the time to cobble his thoughts together and directly focus them, but then..."
"Dex shot it," Sheppard noted darkly.
"I knew this was going to happen someday," McKay hissed suddenly, turning to glare at the colonel sitting behind him. "I knew that someday, your military training to shoot first, ask questions later would get us into trouble!"
"Hey!" Sheppard replied, not hiding his surprise, his tone defensive. "I didn't shoot it!"
"No, but your trained specialist did!"
"He was trying to help you!"
"I don't give a rat's ass what—"
"Rodney!" Weir called, "I will not have that kind of language!" She sounded like an irate school marm. And as soon as the words left her mouth, she knew it, too. She looked mortified. "That is...I...Rodney...Gentlemen..." She looked even worse. "Please, just...behave."
McKay dropped his large head into a small hand at her clear embarrassment. It amazed Sheppard that it could hold the weight. The blonde German scientist sitting next to Zelenka covered her mouth with her hand, but there was no question she was smiling behind it.
"May I continue?" Biro asked, looking around expectantly.
"Yes," Elizabeth said almost desperately.
"Well, anyway, obviously, the machine is intended to work on a Wraith and a Wraith victim—someone grossly aged. A Wraith would, presumably, be able to withstand having it's life energy sucked from it, because of its amazing regenerative powers. Teyla, however...we're lucky it didn't kill her outright. Part of that might be because it also took a little from Doctor Beckett himself, which is why he ended up feeling exhausted and drained. That may have saved her life, such as it is..."
"Such as it is?" Sheppard repeated, his brow furrowing.
"She is, most decidedly, dying, Colonel," Biro stated, her curt tone back. "She has a few days, maybe. Not even a week. It is only her own remarkable health and perhaps whatever part of her that is Wraith that will allow her to last even that long."
"Oh, God," Rodney whispered, and he drew his crossed legs up unconsciously, wrapping his thin arms around them. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, of course," Biro responded, not seeing that he wasn't really looking for that answer. "Now, as for you...Doctor McKay, you have, as you know, been...regressed. The Ancient machine was intended to turn the prematurely aged back into normal adulthood. You, obviously, were not old."
"Thirty-seven," McKay informed the room weakly, as if reminding himself as much as everyone else.
"Yes, so, it turned you back into a child. But that's not all. From the blood work, we also know that your body's chemistry is such that it shows signs of almost rabid health. It's really quiet fascinating, almost as if..."
"Doctor," Elizabeth chided quietly, sensing Biro about to go off another tangent.
"Yes, yes, in any event," she nodded at McKay, pushing her glasses up on her nose again, "what I mean to say is, you seem to be just fine, better than fine, in fact. All in all," she raised her eyebrows again, the furry things rising over the rim of her glasses, "you ended up with the best part of this bargain. You'll age normally and, probably, outlive us all." She smiled.
McKay just sort of stared at her, his blue eyes huge. Suddenly, he turned to stare at Sheppard. The colonel was watching him, a dark frown on his face. Fact was, the colonel was trying his damndest not to be bitter at the idea that McKay somehow ended up better for all this.
Wait, what was he thinking...McKay was FOUR.
Rodney was watching his face, examining it. Whatever he saw there suddenly made him turn away, his shoulders hunching guiltily.
"Okay, so...," Elizabeth looked around the room, "Now what?"
"Well, obviously, we need to find how that machine works," Rodney spat, his blue eyes lifting to stare at Elizabeth. "Get it fixed, and get it to reverse whatever this...thing...before Teyla dies. Sound like a plan? Meaning we need to get back to that planet as soon as possible. Zelenka," Rodney looked across the way to where the Czech scientist was watching him, head tilted, "You, me, Fountain Pen Guy, Simpson and Thatcher need to—"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're not going anywhere," Sheppard said suddenly. "You're staying right here."
"Are you serious? That machine will need delicate handling!" McKay gave his best flabbergasted stare, which, oddly, made him look even more cute. "I have to be there. No one other than me can be sure that all the...bits...make it back here. Or did you forget the last time someone tried to handle delicate damaged technology without me?" Both eyebrows lifted. Such as they were. They hadn't really grown in yet.
"The colonel's right, Rodney," Elizabeth interjected. "In your current...state...you can't really think..."
"I'm not a child, Elizabeth!" McKay snorted, crossing his arms again. "I just look like one. Can we think about this logically for a moment? You need me to—"
"You're staying here," Sheppard stated, his tone stern.
"Or what, you'll ground me? Send me to my room? Cut off my allowance? Please. Look, if you're worried about speed," McKay made a brief face, "I'll even let you carry me. Some. Not all the time."
Sheppard rolled his eyes. "No, McKay, it's not speed."
"You're a potential hazard, son," Lorne threw in, from his position on Elizabeth's left.
McKay whipped around, eyes wide. He suddenly rocketed off the table, storming over to where Lorne sat on the opposite side. He jabbed a pudgy finger out.
"Do...not...call...me...son."
Lorne's lips lifted into a tiny smile.
"I mean it!" McKay yelled.
"Okay, okay," Elizabeth said, standing up to hold her hands out. Rodney faced her, crossing his arms over his chest again. She looked down at him, and sat down, obviously uncomfortable with the height difference. "His point, Rodney, is that they should not have to protect a child and, and!" She held a hand out, stopping the protest forming on his lips that he wasn't a child, "For all intents and purposes, you are, physically, a...little boy."
McKay winced at that, but didn't deny it.
"Now," Elizabeth leaned forward, a smile gracing her face, her tone softening, "They will be very careful and bring everything back, and you can help them as soon as they do, okay?"
McKay's face darkened at her patronizing tone. "God, I hated it when people spoke to me like that when I was a child," he snipped. "It's worse now. Fine. Whatever. Teyla dies because they screw up?" he jabbed a finger towards Zelenka, who tried not to take it personally, but did anyway. "It's not my fault," Rodney finished.
"Ooh, I think Mister Cranky-Pants needs a nap," the German scientist snickered in Zelenka's ear. The Czech gave a halfhearted smile, which disappeared when accusatory blue eyes focused on him. He'd heard.
Zelenka's face creased at the glare focused on him inside the otherwise sweet looking face, "Now, Rodney—"
"You know what?" Rodney said suddenly, turning back to Weir. "That's it. I've had enough. I'm going. You all want to treat me like a child? Fine. I'll be a child. See ya later."
And with that, the four year old stormed back in the direction of Sheppard, ducked and walked under the table, emerged on the other side, walked right past the gaping colonel and out the doors which swung open instantly.
Elizabeth sighed heavily, slumping a little, then sat up. She looked at John, who was staring vaguely out the doors. He turned to look at her, his face uncertain as to whether he should follow the pint-sized terror or not. That last bit hadn't sounded good. But...well, frankly, he didn't really want to be the one to take care of Rodney, even though, somehow, he'd fallen into that role. But if he didn't, who would?
Elizabeth shook her head at him, reading his mind. "No, Colonel, I need you to stay and help us get organized. Doctor Heightmeyer can handle it. Kate?" Elizabeth turned around in her chair, to look into the shadowed corner.
Heightmeyer stood, smiled serenely at everyone, and then quickly strode to the doors after Rodney.
Elizabeth watched her go, then turned to face the room again. "Now, everyone, what exactly are we going to need to get that machine back here and working again?"
[{O}]
Kate stood in the hall near the transporter, hands on her hips, not hiding her confusion. Where had he gone?
"Looking for me?" Rodney's voice asked, turning her around. The boy was leaning against a wall at one end of the long corridor, arms crossed, watching her nonchalantly, one pink shoe crossed over the other and tapping the marble flooring.
"Ah, there you are, Rodney," Kate said, smiling sweetly and walking cautiously towards the small figure, as one would towards a skittish pet. "Yes, I was looking for you. What say you and I go someplace and have a nice chat. Maybe get something to eat. Would you like that?"
"Umm," the miniaturized scientist made a show of thinking about it, tapping a finger on his pudgy chin, "Not sure." He looked up at her as she got closer, blinking his big blue eyes endearingly. "Would there be tea and cookies?" he asked, his tone sugary sweet.
"If you'd like," Kate replied, completely sucked in by the innocence of his expression. "Is that what you'd like?"
"Actually," McKay stood up off the wall, and took a couple steps back towards the bend in the hall in front of the transporter, "No. What I'd like...is to play a game."
"A game?" Kate paused, not sure she liked the sound of that. "What sort of game?"
"I think it's called," Rodney arched an eyebrow, "Catch me if you can." And he spun around and leapt into the transporter, jumping up to hit the pad, and then turning and smiling triumphantly as Kate squeaked in surprise and dove after him.
And failed. The doors slammed in front of her face before she could stop them, nearly taking her hand with it.
Scowling, the psychologist stepped into the now empty transporter a second later and hit the same point that Rodney had hit. He wasn't getting away from her that easily. If he thought he would win this, he had another thing coming!
[{O}]
People spilled out of the conference room like water released from a dam, in a rushing, babbling mess, leaving Elizabeth standing alone in the middle, watching them go. She crossed her arms, trying to wrap her mind around the look that Rodney had given her just before he left. He had been so angry—and, to be fair, he had some right to be—but how else was he going to learn?
"John," she called, as the Colonel reached the doors, stopping him. Sheppard turned, his expression one of casual indifference. She knew it was a mask. He tended to deal with strange things like this even less well than she did, but he was putting up a good front. "Are you okay?" she asked.
He quirked an eyebrow, then shrugged. He looked around, letting the last of the stragglers disappear, before walking around the table to join her. Her arms tightened across her chest, less able to hide her concern.
"Yeah," he told her. "I'm fine. Worried about Teyla."
Elizabeth's eyes narrowed. "Not Rodney?"
The colonel shrugged. "You heard Biro. He'll be fine. He's just angry, Elizabeth. He'll get over it." He gave a silly smile. "He's a big boy."
She gave him an exasperated look, then sighed. "I know. I just...I'm not really good with children. And he—"
"He's not a child, Elizabeth," John assured her. "It's still Rodney. Just smaller and more likely to bite your kneecaps off." He threw out another smile. "I'm even thinking of investing in some kneepads."
"Yes, but...you know, if he stays this way, he won't be able to go out with you anymore. On missions."
John stared at her a moment, showing absolutely nothing on his face at her statement, the smile from earlier not fading. He almost looked frozen. Finally, he sighed, shrugging again, the smile replaced by a thin-lipped stare.
"Yeah, but we're not there yet," he stated firmly, maybe even a little harshly. "And I'm not giving up on Teyla either." He arched another eyebrow at her, tilting his head a little in dismissal, then turned to leave.
Elizabeth swallowed, lifting her chin a little as he walked away from her.
[{O}]
A/N: You'll have to give me a moment. I need to check out something in the back of the bunker