AN: Thanks again for all the reviews! Its always great to hear what people think of your writing. Here is the next installment! Chapter twelve for your enjoyment. I'm hoping Chapter Thirteen will be along shortly...so enjoy...and remember to tell me what you think. 'Sit for now dark rolling sea.
Chapter Twelve
Kate stood very still about two feet in from the hallway. He was standing next to her with his hand still on the door. He pushed it slowly closed and turned away from her. He walked out onto the balcony, closing the door behind him. Kate waited. She felt like there was a ton of weight on her shoulders. She had to snap him out of this, and she didn't have much time. Jeb needed him desperately. Kate just needed to show Gibbs that.
She had been there five minutes and they hadn't spoken yet. He was standing at the railing on the balcony watching the night take over. He looked like he hadn't sleep in a while. She figured she looked that way too. She couldn't read his eyes when she stepped onto the balcony with him.
He had glanced at her briefly with dead eyes. There was no emotion. It scared her. She waited, wondering if he would eventually ask her why she had come. Instead he turned angry eyes on her. She swallowed hard and he turned to face her.
"Why are you still here?" he growled at her. She could feel the venom dripping from his words and she felt the first surge of panic.
"Someone had to be there for him," she snapped back at him. He didn't flinch.
"You should leave it all alone, Agent Todd," he spat out at her.
"Why? Because you aren't strong enough to deal with it on your own!"
"I've asked you to leave twice now; if you don't go soon I may just remove you myself."
"Don't do this, don't do this to him."
"THIS is not your affair."
"Have you spoken to Jeb? Maybe he wants me here!"
"Did he ASK you to come out here?"
"Why are you doing this? I don't understand. I mean you've been a bastard in the past but this is just down right cold, Jethro. Don't turn your back on your son, Gibbs! He needs you more than you need him, trust me."
"Don't you dare tell me what I need, or what he needs. You haven't experienced anything compared…"
"Because YOU WON"T LET ME!" she roared at him cutting him off. Gibbs took a step closer, his eyes flashing with anger. He was consumed by it. He was pissed at everyone and everything. His world was spiraling out of control and he couldn't stop it. He was in denial, he was in panic, he was confused, and he couldn't admit it.
"This is MY life, YOU don't need to be here," he growled again.
"This is OUR life, Jethro, or did you just suddenly forget the last year we spent together, living under the same roof, sharing the same bed."
He was silent. She could see his mind turning but he just stared at her. She had no idea what he was thinking. She didn't know what else to do. She had tried the front on attack and he hadn't budged. She looked at his face. The tears ready to fall. She just nodded and turned.
Going through the room quickly she left the hotel. She sat out front and tried to clear her head. This was a pivotal moment in her life. She couldn't lose him; she can't let him shut down.
Coffee. Her first thought was of coffee. She would come back with a peace offering of sorts. She went inside to ask the desk attendant where to get the best coffee in town. After getting directions she set out towards the coffee shop.
Gibbs went back inside the room and felt the walls close in on him. He sat down on the bed and ran the conversation over in his head. He let her words soak in and the pain slapped him in the face. How could he react like that? How could he push her away?
She had been there for him for a year and the first thing he does is shove her down when he really needs her support. His next thought was of Jeb. Jeb didn't do anything to deserve his cold hearted act. He was probably scared out of his mind facing the unknown. Gibbs felt his heart constrict and the pain in his chest made him remember to live. He took a deep breath. His body shuddered with the stress and the first of the tears leaked from his eyes. How could he ever think the best way to survive was to feel nothing?
He let the tears fall now as his heart finally reacted to the stress of the situation. He sat on the edge of the bed and put his head in his hands and wept. He didn't know how long he had been like that when he heard a slight knock on his door. He stood up slowly and opened the door. Kate was standing in the doorway with two cups, one in each hand. She gave him a puzzled look when she saw him. He turned around and returned to the bed sitting on the edge again.
Kate slowly approached him and held out one of the cups. He looked up at her with pleading eyes and shook his head to the cup. She pulled it back and waited a second before putting both of the cups on the night stand. She sat down quietly next to him. He stared at the floor with his eyes heavy with sadness, and Kate just watched. Finally he broke the think silence of the room.
"I…I'm sorry," he said in a barely audible whisper. He slumped his shoulders and his chin touched his chest, he closed his eyes. The tears were coming again and he let them fall. "I'm just so afraid of losing him; I thought…I thought the best case was to feel nothing to survive."
"It's ok to be scared, Jethro," she replied soothingly. She reached her arm around him like she had done for Jeb. He leaned into her and accepted her embrace. He let his emotions take hold and they sat for a while in the hotel room. After what seemed like an eternity Gibbs straightened and looked at Kate.
"I need coffee," he said flatly. Kate smiled. She pointed to the cups on the nightstand. He glanced over and grinned. He reached out and dumped half the cup into his mouth on the first gulp. He pulled the cup away and took a deep breath. Kate smiled again.
"Feel better?"
"Yeah…actually I do," he said with a smile. Then he frowned. "Kate, I…I didn't mean what I said."
"I know you didn't. It's ok. But you really need to talk to your son, he needs you right now," she said softly. Gibbs nodded he felt suddenly tired. He glanced at the clock and saw it was nearing ten o'clock eastern time (he was getting pretty good at looking at a California clock and instantly converting it to DC time). He thought back and realized he hadn't slept more than three hours in the last couple nights. Kate noticed the change.
"You should rest," she said quietly. He looked at her and nodded. He lay back on the bed and closed his eyes. Kate was still next to him and pushed some hair off his forehead. He smiled and opened his eyes to look up at her.
"You look tired too," he said softly and reached up for her. She sighed then curled up next to him on the bed. They were soon both asleep.
After Jeb was off the porch he dialed R. J.'s number in Washington. He waited for the line to go through. Finally it started ringing. Jeb was feeling the weight of the situation and wished desperately that it was Monday. The weekend couldn't pass fast enough. He had already spoken with his boss to be able to take time off it need be.
"Colonel Donovan," R. J.'s voice said in his ear.
"Yo, it's me."
"How are you doing?"
"It's…difficult. Gibbs is still distant. But I feel better. I just wish it was Monday."
"You sound better, what happened?"
"I talked to Kate," Jeb said, a smile playing over his lips.
"Kate?"
"Yeah. Gibbs' girlfriend."
"Ahh."
"She helped you know? What he…can't…do," Jeb said.
"I'm glad someone helped. Listen I wasn't going to tell you this…"
"Don't you dare disrupt your life to come out here," Jeb said instantly cutting R. J. off.
"Look, it's not a big deal, Jeb. I can…"
"It is a big deal. Just…"
"Ok, we'll play it by ear then, ok? These nightly talks are good, but I think you need someone to lean on by your side. I just think that it's better if…"
"It's ok now; I got someone that will stick it out."
"Who?"
"Kate will be here whether he likes it or not. Listen I should go they're gonna start lookin' for me."
"All right. Hang tough marine, semper fi."
"Semper fi," Jeb said and ended the call. He felt better. He had support now in person and on the phone. He could beat this, and he would fight.
TBC……….