author: Lucinda
rating: pg13
main characters: Riley, Faith
Faith and Second Chances 8: I Just Wish...
disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
distribution: TNL, Wic, Paula, Cat - anyone else ask first.
set in season 4, just after the body-switching has been reversed.
Riley had suggested that she might feel better if she got out for a while, spent the day out in the sunshine, away from Steve and his projects and obsessive sci-fi monologs. Considering the way that the place was starting to feel like it was closing in on her, Faith had leapt or the chance. She hadn't even considered the idea that there could be any danger – it was daytime, the sun was out, life was good. And the Watcher's Council operative who'd been sent to drag her back to England and face the Council were long gone. Time out sounded like just the thing to make life less stressful for both of them.
Riley wasn't happy, but there wasn't any reason to expect him to be happy. One of his best friends had been killed in front of him. It hadn't been that long since he'd split up with B, and Faith was still certain that she'd had some responsibility for that. She couldn't quite put it into words, but there were times that he just seemed a bit off, like something else was wrong.
As for herself, she'd been spending a lot of time thinking about her life. Thinking about the choices that she'd made, the ways that she'd reacted to things. Sometimes, she'd done the only thing that she'd thought was an option at the time. Looking back, there were times when there had been other options, she just hadn't seen them. She'd ended up hostile and defensive when she'd got to Sunnydale, and it hadn't helped her any. Instead of protecting her, it had left her isolated and vulnerable to Dick and his plans. She could see how everything had played right into his hands…
Faith wished that she could understand everything, make things simple again. But she couldn't make everything go back, not for Riley, not for herself. The ones that they'd lost were still gone, and would stay that way. Mistakes would stay made, though it might be possible to try to fix or at least make up for some of them. This was her second... well, her third chance for things, she should really try to do better this time around.
"I'm sorry about this. Not that it was my fault, but... I feel for you." She leaned against Riley, her head resting on his arm as they looked out at the campus. She was watching the people move along, envying the fact that they could sleep at night, that they wouldn't be plagued by nightmares about monsters and memory. Or maybe they would be... there were all sorts of monsters.
"I know." Riley glanced at her, and sighed, not quite managing a smile. "It feels better to know that the Polgara's been taken in, but..."
"He's still gone." She finished for him, knowing that it was harder to say those words than to hear them.
"Yeah. I just wish... I just wish he was back, that I could see him again. Even if only to say goodbye." Riley paused, and glanced at his feet, or maybe just away from her. "Does that make any sense at all?"
"Makes perfect sense to me." She offered, remembering the raw pain of her Watcher's death, remembering the many times that she'd turned, wanting to ask a question, or get an observation, only to be reminded that Penny was gone.
"I'm supposed to be grading essays for Professor Walsh. Three to five pages on the use of negative reinforcement." He glanced again at his briefcase, still closed and untouched from the place that he'd dropped it an hour ago when they'd sat down.
Faith resisted the urge to giggle at his slightly mournful expression. When he'd explained that a lot of the soldiers had positions on the campus to maintain their cover, she'd thought it was amusing. Especially since his 'cover' was the Teacher's Assistant to a Psychology Professor that had the firm belief that writing papers about a thing would help students learn. Teasing just a little she commented, "Well, you should have known that would go with being a TA."
"I didn't volunteer for this. I don't get paid enough to grade those with a smile." His foot kicked the briefcase, causing it to rock slightly, toppling after it hit his foot again.
"They can't be that bad." She looked at him, wondering how much was grief, how much was the desire to be hunting demons instead, and how much was the essays really being that bad.
With a noise like strangled laughter, he turned, one hand touching her cheek lightly. "Yes, they can. I'll show you how bad they can be."
Faith grinned, and leaned slightly into his touch. Then, her stomach made a little gurgling sound, and she could feel her cheeks growing warm. "How about over... or maybe after lunch?"
"You're hungry again? After that huge breakfast?" Riley looked at her with exaggerated surprise. Glancing at his watch, he sat up a bit at the time. "Oh. I hadn't realized that it was so late. Lunch would be good then."
"Yeah, lunch." Faith stood up, offering him a hand. "And you're supposed to be the smart, organized one... It's past time for food!"
He let her help him to his feet, grabbing the briefcase as he stood. They started walking towards one of the little restaurants, and slowed, shoulders slumping, and the trace of sparkle left his eyes. "Forrest loved that little Italian place. How am I just supposed to go on like nothing's changed when he's gone?"
"Falling apart won't bring him back. And you can't start yelling at all the people, trying to tell them what's out there, to be careful." Faith sighed, remembering having an argument like that with her Watcher. "If you try, they won't believe you. You'll be that crazy person who believes in monsters, or the paranoid wacko that they go to the other side of the street to avoid."
"Ouch." Riley shook his head, glancing at her. "That wouldn't help... did you try that?"
"No." The word slipped out as Faith remembered. Her mom had been worried when Penny had first arrived, first talked about Faith having a destiny. But when she'd seen the first monster, her mom had freaked out. She'd started trying so hard to keep the monsters away that people had thought she was loosing her mind. She'd become jumpy, even more nervous than before. And when she'd started trying to warn the neighbors... Well, they hadn't attacked her mom, but they'd started talking more. About the crazy lady that thought the monsters were out to get her. Soon, her mom was known as Loony Laney, and everyone laughed about her fears, both behind her back and to her face.
"Faith?" Riley's voice sounded worried, making Faith wonder just how many times he'd said her name trying to reclaim her attention.
"Sorry. I was just... there's a lot of memories." She didn't want to explain, didn't want to tell him everything. Not right now, not when everything was so raw for him, and she was still trying to figure out how to... well, how to live a life that wouldn't have made Penny ashamed.
Riley nodded, his eyes darkening once more with memories and pain of his own. "Yeah. So... You didn't answer my question. What about Italian?"
"Italian's fine." She reached out, resting her hand on his arm. "Riley? It'll get easier."
"I hope so." He murmured, and the two of them went inside.
end F&2ndC 8: I Just Wish...
rating: pg13
main characters: Riley, Faith
Faith and Second Chances 8: I Just Wish...
disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
distribution: TNL, Wic, Paula, Cat - anyone else ask first.
set in season 4, just after the body-switching has been reversed.
Riley had suggested that she might feel better if she got out for a while, spent the day out in the sunshine, away from Steve and his projects and obsessive sci-fi monologs. Considering the way that the place was starting to feel like it was closing in on her, Faith had leapt or the chance. She hadn't even considered the idea that there could be any danger – it was daytime, the sun was out, life was good. And the Watcher's Council operative who'd been sent to drag her back to England and face the Council were long gone. Time out sounded like just the thing to make life less stressful for both of them.
Riley wasn't happy, but there wasn't any reason to expect him to be happy. One of his best friends had been killed in front of him. It hadn't been that long since he'd split up with B, and Faith was still certain that she'd had some responsibility for that. She couldn't quite put it into words, but there were times that he just seemed a bit off, like something else was wrong.
As for herself, she'd been spending a lot of time thinking about her life. Thinking about the choices that she'd made, the ways that she'd reacted to things. Sometimes, she'd done the only thing that she'd thought was an option at the time. Looking back, there were times when there had been other options, she just hadn't seen them. She'd ended up hostile and defensive when she'd got to Sunnydale, and it hadn't helped her any. Instead of protecting her, it had left her isolated and vulnerable to Dick and his plans. She could see how everything had played right into his hands…
Faith wished that she could understand everything, make things simple again. But she couldn't make everything go back, not for Riley, not for herself. The ones that they'd lost were still gone, and would stay that way. Mistakes would stay made, though it might be possible to try to fix or at least make up for some of them. This was her second... well, her third chance for things, she should really try to do better this time around.
"I'm sorry about this. Not that it was my fault, but... I feel for you." She leaned against Riley, her head resting on his arm as they looked out at the campus. She was watching the people move along, envying the fact that they could sleep at night, that they wouldn't be plagued by nightmares about monsters and memory. Or maybe they would be... there were all sorts of monsters.
"I know." Riley glanced at her, and sighed, not quite managing a smile. "It feels better to know that the Polgara's been taken in, but..."
"He's still gone." She finished for him, knowing that it was harder to say those words than to hear them.
"Yeah. I just wish... I just wish he was back, that I could see him again. Even if only to say goodbye." Riley paused, and glanced at his feet, or maybe just away from her. "Does that make any sense at all?"
"Makes perfect sense to me." She offered, remembering the raw pain of her Watcher's death, remembering the many times that she'd turned, wanting to ask a question, or get an observation, only to be reminded that Penny was gone.
"I'm supposed to be grading essays for Professor Walsh. Three to five pages on the use of negative reinforcement." He glanced again at his briefcase, still closed and untouched from the place that he'd dropped it an hour ago when they'd sat down.
Faith resisted the urge to giggle at his slightly mournful expression. When he'd explained that a lot of the soldiers had positions on the campus to maintain their cover, she'd thought it was amusing. Especially since his 'cover' was the Teacher's Assistant to a Psychology Professor that had the firm belief that writing papers about a thing would help students learn. Teasing just a little she commented, "Well, you should have known that would go with being a TA."
"I didn't volunteer for this. I don't get paid enough to grade those with a smile." His foot kicked the briefcase, causing it to rock slightly, toppling after it hit his foot again.
"They can't be that bad." She looked at him, wondering how much was grief, how much was the desire to be hunting demons instead, and how much was the essays really being that bad.
With a noise like strangled laughter, he turned, one hand touching her cheek lightly. "Yes, they can. I'll show you how bad they can be."
Faith grinned, and leaned slightly into his touch. Then, her stomach made a little gurgling sound, and she could feel her cheeks growing warm. "How about over... or maybe after lunch?"
"You're hungry again? After that huge breakfast?" Riley looked at her with exaggerated surprise. Glancing at his watch, he sat up a bit at the time. "Oh. I hadn't realized that it was so late. Lunch would be good then."
"Yeah, lunch." Faith stood up, offering him a hand. "And you're supposed to be the smart, organized one... It's past time for food!"
He let her help him to his feet, grabbing the briefcase as he stood. They started walking towards one of the little restaurants, and slowed, shoulders slumping, and the trace of sparkle left his eyes. "Forrest loved that little Italian place. How am I just supposed to go on like nothing's changed when he's gone?"
"Falling apart won't bring him back. And you can't start yelling at all the people, trying to tell them what's out there, to be careful." Faith sighed, remembering having an argument like that with her Watcher. "If you try, they won't believe you. You'll be that crazy person who believes in monsters, or the paranoid wacko that they go to the other side of the street to avoid."
"Ouch." Riley shook his head, glancing at her. "That wouldn't help... did you try that?"
"No." The word slipped out as Faith remembered. Her mom had been worried when Penny had first arrived, first talked about Faith having a destiny. But when she'd seen the first monster, her mom had freaked out. She'd started trying so hard to keep the monsters away that people had thought she was loosing her mind. She'd become jumpy, even more nervous than before. And when she'd started trying to warn the neighbors... Well, they hadn't attacked her mom, but they'd started talking more. About the crazy lady that thought the monsters were out to get her. Soon, her mom was known as Loony Laney, and everyone laughed about her fears, both behind her back and to her face.
"Faith?" Riley's voice sounded worried, making Faith wonder just how many times he'd said her name trying to reclaim her attention.
"Sorry. I was just... there's a lot of memories." She didn't want to explain, didn't want to tell him everything. Not right now, not when everything was so raw for him, and she was still trying to figure out how to... well, how to live a life that wouldn't have made Penny ashamed.
Riley nodded, his eyes darkening once more with memories and pain of his own. "Yeah. So... You didn't answer my question. What about Italian?"
"Italian's fine." She reached out, resting her hand on his arm. "Riley? It'll get easier."
"I hope so." He murmured, and the two of them went inside.
end F&2ndC 8: I Just Wish...