When it comes to keeping papers in order, I have never been the most meticulous. With much effort, I have finally managed to sort through my notes, journals, and various bits of fairly useless paper – something I'd intended to do for quite some time. The endeavor has proved a worthwhile one, however, as I have uncovered several parchments, notes and records that I had believed lost. They say a clean environment is most conducive to research. Or do they? Whatever the case, it seems an appropriate enough deduction.
There has been no improvement whatsoever in the state of Father's mental health. I had managed to hide the worst of the truth from myself, but now I am forced to admit it: the deterioration has gone much further than I had originally thought; thus I must make haste to find – to create – something, anything to not only allow him to live longer, but to alleviate his pain.
I chastise myself for my laxity in this matter; nearly seven years have passed. I meant to begin sooner. I would have begun sooner, but the demands of the council have split my attention from what I see now must be my true purpose if my Father is to have any hope at all. The council… Constantly they push me for some sort of groundbreaking presentation to make them shine in the eyes of their betters – and they care less for the topic, for the good it might do mankind, than for the glory with which my work may cover them. Yes, I know the pattern by now: I do the work, and they take the credit. However, it is a job. I will not complain, not yet. As a friend loves to tell me, I never will complain. Dear Utterson. If only I had a bit of his bravery…
If there was only some way to combine the two efforts – to bring before the council the theory that has been occupying my mind now for some time – with good reason. But, no. I am afraid that their view is too narrow to begin to comprehend the direction in which my studies have turned: the nature and origins of man's personality, Id, Ego, and Superego.
The subject interests me greatly. It is on the surface such as simple topic, yet there is much below the surface of the human psyche that we have yet to understand. This fresh face – an Austrian – Freud summed it up thusly: We are born with what he called our Id, the driving force of our personality as an infant. The Id is driven by what he called the 'pleasure principle', based on a striving to have our basic needs met, and wanting whatever feels good at the time. When a child is hungry, the Id wants food, and therefore the child cries. When the child needs to be changed, the Id cries. When the child is uncomfortable, in pain, too hot, too cold, or just wants attention, the Id speaks up until his or her needs are met. The Id doesn't care about other factors - only its own immediate satisfaction.
This makes sense to me. Infants are by their natures concerned only for their own survival, with no consideration for whether their parents are sleeping, relaxing, eating dinner, or bathing. When the Id wants something, nothing else matters.
The Id is the base nature, where we all begin, but as a child grows, the second part of the personality begins to develop. Freud called this part the Ego. The Ego is based on the 'reality principle', and is the face we show to others from day to day. The Ego understands that other people have needs and desires, and that sometimes being impulsive or selfish is inappropriate and can hurt us in the long run. It's the ego's job to meet the needs of the Id, while taking into consideration the reality of the situation.
The third personality stage, what Freud termed the Superego, usually develops during puberty. To put it simply, the Superego can be equated with the conscience; it dictates what we believe to be right and wrong.
The Ego is often the strongest, appeasing the needs of the Id, trying not to upset the Superego, yet still taking into consideration the reality of every situation. Not an easy job, indeed. If the Id becomes too strong, people resort to their baser instincts and impulses. If the Superego becomes too strong, a person becomes driven by rigid morals, judgmental and unbending. When under hypnosis, often the alienist will seek out the subconscious, which lays just below the surface. But I believe that sometimes, sometimes they can tap into the unconscious, the Id.
I do not believe that anyone is inherently evil. There is no 'bad seed', no one irredeemably bad from birth. I believe it is their unconscious, Id nature that has become too much in charge of their responses. Naturally, this begs the question, What if the Id were removed?
It was the Id that revealed itself when my father went mad. He resorted to his basest nature. But just how possible could it be to separate and remove such a deeply ingrained part of a man's personality and mind?
So-called "wise men", much like the men on the council, will insist on naming evil as the cause for the diseases of the mind, citing learned sources like Copernicus to support their narrow-minded views.
Copernicus was an idiot and an ass. I simply do not see how any reasonably intelligent man could blame the devil or demons for the causes of madness. Yet people will believe it, even in today's modern world. A priest actually stated that it would be in my father's best interest to undergo an exorcism. An exorcism! Of course, I did not allow this. His health is fragile enough, without permitting the abuses and torments of some misguided relic of the dark ages.
Disease is not caused by sin. Insanity is not caused by demons. I do not care how devout a Catholic I was brought up to be, I simply refuse to believe something so incredibly moronic. Microbes and viruses have existed since long before the birth of mankind, yet good 'Catholics' refuse to believe that washing the hands before operating can increase the chances of a patient's survival - because the practice is new. It is as if everything under the sun must surely have been discovered, because God has granted man all the knowledge he was meant to have. I could easily turn their own words against them, saying if science and its explorations were not meant to be discovered, then God would not have allowed it in the first place. Of course, I know what their answer would be: 'it was the Devil's doing.' Did not God make Satan? And if God made Satan, and Satan made it possible to find this knowledge, then still... it is God's doing.
I am surely going to hell for my opinion. On my way there, however, I will conclude my research. I only pray that God will forgive me for my thoughts and continue to see me through this.
I could much more believe the theory that madness is organic, coming from deterioration or disease of the brain, before I could believe it has its origin in spirits.
If we accept that premise, then it stands to reason that one approach to treating mental illness would be discovering exactly which kinds of changes in the brain lead to insanity. In studying the brains of the deceased, however, it was found that many diseases did not manifest obvious signs of physical difference between healthy and diseased brains. It was assumed that this was simply because the methods used in attempting to identify the differences were not yet sufficient. Charcot believed this, but then Freud contested him on several points.
Charcot claimed that hysteria had primarily organic causes, and that it had a regular, comprehensible pattern of symptoms. Freud agreed that there was a regular pattern of symptoms, but he did not believe that it was organic. Freud also said something that lit the fuse of controversy. He maintained that everyone has the potential to become mentally ill, no matter what their background. Pauper or aristocrat, both parents or none, beaten or spoiled; it just takes a catalyst, an "Oedipal crisis", as he called it.
As I have said, I believe it is the Id that is most exposed at the time of illness, which furthers my idea that if the Id is suppressed, separated, or completely destroyed, madness cannot happen.
I have studied the concoctions the doctors have already given my father, and using them as a base, I have created HJ1, HJ2, and HJ3, all of which have proven to be failures. HJ4 has had some positive results; a wild rabid rat has been soothed into complacency, though expired weeks later. My next step is to acquire some biological samples from a patient with a case similar to his; I will need blood, as well as cerebrospinal fluid; neurotoxins that I can study and perhaps find some answers. I will also need test subjects. There are plenty of strays, though it is not an animals disease I am attempting to cure.
What I need is a human subject...