The Legend of the Monopoly Money
By: I-Want-A-Piece-Of-Gan-Ning
Note: Ah, my first Dynasty Warriors fic. This is a pretty weird story that my brother and I came up with after watching Ling Tong's ending in Dynasty Warriors 5. It's just random humor and it'll probably be a one shot (you never know though…). I plan on writing another humorous Dynasty Warriors fic and also a serious one eventually. So let me know what you think! Also I'm Katsumi, but in the fic I exaggerated my fan girl-ness, for humor.
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One day, Ling Tong decided to challenge Gan Ning to another 'final battle.' However, he planned to challenge Ning to a new game that he had just received that morning.
"Aha!" Ning said as he met Tong, "This time I shall surely defeat you!" as he said this, he held up a book, How to Become a Chess Master, in his hand.
"Really?" Tong questioned, ready to reveal his plan, "Today we play a new game."
"What?" Ning said, no longer trying to sound glorious, "Why?"
"I got bored of beating you at chess, and some girl gave it to me."
"Huh? A girl?"
"Yeah…"
Suddenly a girl appeared wearing a blue Chinese dress. "Konichiwa," she said.
"Huh?" Tong and Ning wondered in unison.
"Oh yeah," she continued, "That's Japanese, sorry. Hi!"
"Wait…" Tong quickly thought, "You're that girl who gave me this game!"
"Yep!" she squealed, "I'm Katsumi!"
"Okay… why are you here?" Tong questioned her.
"Well I gave you that box so that you'd open it. Consider it a gift from those who know your fates," Katsumi smiled a strange look on her face.
"Wait…" Ning interpreted Katsumi's statement, "Know our fates? You must be some sort of goddess!" And thus he began to bow to Katsumi.
"Ooh!" She squealed yet again.
"Gan Ning," Tong looked towards his friend, still bowing at the strange girl, "Stop that."
"But," Gan Ning complained, "She's a goddess. Don't you want her favor?"
"You can stop if you want to," Katsumi instructed, "Thanks for honoring me though!" she giggled, her face tinted red.
"Yes ma'am!" Gan Ning instantly stopped, causing Katsumi to giggle again.
"Well I just came to make sure that you open the box, for it is important to your fates." Katsumi seemed to be lecturing the two.
"Wait!" Tong spoke, predicting that Katsumi would leave soon, "I have one question."
"Yeah," she suddenly sounded impatient, "What is it? I've gotta go play Dynasty Warriors 5, ya know."
"Well I was wondering…" Tong said nervously, "What do these markings mean?" he pointed to the strange writing on the shining box.
"Oh, that's English," Katsumi smiled, "It says 'Monopoly.'"
"Monopoly?"
"Yep!" Katsumi smiled, "Well, I've gotta go now!" And with that she vanished.
"Whoa!" Ning stared, bewildered, "She's gone!"
"Yeah," Tong seemed much calmer, "I think we should open this Monopoly now."
"Well yeah," Ning said matter-of-factly, "Katsumi said to."
"Here goes," and thus Tong tore the plastic off the shiny box and opened it. "Look!" He suddenly exclaimed, "There's money in here!"
"Money!" Ning immediately looked up, staring at Tong hungrily.
"Yeah," Tong pulled out some colored paper, "I'm sure this is some kind of foreign money."
"Foreign?" Ning said, suddenly glum, "What are we supposed to do with it then?"
"Well… maybe it's worth something in another kingdom," Tong suggested.
"Wait…" Ning paused to think, "I have an idea!"
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(Later, in Wei)
Somehow Cao Cao had agreed to see Gan Ning. "Hey Cao Cao," Ning spoke, surprisingly casual, "I came to make a proposition."
"Yes?" Cao already sounded irritated.
"Well I have this money," Ning took out some colored paper.
"That's not money," Cao said, growing more irritated.
"Yes it is," Ning thought as quickly as he could, "In the Nanman World… Kingdom… Place."
"In Nan Zhong," Cao was indeed annoyed, "How did you get it then?"
"Oh," Ning again struggled to cover his ass, "I decided to go gambling over there so I could, um, buy an elephant."
"And why didn't you buy an elephant?"
"They wouldn't let me," this time Ning was prepared; "They figured I'd use it to crush them."
"So what do you want then?"
"I was hoping to buy an army from you so that I may crush the Nanman and finally get an elephant."
"O…kay" Cao was plain freaked out now, "And what will I get out of this?"
"You'll get Nanman money!"
"And?"
"You can use it to buy an elephant! Then you can use the elephant to crush others!"
"If they wouldn't let you buy an elephant," Cao was VERY annoyed at this point, "why would I be able to buy one?"
"Oh," short silence, "I'll let you buy one after I conquer Nanman… Place with the army I buy."
"Ugh," Cao took a piece of paper and quickly scribbled on it, "Sign this."
"What is it?"
"A contract. It's to make sure you let me buy and elephant."
"Oh…" Ning reluctantly signed Cao's contract, "May I buy an army now?"
"Fine," Cao seemed less annoyed now, "I'll sell you a smaller army for 1,000 of those."
"How many people in the army?"
"50."
"Sure."
"Fine. Come this way."
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(Meanwhile, in Shu)
Somehow, Liu Bei had agreed to see Ling Tong. "Hello," Tong said, hoping that formality would help him pull this off, "I've come to propose an offer to you."
"Yes?" Bei was open to any reasonable suggestion.
"Well I have this money," Tong took out the small colored papers, "It's foreign, you see."
"Ah," Bei observed, "Where does it come from?"
"Well," Tong was prepared, "These are Way of Peace Dollars."
"Way of Peace Dollars?"
"Yes. You can use them to access some strange Yellow Turban magic."
"Such as?"
"You can use them to communicate with those who have passed into heaven."
"Really?"
"Yes," Tong was ready to put on his big act, "You see I had hoped to use these Way of Peace Dollars to speak to my father. However, none of Wu's strategists could figure out exactly how to use them. Hopefully Zhuge Liang, smart as he is, can figure it out for you."
"Yes, I suppose so," Bei thought this whole idea over, "What will I have to give you in exchange for the Way of Peace Dollars?"
"A medium-sized army will suffice," Tong said, glad that this had worked out, "I'd say 1,000 soldiers for… oh 1,500 dollars?"
"Well… it's not that bad, especially since I'll be able to contact my brothers. Sure! Come this way."
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(Later, back in Wu)
"So how many soldiers did you get?" Tong asked Ning.
"50!" he exclaimed, "For only 1,000 dollars!"
"WHAT!" Tong exclaimed, "You paid 20 dollars PER PERSON! I only paid about 1 per soldier. Man, you're stupid!"
"Well at least I got something. Cao Cao totally bought the Nanman thing I told him."
"Alright I guess we can got be praised for getting those armies now."
"Sweet!" –So ends the Legend of
The Monopoly Money
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Note: That was pretty weird. I might make more chapters with Cao Cao and Liu Bei figuring this out. Let me know if you really want me to. So… just press that button! Ja ne!