SURVIVOR INUYASHA: DAYS SIX - NINE

Matt Duszynski

Matt: I don't own any characters in this story. Except myself! Also, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! My update is extremely late because… umm… DON'T KILL ME ANYWAY! You're not going to kill me, right? (whispering) Need backup.

PREVIOUSLY ON SURVIVOR:

Inuyasha lost it.

"Graagh!"

Inuyasha was pounding his fist into random objects on Tribe Kewl's island.

"Inuyasha, calm down!"

Kewl Tribe won reward.

Miroku had jumped off to sit with Sango, so only Inuyasha and Naraku were left.

"YOU PERVERT!"

Suddenly, Miroku flew through the air and smacked Naraku off the platform.

"Well, it's not in the rules, but, KEWL WINS REWARD!"

But Baed Tribe won immunity

Tribe Baed had a plot to pull Tribe Kewl down while they were tired.

"Whaaagh!"

It worked. Inuyasha and Sango fell down immediately.

"BAED WINS IMMUNITY!"

And Kewl went to Tribal Council, where Shippo was voted off.

"One the votes are read, the decision is final, the person voted out will be asked to leave the Tribal Council area immediately. I'll read the votes. First vote- Shippo. Second Vote- Miroku. Third vote- Miroku. That's two votes Miroku, one vote Shippo. Fourth vote- Shippo. Fifth vote, and second person voted out of SURVIVOR: INUYASHA… Shippo. Will you please bring me your torch? DON'T DROP IT! The tribe has spoken. It is time for you to go."

AND NOW THE CONTINUATION:

KEWL TRIBE

"Where'd you hide the ramen, Inuyasha?"

"I will never tell you… OOF!"

Unfortunately, a coconut fell out of a tree and knocked him unconscious at the time.

"It's in… the big tree. (KO'd)"

"Oh. Why didn't we look there?"

"The tree's fifty feet high."

"Oh yeah."

BAED TRIBE

"Who said that?"

"Said what?"

"Someone called me Fluffy, and I don't like it."

"Couldn't be me. (Fluffy)"

"WHO SAID THAT?"

"Not me. (Fluffy)"

"Wasn't me. (Fluffy)"

"GRAAGH! I will slay all of you unless I know who keeps saying that!"

Suddenly, the host appeared.

"No slaying on the show, or we'll have to merge the tribes."

Strangely, Matt was now lying on the ground with a sword in his heart. Then, another Matt appeared.

"THAT'S IT! WE'RE MERGING THE TRIBES!"

TRIBAL MERGING AREA

(ASTONISHING SIMILARITY TO TRIBAL COUNCIL AREA)

"Well, since Sess- I mean Fluffy (DON'T SAY THAT!) killed me, the tribes are going to merge."

"Why?"

"BECAUSE I AM EVIL- I mean because it will be funny- I mean because Fluffy killed me."

"Also, if he killed you, how are you still here?"

"Good question, Inuyasha. I bet you want to know the answer, wouldn't you? Huh? Huh? Roll over!"

"Never!"

"Inuyasha, SIT!"

Oddly, Inuyasha smashed to the ground for no reason (cough Kagomeyelledsit cough)

"Now, the tribe will pick a beach to stay on, and a new tribal name. Since 7/8 of you are incapable of agreeing, Kagome will deliberate by herself. Kagome, please feel free to utilize the 'DELIBERATION CHAMBER' which contains modern amenities, such as TV, video games, comfortable couches, junk food, etcetera."

Kagome was in the 'DELIBERATION BOOTH' before Matt had finished his sentence. Why is it called the 'DELIBERATION BOOTH' and not just the deliberation booth?

"Cuz, I like it this way."

"Who was that?"

"Narrator. Real annoyance."

Oh yeah? How can you get along without me?

"We'd hire a new narrator for a lower salary."

Oh. Moving right along… Kagome was having fun in the 'DELIBERATION BOOTH' playing video games, watching TV, etcetera.

"Kagome! Decide!"

"Hang on! I'm playing a gmae."

"DECIDE NOW!"

"Wait a second."

"Well, since Kagome's busy, I will decide. You will go to Tribe Kewl's beach, and be known as Tribe Funnee, pronounced ph-oo-ny. Any similarity to the word 'funny' was purely coincidental. (cough onpurpose cough)"

FUNNEE TRIBE

"I will slay anyone who calls me Fluffy."

"Whatever. (Fluffy)."

"YEAAAAAAGH! I WILL KILL YOU ALL!"

Suddenly, the host appeared again, along with two men and the world's largest needle.

"Fluffy, calm down. These men will take you to a nice place. Failing that, I will stab you with this large needle filled with elephant tranquilizer."

AFTER A BRIEF SCUFFLE

FIVE MINUTES LATER

"That's odd. Fluffy seems to be knocked out with a large needle in him. If any of you contestants tell anyone about this, you will get the same treatment. Take him away."

Fluffy was airlifted off the island with a chopper. The host suddenly had a very cheery personality.

"Now, anyone else want to go crazy? Nobody? Okay, Fluffy was 'voted off' (cough forciblyremoved cough) so we will proceed to the reward challenge. Follow me."

Matt flew off in the direction of another island.

"Well, now the show is being hosted by a ghost."

"Don't worry. I have a plan."

"Wow. Usually Inuyasha is too busy being stupid to come up with a plan."

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"

"NEVER!"

ANOTHER BRIEF SCUFFLE

FOUR MINUTES LATER

"Stop fighting."

A guy in a black suit appeared floating over the group.

"Who are you?"

"I am an ADMIN."

"What's an ADMIN?"

"Me."

"Why…?"

"TOO MANY QUESTIONS! Prepare to die!"

A large bolt of lightning struck the group. Miraculously, nobody was harmed.

"Now, I could have killed you, but the head ADMIN doesn't want me to."

"Who's the head ADMIN?"

"You'll see."

"What does ADMIN stand for?"

"Administrative Director of Major Internal Novel events."

"Shouldn't it be called ADMINE?"

"Shut up and follow me."

PLACE WHERE MATT WENT TO

ONE MINUTE LATER

"Welcome to the challenge. Thank you for bringing the survivors, ADMIN."

"You're welcome, boss."

"Wait. You're the head ADMIN?"

"Of course! I'm writing this story about a TV show."

"Too confusing."

"Let's just say that when Fluffy stabbed the other me, things got a little whacked."

"Fine with me."

"Now, your challenge will be…"

Just then, another ADMIN came over the hill.

"It's your nemesis!"

"Who's your nemesis?"

Then, John Stossel walked over the hill.

"Mr. Stossel. We meet again! This time, I will defeat you. You are in my world."

The brighter members of the survivor group stole the reward, and ran away. The denser ones just ran away.

FUNNEE TRIBE

"Check it out! We scored the reward without even trying!"

"Isn't it awesome? Open the box!"

Inside the box, there was… a note.

"A note? Let's see… 'Ha ha ha! Suckers! You have to win the challenge to get the reward!' How did...?"

"ADMINs know all, see all, and hear all that goes on."

"This story is really getting whacked. I'm going to get the original host back up and on his feet."

"And just how do you plan on doing that?"

"You'll see."

"Wow. We're actually cooperating on something. Usually, someone would be dead or pinned to a tree by now."

"Whatever. Anyway… KIKYO! YOU GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!

JUDGES HOTEL

KIKYO'S ROOM

"RRR! The stupid whatchamacallit is ringing again! Hello, this is Kikyo."

"Yes, we have an urgent scream for you coming from the area of the Survivor show, will you accept charges from 'I'M NOT GIVING MY NAME TO YOU! PUT ME THROUGH TO KIKYO!"

"Fine, whatever. Hi Inuyasha."

"Kikyo, did you take the host's soul?"

"Let me check my list of stolen souls… yes, here it is. Matt Duszynski, Survivor host. Is there something I can do for you?"

"Yeah, we need it back please."

"No can do."

"Give it!"

"No way!"

Then, Kikyo heard footsteps, a door slam, and a car start and drive away over the phone in quick succession. Inuyasha burst through the door.

"Hand it over."

FIVE MINUTES LATER

"I'm back!"

"Did you get the soul?"

"You bet! Unfortunately, I promised Kikyo that she could take me to hell after Survivor is over."

"WHAT?"

"That's why I purchased this ANTI-HELL-O-MATIC 9000!"

"Oh. Okay then!"

"Now, we need to insert the soul back into the body."

"How? He's dead."

"No, I'm pretty sure that the writer will allow us to do this. He's mad that the story has been taken over by evil versions of him, and the ADMINs. See, we just put the soul in ths disk drive that says 'SOUL GOES HERE' and voila!"

The actual writer's characterwoke up, and pulled the sword out of him.

"Thanks for bringing me back to life. Now, to clean up this screwed up story."

With two claps of his hands, everything was back to normal.

"Now, we'll just wait a while before doing any more challenges."

"Is your real nemesis John Stossel?"

"No way! It's Phil Keoghan."

(AUTHOR'S NOTE: Phil Keoghan is the host of The Amazing Race)

NEXT TIME ON SURVIVOR:

Everything is back to normal! What a welcome change from these three days. Free drinks for everyone!