Disclaimer: I own no part of this story except for the plot and spell work. J. K. Rowling owns everything else, including dozens of hours of my life that I am dedicating to this story.
Chapter 20: Forgiveness and Acceptance
Harry arrived at the Ministry by seven the following morning. He had been tormented all night by the looks on Kevin and David's faces as they had been murdered and could only hope that Fudge was going through the same thing. Harry didn't know what he was going to tell the two Aurors, hell he didn't even know their names, but he somehow knew that he needed to do this. They had probably been forced to replay Kevin's dying moments in their minds just as much as Harry had last night. They would need comfort and forgiveness for what they had done.
Harry could not forgive them for what they had done. It was not his place or responsibility to do so, but Kevin's family. However, Harry could give them comfort, something that the two would likely need after facing last night. If it had been anywhere near as bad as Harry's had been, Harry already felt that the two had received more than enough punishment for their actions.
"They were just following orders, whether they made sense or not. Still, their actions cannot go overlooked."
Harry looked up from the desk as the two men slowly trudged into the office. They looked like hell and Harry knew that Kevin's death was wearing them down. Harry's first urge was to get up and comfort the obviously distraught men, but quickly quelled the thought, knowing that they had to find peace within themselves before they could move on in life.
Harry nodded to the two men before speaking gruffly. "Thank you two for being here this morning. I know that last night must have been hard, but we have to get this over with sooner or later and putting it off only makes the pain worse in the end."
The two men barely nodded and Harry realized that it would take a lot of effort to get these men to even speak today. Harry decided to try and lighten up the mood a little. It wouldn't do anyone any good if they didn't speak throughout the entire meeting.
"By the way, have you two heard the joke about the three vampires in a bar?"
"Mr. Potter, not to be rude sir, but could we please just get on with this?"
"Very well, please recite your names and ID numbers please."
The taller of the two Auror's, the one that had asked Harry to forget the jokes, spoke immediately.
"Michael Williams—248925-AR18," Michael recited automatically.
"Marty White—871853-AR93."
Harry jotted the two names down in preparation for filling out the report of what had happened at Diagon Alley yesterday. Despite already knowing exactly what had happened, Harry needed to hear the Aurors' side of the story too.
"Michael—Marty, why don't you two tell me what all happened yesterday."
The two Aurors looked at one another, each hoping that the other would be the one to tell the story. After a long and painful silence, Michael began speaking.
"As you know Mr. Potter, Minister Fudge is required to have at least two Aurors present with him at all times aside from when he is at home. However, Minister Fudge can't just have two Aurors with him, but two experienced Aurors. Experienced Aurors are hard to come by these days and it is difficult trying to find time to spare anyone with this war going on. All of the older Auror's prefer to stay in active duty and we all draw straws to determine who has to guard Minister Fudge that week. The drawing was just yesterday morning, and when Marty and I lost, we knew we had a long week ahead of us. Yesterday, the Minister was required to be at meetings from eight till twelve in the morning and one till five in the afternoon. This left the Minister with very little time for lunch and Minister Fudge decided that he wanted to grab a bit to eat in Diagon Alley. A new corner stand coffee shop that just opened up that serves a pretty good lunch that Minister Fudge wanted to try. We arrived at the Leaky Cauldron and began walking towards the coffee shop when we saw you facing the Death Eaters. You told Cho and her fiancé to run and Marty and I followed her to make sure that she made it out okay. I figured that you could take care of yourself for a few minutes. By the time we had returned Lucius was just disapparating. We couldn't hear anything that was being said between you and the Death Eaters and assumed that they were merely taunting you. We should have known by the way you were acting that something was going on. Minister Fudge was yelling at us the entire time, telling us to kill those Death Eaters because they would kill him if they realized that he was here. I do not think that Fudge realizes of how little importance he is to the war. Still, orders are orders and, when one of the Death Eaters suddenly pulled out his wand, Marty and I decided that we had waited long enough. We both ended up selecting the same target and we had already cast the curses by the time we realized that he had cursed the other three Death Eaters. There was nothing we could do to fix our mistake and we had to sit there and watch as our spells took the life of a man who was finally returning to the right path in life. I'm sorry Mr. Potter, I really am."
Michael seemed on the verge of tears and was looking at Harry with pleading eyes.
"I'm sorry Michael, but I can't be the one to forgive you. I know what happened and I know that you did everything in your power to do what was right, but things just didn't work out the way they were supposed to. The forgiveness you seek cannot be given by me, but by Kevin's remaining family. They were put under Ministry protection within two hours of the incident and you can both see them today if you wish."
Both men nodded, hoping to find the peace they were looking for as soon as possible.
"However, before you go see them, there is something you two need to know. The peace you two are looking for will not be found by visiting Kevin's family. What you need to do first is forgive yourselves. You did everything you possibly could to protect the innocent yesterday and there were two casualties that occurred in the process. You cannot blame yourselves for what happened yesterday. Though it is true that your spells were what took the life of one of those casualties, Kevin put himself in that situation in the first place. Some of the blame rests on you yes, but much more rests on many others; me because of the fact that I too just watched it all happen—Kevin for ever joining the Death Eaters—Fudge for pushing you to kill when you could have just as easily stunned or disarmed—Voldemort for starting all of this mess. The list goes on and on and you cannot try to take the blame on your own; you have to let it go and until you do that, you will never find the peace you are looking for."
Harry heard his words, knew that they were true, and saw the many places that he needed to apply them in his own life. Harry still forced himself to harbor the blame of the deaths of so many that had died because of him. He needed to let go, but Harry couldn't force himself to; it was his fault they were dead, no one else's. Harry wanted to let go and knew that it would release him from all the pain he felt on a daily basis, but didn't see how he ever could.
Harry sighed, wishing once more that he could just be like everyone else. Though it did help knowing that he would have still made the same choices he had up till now, Harry still wished that he could have a normal life, away from all of the pressure and pain.
"Someday…Someday…When all of this is over, maybe I might just get what I want."
Harry turned back to Michael and Marty. He wasn't sure what possessed him to do it, but Harry had asked the question before he could even think about taking it back.
"Michael, from what you have told me, it does not sound like you trust Minister Fudge's judgment anymore. Am I right?"
Michael looked flustered by being asked such a potentially dangerous question and hesitated before speaking.
"Mr. Potter, if it were anyone but you I would just deny the question, but I know that we can trust you…that we must trust you."
Michael took a deep breath and a quick glance at Marty before continuing. "No Mr. Potter, I no longer trust Fudge's judgment. A few errors can be ignored, but Fudge seems to be trying to hand Britain to Voldemort on a silver platter."
Harry nodded and turned to Marty, "Marty, you've been quiet through this entire meeting. What is your opinion of Fudge?"
"Honestly Mr. Potter, I think that Fudge is the reason we are losing this war. We have the men, the heart, and the hope required for victory, but we lack leadership. I think that someone such as Albus Dumbledore would be much more effective in such a position and I am sure this war would have been turned around if Fudge was not Minister."
Harry smiled before replying easily, "Interesting that you should bring up Albus."
Both men were clearly startled at the thought of Albus Dumbledore being known only by his first name. It was Marty that spoke up first.
"Mr. Potter, excuse us, but we haven't heard anyone refer to Albus Dumbledore that way. You must be awfully good friends to have the privilege to know him as that."
"You might say that," Harry said with a smile. "However, you two might have the same privilege as me if you decide to accept what I am about to offer you."
The two Aurors' attention was fully directed in Harry's direction now. "Have either of you heard of the Order of the Phoenix?"
Marty shook his head, but Michael nodded and replied. "Yes Mr. Potter. The Order of the Phoenix is supposedly a secret organization that is dedicated to defeating Voldemort. Many have doubted its existence and lately the Order of the Phoenix has been dismissed as nothing but rumors."
Harry smiled, "Yes I recently read an article in the Quibbler about it the other day and if it's in the Quibbler you know that it doesn't exist. However, it seems that the Quibbler is right for once in its history. The Order of the Phoenix does exist and I am here to ask you two if you would like to join this organization."
The two Aurors looked taken aback by Harry's offer and lapsed into silence. Harry interpreted their silence as uncertainty and continued on.
"The Order exists and is of course headed by Albus. The Order was created when Voldemort first came to power over two decades ago, but was disbanded when Voldemort's curse failed to kill me and rebounded on him. When Voldemort returned four years ago, Albus immediately recalled the Order once more. Since the reformation of the Order, we have accomplished many victories over the Dark Lord, most of which the public never knows about. Those who do find out are considered crazy if they try to tell others which has led to the Order of the Phoenix being thought of as just a rumor; a rumor that we have worked hard to encourage. Though few actually know about the Order, Fudge does and he has been a constant pain in the arse with his new regulations and laws that attempt to hinder our efforts."
"I thought those latest laws were pretty strange. I dismissed them as Fudge's stupidity, but I can see where they would hamper the Order's efforts," Michael suddenly interjected.
"Yes, the latest Ministry decree has made it even easier for Fudge to throw anyone allied with Albus into prison and lock them away forever. Fudge's stupidity has reached a new level and I can't believe that some people actually think that he is the right man for the job. Still, Fudge is not what I am here to talk about. You now know all about the Order and what we fight for, but before you even think about saying yes, consider this. Over half of the members of the original Order of the Phoenix were killed or injured beyond healing. Since the Order has reformed, we have not lost nearly as many as back then, but still some have died. You must understand that this is not a commitment that is to be taken lightly. Once you are members of the Order, you will be priority targets for Death Eaters, especially since the two of you are Aurors. I do not say this to scare you, but to let you know that there will be consequences to joining the Order."
Harry stopped and looked the two men over. Michael looked excited and determined and Harry knew that he would want to join. Marty on the other hand, looked both nervous and scared. Harry knew that this was a life changing decision that he was trying to make in the matter of a few minutes and opened his mouth to tell Marty that he could have as long as he needed when Marty suddenly seemed to come to a decision.
"I'll join. Albus Dumbledore has always been a man that I have looked up to and I look forward to serving under such a competent leader."
Marty gave Harry a sheepish smile before continuing, "And I look forward to fighting along side a hero such as yourself Mr. Potter."
Harry smiled, knowing that the compliment needed no response, and shook Marty's hand. "Welcome to the Order, Marty, and I am proud to say that I will be fighting along side such a man as yourself."
Marty nodded and turned to where Michael was standing.
"Do you honestly think that I would let an opportunity like this pass me by?" Michael asked him incredulously.
"No, but I am surprised that it took you so long to say so," Harry replied with a grin. "I'll take that as a yes then?"
"You can take that as a hell yes Mr. Potter. If there is anything I can do for you, just let me know."
"First off you could both stop calling me Mr. Potter. If anything I should be addressing you two as such. Besides, it makes me feel old when you call me that."
"Sure thing Mr. Po—er…Harry, you can count on me."
Harry smiled at Michael obvious enthusiasm. "Yes Michael, I am sure that I can. I will speak with Albus about inducting you two into the Order as soon as I can. Our next meeting will be on December 28th. I'll be in touch with you both before then. Until then, have a nice day and a Happy Christmas."
Both men smiled and wished Harry a Happy Christmas as well before taking their leave.
Harry sat at Kingsley's desk, composing his thoughts when he heard a knock on the door.
"Come in," Harry said in a slightly annoyed tone. Harry had been hoping to get back home and get some rest, but it was looking like that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.
Harry's anger soon went away as he saw Cho and Ben enter the office.
"Cho! Ben! Nice to see you both. Come in, have a seat," Harry said gesturing to the seats in front of him.
"Catch you at a bad time Harry?" Cho asked gingerly.
"No, no. Sorry about that, just a bit tired today."
"Yeah, I heard what happened. I imagine last night was a tough one."
"It was a tad bit long," Harry said grimly.
"That's why we are here Harry. To thank you and to make sure you weren't blaming yourself like usual."
Harry gave Cho a sincere smile, "Thanks, but I'm fine. I just finished speaking with the two men that accidentally killed the Death Eater that turned against his allies. I made sure that they weren't blaming themselves for something they couldn't control and I intend to take my own advice on this one."
"It's nice to see that you've grown up Harry. It gives me hope for the future. Voldemort doesn't stand a chance," Cho said with a smile and a wink.
Harry lapsed into silence, touched by Cho's sincere words when Ben spoke for the first time.
"Harry, I want to thank you for what you did. When those Death Eaters showed up, I knew that I was going to die. Then Cho arrived and I could only think about how I could protect her, but realized that there wasn't anything I could do. I was worried that they were going to kill Cho because of me and was on the verge of giving up hope when you showed up and saved me; a random person that you had never even met before. I cannot even begin to express my gratitude to you Harry. You are the hero that the light needs and your unselfish actions will not go unrewarded. Someday Harry, when this is all over, I'm sure that you'll get what you want most in life."
"Thank you Ben, that means a lot to me," Harry replied at a loss for words.
"Harry, I want to ask you to do something for Cho and me. As you know, Cho and I are getting married next summer. I want you and all of your friends to all be there."
"I wouldn't miss it for the world Ben. You know that," Harry replied honestly.
"I do Harry, which is why that's not the favor I wanted to ask of you. My parents refuse to accept the fact that I am getting married to a witch and have already informed me that they will not be going. All of my friends are Muggles that can't know about the secret wizarding world that you and Cho have grown up in. This leaves me without a best man for the wedding and I was rather hoping that you might accept that position. After all, I wouldn't be having a wedding at all if you hadn't saved me yesterday."
Harry felt his mouth dropped as he stared at Ben in silence. How could Ben, practically a total stranger, want Harry to be the best man? It was one of the most important and joyous days in Ben's entire life and he wanted to share that with Harry? Harry was touched by Ben's generosity but knew he couldn't accept the offer. The best man was a place for the best friend, one of which Ben would surely find over the next six months. No, though Harry was sorely tempted to take Ben up on his offer, he knew that it was best to politely refuse.
"Ben, I'm touched by your offer, but I can't…I mean that's a place that is supposed to be reserved for your best friend or brother or something like that…I couldn't…"
Harry left off, no longer sure of what to say, and Ben just smiled. "Cho told me you'd say that. She knows you pretty well obviously, which is why I want you to have that position of honor. I know that if Cho thinks highly of you and considers you to be a friend, you are a friend to me. Harry, I only know a little bit about what you are doing for everyone, but I want to thank you with all of my heart. You really don't know what kind of hope you bring to everyone and I no longer doubt that we are going to win this war. Please consider this to be my way of trying to pay you back for just a little of all you have, and will continue to do, for me and the rest of the world."
Harry couldn't do anything but smile as he took in Ben's kind words. They meant more to Harry than Ben could ever understand and it brought joy to Harry's heart to see the positive effects he was having on other people's lives.
Harry remained silent as he struggled to string together enough words to form a sentence and found that he couldn't do it. Unable to do anything else, Harry simply nodded.
"So you'll be the best man then?"
Harry smiled as he remembered what a wedding meant for the groom. Harry thoughts were no longer the tangled mess they had been and Harry replied mischievously.
"Of course I will, I can't let you and Cho run off and find some other famous wizard to be your best man. And besides, you know what this means right?"
Ben shook his head and looked imploringly at Harry.
"This means I get to plan the bachelor's party."
Ben snorted loudly and replied with a smile, "Just make sure it's a good one. If I'm going to be stuck with her for the rest of my life, I want to make sure that my last night free is a night to remember."
Harry didn't get a chance to reply before Ben said a hurried goodbye. Harry watched with a smile as Ben quickly steered Cho from the room, trying to get her out before the inevitable explosion occurred.
"See you around Harry. I'll send you a letter when we figure out the specifics of the wedding," Ben cried over his shoulder.
Harry hollered a goodbye and smiled as the door clicked shut. Harry guessed that Ben had almost gotten to the elevators when he heard a loud cry.
"IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE WHAT WITH ME?"
"It was just a joke Cho. I didn't mean…"
"I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT —"
The rest of Cho's words were cut off as the elevator doors snapped shut, and Harry gave an amused chuckle and sent a silent good luck to Ben as the young man faced a much harder struggle than Harry hoped he would ever have to face.
Author's Note: Well, there it is; the last update before HBP comes out. I know that I will probably be pretty consumed with reading the book at least twice, so fan fiction will probably not be on my mind at the time. Hopefully, I'll update again in about a week, maybe two in the worst case scenario. Also, bear in mind that HBP is coming out tomorrow (YAY!) and some of my plot will, as Rowling always likes to throw us a curve ball, likely be proven wrong. This story will not change to reflect the new information unless the change is easily made. I have put too much work into this to completely rewrite it for a few details here and there and I know that some of the best fan fiction that I have ever read have also had a few details wrong due to the release of a new book.
Speaking of reading fan fiction, When Darkness Surrounds Us All just passed the 1000 hit marker and I just wanted to say thanks for all of you who are reading this fic. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to see that someone enjoys my work and, since I am taking a little bit off, how about dropping a review in to let me know how I am doing? I'd like to hear what you think I need to do or if you think that I am the spawn of Satan for killing Ron. Regardless, criticism is accepted as long as you keep it clean. Thanks again and, until I have successfully conquered HBP, adios!