Jordan couldn't move, it was like she was glued to her seat. The sound of his voice had paralyzed her, sent shots of guilt running through every nerve of her body sent the small hairs on the back of her neck standing on end. Suddenly all seemed sickeningly quiet through the morgue. She looked down at her files and papers scattered across her desk, and all she saw was words, hundreds of words with no meaning. It was a heady feeling, hearing him say her name, "Jordan" it was a voice that she hadn't heard in so long, but yet, it was a sound she had played over and over in her head.

I said I made up my mind
To live in memory of the lonesome times
(Sing a song, children)
(I can't stop wanting you)
It's useless to say

She looked over at the picture that sat on her desk idly, the only picture she had of her and Woody together, them standing over a body as they autopsied it, her elbow deep in intestines, Woody half cringing, half smiling as he looked over with disgusted curiosity, his blue eyes lit with some momentary excitement. She had to smile at the mock anger on her face half at Woody for interrupting her autopsy, half at Nigel for sneaking this picture of them, he knew how much she hated to have her picture.

She set the picture down on her desk and sighed, she flicked on the radio softly and had to groan at the song on the radio.

I can't stop loving you)
I've made up my mind
To live in memory of the lonesome times
(I can't stop wanting you)
It's useless to say
So I'll just live my life in dreams of yesterday
(Dreams of yesterday)

She looked at the clock, three a.m. she had time to go home, take a hot shower, get in a good three hours of sleep before she had to get back here to the morgue for her seven a.m. autopsy. But that seemed less appealing now, like she had no reason to go home. She leaned forward and rubbed her temples methodically, hoping it might rid her of the pounding migraine coming on. She looked out her office window and saw Woody climbing into his car. Suddenly she began to regret her decisions to cut off contact with him. She saw how much weight he had lost in the last six months, she saw the luster had left his eyes… she saw the color in his face had turned a pallid white

(I can't stop loving you)
I've made up my mind
To live in memories of the lonesome times
(I can't stop wanting you)
It's useless to say
So I'll just live my life in dreams of yesterday

She could see them dancing in the Pouge, her father looking on with a look of happiness and grief on his face. She remembered the smell of him so close, the feeling of safety she had when she leaned her head on his shoulder, her breath hot against the nape of his neck She shook her head as his taillights disappeared around a corner. It was her mistake, she had stood by and watched him slip away, acting no more than a concerned friend after she refused his ring. Maybe if she had taken it she would have been with him now, watching a movie or eating down at the greasy little diner they both loved. But now those all seemed a distant memory she only wanted to forget, and at the same time she couldn't bare the thought of loosing.

(Those happy hours)
Those happy hours
(That we once knew)
That we once knew
(Tho' long ago)
Tho' long ago
(Still make me blue)
Still ma-a-a-ake me blue

She told herself no one could love her, but that had been a lie, she knew he loved her. She wasn't quite sure how, just that when he walked into her office, his eyes lit up like a firecracker. And the way he talked about her when he thought she wasn't listening was almost nauseating. She couldn't help but smile though, when she thought of him, and it was happening more and more now. She would find herself with a wide grin and a warm feeling in her belly when she saw that picture on her desk, or find three call slips from him when she went out for lunch with Nigel and Bug… the little notes attached would say silly things like "If they call Tuna Fish, Tuna fish then why don't they call meat, meat mammel?" she'd smile and stuff them into her pocket, and that smile wouldn't leave her face for the rest of the afternoon.

(They say that time)
They say that time
(Heals a broken heart)
Heals a broken heart
(But time has stood still)
Time has stood still
(Since we've been apart)
Since we've been apart

Now she couldn't even look at him without seeing betrayal and fear of rejection, a deep fear that had run through her thoughts since she was ten. She saw the look on his face in the hospital when he told her to get out. The mistakes had piled on top of her and made her see that she love him, something that she couldn't face, not just yet, she couldn't come back to that wedge in her heart where he had worked himself in and she couldn't dislodge him no matter how hard she tried, to pry him from her heart would be like trying to pry a crocodiles jaws open, dangerous and difficult. And all that she could do was wait for either the feelings to pass, or live with them locked deep within, like so many secrets she had held inside for so long. It was all a part of Jordan Cavanaugh.

(I can't stop loving you)
I've made up my mind
To live in memories of the lonesome times
(I can't stop wanting you)
It's useless to say
So I'll just live my life in dreams of yesterday