Disclaimer: I don't own TOS
CopyCatShinobi: Good ways are the best ways. I get tongue tied…or word-tied in this case a lot, then I have to go into long details of what I'm trying to say but I don't mind if it takes a while. The best fools are good fools…iye…I've got to stop that.
Mxgrl: cliffy's keep people interested :)
Suzu Fujibayashi: all will be revealed…just scroll down :P
Hazumi Yoi: lol, it's okay, we'll just forget that. Yeah she said something stupid alright
Drifting Sorrow: all done!
blooangel: thanks! I think I've got me inspiration back…for now.
FemaleLink: thank you.
honeydew-slush: I know…some come back
Eliannora: relate?...i hope that's not a terribly bad thing.
SoulTaken : and it's updated!
hellokitty888: she should really get a thwack on the head for that…oh yeah…but Zelos isn't really the type to do that. Too bad :)
StrawberryEggs: you'll find out the whole Hanna story now, interesting…hmmm…about "on bended knee" don't know when I'll update that, but it is coming…I just have to start sometime soon…
Krogstad: you're right…but, in writing its somehow different…I draw a lot, and I do that just because I feel like it but in writing…especially when people review, it's better to know that what you're doing is for a reason…right? I don't really know how to say it, I hope you can understand my confusing point of view, but I'll keep what you said in mind.
lugiamania: that's right!
A bond that cannot break
It was eerily quiet, the harsh night wind blowing coldly at my half frozen face. My lips were pressed firmly into a thin line and my breath caught in my throat. How could I have been so stupid? I continued to stare at Zelos, stiff in my position, almost too afraid to move. Once again, how could I have been so thoughtless? Come to think of it I don't think I've moved an inch since I spoke those dreaded two words. Couldn't I ever keep my mouth shut for once? I silently begged Zelos to say something, not look at me but just say something-anything. If he did turn to me I might say something to only make the situation worse.
I kept my eyes firmly on the side view of his face; he was leaning with his back to the balcony railing. His black collared shirt was sleeveless so that I could see how tense the muscles on his arms were. His legs were stretched out in front of him but stiff and his eyes were glazed over in thought. To my great relief they didn't seem angry…but then again, they never did. It was always the same expressionless sight when I looked upon those brilliant eyes of blue. I won't deny it and it's not because I'm scared to death of being murdered on the sight, but I always did think Zelos had very pretty eyes. Maybe someday I'll tell him that…maybe right now, to lighten the mood…no too risky. Just keeping my mouth shut was good enough for now.
After terrifying myself silly with minutes that seemed to drag on for eternity I become conscious that Zelos wasn't going to say anything. He probably didn't want to look at me anymore…that thought saddened me, I was all alone in this house…the only person I knew well was Zelos and if he hated me and Mizuho hated me…how would I cope with all that stress? It was too much of a burden to bear. I had to say something…but what?
My mind raced with possible conversation topics but all of them were left hanging in mid-sentence. They all seemed pointless, no matter what I said it wouldn't change the fact that I had let something terrible slip. Zelos would know for sure that I had been snooping through his stuff. For once in my life, with matters concerning Zelos I realized that I truly cared…whether it was out fear of losing an old comrade or something much, much more, I cared deeply and I knew I had to do something to make it right again…even if it never will be.
I opened my mouth to speak, "Ze--"
"How did you know?"
There was a lump in my throat, I understood now that Zelos was trying to calm his voice all that while he wasn't speaking because it still had a hint of bewilderment.
Without waiting for me to answer, his eyes still fixed firmly on the marble tiles he repeated a little more audibly this time, "How did you know? About…her?"
I had two options; tell Zelos I was browsing through his stuff after stealing a key and breaking into a private locked room, or say that Sebastian told me about it. I was strongly leaning on the last choice, so strongly that if it took physical form it would have toppled over with my weight.
Then I had to consider the consequences of each, which were equally devastating.
If I told Zelos I'd been rummaging through his stuff he would lose all trust in me, our friendship would be shattered and I'd feel so terrible I'd have to live of the streets begging for money or worse bunk with one of the people in the slums. But if I blamed it all on Sebastian he would certainly lose his job…one which he's had for decades. I could never deal with that type of guilt…it would be a bit too overwhelming…but I couldn't tell Zelos I was sticking my nose where it didn't belong either. I know for sure I wouldn't react positively to a situation like this if I were in his place. Zelos has one too many bad marks against me and another one, especially of this magnitude would surely cause me to fly of the handle.
"…well?" Zelos asked again in a cold, hollow voice.
I guess I was taking too long to answer…there was no easy way to say this, "Zelos I'm…I'm really sorry. But I don't know how to say this…in a way you won't hate me for it…" my voice was barely a whisper, it was weak and frightened…was this really me?
"Go ahead." He said so calmly it made me shake.
I turned my back against him very slowly before starting up again, "A letter."
I heard some shuffling behind me before a sudden, slightly shocked "What?"
"..a letter…" I repeated at snails pace, "I found her letters."
"Oh." Came the brief answer, "Where?"
"In the room." I think my voice squeaked just about then.
"…room?...what—the study room?" Zelos mumbled the next part under his breath, "I could have sworn I had it locked…"
I held my breath so sharply that my chest seemed to inflate for a second, I would keep my yapper shut at all costs…Zelos can continue thinking the room wasn't locked, I wouldn't say a word about it.
After a few agonizing moments Zelos let out a ragged sigh, "…I didn't lose her…"
"Huh?" I turned back to face him, he had his hands on the stone railing and he was looking somewhere into the thick mass of trees ahead of us.
"I didn't lose her…." He responded a bit thickly.
I rubbed my arm, I could feel the goose bumps on it already, "But…you aren't with her now…right?" I asked timidly just to make sure.
His grip on the railing tightened till his knuckles turned white but his face remained placid, "Sheena…you can't lose something you never had."
"What do you mean?" I shook my head in confusion, "I thought you liked her. Sebastian sa--" I stopped myself abruptly, hoping he didn't notice my second slip-up of the day.
Zelos smiled…a half a curve at the corners of his lips, "I see, what exactly did good old Sebby say?"
I clenched my fists to stop them from shaking, "Nothing. I can't say …It doesn't feel right. If you're going to hate someone it might as well be me…one more person won't matter anyways…" I trailed of drearily thinking of all those I left behind.
Zelos shifted so only his face was turned to me, "I'll follow you up on that last one later but I never said anything about hating you. In fact you can go ahead and tell me what Sebastian said, it's not like I told him to be all hush-hush about it."
The iciness of his tone had grown thin enough for me to manage a quick glance at him before saying, "He really didn't say much…just that you really liked…" I had trouble getting the word out, "…liked Hanna, but after a while you wouldn't talk about her anymore. I tried to get it out from Sebastian but he just wouldn't tell me." I stared Zelos straight in the eyes, he was looking right at me, "He's a good butler you know."
He grinned, "I know. And what he told you is correct except it's missing one tiny detail…"
I pushed back my hair, relieved that he wasn't mad anymore, "What's that?...if you don't mind me asking."
"The feeling wasn't mutual...not for very long anyways." He waved his hand casually, "You see I never really told Sebastian the nitty gritty of it all. I may have liked her, and don't get me wrong she was crazy for me but it soon fizzled out. It's a lot harder to maintain long distance relationships than it seems."
Not having anything else to say I murmured, "I see."
Zelos went on, nodding first at what I said, "I—we never discussed it, but she knew…and I knew that our relationship wasn't going to last much longer. We remained close and I did try to make it work again without looking desperate…but she had moved on."
"Oh…" I felt stupid interjecting various noises, but what else was I supposed to do when he paused so suddenly?
"Then she sent the one letter that confirmed it. She said she was coming to spend the summer with me and that she had something she wanted to tell me." Zelos stopped again at looked at me to make sure I was paying attention and he wouldn't have to repeat it later.
I most certainly was, "What happened then?" it was almost like watching a thriller unfold in one of those Katz theaters.
"She came here...to this house" he explained, "And I knew she had moved on."
I had now taken to leaning on the railing also, "How could you have known?"
"She told me." he said bluntly.
"Just like that?" I found it hard to believe anyone could be so tactless, "She stopped by on her summer just to tell you she moved on?" I realized my voice had gone up a couple levels but I couldn't help it, "How could she have done something like that?"
"Sheena…" Zelos sighed and ruffled his hair, "You forget we were only friends at that time"
"..But still…" I trailed off before continuing again, "So…how'd she tell you?"
Zelos neatly folded his arms over the railing, "Well…she came over and told me she had something to say…I asked and she showed me…she showed me…"
I didn't want to push him, whatever this Hanna person showed him it must have been big since he's barely able to say it.
He shook his head, probably to clear his mind before starting, "She showed me her hand…and on it was one hell of a rock."
I blinked a few too many times, "What?"
He turned to me and gave me half a smile, "A ring Sheena."
I grinned sheepishly, I guess I really can be dense sometimes, "oh…of course."
"That's how I knew…" Zelos pushed away from the railing and the next minute his hand was on the small of my back, pushing me forward, "It's cold out here, we shouldn't upset Sebastian. Dinner was served a long time ago."
I stood firmly on the ground so I wouldn't move any further, "What happened after?"
"Nothing much." He moved in front of me and held open the glass door, "Come on, you're going to get sick."
"Nothing much?" I echoed in disbelief, "But you still loved her…why didn't you tell her?"
He let go of the door handle and it closed with a soft click, "Sheena…" the way he said my name was barely in a whisper that caused little shivers to run up my stiff spine, "What good would it have done?"
"She would have known at least." I noticed just how loud my voice was compared to his whispery tone.
"And done what?" he questioned without actually wanting an answer, "She was going to get married to some guy named Wilfred in a week from when she'd told me, what would she have done?"
"S-she…" the answer that came out had not an ounce of logical thinking to it, "S-she would have left him!"
He sighed rather hotly, "No she wouldn't have. She loved him, she told me herself and I know she meant it." still he struggled to keep his composed demeanor even though he was far from it, "What we had was a one time thing—a summer love, short-lasting and meaningless—that's it."
"After you'd broken up or reached an agreement…if you still had feelings for her why didn't you tell her?" I questioned loudly.
"Listen!" he voice was shrill but amazingly controlled, "I'd like to continue thinking that I did the right thing in keeping my mouth shut. I have enough regrets in my life right now; I certainly don't need another one."
I was momentarily silenced, and when I did speak again, I turned my face slightly to the side and mumbled, "Don't you ever think it could have been different?...just think…you could have been married by now…"
I couldn't see his face but when Zelos spoke I knew he was no longer angry for his sarcastic voice cleared it all up, "Oh, wouldn't you like that? One less burden on you, huh?"
"No…" I looked up and gave him a smile that used to be reserved for late night stories with Orochi when we used to gather around the bonfire during our childhood, "…I think, I like you better as you are now…"
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Okay…so it took a little longer for me to update than I thought but I had parts of it done at a time but all my assignments and projects got in the way so I couldn't update when I wanted to.
Anyways, has this new "reply" thing where you send a review reply straight to the user…I'm not sure how you know you've been answered or not but would you prefer that I review like that or continue writing reply's as I've always done it?
I'll take it as a pole! Or a survey…sort of…
Don't forget to review
