Jordan looked into her mirror and sighed, it seemed like so long ago... the fear she felt rise up in her throat... the sound of a gunshot rang in her mind when she was deep in a crevece of sleep and couldn't control it... the look on his face when he told her to get out of his hospital room, the iciness in his voice... the bitterness. She didn't think about him that much anymore, or so she told herself. she would go through her days in a quiet haze, autopsy after autopsy... day after day. A little bit at a time... but today it was different, something was different in his eyes, some silent absoultion for what could have never become of them. She looked in the mirror, foggy with steam... she exsamined the dark, rich circles that plauged her eyes and how her ribs jutted out harshly against her olive skin. She had become so thin and distant... not sleeping for days, only eating when someone was watching... her nights were spent eating take out on the couch or walking the Boston street and night... She didn't want to lie to Woody but she couldn't help it J.D. had left for New York, he got a job with the tribune and had left without another word... she didn't want him to know that this man that she had stumbled into bed with had left without so much as a phone call... it was a part of her life that she had gotten used too... the leaving part... it hurt so much more than the trusting part.

She sighed and climbed into her pajama's, her eyes dark with tiredness and a quiet rage she kept deep inside of her. She climbed into the covers and turned on the TV and flicked through the channels at a mile a minute after a while she turned it off... nothing new or happy on so she turned off the light and sighed with a great drowsiness she could feel licking her bones and heavying her eyes. she looked down at her nightstand, the picture of her and Woody sat next to a picture of her mother... she wished she could go back in time to that ten year old... so innocent and sweet, right before that hand reached out and grabbed her, drug her down to this dark place where she's lived her entire life. a darkness that never seemed to end... then when she finally stood up... saw the gray fading to dawn... she pulled back, the light was unfamilar... and scary, she was still that little girl inside... all she wanted was her mom to come back, even for a moment and tell her it would all be okay... but that voice never came, so she closed her eyes and willed sleep to come, shutting the lights out completely.

The morning was bright and sunny, the rain being sopped up by the light and sun... it was surely the most beautiful day of the year. Jordan awoke with sunlight playing on her face like water. she groaned and leaned over to see a bright neon 9:00 staring back at her "Shit!" she shriek before realizing it was saturday... her day off... her most dreaded day of the week. She stumbled out of bed and started the coffeepot.

It was just another day to get through... just one more day.

an hour later she was showered, dressed and ready to go out into the world... but she had no where to go... she let out a sigh and set herself heavily on the futon. Her face done up and her boots on. She put her face in her hands but didn't cry... just relived the silence throughout her house.

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Woody looked at his hands, rough and calloused with time and work. He held a glass of water to his lips and winced as the pill slid down his gullet... he had been on Prozac for years... he spoke of it with no one except his brother and they didn't even speak anymore so it didn't really matter. he fingered his scar absentmindedly as he thought. he stretched and fell back onto the sofa... it was awhile since he had taken a sweeping look at his apartment... barren and cold, so far from what he was used to... there wasn't a picture on the wall, there wasn't a speck of dust, not a familar thing.

he leaned back and closed his eyes letting the sun immerse him in buttery sunlight. It was warm on his bare chest and face. For a moment he allowed his thoughts to wander and suddenly he was thinking of her, the look of fright and embarrassment would be forever locked on her face in his mind... Emma, Emma Grace Collins... he couldn't shake her out of his memory. her soft, dark hair and white skin like milk... the way her eyes held a lingering sadness and a bitterness at the world, yet they also held a tireless curiousity and a hunger for life he could see it right below that heartache... she was still a little girl. Suddenly her face shifted and there was Jordan, standing where that girl once stood... a smile faint on her lips... holding out her hands and leaning backwards , tumbling towards that black water, that dark merciless water.

"Jordan!" he hadn't known he had fallen asleep, but then again who does know when they fall asleep. He had drifted into a coma and awoken in his apartment safe and sound. "Jordan..." he whispered once more, hope held him paralyzed, maybe then she would come, if he willed her too, she would be there with him for a moment...

Stupid, Stupid Woody... he had tried that before... the whole night before he had spent staring at her window... as she turned on her TV, turned it off again... drifted to sleep until the light of the morning seeped through the black of the day he had held a silent vigil out front of her apartment... staring up at her and her world, a place he had no longer had a place... Santana was wrong, it didn't matter if he apologized a millon times and gave her the world... they could never go back to what they were before. It was water under the bridge... the light had gone out long ago on what could have been. it was over now and it was his fault, she had meant every word she had whispered in his ear... he just couldn't see through the fog of his pride.

They were all leaving, slowly, there was talk of Bug transferring, of Nigel going back to England. Lily was talking about going to New York... they all moved about in a quiet sadness, they were all moving on... no one wanted to admit it but they were dissolving, their family was seperating and moving like oil and water.

"Great." he whispered to himself as he got up and took a beer from his fridge... it was going to be a long day.,

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Jordan walked along in the sunlight of the morning. she walked along taking in the beauty of the park, her eyes scanning the greeen trees and the birds in the clear sky. The skyscrapers and the rollerbladers. She loved to come to this park when she was younger.. to watch the old ladies feed the birds as their husbands played chess and laughed at whatever witty thing the sportscaster had said on the radio... it seemed to be a simpler time in a different world... that world had been gone for a long time, no one wanted to admt it though. She found herself skipping, of all things, skipping, like a little girl. She twirled once and held out her arms, she lifted her face to the sky and watched the leaves tumble towards the ground all around her. People around her stopped and stared, some smiled with sincerity a few snorted with distain but most grinned and walked on, leaving her behind in her momentairy glee... to bask in the warm autumn sun and the colors dribbling all around her, mixing together and blending in front of her... she loved it all, the warmth on her face and the tiredness disappeared for a moment. She stopped and waited while her head leveled out. Suddenly she realized where she was... the front of Woody's building. She swallowed and looked down... should she?

Before she could stop herself she was sitting indian style on the ground out front of his apartment. He opened the door with anger at the intrusion. when he saw who it was sitting indian style on the ground in front of his apartment with a innocent and childlike expression on her face he softened. "Jo, what are you doing here?" he asked with trepiditon at the girlish smile on her face.

"Sittin'" she said with a little giggle "wanna sit with me." she said a little softer.

'Sittin'" he repeated catiously "Jordan are you high, you never just sit."

Her expression of happiness faded "Well maybe that's my problem, I never just sit anymore... why don't you just sit next to me for a while."

"Did you hit your head?"

"You know what Never mind." she said with a huff and got up, she began to walk away with a annoyed look on her face.

"Jordan wait." he said, almost a whisper. "I didn't mean it like that, its just this isn't like you, I thought you hated me... I know in the past six months I have."

"I have a right to hate you don't I?" she asked standing in the silence, the vaccum of regret seemed like a caynon between them.

"I think you do..." woody began, his eyes falling to the floor. "I have problems Jo, and while I know that is no excuse... I can't help but wonder that If you know that I'm getting help. Maybe we can take it a day at a time you know... become friends again." He caught himself quickly. "I know it would take a while... but I am willing to make the effort."

She stood there for the longest time, letting his voice sink into every pore, every muscle, every thought. "I have to think about it... but maybe until then we could get something to eat... maybe a little chili cheeseburger?"

He smiled wide "Sounds great, let me get my jacket." he said, and with that they were gone... walking down the street... disappearing in the crowd of faceless people on the street... two friends who were strangers at the same time.