Disclaimer: still not mine.

A/N: I'm sorry this chapter took so long, unlike the last one, this one didn't really wanna write itself. I actually have two different endings I'm contemplating and they're making it hard to do this properly. It's your reviews that got this chapter up at all, give yourself a pat on the back from me! ;)

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To go or not to go?

I've been trying to make up my mind for 10 solid minutes. I know this because I keep looking at the watch to make sure it's not too late, even though I know for a fact that she's asleep. She did say she wished I was there. Granted, she didn't know I was still at my apartment and that there was a possibility of her wish coming true, but the sentiment was an honest one! You always say the truth when you're tired or drunk!

That's it, I'm going.

I'm just going to check that she's okay, I reason. After all that was a very weird phone conversation we had, I just want to make sure everything's alright. Precisely, just a concerned friend. Yep, a concerned friend with a key to her apartment. I might not even go in! Maybe I'll just drive by and see if her lights are on...

Grabbing my jacket, wallet and keys, I'm out the door.

Arriving at her place, I notice there are no lights, but as a concerned friend decide to check on her personally.

As I turn the keys in the door my mind suddenly wakes up. What would you say if she's awake? What if the door wakes her up? Idiot! But I can't turn back now, the door's already open. I close it as quietly as I can and take a moment so my eyes adjust to the darkness.

I walk quietly to her bedroom and stop at the doorstep. The sight literally takes my breath away. She's lying facing me, her face snuggled into her pillow with her hands under it.

Entranced, I walk into the room and stand by her bed. So many things are running around my head.

She's beautiful. I shouldn't be here. This is wrong. This is so right! I need to kiss her. I want to see her smile. I want to make her smile. Then a few R rated thought on how I could make her smile.

I notice my breathing has slowed to match hers. Kneeling down before her bed I stare at her face, focusing on her closed eyes. I'm a bit torn between anxiety at the thought that my intense stare and presence would wake her and between hoping that she would wake. In the dark it's hard to make out the details of her face, I bet my mind's filling the blanks for me.

Did her eyes just open? My heart jumps into my throat and my stomach's suddenly light. "Mac?" I whisper.

No response. Guess my eyes are deceiving me.

I spend another long moment just staring at her. Courage or stupidity, or a little bit of both, allow me to brush a strand of hair from her face and gently kiss her temple.

"Sweet dreams, baby." She mumbles something unintelligible and inhales deeply in sleep. I smile and pull back a bit. Getting up slowly I give her one last look before getting out of her room. There's this ache inside of me, almost strong enough to make me march back to her room and kiss her awake. But I can't. I know she won't kick me out. Judging from her recent behavior, she'd probably pull me into her bed, but I know I can't. She needs this sleep desperately, and I need to take this slow. I'll be damned if I let this get screwed up somehow.

Feeling like I'm walking against a strong wind, I exit her place, quietly locking up behind me.

As I walk to my car and drive home a mini war has been staged once again in my head. I know this war already. I also know how it ends. I will wake up tomorrow, probably after a night full with dreams of her, and drive to the Rabb farm, where I will spend a relaxing weekend with my grandma. I will come back to work on Monday refreshed and once again ready to deal with the banter, the smiles and the professionalism without my control failing and with a grin firmly in place. And try to forget this week ever happened.

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She woke up peacefully. Her eyes opened slowly and focused immediately. Closing them again she stretched as a smile spread. It has been so long since she slept this well. She'd forgotten how good it felt to wake up without an alarm clock, internal or otherwise and just lie in bed completely awake and not a bit anxious.

Oh shit! Noooooo, oh please god. Oh no... Let it have been a dream. A really freaky, weird, unexplainable, unmentionable dream.

That's it, I'm getting help. In the form of a very detailed psychology book, at the very least. What the hell was I thinking! What is he thinking...? Oh boy... Okay. Get up, shower, eat, think clearly then perform damage control.

About an hour later, cross legged on the couch, she sat staring at the phone.

Suck it up, Marine.

"Rabb."

"Hey flyboy, how's the fresh air?"

"Hey Mac! Oh it's great, it's been too long. Grandma says hi."

"Hi back. Just wanted to make sure you got there in one piece."

"Yeah, the drive was fine, thanx. Planning anything special for the weekend?"

"Nah, just the usual."

"Okay, jarhead, just don't wear yourself out, we have the Flannery case this week. I wouldn't want you to lose just because you were too tired..."

"Ha! We'll see who gets the last laugh, squid!"

His laughter carried clearly over the line.

"Bye, Mac. See you on Monday?"

"Yep. Bye, Harm."

The click of his ending the call, locked down the swell of disappointment.

Oh thank god, they were ignoring it. She should really start a list of the things they were ignoring or she just might start forgetting. Then again, that isn't likely.

Suddenly tired again, she lay back and stared at the ceiling. Letting out a long sigh, her eyes closed over the blurry wetness that decided to hinder her sight.

Damn the mess of it all.

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TBC