This chapter is dedicated to: sToLeKyOspAnTs
May your genius ideas never waver! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto, and never will…it belongs to…-sigh- Masashi-san…
Party time:
Sasuke and Kakashi were sitting in a small café/bar. It wasn't very late in Konoha; only about 8:00 p.m. They had just got an earful and a few bruises from Tsunade. The Hokage seemed to think they were the ones stealing Sakura's bras! Sasuke, who would never in a million years go near the Kunoichi's room with a 10 foot stick; out of fear she might try to kidnap him and…uh…(use your imagination). Sasuke felt bewildered about this accusation. Surely everyone would of realized now that the Uchiha prodigy was far to busy wallowing in angst to even think about touching a girls bra. Kakashi was a little more understandable, but the girl was his student and that was just so…wrong. Besides Kakashi was strictly a panties kind of guy! (That ones for you Shadow-sensei!) Sasuke, being too young to drink, was absentmindedly spinning on the barstool. Kakashi had his face in his Icha Icha paradise book. They were both silent as they tried to understand why 3 jounin on night time patrol would see both Kakashi and Sasuke fly out of Sakura's window. Apparently they landed on Naruto before fleeing. This couldn't be right, because the teacher and pupil had both been preoccupied with other things that night.
Sasuke Flashback:
Sasuke was lying on his stomach on his bed. He looked around and when he was satisfied no one was around he began to dig under his bed. He grinned when he found what he was looking for. He pulled out a very beaten, very ugly stuffed bunny.
Sasuke: "Guess what happened today Mr. Fluffily!" –Sasuke started to converse with the worn bunny- "I swore to kill Itachi…AGAIN! Isn't it great? The more I swear to kill him…the better I feel…well besides talking to you! After I talk to you I always feel better!" -Sasuke then cuddles the bunny and begins to stroke its head as he mutters something about revenge and rainbows-
Kakashi Flashback:
Kakashi was in his bed room. He was pacing around just thinking about stuff. He suddenly passes his mirror and he is suddenly startled. He doubles back and sits in front of it.
Kakashi: "Why is it so difficult…I try so hard to teach you! Have I not been a good person? Did I do something so terrible that something like this could happen? What did I do wrong…why won't you tell me what I did wrong? DAMN IT UKKI-KUN TELL ME!" –Kakashi picks up his dead plant and shakes it, some dead leaves break off and fluttered on the surface- "I fed you! I watered you! HOW COULD YOU DIE ON ME! WHY DOES EVERYTHING I LOVE DIE?" –Kakashi cries pitifully as he slams Ukki-kuns limp body back down on the dresser-(1)
End flashbacks
Sasuke: "So…sensei?"
Kakashi: -looks up from his book- "Hm?"
Sasuke: "Did you do it…cause I didn't."
Kakashi: "No…I may act like that, but I would never steal my own student's bras."
Meanwhile:
In a small forest clearing just outside of Konoha,
Kisame: "Okay…you want to infiltrate Konoha? AGAIN!" –painting his nails not really looking at Itachi-
Itachi: "This time our plan cannot fail…I've devised such a plan…that no one will know who we are!"
Kisame: -looks to Itachi in doubt- "But we tried that last time…and well…"
Itachi: -Turns to Kisame- "Well if mister I-like-wearing-bras- didn't go and mess up everything with his I-grabbed-the-wrong-address-and-I-set-off-a-trap-that-happened-to-be-in-a-bra-which-I-shouldn't-have-touched-in-the-first-place-cause-I-am-a-stupid-ditz We would've had the Kyuubi by now and we could be living in luxury with the power obtained!"
Kisame: "I'm just saying…every plan we've done so far has ended up…bad!"
Itachi: "Well then we aren't trying hard enough then are we? Now suck it up! This plan will not fail!" –shakes fist dramatically-
Kisame: -sweat drop- "'Kay whatever…" –continues painting his nails-
Back in the café/bar:
Naruto shows up with Jiraiya a few minutes later.
Naruto: "Oi Sasuke-teme! I didn't think you'd be the one stealing Sakura-chan's bras!" Naruto says loudly punching Sasuke's shoulder.
Sasuke was about to strangle Naruto when Jiraiya intervenes.
Jiraiya: "Reminds me of myself as a kid…" –Jiraiya rubs his chin and closes his eyes as he smirks at the memories- "But I never got caught!" – He looks to Sasuke grinning.-
Sasuke: -eye is twitching- "I…DIDN'T…DO…IT!" –he says slowly clenching his teeth-
Jiraiya: -winks- "Of COURSE you didn't…" –hands Sasuke something-
Sasuke looks at the object in his hand and his face turns disgusted.
Sasuke: "You're fucking disgusting old man!" –Sasuke snaps throwing the object back at Jiraiya-
Jiraiya: "What? I'm promoting safe sex!" –he says seriously holding up a condom- "Unless you want to revive your clan with her…" –Jiraiya suddenly gets a smooth smirk as Sasuke turns red-
Naruto: -gasps- "WHAT? ERO-SENNIN! DON'T GIVE HIM IDEAS!"
Jiraiya: -waves Naruto away- "Ah relax kid. GO do something useful like get me a drink."
Naruto: "I'm not old enough to buy your alcohol!"
Jiraiya: -frustrated sigh- "Fine…GOD!" –he says (kind of like Napoleon dynamite)(2)-
Naruto sulks, but turns and sees Hinata sitting at a table a few feet away.
Naruto: "I'm going to go say hi to Hinata-chan. See you Teme, Sensei!" –bounds over to Hinata, who almost passed out in shock of Naruto coming over to talk to her-
Sasuke: -sulks- "Why didn't they bother you?" –Asks jealously and turns to sensei before getting a giant sweat drop-
Kakashi was passed out with a large sake bottle in front of him. He snored lightly and Sasuke could see some drool forming a dark puddle on his mask. Kakashi had started to talk gibberish in his sleep so Sasuke just ignored him and glared down at a crack in the table.
Suddenly the door opens and two women come in. One was wearing a skimpy shirt and a pair of short shorts. She had long black hair in a pony tail and strangely enough sharingan eyes (Can you guess?). She seemed to be having trouble walking, because of her 5 inch high heeled shoe. Another woman came in behind her wearing equally skimpy clothes, but her skin was tinged blue and she had strange gills under her eyes. She had short hair and dark blue lips. Sasuke ignores them and tries to plot revenge against Itachi…wait…
Sasuke looked around. His Itachi radar was going off! Unfortunately all he saw in the bar were the backs of the two women who just walked in, Naruto and Hinata watching a strangely familiar woman performing on the stage, and Jiraiya sipping sake at he bar. He shrugged it off.
Sasuke: "My radar must be broken…or those two whores are Itachi and his ugly shark friend using a henge to try and get Naruto…nah!" –Sasuke shakes his head at the ridiculous idea and continues to glare at the crack in the table- "Damn crack…oh you know I'm talking to you…I'll fix you…yeah that's right just sit there and take it…wussy!" (O.o…uhm…moving on…)
With the two strange girls:
Kisame: "Itachi this isn't working! Your brother was looking at us!" –Kisame whispers frantically trying to keep up with his companion-
Itachi: "Shut up!" –He hisses back trying to adjust his bra, but not succeeding- "Damn it give me a hand with this!"
Kisame: "Sure…wait a minute!" –Realizes what he was doing-
Itachi: "Quit being such a baby! Now look for the Kyuubi!"
Jiraiya: "Well what lovely young ladies we have here!"
Both Itachi and Kisame turn and see a slightly drunk Jiraiya smiling at them.
Itachi: -whispering frantically- "Play along and distract him…I'll get the Kyuubi!" –Shuffles away leaving a sceptical and slightly scared Kisame-
With Jiraiya and Kisame:
Kisame: "well…uh…you're a very…withered…I mean uh…handsome YOUNG man…"
Jiraiya: -bursts out laughing- "I'm not just handsome! I'm also a famous writer! You know what? You could really help me with some…inspiration…would you like to help me out?"
Kisame: -not so frightened anymore of the perverted (but he doesn't know that) Sannin- "Sure!" –Follows Jiraiya out of the bar-
Meanwhile:
Itachi: "Darn, there are too many witnesses around." –looks around at Sasuke, Kakashi, Hinata and the performer (who looked so damn familiar no one could quite figure it out)- "The Hyuuga heir seems to have trouble breathing…and her face is turning red…she should take some cough medicine…anyway how to obtain the Kyuubi…"
There was a sudden crash and Itachi turned to the door where he saw a horror stricken Kisame.
Kisame's demeanour suddenly turned to rage.
Kisame: "DAMN IT ITACHI DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT OLD FART JUST TRIED TO DO?"
Kisame screams in rage and stomps over to Itachi who had a large sweat drop and glanced around at everyone who was now looking at them.
Itachi: -In a high pitched, obviously not, girly voice- "What are you talking about Kisa…na…Yeah! Kisana what are you talking about? You know very well my name is Ita…cha…chi…yeah…Itachachi is my name and Itachachi is what I was called…at birth…yes…" –Sweat drops and glares at Kisame as he watches everyone eye him suspiciously-
Sasuke just returns from the bathroom and sees everyone looking at the two disgruntled woman. Not wanting to feel left out, he also sends them a glare as he walks back to his seat.
Kisame: -in his own girly voice, which was surprisingly more girly then Itachi's, which Itachi believed to be impossible because he thinks himself to be more feminine then Kisame and…uh…let's just get to the point…I think you understand anyway…- "That perverted old man was being…PERVERTED!" –tries to keep his temper down, especially since Itachi was glaring at him like he used to glare at the old alarm clock he had…which, by the way, was…how should we put this…damaged beyond repair!-
Jiraiya: "Hey where'd you go? I thought you were going to help me get inspired?"
–Walks in to the bar with crossed arms and a pout-
Kisame screams like a little girl and runs towards the stage. He jumps on it and knocks the performer over as he runs through the backstage door and escapes. The performer quickly picked herself up and retied her headband around her forehead, rather quickly I might add, before squeaking for everyone to have a good night and running off the, stage tripping over her high heels.
Naruto: "Come on Hinata…let's go, this place is weird…" –grabs Hinata's hand and leads the now hyperventilating girl out of the bar-
Itachi's eye twitches as he watches the Kyuubi vessel leave. He was about to follow when his way to the door was blocked.
Jiraiya: "How about you help me with my research its simple all you have to do is…" –he leans in and whispers something in to Itachi's ear-
Itachi screams equally as girly as Kisame and escapes the same way. When he got outside he tried to catch his breath while thinking.
"I will never look at a toaster the same way again…"
Back in the bar
Sasuke decided he had had enough and decided to go home.
Sasuke: "Kakashi-sensei?" –Pokes him-
Kakashi: "UKKI-KUN!" –Screams and wakes up- "I'll put you out of your misery…My poor dear friend…!" –Clearly drunk he makes hand seals…- "KATON GOUKAKYUU NO JUTSUS!" –Lights the bar on fire-
Sasuke: "Shit…" –watches the fire spread rapidly through the bar-
The Hokage was definitely going to be angry about this…again…
Else where
A young woman burst in to a room and closed the door at top speed. She sighed as she leaned on the door and rubbed her temples.
Girl: "That was too close…how come Hinata-sama was there anyway?"
The girl removes her uncomfortable outfit and dresses in to her pyjamas. There was a sudden knock at the door as the girl wipes her make up off.
Voice: "Neji? Is everything okay?"
"Yes mother. I'm fine…"
End (for now)
1) Ukki-kun: This Is Masashi-san's dead plant.
2) Napoleon Dynamite: One of the best movies ever, you have to watch it a couple of times before you understand the humour. (I only had to watch it once and I was pissing my pants laughing!) Good movie!
If you guys don't understand that last little section of the fic then read this:
Go read Chapter 3 again.
To those who wish to kill me for making Neji act…er…strangely:
I never really intended to make Neji act like this…but I guess that's what happens when you're a Humour (heh sorry for the Canadian spelling…I'm obviously from Canada) author and the randomness attacks! I just want to tell you guys now I'm not trying to bash Neji in anyway. He's one of my favourite characters; it's all in good fun. Like I wrote before, a lot of the characters in this fic are going to have…awkward…things happen to them.
Anywho there is chapter 5. You all know what to do! If you have an idea you'd like me to write send it to me and I'll work it in. Don't be shy!