Disclaimer: No, I don't own Gilmore Girls or the characters. I'm just borrowing them for my own delusions.
Author's Ramblings: I wasn't supposed to post this for another week, but it's done early and I'm impatient, so here we are. The summer has brought me back. Now, I haven't done multi chapters in a while so bare with me. This picks up in 'But I'm a Gilmore' right when Rory tells Logan she wants them to be friends. And this chapter is for germ 'cause she put up with my nitpickiness.
Moving BackwardChapter 01: Benefits & Injuries
"Friendship always benefits; love sometimes injures".
-Luciuc Annaeus Seneca
"I thought I could be different, but I can't. I'm sorry. Maybe we could just go back to being friends again."
The words cut through him like a knife to the throat. It wasn't that he was unfamiliar with these words. He'd used them many times before on female companions who wanted more than Logan Huntzberger was willing to give. They went along with "Its not me; its you." and "We're just not at the same place right now." They were words that stood for a lot more than friendship. They were an ultimatum, one that Logan had never been on the receiving end of before. Play by my rules or I'm leaving because I'm too scared to play by yours. Well, Logan Huntzberger was too scared to play by hers.
He paced the room as if he were in a marathon. "Or maybe we could become boyfriend and girlfriend, right?"
"What?"
"I get it. I get what you're doing."
She bit down on her bottom lip. Hard. Of course she didn't want to be his friend. You don't suddenly become indifferent to the guy you've done everything from jumping off a fifty foot scaffolding to making fun of bad movies with. She wanted to be his girlfriend. But one State Street spotting, two telling voicemails, and several cups of Miss Patty's punch later, it had become painfully clear that he didn't want to be her boyfriend. She said the first thing that came to mind. "I'm not doing anything."
"Rory; come on."
He spit the words out as if they were a demand. A demand of what? He wasn't sure. He just knew he needed her to do something. Anything. Instead, she remained silent. So, he did the only thing he could do - the one thing that never failed him. He erased the space between them, grabbed her by the elbows, and kissed her.
She inhaled as Logan's lips captured hers. His lips were rough, thorough, and uncompromising against hers. On any other day, that kiss would have been enough. Enough to allow her to sink back into denial and into his game. Today was different. She'd just spent last night on her bathroom floor crying over a guy. That was not her, and she wouldn't become that.
Placing her hands firmly on his chest she pushed him off her and backed up against his door. "I mean it Logan; friends."
"I can't be your friend Rory."
The words held more truth than she knew. More than he was ready to admit. He couldn't be her friend simply because he couldn't be around her without claiming her for his own. He didn't want to have to share her with anyone else. Finn's party had proved that much.
"Well, I can't be one of the many."
"That's not fair."
"Neither is what you're doing to me!"
She really hadn't meant to sound so desperate. She hadn't meant to make him the bad guy in all of this. She wasn't pushed into anything. She pushed him. She approached him. He knew this would happen and tried to warn her. Now, she just wished she would have had the common sense to listen or that he had the strength to back off. Instead, everything just became more complicated.
"You knew what you were doing! No one forced you into it!"
"You're forcing me into it now!"
"Then go!"
The words flew out of his mouth before he knew what he was thinking. He knew to regret it though. He saw the pained expression on her face, the sharp intake of breath, and the watering of her eyes. Then, before he could bring himself to stop her, she did exactly what he'd asked.
She left.
When Finn and Colin arrived home from a night of unspeakable activities the last thing they expected to find was Logan home, alone, and drinking. They looked to him expectantly and all became clear after one sentence.
He lifted his head, took another sip of his whiskey, and stated, "She wants to be friends."
They nodded their heads, grabbed another bottle of whiskey and joined him on the couch. Colin spoke first. "What happened?"
"I'm not sure."
"Well, something must have triggered it."
He sighed, rubbing his temples. "I know that Colin. I've been sitting here for ten hours. The thought has crossed my mind."
"Jeez mate…" Finn added. "Don't snap at him. He's just trying to help."
"Well he's not." He turned to Colin, his words slightly slurred. "You're not helping me Colin."
Laughing, Colin smacked Logan on the back. "Sorry about that." He paused. "You know what you need? You need a good night out with a great blonde. Why don't you call Cassandra back?"
"Nah. I think I'm just going to go to bed. Night guys."
They said their goodnights and when Logan was securely in his room Finn spoke.
"I knew this was going to happen."
"It was inevitable."
"She's not that type of girl…Gilmore. She needs more."
"And Logan's to scared to give her that."
"I don't blame him mate; commitment scares the shit out of me. I can't be tied down to one girl. I'd—"
"Yea, but Logan would. He'd be happy."
"You think?"
"Yea…he would have."
Sighing, Finn shook his head. "Well it's too late now. The doll wants to be his friend. Imagine, Huntzberger friends with a female."
"That'll be the day."
Rubbing his hands together Finn began concocting plans. "Well Col-Col, the night is still young, and I can still walk in a straight line. We are not staying in tonight."
"Damn right. Just because Huntz is turning into a kill joy doesn't mean we have to go down with him."
"I refuse to go down!"
"So what do you want to do?""
A moment of silence and a look of pure bliss appeared on Finn's face. "Get the passports, three bottles of whip cream and Logan's wallet. I've got a plan."
"Lead the way Finny!"
She sat through a few classes, but comprehended nothing. Being at Yale wasn't helping how she felt. Everywhere reminded her of him, and she needed to get away. Trying to avoid thinking of him only made her do it more.
She packed her bags, and headed home. She needed to wallow.
"I did it. I ended it." She told her mother a few hours later. Her voice cracked and she collapsed in her mother's arms. "He didn't want to be my friend." She whispered between sobs.
"It's for the best babe."
Lorelai sighed rubbing her daughter's back as they sat in the living room wallowing, over what had been lost. "It may not seem like it now, but it is. Trust me."
Wiping the tears from her eyes, Rory nodded. "I know. I just…he was…it was different with him mom. It felt different."
"Maybe…maybe that's because it was so casual, you know. Maybe that's why it felt more exciting. I'm not saying don't date around, I'm just saying…don't get that involved with someone when there's no future. There's no future with Logan. You'll see. In two months this will be the best decision you ever made."
She nodded her head. What else could she do? She couldn't protest because she had nothing to dispute or any evidence to prove her point. The logistics were in front of her. She made the right choice. She just wished it didn't hurt so much.
"Are you sick?" Paris dropped her pen. She turned to Rory who was currently on the couch, wrapped in five blankets and reading. "Because if you're sick I need to get out the disinfectant. You've been like this for three days straight. Is that why you've been moping?"
"No Paris. I'm not sick."
"Then what's the problem?"
She sighed, wrapping herself further in the blankets. "Logan and I aren't seeing each other anymore."
"Oh, did he--?"
"No it was me; I wasn't comfortable with the situation."
"Oh."
"Yea." She sighed, turning back to her book.
"If you need to talk or anything…you know…"
"Thanks Paris."
A pause.
"You know, Doyle and I still haven't defined our relationship."
"Oh, are you okay that?"
"Well, I don't really have a choice, now do I?"
"You could always ask him."
"Ask him?"
"What he wants. You have a right to know, if you want to."
She fumbled with her shirt for a minute. "Rory?"
"Yes, Paris?"
"Is it worth it, to know?"
Rory closed her eyes and thought for a moment. "I haven't decided yet."
"This is insane. It's insane right?"
Logan looked to Colin and Finn as he paced his room for the hundredth time. They didn't answer and he really didn't expect them too. He'd been repeating those very questions for hours. When you broke up with a girl you were supposed to be free of her. But since their last encounter, all Logan could think about was Rory.
He missed her. He missed not seeing her. Not talking to her. Not kissing her. He missed not feeling her presence, not seeing her everyday. He missed calling her. He'd enjoyed their offbeat banter and eccentric jokes. He couldn't do that with other girls.
Mostly, he just missed her.
"I mean me being her friend? I slept with the girl for god sakes. How am I supposed to be her friend?"
"Do you want an answer for that one?"
"Shut up Finn."
"Right, sorry."
"Look Huntz…" Colin began. "I get that this is a life altering decision, or whatever. But you've been whining for over a week. Just make a decision and stick with it."
Together he and Finn stood up to leave.
"He's right mate." Fin patted him on the back. "Make a decision and when you're back to the Logan we all know and love, come down to the Alligator Lounge. We're meeting Steph and a few of her delectable debutante friends."
Logan watched them leave, and returned to the couch.
Rory Gilmore was having the most wonderful dream about her and Brad Pitt when she heard a tap at her window. Turning over in her bed she closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep. This was taking her Logan hallucinations to a whole new level. She could have sworn she heard a—
There it was again. She pulled herself out of bed and unlocked her window. Looking outside for the intruder she only spotted Logan. Her heart dropped to her stomach as he extended his hand and said one word.
"Friends?"