Disclaimers: We do not own Harry Potter nor do we own Goldilocks.
One day Voldylocks happened upon a little town called Godric's Hollow. Seeing as how it was named after his ex-best friend, he decided to do some exploring. He happened upon a big house. Or was small house? Or was it a just right house? Anyway it was definitely a house. There resided the Three Potters. There was Papa Potter, Mama Potter, and Baby Potter.
Voldylocks did not knock on the locked door. He tried three curses. The first one, Confundus, did not work; the door was confused, but it did not open for Voldylocks. It was too strong. The second one, Point Me, did not work either; it did not affect the door at all. It was too weak. The third one, Alohomora, was just right, and the door swung right open.
Once inside he saw a portrait of the three Potters. Papa Potter was too big. Mama Potter…well, we'll leave that for later. Baby Potter was just right to make a murder out of.
Voldylocks climbed some stairs. When he reached the top, he saw three more doors. And he said, "Oh Crap, more doors!" He walked to the largest door, and said, "Alohomora." It opened. (Hurray for Voldylocks, he learned.) So he walked inside and saw Papa Potter.
"Crucio!" He shouted.
Then he realized that he needed to use his wand, but by that time Papa Potter had woken up and ran into the next room. So Voldylocks followed.
The next door was unlocked so he didn't even have to use a spell. He poked the door and it opened. Inside he found Mama and Papa Potter.
"Imperio!" Mama and Papa Potter were now under the influence of the Imperius Curse. ominous music "Tell me where Baby Potter is!"
"Yes, Voldylocks, whatever you say. He is in the next room. Even though we really didn't really need to tell you that, because even Wormtail could have figured out that Baby Potter is most likely in the next room."
Voldylocks did not like this, so he went back to the Cruciatus Curse. They lay on the floor writhing as Voldylocks proceeded to the next room. As he approached the room he realized that one more scream had joined the other two, and it was coming from inside. ominous music…again
He opened the door. Inside was a bassinet. Inside the bassinet was a baby and the baby was crying at the top of his lungs. Voldylocks was confused; he did not know what to do. The first thing he thought of to make the baby shut up was the Cruciatus Curse. As anyone is likely to know, that didn't quite work.
Next he tried the Imperius Curse. "Imperio! Now SHUT UP!" Unfortunately, this baby was very strong and was able to throw off the Imperius Curse. Voldylocks was about to do the last thing that would make anyone shut up. Before he could do the Killing Curse, Mama and Papa Potter came to the rescue.
"Avada Kedavra!" A green flash of light caused Mama and Papa Potter to go to sleep forever. "Damn, why doesn't anything ever go my way?" The baby, still screaming at the top of his lungs, caught his attention once again, and Voldylocks did what he set out to do in the first place. "Avada Kedavra!"
Miraculously, or in Voldylocks disastrously, the spell rebounded off of Baby Potter and hit Voldylocks' long, flowing tresses. They turned green and Voldylocks' soul was ripped from his body and sent to Albania in the middle of the forest next to a weird turbaned dude. The last spell was just right for Baby Potter to live.
And needless to say, Voldylocks never returned to the house.
THE END!