There was a knock on his door, and Cloud got up to get it. Before he could offer salutations, Vincent walked right past him and went to sit on his couch. It was very late in the evening, and Cloud wondered why Vincent was bothering to visit him at all.
"Cloud, we need to talk."
Cloud walked into his kitchen to heat up his tea kettle. He then walked back into his living room and sat down beside Vincent. "What of?" He placed the box of cookies he had retrieved on the coffee table.
Vincent silently waved a polite decline at them with his claw. "Cloud, I've heard of some... very eccentric things you've done lately. Cloud, this isn't good for you. You should have settled down and started a family by now, like you had promised with Tifa when you two got married."
"Why are you here?" inquired Cloud. "You've never shown an interest in my personal life before. In fact, I don't remember the last time you've said this many words before..."
"Well, it wasn't my idea, but Cid wouldn't admit to himself that he cared enough to come and talk with you about it. Besides, I do have an interest in your personal life. I just never had the incentive to voice my opinion before."
"Maybe," said Cloud, slightly annoyed at the way his friends were treating him recently, "you were right the first time." The blond ex-SOLDIER got up to get the tea that was now currently ready. "I hope you like ginger oolong, because that's all I have," he said from the kitchen.
Vincent nodded in approval, and Cloud quickly came back with two steaming mugs of tea. "But please, you must tell me what is going on in your life. I know it's hard to realize you love someone too late... And it's just, the rest of the world doesn't matter anymore. But Cloud, you have to know, it will be hard catching up to a world where only you stood still."
"I'm not going to stand still, Vincent."
"Isn't that what you've been doing for the past five years?" Vincent raised a brow and then melted his expression into a sip of tea. He put the mug on the coffee table because Cloud didn't seem to own coasters. The steam seemed to amuse him.
"Things are different now. I can... move forward."
"Or retrogress. Cloud, do you honestly think I don't know you that well?" Vincent got up. "Fine, if you don't wish to talk with me at the present time, I'll make my leave. My door's always open."
"Wait, stop." Vincent turned back around, which was surprising to Cloud. "I guess... it wouldn't hurt to tell a friend how I was feeling," he said, looking down, slightly ashamed.
"There's nothing wrong with that, Cloud. You have to realize that you can trust us... We're your friends, and we won't judge you wrongly."
"...I don't think I've ever been happier that you and Cid have gotten together." It was true, without Cid, Vincent probably wouldn't have come all the way over to talk with Cloud, and to preach ability to rant and acceptance.
Vincent looked confused for a second. "I am not sure whether I should say 'thank you' to that." He closed the door again and stepped back in, taking his seat on the couch. "Do you want to... start at the beginning?"
"You sound kind of like a therapist. You're not gonna start charging me for each hour we talk now, are you?" Cloud joked. Obviously, from the look on Vincent's face, he didn't get it. "Nevermind. Anyway... I guess it all started when I was three... It's funny, really. If my mother hadn't dropped the newspaper on the floor... I never would have seen it, and never would've gotten my obsession started."
"I'm sure you would have someday... it's kind of inevitable that all of us got involved with the whole mess... I think it was part of our predestination." He took another sip of tea before resting his head in his hands. He really did look like a shrink.
"Maybe... After that day... I just sort of, asked mom whether she had any other stories with 'that guy' in them. News didn't spread fast to Nibelheim, but at that time, Sephiroth had been all over the news... even to us.
I think he taught me how to read. Every day mom brought home the newspaper, I'd ask her to read to me... After awhile, when the stories about Sephiroth were fewer and further between, I had her read them to me over and over again... I don't remember when, exactly, but I started understanding most of the words, too. And up until the fourth grade, I had the biggest vocabulary of all my classmates.
Anyway, they hated me. I think at first it was because I was what everyone considered a teacher's pet... So they started making fun of me for my hair, my height, and of course, my incessant obsession with Sephiroth...
Of course, then he became 'cool'. It didn't help my social life much. Although, I did make some money photocopying my giant collection of pictures. That, and hall passes... But that's another story entirely.
You know, when I was ten, I wrote myself into a story. I was tall, and I had silver hair... I told you, they made fun of my hair, so I was really subconscious about it. Anyway, so basically the plot was that Sephiroth and I were a team, and we were assigned to go to this jungle on the moon. I think I saved him from asphyxiation somewhere in there, too..."
Vincent laughed. "I'm sorry... I know I'm not supposed to, but that is quite amusing. Do you by any chance have the manuscript, still?"
"It probably burned. Besides, I hate it... It was an awful story. I was so proud of it when I was finished writing it, though... I think I forced my mother to sit down so I could read it to her. I'm astonished that she kept a serious face the entire time.
After that, nothing really strange happened. Well, of course, the levels of torture that kids came up with differed. Especially after they heard I was going to join SOLDIER... that was just suicide. I wish I had never mentioned it to them... They always told me I'd never make it. I was too scrawny, too weak... They'd throw me into anything I'd fit in just to prove it. Lockers, trash cans... I had to pay for some lady's window, once. The kids that threw me into it ran away pretty fast."
"I can imagine... I think that in my life, I had always been the bully. It's how I ended up being a Turk... I think something we have in common is how Hojo weakened us both, physically and mentally."
"Yeah... I don't think I ever liked Hojo. Even when I saw him walking down the hallways, he was always so creepy... I think it amused Zack when I said that. He said I always got scared far too easily..." Cloud noticed that Vincent's teacup was completely empty except for dregs and got up to top off his drink. Vincent said a quiet thank you, and motioned for Cloud to continue.
"I think I loved SOLDIER. Even though the beating got worse, and I was tired and sore every night and every day... It gave me a lot of hope. And there was always Zack. I think if I wasn't so caught up with Sephiroth and I didn't hear about his girlfriends every goddamn night, I would've had a crush on him.
I still wonder why he gave his life up for mine... I was nothing more than a vegetable when he saved me. He didn't know that they weren't going to kill me after going through all that trouble. He gave it all away for me, even though he knew they were probably going to kill me afterwards.
It's weird... I don't feel guilty about that anymore."
"You should never have. It wasn't your fault at all." Vincent sighed and looked at Cloud. "You should really stop blaming everything on yourself... if you do that, you become a scapegoat for everyone else. Or something for everyone else to protect. Either way..."
"...I'm weak, I know. You don't need to say it. I was never strong. Not like Zack, not like Sephiroth... And I never really mastered the skill of hiding my emotions. Don't tell that to anyone else; they might start to worry."
"It's a little late for that, Cloud."
Cloud looked backwards at the clock that hung over his fireplace. "I think it's a little late for anything else. You should go to sleep. You can take my bed; I'll sleep on the couch tonight."
"Oh, no. I promised Cid I'd come home."
"He can't possibly expect you to come home at an hour like this. Besides, he's probably asleep by now and won't notice you coming in anyway." Cloud stretched out his legs and pulled the throw that was on his couch over his body. "Whatever you decide, I'm going to go to sleep right here, anyway."
Vincent shook his head as he headed towards the door. "You're hopeless."
"Yeah," Cloud muttered. "I know."
---
It was a beautiful day in Midgar. The rain was pouring outside, and for a moment, seemed to mask the smog and smell of the city. The blond cadet ran, backpack over his head, to the apartment building. His finger reached for the little button, and he pressed it anxiously.
The door made a clicking sound, and he opened it quickly, walking in, and feeling like he had been soaked to the bone. Nonetheless, he couldn't wait in the foyer until he dried, so he walked up the long flights of stairs. He wasn't sure that he had seen an apartment building in Midgar that was as fancy as the one he saw. The tiles were truly white, and the floors clean. Nothing was rotted.
The door into the apartment was already opened for him, as he walked in and kicked off his shoes. He closed the slide-door behind him and made at once for the couch. He crashed onto it, limbs sprawled out in an odd fashion, and picked up the remote.
"Long day?" asked a deep voice. The man who owned it walked over and sat beside him.
"Hn? Oh, yeah... You're so lucky you're high enough ranking to not have to do all the grunt work. I hate it. I can't even do the basic training right. I'm not cut out for this... I'll never make it. Why can't you just promote me? You have the power to..."
"Because, that is an abuse of my powers," he said. "And because I don't want you to get killed in the field because you have no idea what the fuck you're doing. But you're in no position to train right now."
The blond shrugged and barely made out a "meh" as his television changed screens for the umpteenth time. "There's nothing good on TV, Seph. Man, don't you get cable? You'd think with a paycheck like that, you could get some decent channels."
"I don't watch television though. And you and Zack aren't over a lot, so why would I bother?"
"If I started coming over more often, would you get cable?" he asked, hopefully.
"No, but I would ask you to eat first."
"...Heartless."
Sephiroth shut him up with a kiss. It always worked for him.
"Yeah, yeah, love you too. You know, someday that isn't going to work and you're going to dig yourself into a ditch. I've heard I'm pretty bitchy when I'm all riled up."
"I know you're pretty bitchy when you're not." Sephiroth leaned in for another kiss. "Well, I'm glad to know that at least that last time wasn't my last straw. Let's see... what else can I say to piss you off?"
"Stop being an idiot," Cloud said as he hit Sephiroth gently over the head. "Or you'll end up owing me dinner, too. And a backrub. I really could use one of those right now..." He looked hopefully up at Sephiroth, and with a sigh, his silver-haired lover began messaging his back. "Thank you."
"You shouldn't be thanking me, because now you owe me," he said with a smirk.
"As long as it doesn't include that nurse's outfit again, I'm okay with it."
"You know you liked it," Sephiroth said. The rain stopped, and sunlight filtered in through the windows. Cloud could start to smell the post-rain asphalt from three stories below already.
"Nngh, whatever," he muttered.
"Your poetic lines render me powerless, Cloud." He kissed the boy on the forehead as he fell asleep, and Sephiroth got up to go do something else after he put covers on the blond.
It was muggy like the beginning of the summer day when Cloud awoke, and the sun was about to set. This told him that he hadn't been asleep for very long. "Nn... is it gonna rain again tonight?"
"Why? Do you have plans?"
"Naah, I want an excuse to stay the night. And also, because you get the coolest transportation to headquarters in the morning," he added. He slowly got up. "So are you gonna feed me or what?"
Sephiroth got up to go to his kitchen and absentmindedly pulled out ingredients from every nook and cranny... Something from the cupboards, something from the pantry, something from the fridge, something defrosted in the sink... He got out a few necessary cooking devices as well. He didn't even have to think about what he was pulling out; he had cooked many times for Zack and Cloud.
Meanwhile, Cloud picked the remote back up and switched channels. He finally decided on a game show where it looked like everyone was about to die. It looked like fun, anyway. It was one of those shows that he dreamed he would fly right through after SOLDIER training.
Sephiroth left the kitchen as he let everything simmer and brought Cloud a cup of coffee just how he wanted it, with two creams and seven sugars. His own was black and plain. He didn't really like coffee, just the smell.
"Thank you," Cloud said, inhaling the aroma and taking a long gulp. He then got up and walked over to the freezer. He was glad that Sephiroth remembered his favorite ice cream-- chocolate-covered, peanut-butter filled pretzels, crunchy chocolate cookies, caramel, brownie, cookie-batter, crushed candy-coated chocolate pieces, vanilla. He piled on more crushed cookies, chopped up peanut-butter cups, a large amount of syrup, sour gummy worms, whipped cream, cinnamon candies, and a cherry.
"I think I get sick every time I see your sundaes," Sephiroth commented as he walked in to check on the actual meal he was cooking. "Besides, you shouldn't eat your dessert before dinner."
"Oh, what are you, my mother? Besides, she only said that because she wanted me to have enough appetite for my dinner, which I always had, by the way. Tonight's no different." Thinking he'd won the argument, he continued stuffing his face like a squirrel in autumn.
"Whatever you say, Cloud. But, it is nice that you won't be able to fall asleep tonight. You'll fall asleep in class and I'll get to reprimand you. Since you and Zack always mess up my things, I think I'll have you clean the apartment."
"Couldn't you just be a normal boyfriend and whip me into shape or something?" Cloud finished his ice cream and looked up at Sephiroth with high hopes.
"...No. You'd like that too much."
"...Well, that was sort of the point... I don't see why you enjoy torturing me so much. You could at least make it pleasurable or something. Studies show that getting rewarded is a better way to learn than getting punished!"
"Yeah, and when you do something worthy of reward, I will." Sephiroth turned back to his cooking and, taking taste tests for everything, put off the flame for some and got out more ingredients.
"That was cold," Cloud replied, as he reached into a cabinet and handed Sephiroth what he was going to get next. "But I love you anyway, because I'd starve without you cooking for me."
"That's because you're such a picky eater," Sephiroth commented as he continued with his cooking. "Now go make yourself useful and go set the table or something."
"Chill out, we've got at least another half hour before you're done everything," he said. "But aren't you just glad that I always polish everything off so we never have to deal with leftovers?"
"Not particularly," said Sephiroth. It had been awhile before Cloud had realized that Sephiroth hadn't been annoyed with him, because he had always given off that impression, even before Cloud started being a jerk in their relationship.
Cloud rolled his eyes after a period of silence. "Fine, fine. I'll go set the table, but only because you're so fucking boring that I'd rather talk to plates." It was kind of remarkable how in love they were. At the beginning, Cloud had been so enthralled just to look at Sephiroth. The hero-worship had been rather annoying, because Cloud was more of an insane fan than a friend.
Then again, Zack had been annoying at first, too. Sephiroth remembered the calls at three in the morning about how Zack forgot to remind Sephiroth about his appointment the following-- sorry, current-- day with Hojo. Sephiroth wasn't entirely sure why Zack had lived through the first week they had known each other, actually.
Cloud came back into the kitchen. "Okay, I'm done! Aren't you proud of me? I even smoothed out the tablecloth and straightened the floral arrangement of the centerpiece. It's all pretty now because the colors are more random and you don't get a yellow flower in a clump of red ones. That bothered me for the longest time."
"You bore too easily. Or maybe it's just that you've ingested too much sugar in too little time. Why don't you go burn that energy by practicing?" Sephiroth suggested. Cloud looked at him like he had assigned a shitload of homework. Actually, to Cloud, he did. "Why don't you go play that dancing game you love so much? The one with the arrows and distracting backgrounds?"
"That's a great idea! And they're only distracting because you can't tell your left from your right." He leaned up to kiss Sephiroth as if he was leaving for the morning instead of leaving to go to the other room. Then he somewhat flitted off to go find his Dance Dance Revolution mat.
A few songs on heavy later, and Cloud sat back on the couch, tired and sweaty. "Sephiroth... I'm all out of shape!" he complained from the living room. He wondered if his silver-haired love could even hear him.
"Well, what do you expect? You eat like a pig and the thought of exercise that doesn't include arrows telling you what to do makes you go insane," he replied. "I take that back. Any exercise that doesn't involve arrows or me telling you what to do."
"Just for that, Seph, you aren't getting any tonight!" Cloud yelled. Then he thought about that for a minute, and remembered that that threat wasn't a very good one around the man. "Scratch that! Instead, you have to pull me out of class tomorrow!"
"Fine! In fact, I think I'll be doing that more often! Once a week, instead of going to class, you'll do extensive training under my command so I can find your weaknesses and strengths and help you!"
The living room was silent for a few seconds, and Sephiroth smirked into the gravy. Finally, Cloud decided on something to say. "I hate you, you know that? My burning hatred for you is immense! Like whoa! Like... this much! Except you can't see me from where you are, you bastard!"
It took awhile for Sephiroth to stop laughing. But when he did, he brought out two dishes to the dining room. "Go get some of the other things, Cloud," he ordered as he, himself went back to get more.
"I was just going to do that, you know. Your faith in my manners is insulting." Sephiroth didn't feel to dignify that tidbit with an answer.
Sephiroth was a slow eater. He'd always have one plate of food, and that would be it. Cloud always had a plate, and then everything else while waiting for Sephiroth to finish. Unless Zack was present, and then the two fought over who would get to eat the last of what. Usually, that just ended in Sephiroth making more food.
"Hey Seph, how come you never take me out to eat somewhere nice anymore? I mean, your cooking's great and all, but I don't remember the last time we went out on a real date, you know."
"Yeah, but that's because you got us kicked out of that last place."
"Hey, don't you go blaming that on me," Cloud said, mouth half-full and wagging his fork. "I wasn't the one fucking me in there!" He returned to his meal in mock-bitterness.
"I'll take you out to lunch and dinner tomorrow. I won't feel like cooking after the training we'll do. And I'll save money because you won't have enough energy to pick up your soup spoon."
Cloud's jaw dropped, and it was very fortunate that he had swallowed the last bit of mashed potato. "You were serious!"
"Like a proverbial heart-attack."
Cloud looked like he was about to murder his steak. If it were alive, he would have. He seemed to enjoy stabbing it many times with his fork. "Hate, hate, hate, hate..." He then bit into the mush he made of his steak, before returning to mauling it with his fork and his lovely chant.
"You should get a good night's sleep tonight, too, for preparation on tomorrow. So, after dinner, I want you to go straight to bed."
Cloud started poking his steak harder and faster. "HATEHATEHATEHATE," he said through gritted teeth. He finally stopped, not even bothering to finish the rest of his meal, and got up. He dabbed the edges of his mouth and put the napkin down, saying: "I love you," before storming off into the bedroom.
Sephiroth really hadn't been kidding, Cloud realized, as his lover turned off the lights and didn't try anything to make Cloud know that he wasn't serious. He pouted under the covers. Then he remembered Sephiroth couldn't see him in the dark, and probably wasn't looking at him anyway, so he turned over and tried to fall asleep.
He was only slightly comforted by the arms that wrapped themselves around his shoulders.
It seemed like he hadn't slept a wink before he woke up. Even though he didn't feel tired, it felt like no time had passed from when he fell asleep to when he woke up. He heard the shower going on from the bathroom and looked at the clock. Apparently Sephiroth wanted them to be up early.
"Seeeeeph," he whined. "I don't even get up this early for class! Get back in bed!" Sephiroth pretended not to hear him, which only angered Cloud more. He got up and walked into the bathroom. "Come back to bed NOW!"
Sephiroth stepped out of the shower and started drying himself off. "Can't. We have to start work now, darling. You'll never pass your tests if you don't study harder. Isn't that what you want? To become a SOLDIER? I've indulged you too much; it's time you sit down and actually do something about your dreams."
"Maybe they were right. Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a proper SOLDIER." Cloud sat down on a stool as he watched Sephiroth get dressed. He then grabbed a brush off the stand and started to brush through Sephiroth's hair.
"You have potential, Cloud. You just have to find it in yourself to continue on with what you start. I did, and now I'm general."
"Yeah, but you also know what you're doing. You know, I think I remember reading about that, when you became general. That seemed like it happened so long ago... I was like, seven?"
"...I really am too old for you."
"Don't say that."
"No, no. Cloud, I give up on our relationship. You're just too young... too boisterous. You give up too easily, too. I need someone who knows what they're doing with their life. Someone who doesn't dream about something for over half their life and then just give up on it when it becomes too hard." He took the brush from Cloud's hand and started brushing his hair for himself.
He bought it. "You can't possibly be saying that!" The look on his face was a heartbroken mess. Sephiroth thought he saw tears welling up in his eyes. "This is completely insane! It's the stupidest reason to break up with me! You could've at least said something like I annoy you, or I'm too fanatical, or that I'm bad in bed or something!"
He was silenced with a kiss. "You're also too gullible. But you get the point, don't you? So don't give up on me, because I know it would be a lot easier if I gave up on you... But at the end of the day, it'll be worth it to know you accomplished something."
"I hate you," Cloud muttered, pouting.
"I know," Sephiroth replied, kissing the mouth that Cloud had so presented to him. "Now come on, let's go make you wish you were dead."
"Or at least, never met you. You know, I really do think I liked you better when I was just staring at your pictures and reading about you. You couldn't guilt me into doing stuff when you were on paper."
"But you have to admit, I'm a lot better in bed when I'm real." Sephiroth smirked at Cloud's disgusted face and thought that his wrinkled nose was rather adorable. He "bopped" it with his finger and handed a sword to the boy.
The weight caused Cloud to fall. "This thing weighs a ton! How the hell am I supposed to lift it?" He tried to pick it up with both hands, and couldn't get the handle more than six inches off the floor.
Sephiroth picked it up with one hand and put it back down on its stand. "That is what you will be fighting with if you make it into SOLDIER. What have you been practicing with? I thought they issued wooden ones with spread-out weights?"
"...It's easier to wield if you take the weights off..." Cloud muttered.
Sephiroth thrust Masamune at him. "Fine, use that for now."
Cloud looked down at the twelve-foot long blade in his hands in amazement. To his surprise, it was extremely light for the length that it was. "But what're you gonna--" but before he could finish his sentence, he had to thrust out his arm to block Sephiroth's attack with the Buster Blade. This only resulted in his arm hurting like hell.
"Never let your guard down. There will always be surprise attacks and you have to make it instinct to fight against them. Your reaction was too slow and, from lack of mastery with the weapon, did not have a sufficient block. Here, I want you to stand like this." Sephiroth put the Buster Sword down and put his hands on Cloud to mold him into the stance. "You put more power into your block this way. Now I want you to get back to the way you were standing before and just practice moving quickly into that stance."
Cloud did as he was told, trying not to roll his eyes at a few comments that Sephiroth was saying about how his form wasn't this enough or too much of that. Finally, apparently Cloud was getting the hang of it enough for Sephiroth to attack him again. "I'm going to let you know about this one, okay?" Cloud nodded, and Sephiroth charged.
For a second try, first after a bit of learning, it wasn't so bad. He had blocked Sephiroth's attack, but his arm hurt more and he nearly fell over when Sephiroth pulled back. Cloud prepared himself for another attack, like he thought he would receive, but he didn't get one.
"You need more work. Also, as soon as you make contact, pull away. There's less impact that way. But brace yourself for another attack when you do. Were you paying attention in class at all?"
"...Yeah, for the first week or so..." Sephiroth sighed and rushed in for another attack. Cloud immediately blocked, and then, remembering Sephiroth's words, pulled away, just a little too slowly.
"It doesn't work that way," Sephiroth replied. "Come on now, you can't move onto offense unless you've done a bit of defense. Besides, you should give me something to be rewarding you for, remember?" He smiled and Cloud looked into his eyes, determined. "That's more like it."
He charged again, and for once, Cloud finally made a good block. It was below the standard that would be set for him, but they had time. Sephiroth tried attacking Cloud from another angle, and although a little clumsily, he did do another successful block.
The silver-haired warrior let the sword hang by his side as he took one hand and grabbed the other's chin, kissing him with a passion of seemingly unlimited energy. When he pulled away, it took Cloud a few seconds to remember where he was. "Now, do you want to see what you get for completely the rest of the exercises?"
Cloud opened his eyes slowly and his voice was weak when he replied yes.
The rest of the day seemed to go by in a blur. After mastering his block and learning some other techniques, poses, and the like, he had moved onto parrying and then simple attacks. By the end, both of them were grinning ear-to-ear because of Cloud's progress.
"I think it's time we go eat dinner," Sephiroth said, putting down the Buster Blade. Cloud took the opportunity to rush at him, but he quickly turned around and stopped the blunt side of the blade with his hands. "Nice try," he stated as he parried with his palms. "But you're forgetting who I am and whose weapon you're wielding."
"Yeah, yeah. It was worth a shot. Besides, if I'd been successful, you'd be impressed, right? Even if I did knock you out or something."
Sephiroth laughed. "Don't flatter yourself." He took the sword from Cloud and placed it down, and then he took Cloud by the shoulders. "Come on, why don't you pick a place for us to go tonight?"
"All right, but this time? We're getting kicked out after we're finished eating, okay?" The two of them started walking, laughing, talking, and kissing all the way to the restaurant.
The room was unseasonally warm when Cloud awoke. He realized he had been smiling when he was asleep, and he didn't particularly feel like getting out of bed. In fact, for a few minutes, he was trying to relay the dream as if it would come back and continue. Then he realized how pathetic that was and shot out of bed.
He wondered for a second why he had that dream. He also wondered why it was set when he had been in SOLDIER... And though Zack had never introduced him to Sephiroth, he wondered if that would have been the end result if he had.