Title: Burned Bridges

Author: Bernadeen

Rated: M

Written: Spring 2003

Disclaimers: I don't own and claim no rights to any of these wonderful characters. This story is only for entertainment purposes.

Spoilers: Measure of Men, When the Bough Breaks, Complications, The Mission, Full Engagement, Adrift I & II, and almost anything through mid-season 8.

AN: I wrote this to satisfy an idea that was rattling around in my head after the original airing of "Complications." What is the significance of Bud seeing Harm in very intense conversation with Lt. Singer and then of Coates seeing and probably overhearing at least part of Harm and Singer's conversation? Here is one way this could go. And, of course, this was written before we knew Singer's fate...

Chapter 1

Two days after Harm and Singer's conversation/argument at Benzenger's

Roberts' home

Harriett looked over at Bud and again pondered his thoughtful, introspective countenance. "Bud, something bothering you? You've been awfully quiet this evening?"

"Ah, just some office stuff…"

"Care to share?"

Bud hesitated, but he just had to talk to someone about it. "Harriett, did you know there's office scuttlebutt about who is the father of Lt. Singer's baby?"

"Of course. There's been speculation about that since it was known she was pregnant. She's not telling so everyone is guessing."

"But I mean now I'm often hearing the same name."

"Oh, really? Who?"

Bud hesitated. Harriett turned her full attention to her husband and repeated, "What name, Bud?"

Reluctantly, Bud said, "Commander Rabb."

"You're joking! … you are joking? … Bud, you know the Commander has been just as annoyed with Lt. Singer as the rest of us. Besides, he would never …"

"I know some things that the office scuttlebutt doesn't .. enough to make me wonder …"

"Bud, what could you possibly know that would make you think that that rumor could be true?"

"Well, I really don't KNOW anything, but the day that Lt. Singer came to the office, I saw the Commander and her in a very intense conversation. He was holding onto her arm like she wanted to leave and he didn't want her to."

"So his talking to her makes the rumor true? Bud …"

"There's more. Jen .. Petty Officer Coates … told me that she was at Benzenger's the next evening and the Commander and Lt. Singer were there .. together .. in the next booth. She wasn't trying to overhear, but they were arguing. She didn't hear what the Lt. said but she definitely heard the Commander demand that Singer give him her baby. Why would he want the baby if it wasn't his?" Bud badly wanted Harriett to find a flaw in what the evidence seemed to imply. Harm was Bud's friend, but more than that, Harm was Bud's hero. For the Commander to destroy his career and compromise his integrity by becoming involved with Lt. Singer, a junior officer, was unthinkable.

But Harriett sat silently, thinking about what Bud had said and about the office discussions she had heard. Was it possible? … And did Colonel MacKenzie know? As chief of staff, she had to be informed about an incident that could cause the court martial of a senior attorney, but Harriett was more concerned about Mac on a personal level. She had been so hurt by Mic's departure and by Harm's near death. Harriett would never know all the details of those few months, but she knew that Harm and Mac's friendship had almost been destroyed. They were only now regaining some level of the trust and closeness that she remembered was between them when she first met them. If the rumors were true, it would destroy them both.

Harriett sighed. "I think I should talk to the Colonel tomorrow morning." When Bud started to protest, she continued, "Bud, as chief of staff, she needs to know what's happening. It's probably better if she hears it from me than through the office rumor mill."

Next morning

JAG HQ

A few minutes after Mac arrived in her office, Harriett knocked on the doorframe and asked, "Ma'am, would you have a few minutes?"

"Of course, Harriett. Come in."

Harriett entered and closed the door behind her. Everything about her told Mac that Harriett was extremely reluctant to approach Mac about whatever was troubling her. "It's all right, Harriett. What's the problem?"

"Ma'am, has Lt. Singer told anyone who the father of her baby is?"

Mac frowned slightly in surprise. This wasn't a topic she expected Harriett to bring up, but something had Harriett very concerned. "Not as far as I know, Harriett. Why do you ask?"

"Normally I wouldn't ever repeat office gossip, but I have learned some information that isn't general knowledge but could … that is, it might … ah .." Harriett stammered to a halt.

Mac got up from her desk and walked around it to sit beside Harriett. "What is it, Harriett?"

"As chief of staff, you need to know this… otherwise, I would never … I mean …," she took a deep breath to settle her nerves and started again. "Ma'am, scuttlebutt is saying that the father of Lt. Singer's baby is …. Commander Rabb."

Mac sat stunned as several emotions washed over her in a matter of seconds .. laughter at the absurdity, utter disbelief, followed by doubt .. hurt .. panic .. anger .. and back to total disbelief of the rumor. "That's ridiculous, Harriett." She started to protest, but hesitated when she remembered how Harm had defended Singer from the time he learned she was pregnant. All the way to the Seahawk he had taken her side. Mac had challenged him on it, but she didn't remember his exact answer. "What is this other information?"

"The day that Lt. Singer was in the office, Bud saw her and the Commander in a very intense discussion in the hall. He had grabbed her arm to keep her from walking away. Bud was surprised because it was so unusual for them to be … well having that kind of discussion."

"They could have been talking about anything. That's not proof … ." Mac stated, though she wished she sounded more sure.

"There's more. Petty Officer Coates was in Benzenger's the next evening and Commander Rabb and Lt. Singer were .. together .. at the next table. She wasn't trying to eavesdrop, ma'am, but they were arguing. She heard the Commander demand that the Lt. give him the baby. Why would he say that unless …?" Harriett stopped speaking because the Colonel had turned so pale that she was afraid she might faint. "Ma'am .. Mac, I'm so sorry .."

Mac, through Marine trained discipline and will power, forced her breathing to slow and her mind to deal with the legal and procedural implications rather than personal ones. "Thank you for telling me, Harriett. That'll be all."

Reluctantly Harriett left Mac's office, still worried about having to be the bearer of such hurtful information, but also realizing that Mac was not going to let herself fall apart, at least not here and not now.

Mac from habit rose and walked around her desk, sinking down into her office chair. Her mind was whirling. Could it be true? Of course not! Harm had claimed he held back from taking their own relationship to the next step because of complications to their working relationship. He would never have gotten involved with Singer when that would mean being court martialed for fraternization and a certain end to his Navy career. But how to explain the two incidents that Harriett described? And there was Harm's defensiveness of Singer that Mac herself had observed.

As her mind continued to grapple with the problem, the object of her concern appeared in her doorway. When he saw Mac deep in thought, Harm knocked softly on the doorframe and asked, "Do you have the Wilson file?"

He watched Mac reign in her thoughts and bring her attention to his question. Well, maybe not quite to his question because she answered vaguely, "I .. I don't know …" She stared at him for several seconds and he didn't like the look in her eyes. Then she took a deep breath, sat up straighter in her chair and asked him to come into her office and close the door.

Harm did as she asked and waited for her to tell him what was going on. Any joking comment he might have made died before spoken as he sensed the depth of Mac's concern and saw her reluctance to speak. Finally, in a formal tone, which he could tell was covering deep emotions, she spoke. "Commander, there is no easy way to say this. As expected, there are rumors about the identity of the father of Lt. Singer's child; however, information has come to my attention that indicates the latest rumors may be true." As Mac hesitated for an instant, Harm had time to wonder how they had found out about Sergei, but Mac's next words astounded him. "As chief of staff, I have an obligation to report serious violations of the UCMJ to the Admiral .. Commander, it appears there is a possibility that you are the father of Lt. Singer's baby."

The complete surprise on Harm's face reassured Mac for an instant, but the denial she expected wasn't forthcoming. Instead, he sat silently, clearly processing many thoughts and emotions with his razor sharp intelligence.

Harm's first instinct, after the few seconds of total astonishment, was to vehemently deny the allegation. But the words didn't come. First of all, on a personal level, how could Mac think it might be true, even for a moment? It hurt deeply that there was so little trust between them these days.

But from a strategic viewpoint, if he were to assert paternal rights, it would delay Loren being able to make final adoption arrangements until after the baby was born and a paternity test could be done. Of course, by then he would have been court martialed for fraternization and dishonorably discharged from the Navy! How much was he willing to sacrifice for Sergei's child. And what if the test showed it wasn't Sergei's child .. then he would have given up everything he cared about .. his career and a chance to be close to the woman he loved .. for nothing. Still, there might be something here .. he had to have time to think it through.

Mac's world slowly crumbled around her as she watched Harm sit in what appeared to be guilty silence. In a voice she barely recognized as her own, she almost pleaded, "Harm, tell me it can't be true .."

Harm shook his head slightly, but couldn't seem to find the words to deny the charge. In fact, he wouldn't meet her eyes as he struggled to speak. Mac drew the only conclusion left to her .. In a pain-filed voice she whispered, "How could you? What about your career? What about … us?"

While Harm knew he needed to tell Mac the truth, he hesitated because her willingness to believe him guilty so quickly hurt deeply. Now her question, 'what about us?' triggered an anger that his raw pain allowed to take control of him. He stood up and towered over her as she looked up at him. His voice dangerously cold and controlled, he said, "Colonel, there is no 'us.' We never had that talk, remember? If we had, I would have told you that I was ready to let go .. that I would do whatever it took so we could be together .. that I loved you .. But we never had that talk. The timing was always wrong for us. Now I see that it was more than bad timing. If you know so little about who I am and trust me so little that you believe I was with Singer, then there was never any hope for us as a couple. I'm not sure we're even friends any longer." And with those harsh words, he jerked the door open, allowing it to swing against the opposite wall with a bang that brought the attention of the bullpen to them, and stalked toward his own office. Going inside his office, he swung the door shut with an angry snap.

Sturgis had entered the bullpen in time to see Harm's angry exit from Mac's office to his own. They were at it again. He really thought they were making progress and all the tension was behind them. Maybe that was naive of him .. people in love always fight from time to time. But these two had never acknowledged their feelings to each other. That was probably why tempers could flare so much easier.

Sturgis was still debating whether to get involved when he saw Mac leave her office and walk toward the Admiral's. Sturgis had a feeling something bad had happened because the Colonel looked like she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. Looking toward Harm's closed door, Sturgis knew that Harm wouldn't talk to him until he had cooled off. He would try to help his friend later, but right now Sturgis decided it was better to stay clear of the battle.

Mac had asked Tiner to get her in to see the Admiral immediately. He had to be told what was happening. She dreaded this meeting, too, but it couldn't be worse than her recent encounter with Harm. She couldn't allow herself to dwell on his harsh words .. on his admissions that only a few days ago would have made her very happy .. only later when she was alone would she allow herself to feel the full pain of her loss.

She knocked and was told to enter. The Admiral waved her to a chair before she had the chance to come to attention. One look at his chief of staff told AJ that something serious had happened, but he waited patiently for Mac to speak. In a cool, unemotional voice, the Colonel began her report. "Sir, I have recently received information that may identify the father of Lt. Singer's baby. If the information is correct, it will cause problems for this office." After only the slightest hesitation, she continued, "I have reason to believe that the father is Commander Rabb."

The Admiral sat back in surprise. "Your information must be pretty solid for you to make such an accusation, Colonel."

"It's all circumstantial, but there are four incidents that, when taken together, seem to lead to only one conclusion. When Lt. Singer was in this office, we all tended to be, well, less than friendly with her. She is a bit ruthless in her ambition and didn't invite friendships. But when the Commander and I flew to the Seahawk, he continually defended her, saying he didn't believe she had violated the rules against fraternization since being assigned sea duty, and excusing her extreme recommendations to court martial half the air crew for the flight deck mishap. This week, two meetings between the Commander and the Lt. were observed, during one of which, the Commander was overheard to demand that Lt. Singer give him her baby. And finally …" Mac took a deep breath to maintain her calm, "he didn't deny that he is the father, sir."

"You asked him?" the Admiral asked in surprise.

Mac could only nod silently.

"You're right, if this is true, it will cause this office problems. But I'm mostly concerned that it will end a fine officer's career and hurt a lot of people." He looked at his chief of staff with concern. She was one of the people who would be hurt .. already had been hurt by the look of her. "All right. Mac, I know this has to be hard for you. Let me take it from here. Ask Tiner to send the Commander in to see me. Dismissed."

While he waited for Harm, the Admiral tiredly rubbed his hands over his face. He didn't believe the charge. While Rabb used unorthodox methods at times to solve cases and defend his clients, the Admiral knew him to have the highest integrity and respect for regulations of any officer he knew. It was impossible for AJ to imagine that Harm would have a moment of weakness with Lt. Singer, particularly when he would bet a lot of money that Harm was in love with Mac. He heard a knock and called, "enter… Close the hatch," as Harm stepped into his CO's office.

"Have a seat, Commander." AJ looked at his senior attorney closely. Clearly he was troubled, but being accused by Mac of fathering another woman's child, let alone the career implications, would account for that.

"I have just been told some disturbing news, and I need to hear your side. Apparently there are some circumstances that would lead one to believe you are the father of Lt. Singer's child."

Harm knew this conversation was inevitable, though he had hoped to have more time to think things through before it happened. He knew, however, that he could not mislead his commanding officer. "No, sir, I am not the father … but I believe my brother Sergei is."

AJ breathed an audible sigh of relief and said, "Well, that explains a lot. Has she told you that?"

"No, sir. But they were seen cuddling in a back booth at Benzenger's the night before he left for Russia, and I saw them together myself the next morning. She drove him to the airport. She denies that Sergei is the father but I don't believe her. Now she wants to put the baby up for adoption. This child is part of my family, sir. I don't want it to grow up not knowing a father."

"All right, Commander. You, Singer and Sergei will have to work this out. But I strongly suspect you have some fences to mend right here."

Harm shook his head sadly. "Admiral, I said some things to the Colonel today that I'm afraid burned all my bridges. I don't know whether there's any rebuilding possible this time. However, I assure you I will do my best to continue the good order and discipline of this office, sir, and not let any … tension between the Colonel and me be disruptive."

"Well, that'll be a first," AJ muttered skeptically.

"Sir?"

"Dismissed, Commander." As Harm came to attention and turned to leave, the Admiral added, "Oh, and by the way, I intend to keep the details of our conversation confidential. I will tell the Colonel that I am satisfied that you did not violate the rules against fraternization, but if you want her to know more, you'll have to be the one to tell her."

"Understood, sir. Thank you."

Harm returned to his office and closed the door. He sat down and thought about his two problems: Singer wanting to give up Sergei's child and losing Mac's friendship. Turning his mind to the easier of the two, he tried to work out a plan to persuade Loren to keep her baby and let him be part of its life. Since he had denied being the father, his half formed plan to delay adoption by claiming parental rights wouldn't work. Or, maybe it would. He could still tell Loren that he planned to do that. She would doubt his seriousness because it would end his career. Still he might convince her that family was more important to him than career and hold off on the adoption plans. It was a long shot, though. She would never believe that anyone would put family ahead of career because she wouldn't see her priorities that way. If she called his bluff, he would have to go to plan B. And right now he didn't have a plan B.

His other problem was more difficult. How to rebuild his relationship with Mac once again. It seemed like they kept hitting rough spots, but always were able at least to remain friends. Their early competitiveness .. her anger at his courtroom tactics the first time they opposed each other .. the friction between them on the Watertown .. Mac leaving JAG to be with Dalton Lowne .. his leaving JAG to return to flying .. the whole fiasco on the ferry in Sidney Harbor and Mac's engagement .. the aftermath of Mic leaving and Harm nearly dying .. yet each time they regained some portion of their friendship.

Harm sighed. Mac had said it .. she was tired of the dance. He could certainly agree with that. Ever since Mic left, he had been trying to have the talk he knew they needed to have. More than a year and it still hadn't happened. He had tried .. he had made it clear he was ready to talk .. but she always put him off. Lately their friendship seemed to be working again and, coward that he was, he hadn't wanted to take a chance on derailing that with relationship discussions.

Now everything had changed again. Harm was at a loss on what to do about Mac. In hurt and anger, he'd said things that he only expected to say with love. His heart quite literally felt like it was being squeezed by a giant fist when he remembered that he had told her they weren't even friends any longer. If she was feeling as badly as he was, they both needed a little time to put the incident into perspective. Not too much time, though, or the whole thing would fester and cause an irreparable chasm between them that they would never be able to cross.

Harm looked at his watch and was surprised that it wasn't even lunch time yet. It seemed like the morning had been days long with its life changing events. His desk was piled with open cases that needed his attention, but he struggled to focus on them. He remembered a particular case and pulled the file from the stack of folders. Here it was .. yes .. it would require several interviews at Norfolk. Slipping the required file and several others into his briefcase, Harm picked up his cover and left the office, telling the receptionist that he would be in Norfolk doing interviews for the remainder of the day. At least that would ensure that he would not need to see Mac until tomorrow. Maybe he would figure out what to say to her by then, but he seriously doubted it.

Mac saw Harm leave the Admiral's office. Shortly afterward, the Admiral had called her and told her that there would be no charges against Commander Rabb .. that he was convinced that no rules had been violated. Though it was not stated, the obvious explanation was that the Admiral believed Harm was not the father of Singer's baby. Then what was the explanation? …

Suddenly the pin dropped! Sergei! Harm had once mentioned that Sergei was intrigued by Singer and Harm kept warning him away from her. What if the warnings only made her more attractive to Sergei. If Sergei were the father, that would explain a lot of things. Harm must have suspected right away, otherwise why would he have defended her when they went out to the Seahawk. It would also explain why he had been overheard demanding that Singer give him the baby. Either Singer was planning to abort it or release it for adoption. Either way, Harm would be desperate to protect the child.

Convinced that she was right, Mac moved on to the next problem. How to regain Harm's friendship and .. yes, his love. He had finally admitted that he loved her .. but he was hurt and angry that she could have believed the rumors. If she had only figured it out sooner, she could have avoided the scene with Harm. But the whole thing had been such a shock .. such a hurtful idea to her. She still couldn't figure out why he had hesitated and actually appeared guilty when she asked him about it. Probably trying to protect Sergei.

Her desk was stacked with cases that needed to be handled. She didn't want to rush into any unwise action concerning her personal problems. Take the evening, she told herself. Think it through. What could she do to convince him to listen to her. Because she was sure Harm's defenses would be in full force. They were both very good at building walls between each other.

She glanced up a few minutes later as a tall familiar figure crossed the bullpen and left JAG. Probably just as well. It would have been extremely awkward for Harm and her to bump into each other today. Maybe by tomorrow she would have a plan.

Unfortunately, the chance to set things straight between Harm and Mac took second place to the demands of their jobs. The Admiral sent Harm to the USS Seahawk to investigate a mishap.

End Chapter 1