Disclaimer: Owned by JKR HP/SS, Started before HBP was out. I will be incorporating some of that book into this over time. There should be regular update henceforth. Pervious chapters had small changes made to them.

Stumbling Uncertainty

Chapter 3 The further you fall

By WittchWay

Harry Potter slowly made his way back toward Gryffindor tower, he hoped taking the long route would lesson his self loathing…or at least forget that had not the nerve to stand up to Dumbledore and the other professors, that he had once again let them control his life out of school, just as they had controlled his life in. Of course he hadn't been aware of the sudel manipulation as a student. Not right away at least but it was there. He saw it for what it was now. The information that had been denied him, about parents, Voldemort, the prophecy.

He was stuck, between obligations he had made a year ago, wanting to make his parents proud, wanting to make Dumbledore and McGonagall proud as well, both whom had guided him his entire school career, both had stood besides him when the newspapers and wizarding community had not.

Never mind what he wanted… which no one seemed concerned about that.

But as he made his way down another hidden corridor and up another flight of stairs he found what goaded him the most was the burn Snape had got on him. It had become Snape's way as of late to interfere, not that he hadn't all along but now it was in a different way Harry couldn't' quite put his finger on. It was almost in a good nature sarcastic way at times. A hidden meaning he had to decipher, he didn't know if had always been that way or if because he was older he could see if clearly now. What ever it was he didn't understand it.

Harry frowned, he was finally at the place had been avoiding, the common room for his house. It had been unfriendly place with chilled attitudes as of late.

Harry sighed as he stood in front of the portrait of the fat lady that guarded the entrance to Gryffindor tower. The lady stared back at him, her eyebrows raised in a questioning manner though he had said nothing to her in the time he had been standing there… a good five minutes now. He was thankful she hadn't snapped at him like she usually did with students that stood hanging about the entrance.

He just wasn't ready to enter the common room yet. The last few days it had been overly crowded as it always was toward the end of a school year. Students staying up late chatting now that exams were over, others to spend the last few moments of the school year doing magic and charms that weren't taught in a normal classroom settings, others exchanging addresses for owl delivers, making plans to visit during the summer, it was the same at the end of every year.

"Is it crowded?" he asked the fat lady.

Her eyebrow arched a little higher, then she looked over her shoulder, "No more than usual dearie," she nodded toward him.

Harry frowned, bracing himself and mumbled the password, the portrait swung open with ease displaying the common room.

Harry entered, keeping his head down and made a beeline for the stairs that led up to the boys dorm rooms.

"Harry."

Harry flinched, this is what he had been avoiding, turning he faced a scowling Hermione, "Did they pass you?"

Harry cringed, Hermione and him had not been getting on well this last quarter for some reason he didn't quite understand. Ever since his defeat of Voldemort during the Christmas holidays she had been a little standoffish. As were several other students, students that he had little interaction with before the battle and made equally no difference after the battle.

"Well?" Hermione barked, "Did you pass?"

The entire room turned to look at him, several groups of girls resumed their gossiping, one or two were even pointing at him. Harry sighed half wishing the ground would just open up and swallow him whole.

"Yeah, I passed," he nodded and continued on his way to bed.

"Even though it had nothing to do with Auror training?" Hermione snapped.

Harry turned back to look at his friend, She looked angry, clutching a dark blue book to her chest, he could make several of the gold words on the cover, Student standard guide and rule book of Hogwarts….

He had hoped she would wait till morning to press the matter but since it didn't look like she was willing to wait, "Yes, even though it had nothing to do with wanting to be an Auror."

"Which clause did Dumbledore state this passing was on?"

Harry looked at her cross-eyed, "He didn't state a clause. Just said I passed as long as I went ahead with the plans to be an Auror."

He watched as Hermione narrowed her eyes, snapped shut the book. "I see. Just like that you passed." she stood abruptly, dropping the book on to the coffee table sounding a loud bang.

The full attention of the room was upon them. Harry blinked several times in quick secession, her tone with him was harsh, she was shaking with rage.

"Did you want me to fail?" he whispered, he wasn't sure how this conversation was going to turn out but however it was going to turn wasn't going to be good. He had been expecting her to lecture him on his stupidity on presenting a broom for his senior project, had expected a reprimand on proper traditions within the wizarding community, perhaps a well done when everything was said and done.

"Of course I didn't want you to fail," though Harry thought she didn't sound very convincing, "But you broke half a dozen rules. There is nothing in the student guidebook that could reasonable allow you to pass." Her voice raised half an octave.

"Hermione, I passed, isn't that all that matters." he whispered moving once again toward the boys dorms.

Hermione was on his heels, every set of eyes in the room followed her, "Doesn't it bother you that you passed because you're Harry Potter and not because the project merited a pass."

Harry turned, "What?" he said softly, his voice trembling, this he would not expect of Hermione, she lectured on behavior, on studying hard, more efficiently, she never brought up his celebrity, she never acted like he was the boy who lived, the boy who killed Voldemort…. She always stood by his side, even leaving for half the school year to help kill Voldemort, she was the friend he could always count on.

Harry turned around, gripping the banister of the stairwell tightly. Several of the nosey students moved around the room so they could watch the drama unfold. Hermione stood on the step below him, her hand clasped over her mouth as if surprised she had said what she did.

Though no apology was forth coming.

"I just…" She broke off.

"You just what Hermione," Harry's voice was low, though it felt as if he had been shouting. "You think they passed me because of who I am instead of what I accomplished with that broom."

"There's nothing in the handbook that could possibly have let them pass you. The project had to part of what your career goals are…"

"Is that how you feel…? That I should fail, stay at Hogwarts another year."

Angrily Harry clenched his fists, "Perhaps I should have dragged Voldemort's dead body up on the platform and simply said any questions." Harry's voice rose with every word, "Perhaps I should have dueled him in the middle of the great hall for my project… oh wait I did… remember our lovely holiday, the decorations all blood stained afterwards… think I would have passed then Hermione…"

No one said a word, Harry eyed them all, daring them to speak, to question him.

Harry couldn't take it anymore, he stomped up the steps and quite noisily entered the boys dorm banging the door when he entered. He tore at his clothes, tossing them on the floor and climbed into bed, pulling the hangings around his bed closed.

Though suddenly restless, he couldn't believe the fight he had just had with his friend. Did they really think so little of his intelligence that he couldn't pass on his own merit or with out being the boy who lived. Hermione had really pissed him off, the way she had attacked him, insulted him, belittled him. He knew she had become obsessed with school work after missing the first half of the year to go out and assist him in the battle with Voldemort. Feeling like she had to catch up or fail.

That he understood, that was typical Hermione, he expected nothing less than her pure dedication to school work and that she would of course drag both Ron and himself with her into study mode.

But it hadn't quite worked out that way, she had dragged Ron with her to the library for study, she hadn't asked him. Though he usually tagged along out of habit, because that was where his friends were.

Though it had taken him the better part of a month to catch on that she wasn't asking him to come along, that she rarely spoke to him. That it was Ron that was the link between them now. Ron Weasley who didn't seem to notice a difference in attitude toward him.

Harry sat up, he couldn't' sleep and he couldn't just lie here. He felt like he was suffocating in the darkness of the room. He yanked the curtains back. Gasping he knew he was having a small panic attack. Sitting forward, his legs dangling off the side of his bed, he looked around the room. He knew this last year was going to be a mistake.

He had known it as soon as the battle had ended. The way the other students had looked at him. The way they reacted to the power of the spell he had cast to kill Voldemort.

Some still avoided him, others had approached to ask for training or special tutoring in defense magic, though he had denied all requests.

But like a fool he had resume classes with students that he felt older than, had more life experience than. The classes were nothing he didn't know already from him own studies and readings.

But still his friends doubted him, this he did not need right now, he needed people to support him, people whom valued his friendship as Harry Potter, not as some tool for the Order of Phoenix. He needed Hermione's words of wisdom, Ron's snide comments on how they couldn't fail him.

Harry went still as the dorm door opened and then shut, the heavy sound of Ron's boots moved across the room. He held his breath as Ron undressed pulling on his pajamas, he looked sheepishly at Harry, his best friend of seven years, "She's just upset…. Give her time, please for my sake."

Harry shook his head in frustration, "She hurt me Ron. Really hurt me with what she said… how could she even think that."

"I know… it just that… she's pregnant Harry." Ron slid from the edge of his bed and came and sat next to Harry. Bumping shoulders with his mate, "Pregnant Harry...we haven't told anyone yet. Can you believe it. One time was all it took…" He grinned proudly, "she's just upset. Maybe its hormones… I don't really know. She's torn between being a mother and giving up her time at university. She was really upset when she had to turn them down. For this year at least."

Ron clasped his hands between his knees, staring at the floor, "She's thinks that you have so much potential Harry and that you are wasting it away creating brooms and playing Quidditch." Ron looked up at him, he opened his mouth to say something then paused, for the first time Harry knew Ron Weasley he could tell the redhead was weighing his words before he spoke next.

"That night," he said slowly, Harry knew insistently which night in question, "You crackled with magic… It was like you were glowing with power, it was scary Harry. The way you looked, the energy around you." Ron looked him straight in the eye, "I was scared… truly frightened."

Harry shut his eyes leaning back on the bed. He nodded. It was all he could do.

Ron stood, taking a few steps towards his bed, "Hermione's the type of person Harry where brains matter. In her eyes if you're the smartest person in the world its you duty to save the world, to cure the world of all that ails them…"

Ron looked over his shoulder, "So in her eyes its your duty to save the wizarding world, cure the wizarding world of what ails them… to be our leader. You are the most powerful wizard Harry."

Ron climbed into bed pulled one set of curtains and reached for the next, "Yes Harry even at the price your happiness…" he said sourly, cheering up a bit he said "You'll come to the wedding won't you. Best man and all."

Harry nodded, pressing a smile to his lips. "Yeah."

Ron pulled the curtains to his bed, Harry sat there for a long moment listening to him turn and settle down in bed. Eventually the light snores that was more of a wheeze.

Harry swung his legs backing into the bed rubbing his stomach, he was nausea from the unease that had settled over his life. It was one strange twist after another.

Needless to say he didn't sleep at all that night. Nor the night that followed.

TBC

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