Authors Notes: Hello all! I'm finally back, and writing late again. Hehe. I don't know why but that is one thing that just seems to be happening a lot lately. ; Sadly, I am not able to get to the names of those of you who reviewed. But to all of you, thank you very, very, very much. It means a great deal to me. I will answer all curiosities and comments at a later date. Possibly, expect an email or updates in the next chapter.

Also, I have a Live Journal account specifically for my fan fictions. I made it so I can keep you all up to date on when you can expect what from me. There will be update notices, sneak peeks, and other things from me. I planned to update this chapter much earlier, thus my live journal says, but I'm afraid I never got around to doing so. I've revised this, and added quite a bit, so I do hope this will keep you all satisfied. Thanks again.

Warnings: Thoughts of suicide, and gore.

Title: Only the Moon Will Know

Chapter: 5

Falling so deeply into the darkness, Edward fought against everything that was pulling him down. He couldn't stop it, no matter what he did. He kept falling into an empty void that would forever hold him captive. The darkness surrounded him and suffocated him. His screams and cries for help faded and he found himself trapped. He was captured in a silent void, one that kept him away from all that he longed for. His body ached and his mind swirled. His vision blurred. He was dying so slowly. When he fought and pleaded for light, he got something he would've preferred the darkness over. Staring down at a sunset scene, he saw the thick hole in the ground. They lowered a fine oak casket into the ground and began to drop the dirt in upon the box.

" Mother…" He murmured, unable to fight free from the sight.

He didn't want to see this. He didn't want her to die! He didn't mean to hurt her, to cause her so much pain. His love is what made him do it. He loved her. That was all. He just wanted to be with her again, to see her smile. To feel her warm arms curl around him. That's all he asked. The image faded and he could feel hot tears staining his cheeks. Hearing Al's scream, his body whipped around and he saw his brother fading beyond the gates. The boy screamed and pleaded to his brother to save him. Al didn't want to die. But with one final scream, the youngest Elric faded away into the darkness, his scream still echoing in Ed's mind.

" Al…"

The scream was covered quickly by several gunshots and explosions. His body jerked forward into a familiar place. Central. He was free to move Where was he? What was going on? Running as fast as he could, he found Mustang's office. Running in, he tried to speak but nothing came out. The office was a bloody mess. Curtains and bookshelves were ablaze. The fine blue carpet was splattered with wild crimson, giving it a deadly look. His stomach flipped and he nearly lost it there. It was a horrifying sight.

Riza Hawkeye lay in the middle of the doorway, many gunshot holes in her back. Blood seeped from her wildly, inhumanly. Her skin was pale and her eyes were opened – lifeless. Ed stepped over her, but his foot sunk into the carpet as it squished from the amount of blood. He cringed and tried to scream, but nothing came. He moved over to the desk…there was something missing: a cocky smirk and that laugh. Had the random killer gotten Roy, too?

He maneuvered around some flaming curtains and saw just behind the desk, what he was dreading. The body of Roy Mustang lay mangled, beaten and torn. He had more than 10 shots fired in him and his face was scratched up from what appeared to be some kind of animal. His blood poured from his body, leaking out around him allowing crimson ribbons to swirl and dance upon that blue coat. They trailed down and flowed easily into a large pool of blood that encased the body in it's crimson eternity. Edward fell to his knees and felt his body go cold. Shaking his head wildly, he tried to deny what he was seeing. He touched Roy's cold hand and shuddered.

" Roy…"

It was his entire fault. He was hurting them, because of who he was. He had to run. To hide so they wouldn't get hurt. Ed didn't want to feel this pain anymore. He couldn't lose anyone else! He couldn't. All the people he loved were killed because he was alive. Using alchemy, he was able to transmute the ground and pull forward a simple knife. The blade looked so cold, but so welcoming. The fine steel glimmered at him, beckoning him into the sweet sleep it would give him. It intoxicated him in its deadly simplicity. Holding the blade up, he stared at its point, watching the fine edge so carefully.

" I'm sorry…"

He raised both fleshed and metal arms into the air, holding the knife towards him. In one swift motion, he brought it down and waiting for the cold steel to push through warm skin. He longed for the feel of the silver item to throw away his miseries. But it never came. The world he was in swirled vividly around him and everything faded into a sickening black. The same, bottomless, and empty void that would forever laugh at him and hold him there until he drown in his tears.

Opening his eyes, Edward met a white shirt and a cinnamon smell. He knew that smell. Looking up, he saw Roy's face and shuddered. Screaming and fighting against strong arms, Ed tried to get away from Roy. Had it been a dream?

" Edward, calm down. Calm down. "

Tears stung his face and he continued to scream and fight against Mustang, swinging both arms wildly to get away from his captor. He didn't want to be near the Colonel. He would hurt him; he would die because of him! Ed couldn't stand it. His body was so weak and so cold all at once, but he fought still.

" It was a dream, Edward. Pull yourself together. Ed. Edward! FULL METAL! "

That got Ed's attention quickly. He stared up at Roy, wide-eyed and scared. Golden hues reflected such a fear, and such a pain that it even made the flame alchemist shudder. The blonde trembled profusely, and the tears appeared as though they would never stop. Ed's hair had fallen and lay loose around his shoulders. Being pulled in by those strong arms once more, the Elric boy felt safe.

" The dreams…won't go away…"

Mustang was not sure how to comfort the boy. Any other day, he would be staring down at the blonde, knowing that he was strong willed and quick tempered. He could pick on the shrimp and cause a little fight and nothing serious would happen. But now the boy appeared so fragile and so hurt, he was confused. The strong and outgoing blonde he knew was no longer there. It was as though someone threw him to the ground and he shattered into several tiny fragments, and was made into a myriad fool.

All Roy did was hold him until the shaking stopped and tears resided. Once tranquillity had struck the blonde alchemist, his arms loosened. Shifting and laying the full metal one back in bed, he covered him up, and placed a cool cloth on the other's forehead. It had only been a few days after Edward was released from the hospital wards, and now this was happening. He really pitied the young alchemist.

Once Roy had the chance to leave the room, he returned with breakfast prepared for the boy. As much as he hated having to be so nice to his blonde coworker, he had to obey the strict orders from the higher-ups. Sitting at the edge of the bed, Roy sat the tray down next to him.

" Are you hungry, Full Metal?"

Silence.

" Edward…"

Silence. Roy had to deal with this every morning since Edward had to go into an "at-home-rehab." It always resulted in an argument or something more physical. Everyday Roy had to get up and get ready to face the anger of Edward Elric – armed with his PJs and all.

He sat the tray of food on a table near the bed, and reached to the floor where several pillows lay. Picking them up he glanced to the blonde.

" Sit up, Edward. "

The blonde moved silently, lifelessly and allowed the pillows to be pushed behind his back for support. Ed was moved in somewhat of a sitting position. It was the same drill every single day. Nothing new. Roy moved the tray back over into Ed's lap and waited there, simply watching the Full Metal one.

" Full Metal Chibi…eat, now. "

Mustang smirked. The boy was definitely not deaf, or that faint pink wouldn't have washed across his face at that comment. Picking up a fork, Colonel stabbed a piece of sausage and lifted it to the blonde's lips.

" Eat. "

The blonde shook his head, so Mustang simply prodded further. Pushing the sausage into the boy's mouth carefully, he set the fork down. Just as the boy was going to spit the meat out, Roy clamped one hand atop Ed's head, and the other beneath the boy's jaw.

" Eat, Full Metal. Or you will have to worry about your food being burnt… "

He moved the hand that was on the boy's chin, to a curled position. It was obvious he was going to snap his fingers. Ignition gloves were beautiful things. There was his threat, and he knew it would work.

Finally, Ed subdued to the Colonel's wishes and ate the sausage. Then, the blonde swiftly tore at his food without any more pestering. That was the Edward everyone knew. Smirking, Mustang stood and moved off into his own room to change. His duties as Colonel were put aside for now, since he had to take full time care of Edward while he was recovering. Not that he minded one bit, of course.

Since his uniform was not required for off days, Roy had dressed into some black dress pants and a plain white button down shirt. He still had to look classy. Just a thing of his, of course. Not caring much for his hair he left it be and slipped some dress shoes on.

He looked to his reflection again in a mirror he had in his room. Staring into it, his thoughts wandered.

Although Edward was highly depended on around the military, he was just a child. People seemed to forget that very easily. Even Mustang was guilty at that. The boy had so much weight to bear both for himself and for his younger brother. He worked so hard everyday to come closer to their salvation, but each time, he was also a step away. He understood why the boy was overworked now. It made perfect sense. He was trying to be an adult in a child's body.

It hadn't been long until something ruptured his thoughts. Roy moved towards Edward's room where a large and painful sounding 'thunk' had come from. Opening the door with much concern, he saw that there was no Edward in bed, but instead he was on the floor with his PJs laying on the floor beside him.

Edward found dressing himself unusually harder than it ever had been in the past. He had lost strength and collapsed to the floor, just after getting his usual black pants on. Roy sighed and shook his head lightly, like a mother would with a foolish child. The flame moved to the closet and pulled out a red t-shirt with some kind of company logo on it and helped Edward put it on.

" You don't have to dress for work. There will be no working for you for a long time. "

Edward was too engulfed in Roy to even say anything to that. It was rare for him to see Roy in something other than his uniform. Sometimes Ed was graced with a Roy clad in PJs. But this was a welcomed change. Though before the other caught him staring, those golden eyes shifted off to a wall. Why was he so suddenly acting and thinking this way around Colonel Bastard? He shook his head wildly at the thought.

" Stop staring into space, Edward. Try to get up…"

Ed was able to stand, but was very wobbly on his feet. His legs felt like jelly, and it was a very annoying feeling. He felt helpless, like a lost child. And the only one there to help him was Roy. Lovely, just what he was looking forward to his entire life. Reluctantly, Roy was able to get socks on the blonde but the boots were a hassle. Just at the right moment, Edward would suddenly shift, claiming he was getting comfortable. But it also caused the boot to hit him square in the stomach.

Choking back anger, Roy continued. This was becoming a ritual for him. Get up. Feed Edward. Get dressed. Dress Edward. Go get work. Take care of Edward. His life was simply about Edward right now, and that alone was beginning to take its toll on him.

" Can…you take me by the library today?"

Out of the silence, that small voice chimed in and made Mustang jump. Standing, the Colonel sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He had finally gotten the boy's boots on.

" Very well. When do you want to go? Now?"

A shrug of the shoulders was his answer. Ever since Edward had awoken from his comatose state, the blonde had been very quiet and shy. Well, for the most part, anyway. Roy gave into the boy's wish and crouched down on the floor.

" I don't have all day, Edward. "

Ed grumbled and managed to get up onto Roy's back. Holding the boy to his back, Mustang moved off towards the door, and opened it swiftly. This would be interesting…this was Ed's first time out of their quarters since his illness began. And with them together, rumors were sure to fly.

As he passed several people in the halls, he gave a curt nod and spoke some, but did not linger long. Havoc, Breda and Fury passed by, all in which were snickering at the Colonel. They had been joking on his and Edward's non-existent relationship for some time now. Passing a simple sneer, Roy walked into the Library, finding it empty.

" And this is where you work all day?"

" Yeah…empty like usual. "

The boy seemed absolutely thrilled at that. He had contacted the librarian ahead of time, and she had set out some books he asked for. He wouldn't be allowed to do any work, but he could still read, at least. Setting Ed down into a chair, Mustang gathered his own paperwork. He still had an excessive amount to get done, and lately he had been experiencing some late nights. He had to work on it even on his off days.

Sitting down in a chair opposite from Ed, he began to read through reports and other information pertaining to current public issues. Though onyx eyes moved up from the glaring papers, and found themselves on something easier to watch—Edward.

The blonde was infixed in his book. He was resting his chin on his arms while reading looking absolutely absorbed into its material. Every so often he would shift, and chuckle lightly, muttering things like ' So horrible. Idiot! Brilliant!' It was a comical sight indeed. He had to strain back small laughs, and at times that Edward's eyes wandered, he had to act as though he had never let his eyes wander. The boy was just so easy to watch, and he seemed so happy to be reading. Reading, of all things. Ed was himself completely, and not hiding away from anything while reading. Smiling softly, Mustang turned back to his work.

Hours seemed to pass like minutes for Roy. He was actually able to complete the largest portion of paperwork in which Riza had promptly given to him. He hated paperwork. Glancing up from a document clutched tightly in gloved hands, he noticed that Edward had drifted asleep face down in the pages of a thick textbook. A small smile pulled at the corners of the cold colonel's mouth.

"…Why, Edward?"

He questioned into the silence. Why did he have to be so beautiful? Why was it that every time he looked at the blonde alchemist, he had to work hard to keep his character in line? He had to think to make sure he didn't say something stupid, so he usually referred to the insults on Edward's vertical problem.

After his round of disheveled thoughts, and nagging from one of the officials working the library, Roy stood. Collecting his papers he stuffed them into a file and held it tightly under one arm. He walked over to one side of Edward's chair and nudged the blonde alchemist. Perhaps he would be able to wake him? Highly unlikely. But hey, the small one went against all odds, and indeed woke up…somewhat. He was in a haze that was just between consciousness and unconsciousness.

" What?" Edward's voice was raspy…showing evidence of sleep.

" Time to get back home…"

" Mmph. "

Yeah, this was the stubborn Edward Elric.

" Get up, Full Metal. "

" Just a few more minutes. "

This was a lost battle already. He hated having to care for the arrogant and stubborn boy. It was like having an untrained puppy. Edward tramped around and did whatever he wanted, not listening to anyone's commands.

" No. Now get your sorry ass out of that chair, or I'll—"

" Or you'll what? Charm me to death, Mustang? Beat me down with your 'oh so gorgeous hair' or glare a hole in me with your 'mysterious eyes'?"

A small snicker came from the small alchemist. He was obviously wide-awake, and was just playing a joke or two here. But these small jokes began to wear on Roy's patience. In a flash of black and white, Edward found himself heaved over the broad shoulder of Roy Mustang.

Angrily, Ed pounded for all he was worth on Mustang's back, but the other still did not set him down.

" Now Edward, I warned you. Did you listen? No. So thus, I removed you by force. "

The boy wasn't entirely too heavy. Most of his weight he was certain was the automail.

" Besides, you're ill. What was I thinking that you could walk back by yourself?"

" Bite me. "

" We've gone through this once before, Full Metal. Do not tempt me."

And the silence took over. Though over the few minutes Roy was holding Ed, he felt the boy's body relax against his own, and his breathing level out. He was falling back to sleep! Roy heaved a sigh of annoyance and opened the door to their quarters. He brought Edward back to his feet. The blonde slumped against him and cuddled up to him.

"…Tired…" Those words came muffled from the younger one's mouth, and into his shirt.

" You've done nothing but read. How in the world are you tired?"

Mustang's tone was skeptical.

"…Mmph. Shut up, pillow. "

Roy was appalled. He had just been demeaned, and called a pillow. This called for something witty. Something to really piss the boy off, so that he would learn that he, Roy Mustang, was NO pillow for some runt. He opened his mouth to speak, took a deep breath and…

Nothing came out. He honestly couldn't bring himself to say anything right now. Why was he complaining? Edward, the one he had come to have feelings for, was right there, cuddling up to him. Edward usually protested against any signs of being romantically involved with the Colonel…so this was always a welcomed change.

" Should I take you to bed, Edward?"

There was no answer from the other. He wasn't asleep…he knew that for sure. His breathing differed too drastically for him to be asleep. Small, yet strong, arms wrapped around Roy's waist, and the boy snuggled to him.

" Edward…"

He prodded gently, trying to get the boy's attention.

" I'll have another nightmare. "

This in itself was shocking. Why would he of all people admit one of his greatest weaknesses? Was Edward really losing it? His Ed never let anyone know his faults. His Edward never succumbed to the help of others. His Ed…never allowed him so close.

"…What do you suggest I do about it?"

There you go Mustang. Be an ass to him…that'll help you out. Riiight.

" I…don't know. "

" Then I'm taking you to your room. "

And the Colonel did just as he promised. He helped Ed change into pajamas and settled him into bed. After that, he made haste to his own room. He realized his state of exhaustion once his rear end came in contact with the plush mattress. It was beckoning him in…willing him into a state of sleep. He slipped his shoes off and got beneath the covers as he was. Sleep came to him easily not too long after that.

And though Edward had vowed that he would not have a nightmare this night, he did have one. One of the worst by far. He had this strange feeling that something was not quite right. He slid from bed and moved down the hall the best he could. He could feel his strength seeping from him as he ventured the hallway. He hated being ill. Ed moved into Roy's room silently. Luckily the door was left open. Sweat beaded at his brow and golden hues were still widened and paled from his dream. It had been the same one from before, but much more detail.

Sliding in his socks across the wood floors he came to a stop just to the side of the bed. His eyes skimmed the figure that lay so still beneath white sheets. Reaching out his fleshed hand he hesitantly touched the man's cheek. He expected a cold and dry feeling. But instead the man's skin was warm against his palm, and damp from sweat it seemed. The man winced, and groaned. He too seemed to be having his own sort of dream. He felt his legs beginning to buckle beneath him. He hoisted himself onto the bed and sat there, just watching the man as he slept. With a flesh hand, he continuously ran his fingers through the Colonel's hair.

This soothed both the Flame and FullMetal Alchemist. Edward lay next to Roy, knowing that what he was doing was forbidden. He didn't care. Not this time. He slipped beneath the covers, and took Roy's hand in his, stroking the top of it lightly. Roy's nightmares ceased, and a small smile crossed his face. Lids drooped slowly over golden hues, and soon, the young one had fallen asleep cuddled close to the larger man.

Only the moon would know of such an event. Night sang its lullaby to the world around it, lulling it into a peaceful sleep. Things were better than Edward had thought.

T.B.C…

Authors Notes: Phew! I finished it! I hope this will hold you off for now! Expect chapter 6 in the near future. 3

Conan.