(A/N) This story was written about two years ago and has not been proofread, so expect grammatical errors, spelling mistakes and the whole jest of it. I 'would' edit it, but if I did I don't think I'll have time to edit my other stories before my last school year begins. Another reason why I'm not editing this is because this story was written when I was going through a hard phase of depression; therefore I wrote it with a whole lot of emotion and negativity. I don't plan to revise it again, so I hope you understand my decision...

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Lone Wolf's Burden

CHAPTER 6

By flipstahhz

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Many things had happened ever since the defeat of Seadramon and many other Digimon that threatened to complete our tasks. Soon after, all our digimon had learned to Digivolve - then we got separated. I ended up a bit sick when I was trying to find TK in the blistering cold, but somehow we had managed to get together with the group in the end.

Throughout the whole time, Tai and I would have numerous bickers…sometimes I found it really frustrating how he couldn't or in other words 'wouldn't' think before he act…it wasn't a game - the whole group could get killed…and he never thought of life that way. It was a serious matter, and he was taking it for granted - it got on my nerves. Everyone is in danger, and we couldn't just charge into something when we didn't know one single bit about it - besides the fact that we had lots of evil enemies.

But Tai was one of my friends. We still got along somehow, in this rivalry way. He was playing leader, but I didn't really care. I only cared when he went way of hand and did the ignorant things.

Then came the time when Tai got sent back to the real world, leaving us - the group - to fend for ourselves. We all ended going different directions, and I was separated from TK once again…by helping a friend Jyo Kido in need …for it was my time to be at his rescue from the restaurant nightmare…but I won't go there. Once we were altogether once again, there was only one person missing - Sora.

Sometimes we need time to ourselves, and I understood that - yet Tai didn't. I probably understood that since I had been alone for quite a very long time. We defeated more Digimon that tried to make us pay, or something like that, yet something in my heart taunted me…and I would just ignore the pain and carry on with the bravest face I could put on for my brother, who had started to notice.

Sora needed to know why she had the crest of love. It was pretty obvious from everyone else's' point of view why she got it, but not from hers. It was the same with me and the crest of 'friendship' … since when did I be a friend?

We were reunited, when she finally understood the concept of what love meant. Then we were settled, yet again, with another task, which was way over our heads (more than Izzy's complicated vocabulary). Gennai, this weird old-looking guy, explained to us how Myotismon ( a really evil-as-you-can-get) Digimon was looking for the eighth child…the eighth Digimon. So, as a group, we had to fight our way back to the Real World by passing a gate guarded my stone looking Digimon, but as usual…we won and got to go back to earth.

When the eighth child was revealed, it was Hikari Kamiya all along - Tai's little sister. I guess TK won't be as lonely anymore. A long period of time passed, it looked as if we weren't going to win this battle since every hit did nothing to Myotismon because he kept coming stronger than ever. Izzy solved a prophecy of Tai and myself getting shot by arrows of light and hope and we ended -somehow- defeating him. I asked Izzy, later on, what the hell had happened…but I didn't understand what he was on about and didn't bother to ask again.

From that certain time, we thought all was well…but it was all going to change.

"Mama!" I spun around to see Takeru give my mother an embrace, making my heart wrench in pain to see her again…as well as my father.

Coldly, I stared behind them, not making an effort to look some where else to avoid their eye contact. So this was it. TK would be separated from me once again…

"Oh, TK…I was so afraid I'd never see you again. You must have been terrified, TK," her motherly tone took place.

If this is how it was to be, I just wanted to leave already. I wasn't ready to say bye to Takeru again…as well as my mother. Even though she wasn't there for me, I couldn't help the fact that I cared for her, yet caring caused nothing but pain…I didn't want to left alone…

"Nuh-uh! Matt was with me the whole time!"

My eyes wavered over to the woman, with my neutral eyes taking over … pretending to stare at the interesting destroyed building behind her.

"Matt…"

"Hey Mom," I replied back numbly.

"Come on! Come and see Matt, and Daddy too!" TK exclaims cheerfully.

I could and never would understand Takeru. He was so cheerful over the damn somber times, so oblivious to what was actually happening. So oblivious that we would be torn apart…

"Oh Matt," her kind voice spoke, " I'm so proud of you son…"

I felt like exploding. Since when was she proud of me? Proud because I looked after TK s, since that was the only task I was to do from her point of view? How could she even address me as son when I haven't even lived with her for three years? It was agonizing how she was taking it all so blindly. Then again, she could be hiding everything behind those blue eyes, quite similar to mine…

"Yeah, whatever," I managed to grumble out.

"Don't be like that," she frowned back.

It felt as if she wanted me to be as cheery as Takeru was at that moment. How could I be cheery after all the crap I had gone through and pretend that nothing had happened?

"Nancy? It's been a long time, hasn't it?"

Before I was about to respond to my mother, my father interrupted with his croaky and a hint of drunkenness in his tone. He casually stood a few strides away from me, with his natural blond hair, identical to both Takeru's and mine.

"Yes, it has," Ms. Takaishi backed it up.

It was strange, having this forced tension around us. I had even forgotten that the rest of the other Digidestined were there…it felt as if it was only us - the once together Ishida family.

" It's been a really long time since all four of us were together, huh Matt?" TK's squeaky query broke my thoughts.

Not wanted to keep his hopes down and to think of the impossibility of it ever staying like that I simply answered back with a shrug, "Yeah, I guess so."

Fortunately, for me, the conversation of this sappy family thing was over and we were all absorbed into talking about what was presently occurring at the time. The sky suddenly had images of a familiar place, depicting in numerous patches up high.

" There's something familiar about that mountain," Izzy began speaking his thoughts aloud, "…it looks like Infinity Mountain! That giant continent is actually the Digital World!"

A rainbow beam shot down towards us from the sky, with all our crests' colors. It had to be a sign, we had to follow it… While I was pretty sure that I could hear that Mimi was moaning about not dropping into her pink comfy bed and sleeping for eternity. I guess we could all go for some rest, but I didn't think that was going to happen…

"Back to the Digital World!" TK screamed in pure excitement.

"TK!" Our mother yelled.

"Mom! Oh, I'm sorry we have to leave now that we're finally back together again."

Even though Takeru was trapped in a young child's body, sometimes he thought he would think like a completely another person - someone more mature and older…

"You CAN'T!" Ms. Takaishi yelled a order that wasn't going to work or affect my younger brother, neither myself.

"We have to let them do this. This could be more important than you realise," my father spoke up…I was actually thankful he did so…

I needed my mother to believe this, and I wanted another chance to be with TK on the catching up we needed to do as brothers. I needed this opportunity and I definably wasn't going it to get blown away that easily. TK was my only brother - and one of my true friends as well, who could knock some sense into me once in a while… " The whole world is doomed if we don't do something, Mom! You know we have to go back! We're doing this to protect you!"

"Matt…" she whispered through teary eyes as she screamed hysterically to us as we floated in the rainbow coloured beam as well with my other Digidestined friends, "Matt! TK! Take care of each other!"

That was a first.

TK, taking care of me? That certainly was a first…that thought carried on my mind until we arrived back to the Digiworld as we all watched our parents fade away in the distance…

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As soon as we got back to the world of digital creatures we were already in for many fights with other evil menacing Digimon, that wouldn't just simply get off our backs. It was tiring, but I didn't complain as much as Jyou and Mimi had…with their whining wanting me to blow up in irritation.

Then we faced Puppetmon.

Puppetmon wasn't one of the toughest Digimon that we had fought as a group, it was just one of the trickiest since he had many of them tricks up his sleeve, some tricks were even to control us - which I didn't like one bit.

TK was no where to be found, which left me under again.

Though we were all reunited again, I felt weird and guilty that I couldn't do anything to protect my younger from harm…I felt helpless…

I remember how little Takeru gazed up at me with his sparkling blue eyes, obviously saying that he was big enough to look after himself and that he didn't need me at all. It was as if he knew I would question, " Are you okay Takeru?" He could look after himself and I felt as if I was lurking within the group with no absolute purpose. A sinking feeling dragged my heart, and I had an urge to be left alone…

Everyone was now lost in some conversation that I couldn't bother to take place in. Making sure that no one was looking I nudged Gabumon beside me. " Come on, let's go."

Trying to make a silent escape we walked behind the lime coloured bushes.

If Takeru didn't need me…I'd be best away from the group…I have no place in it, but carrying some dumb crest that is 'friendship'. What's the point of it…Tai's in charge and no one would probably want to listen to my twisted ideas. Twisted ideas about actually thinking things out before charging… when we didn't know what we were putting ourselves into. Maybe being alone wasn't such a bad idea…I'm needed or wanted with them anyway…

We paced further away and I came to realization that we were already at an edge of some drifting natural lake. I continued to walk along it without hesitation, not even sure where my feet was actually leading me. If I got lost, I didn't care. It was not like I was found…

"Matt, come on! I'm all for exercise, but I'm really not built for long distances. Matt, where are we going?"

My eyes stared hard ahead of me, and didn't look at Gabumon as we proceeded. " Just away…I need some space."

Gabumon and I trailed along and aimless path and I dropped by a big tree, leaning against it. I was suddenly speaking my thoughts…even though I was addressing them to Gabumon…it was more like I was talking and fighting to myself…

" You ever felt like a fifth wheel, Gabumon? That's what I feel like. All this time, I thought I had like, a purpose, you know? To look out for my little brother. I thought T.K. wouldn't be able to survive without me watching over him. But suddenly, it's like he's growing up. He doesn't need me anymore. And it's not just him. It's everybody, man. I mean, when I think of Tai and Mimi and Sora and the others, this place has changed them for the better. They're stronger now. It's almost like they've digivolved or something."

" But, you see, the problem is, I haven't. I'm still stuck in the same place. I haven't changed a bit," I added in a rather husky voice.

Gabumon chose his words carefully, " You may not see it, Matt, but you've changed a lot. "

I shook my head with a really artificial cold laugh, " Oh, please, Gabumon. Give me a break. I'm the same jerk I always was."

" Hey, come on. "

I was in a state of talking negative things…talking like there was not a speck of happiness in the ill world…

"It'll never happen. Not this way. I finally got it figured out. If I'm ever gonna change, I have to do it on my own. On my own. The others can't help me. "

Our talk was interfered my Cherrymon, whom had been there the whole time.

Great timing.

Even though half the things Cherrymon was speaking and saying that he had turned to the good side, and so on, I didn't believe him. He then lectured me on how Tai was evil, and I took that. Even though I knew it was he thought was on the dark side…I let him take control me into believing it.

"Friendship, loyalty, comrades. Fine sounding words. But that's all they are. Words, delusions. And you're wise enough to see that now. You know that ultimately, the only person you can depend on is yourself. Isn't that right, Matt?"

The three didn't leave me alone, yet in some way…he was correct…

"He's wrong!" exclaimed Gabumon as he turned to look at the expression on my face. " Isn't he?"

"I…I-I don't know," I managed to respond back.

Gabumon still had his eyes on me, " You don't?"

"Alright, then! That's enough moping around for now. Look, kid, stop staring at your shoes. The choice in front of you is simple! If you truly want to change, to reach your full potential, you must defeat Tai. It's either that or be content to live your life following in the shadows of him forever!"

What a choice. What do I do? Oh, what do I do?

I glanced down at the crest in my palm and let a snort, " Ohh that's a laugh. Wouldn't you know that my crest had to be the crest of friendship."

"Matt, there's one thing he's right about. Whatever you're going to do, do it! You've got to hear what your own conscious is telling you, and not listen to anybody else. Not Tai, or Cherrymon or me. You've got to have faith in yourself, Matt."

"Gabumon, what if I make the wrong decision? "

"I know that whatever it is, it'll be the right one. Because I have faith in you! And whichever path you take, I'll be there with you. You do have a friend. Never forget that! I'll always be there, Matt, no matter what."

" You mean that Gabumon…thanks," I gave a tiny truthful smile.

Gabumon digivolved and together we tried to find the rest of the group. Garurumon destroyed a couple of Garbagemon as soon as we got there and we were greeted…

"Matt, you're back!" Sora said enthusiastically.

"Better late than never! Where ya been buddy?" Taichi winked with a goofy face.

Tai and the rest of the group ran towards me, and I let my cold self take over. Garurumon digivolved back to Gabumon and that's when the trouble started. My other 'friends' thought I had gone insane of how I was acting…

"The problem with you is pretty easy to figure out. You're upset because you wanna be the boss." Tai announced.

Now that was way off the track, it was weird how I could read whatever played in Taichi Kamiya's mind…yet he never could understand mine. I sneered. " Yeah, like I wanna be boss of this sorry group. If any of you brainiacs wanna take charge, be my guest. I say we should just take care of ourselves."

"Stop fighting, you two!" Sora said in an angered tone. " We've got to stick together!"

"Don't look at me, Matt's the one who started it. He's got a bug up his nose. Huh. I don't have to listen to this. "

I raised my fist mockingly.

If this was my decision, then it was.

If I was the one who would get knocked out, I didn't care. At least one of us would get hurt…

"What's the matter? Are you a chicken?"

"That it's!" yelled Tai as his fist slammed onto me, I didn't wince. That was a sign of utter weakness.

"Matt! I'm gonna tell Matt that you were fighting!"

The familiar voice struck me - TK. I had forgotten he was there all along…I turned to him neutrally, " Sorry TK, I have to do this."

I fought back at Tai. Fists were flying; we were soon rolling on the dirt - where we belonged.

"Both of you, stop it right now!" ordered Jyou, but we didn't take notice of it as our squabbling continued.

"You two are just making things worse!" Sora cried out.

I felt Tai grab my shirt. " I'm only doing this to honour the memory of all the brave digimon that have helped us. They trusted us and believed in our commitment. We can't let them down. "

Bold words. The words I had expected from him…

"What if it's a mistake?" I asked bluntly.

Seeking that he was off guard, I punched him. Then our fight was interrupted again. Some person/being took over Hikari's body and was explaining why it was us that was Digidestined and how we were actually selected by our strongest qualities that we had you possessed four years ago. Then they were as a crest for each of us. We now finally understood how we were chosen; yet I still wasn't satisfied.

"Well, Matt, there's no doubt about how we became the Digidestined. We saw it happen," Tai started.

"We sure did," I simply said back.

"So now the entire world is depending on us. And we all have to save it together! How about it, Matt? Are we still a team? "

He held his hand out for a handshake, but I avoided it with my eyes closed as I lowered my head guiltily.

It was TK's turn to speak, "What's wrong?"

"Hey, let's put the past behind us."

I gazed at Tai with a frown, " I know, but you wouldn't understand.

"Sure I would. I say that you and I should let bygones be bygones."

I turned around to the opposite direction. " That's not the problem, Tai. This thing is bigger than either of us. It's not about right or wrong. I have my path and you have yours. And I'm not even sure where this path is going to lead me, but I know I have to find it for myself. But I still believe in all of us. I mean, without any of you, where would I be? This is all just so confusing, and I let it get to me. Ah, that's why we fought. It's important that you guys can count on me, but... I'm going to do this because I have to! Tsunomon will be with me, so I'll be alright. Don't worry, it'll be a lot better this way."

"Matt, if you approach this logically, I'm sure you'll reconsider your decision. Your crest. It's theme is to promote..."

I stopped Izzy from going on, "Friendship, I know. But I haven't been too much of a friend in case you haven't noticed. Maybe it's because I don't know the true meaning of the word, or maybe I've just forgotten. "

"Here's a good idea. Let's break up into two groups instead of one big one," Sora made a worthless effort.

" I'm sorry... but I really need to do this alone. "

"Oh. Well, I believe in you, and I'm not going to stand in your way, " Sora said. She probably was the one that had understood me the most.

" What am I supposed to do without you, Matt? "

I wasn't expecting TK to say that… " You're a big kid now. You can take care of yourself, TK."

"Yeah, but... "

"Don't worry, we'll be here for you. Besides, you know how big brothers are, they need their own space. Everything will be fine," Sora smiled down at my brother, making me feel a tinge bit jealous when TK seemed reassured about staying with them

So this was it…

"We'll see ya. Good bye, everyone," I said uncomfortably and uncertainly. I walked away.

I had left the group for another time, finding myself…was it ever going to happen? Was it ever going to happen that being alone would help me…for it hadn't helped me for the previous years. But this was my decision I had to keep it…

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