So, as it turned out, change was highly over-rated.
At least, that was the conclusion Mary came to as she looked out of the huge bay window in her suite
The view was spectacular from where she was standing. A private Hawaiian beach stretched out as far as she could see, with white sands that had barely been tread upon, and a clear blue sea that reflected the brilliant silver moon that was in residence in the late night sky. It was like something off a postcard, with the waves lapping gently yards away from the bedroom window, and the tall, leafy palm trees that surrounded the grounds.
So why was it that Mary wished she was back in Vegas, sitting in the bar on the last night the Montecito would be open with her friends?
Why was it that some things are just never how you expect them to be? She wondered to herself. Aesthetically, yeah, Hawaii was beautiful, that much she had seen as they'd landed a couple of hours ago at the small local airport. But she had expected…more. She had expected to arrive here and feel a huge weight lifted off her shoulders, the burden of all her problems from back home gone and forgotten. Instead, she felt worse than she had to begin with, thanks to a feeling in the pit of her stomach that refused to dwindle or disappear, a feeling that something had happened but she just didn't know about yet, and she had been trying to shrug it off ever since.
A car had taken them from the airport to the house, the building situated in what seemed to be the middle of nowhere, secluded by the massive palm trees that lined the perimeter. She already had an idea of what the house looked like, thanks to the pictures Mike had printed off the internet and handed to her as they were walking through the casino floor, but when Jake had looked over at her as they drove through the tall, iron-gated and security-guarded gates and asked if she was okay, it was all she could do to stop herself from gaping open-mouthed and cursing.
She didn't know exactly how big the house was, but she was fairly certain that if half of Vegas were ever homeless, this was where they should come. The 'house' was exactly like Jake had described. Only, he had forgotten to add a couple of million dollars onto the value of the place, and forgot to mention the thousands of acres of land it covered. The term 'mansion' wouldn't have been far off the mark as far as she was concerned, but then, this was the girl who had lived and breathed the suburbs and city of Las Vegas her entire life, so she didn't know if her opinion counted for much.
The inside was just as impressive, open and spacious with luxurious furniture that probably cost a lot more than Mary's house did. An antique bureau sat in the corner of the sitting room, and it looked so old and expensive that Mary vowed never to go near it just in case she happened to damage it in some way. The furniture was so big it reminded her of when she was a kid and Danny's father had read 'Jack and the Beanstalk' to them, the pictures in the story book of the giant's house suddenly popping into her mind. The sofa and the armchairs looked so lush and comfortable that if she sat in them, she wondered if she'd just keep sinking until it swallowed her whole.
The dining room was about as big as the whole of Mystique, a long mahogany table in the centre of the room with matching chairs around it that made Mary wonder, if she had that table, did she actually know enough people to fill it? The kitchen was next, stainless steel and white, with more gadgets than Gunther would know what to do with. The bathrooms and bedrooms had followed, but Mary figured she must have left her brain back at the Montecito watching Gladys Knight singing, because it certainly wasn't here if the lack of intelligent conversation she was making was anything to go by.
It wasn't long after that that Mary had yawned, and Jake had asked if she wanted to go to bed, which then inevitably turned into an awkward and confusing conversation that made them both blush as he explained that he wasn't presuming anything and he meant sleeping, alone, in her room, honestly, because he didn't expect…
And Mary had been relieved because, while she suspected that their relationship would become physical at some point during this trip, she was certain that she wasn't ready for that now, not while her head was still so full of the past and unwilling to accept change, despite what she thought she was ready to embrace.
So, Jake had shown her to this very beautiful, very plush suite that was decorated very simplistically. Everything was a clean, bright white, so much so that walking into it Mary couldn't help thinking of a very sterile, albeit very nice, hospital room. Of course, once she was in the room, it was anything but. Despite the simplicity of the décor, the room was set off by a mahogany dressing table and mirror that Mary thought looked older than her grandmother, and a matching queen-sized bed, opposite the window where she was standing now.
There had been awkwardness again as they had both stood there in the middle of the room, in darkness because neither of them had flicked on the light as they came in and because it seemed like the moonlight coming through the window was enough to see by. They stood there silently, glancing back and forth at one another as they figured out what was next.
Despite Jake's proclamations, the look on his face was somehow hopeful, like he was waiting, fingers crossed behind his back, that she'd kiss him and say she wanted them to be together. But she couldn't. No matter how grateful she was to him for opening her eyes, and for being there when she needed someone different. She wanted to give him that, to give him herself, but she couldn't bring herself to do it, no matter how her feelings for him were growing, and she felt guilt inside of her because of that.
Instead, after what seemed like hours had passed, Jake had leaned in and placed a very sweet, chaste kiss on her cheek. He smiled and left the room, wishing her sweet dreams as he closed the door and left her alone with her thoughts.
Alone, she thought to herself now, as she left her place by the window to find her suitcase that had been left by the door to the bathroom. That was funny. Okay, so maybe not in a 'ha-ha' way, but it did seem weird that in her entire life, she hated being alone and yet now she was welcoming it. She had always done everything she possibly could to avoid spending time in her own company. It wasn't that she didn't like who she was or anything as narcissistic as that, it was more like when she was alone, she always somehow felt like she was waiting for…
Flashes of her father ran through her mind, drunk and slobbering, opening her bedroom door in the middle of the night, asking if she was awake while she cowered under the comforter, eyes scrunched closed so hard that it made her see stars, praying for him to go away.
She shook her head to herself, taking a lungful of air when she realised that she had stopped breathing, sinking down onto the well-padded armchair next to the bed for just a second until her legs stopped feeling like jelly and threatening to give way underneath her. She swallowed back the lump that was forming deep in her throat, refusing to cry over that sorry bastard when she had already wasted so many tears on him in the past.
She pulled on the suitcase next to her, laying it flat in the middle of the room to open it and find something to sleep in. Rummaging through the masses of clothes packed – well, she had to be prepared for every eventuality, didn't she? – she eventually found what she was looking for and disappeared with them in hand into the spacious bathroom.
Ten minutes and way too many jet sprays from the power shower later, she picked her way around the still-open luggage, pulling a comb through her hair and dressed in a tank top and shorts. She bent to flip the suitcase closed and tried to move it. The comb was moved to her mouth, gripped between her teeth, both hands on the handle of the case to move it. One heave, two heaves… Yeah, that baby wasn't moving anywhere without a forklift behind it. She shrugged to herself after the fifth attempt, conceding defeat and silently noting to remember it was there if she got up in the middle of the night so that she didn't fall over it.
She moved the comb from her mouth, pulling a face at the hair that had transferred to her lips, her hand wiping over it as she walked over to the bed and sat on the end. She still hadn't bothered turning on a light, although the bathroom had been an entirely different story, so she sat there in the light of the moon, thinking about what to do next.
Mary knew that she wasn't particularly tired, despite the obviously Oscar-winning performance she had given to Jake earlier, but she still felt obligated to get into bed, as if to say to herself 'hey, look, I wasn't really lying, honestly' more than anything else. She moved to the side of the bed, pulling back crisp white sheets that she was guessing had never been slept in before and never would be again after she had vacated the room, and climbed under them, lying on her side to look out of the window.
Light filtered in through the window, streams of moonlight that bounced off of the hard marble floor and onto the walls to make patterns and shapes that reminded Mary of earlier times in her life. She remembered being a teenager, when she had hidden in Danny's room for weeks. Sometimes, on the good nights, the moon and stars would shine in like this and they'd lie awake for hours trying make out faces or animals, laughing until the sun came up. That had been a good time in her life, when she knew exactly what she wanted and how she felt.
Too bad she didn't feel that way now.
It was funny how something so inanimate can change your life so much. The Montecito had given Mary everything that she had ever wanted; security and stability, confidence and a family. The only time she had ever felt any of those things before was when she had been with Danny, but she'd learned fast that she shouldn't always count on him to be around. He had his own life to lead, the proof of that was him leaving for the Marines, and while she had always been so sure that they'd end up together, she'd had to live without him, despite the pain it caused her.
The people she had gotten to know through her job were the people she knew she'd be friends with throughout her life, and she would be forever grateful for that, and it seemed stupid to be so upset about a building that just wouldn't be there anymore. But walking out of the Montecito for what she felt would be the last time had filled her with sadness. That building, it's employees, everything that it was…it had been a huge part of her life. She had eaten there, slept there, shopped there, made love there…
And soon, it would be gone. So many memories wiped out with the flick of a switch and a ton of explosives.
It probably wasn't just the building. Maybe it was the fact that she wouldn't be seeing them every day like before…Nessa, Sam, Delinda, Ed, Mike…Danny.
Huh. Danny. There was a whole other can of worms that she didn't think would be a good idea to open, especially not now.
It would be a very bad idea to think about the only guy she had ever loved in her whole life, to think about the reason why she was here in this house with someone who would never measure up to the person who had been with her through everything.
Yep, definitely a bad idea.
With the can opened and the worms wriggling around everywhere, Mary turned onto her back, shaking her head to admonish herself for doing exactly what she said she wouldn't. She let out a frustrated sigh, the thought of closing her eyes completely out of the question. One good thing about working in a casino? You get used to the lack of sleep. You can function for days with just a few hours of shut-eye. Learn ways to look as fresh as a daisy when you feel more like the dirt it's sat in. Of course, at times like this it was more of a hindrance than it was a help when all she wanted was for this day to end.
The entire purpose of her being here, being with Jake at all, was supposed to make her move on. Jake was supposed to help her get over Danny, supposed to help her get over losing her job and the Montecito. It wasn't working, none of it. When she got on that plane a few hours ago, she had been certain that change was what she wanted and needed. But she didn't want it, and as many times as she had told herself that she did, she was fooling herself. She knew now that she liked who she was, she liked her life, she was being forced to change because she had no control of what was happening, back in Vegas or right here and now.
She felt like screaming, asking why it couldn't just be simple like it used to be. She felt so ungrateful, lying here in this beautiful room in this beautiful house, a guy who she knew would give her the world if she asked, who had told her more than a few times how much he cared for her just a few doors away.
But it wasn't enough.
Jake was…well, he was one of the most amazing, romantic guys she had ever met. He was handsome, and sweet, and he wanted to sweep her off her feet. And God, Mary wanted to be swept. More than anything, she wanted to give him her heart, because he'd take such good care of it. Somehow, when she looked at him, she knew that he would be good to her, take care of her and love her. Most women would kill for that kind of guy, but to Mary… To Mary he was second choice.
She hated using that term because it implied that he was good enough. The truth was, he was good enough. He was all kinds of good. If anything, it was the other way around. She wasn't good enough for him, she knew that, because the reason why she was here was because he was the guy who could never hurt her the way Danny had in the past. He was the one she wasn't afraid of being with and loving. Jake was the safe option because she had already risked so much on one Mr McCoy
The past few months had been like some kind of hell between them after what happened, awkward and weird and guarded and strained, and Mary hated that feeling. Things weren't meant to be like that between them. They were best friends, through everything, and they were maybe, hopefully, starting to get that back because as much as she had been hurt, there was no way she wanted to know what it was like to not have him in her life, and if she was with Jake, she was less likely to be hurt by him again.
It wasn't that she didn't care for Jake, because she honestly did. Every day, she felt more for him, and the last thing she wanted to do was be here under false pretences, but she knew that no matter what, no matter how her feelings for Jake grew, Danny would always be Mary's first… Everything. She had always thought that he would be her last everything, too, but it looked like that wasn't so likely.
Danny had always been a contradiction of himself, and his feelings for her were no exception to that rule. He didn't want to be with her, but he didn't want anyone else to be either. He loved her, but just as a friend, until suddenly something happened to make him think otherwise. Since the engagement had been broken off, it was obvious what he wanted and that whatever they had together wasn't as real for him as it always had been for her.
So, Mary decided, it was time to make a choice. Live in the past, with memories and ghosts, in blind hope that everything would work out. Or live in the future, be with a guy who cared for her and who could make her happy.
Was that actually a choice? Everything in her past was either gone or it had changed in some way, so all that was left was the future, whether she wanted it or not.
Okay, so in the morning, she'd wake up with enthusiasm and vigour, and she'd give Jake a huge kiss to let him know that she was really there, really with him. Things would be good. She could make them good.
So then why did she still have that gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach telling her that something was very, very wrong?
As if to answer the question, a sharp trilling sounded in the room. The noise made Mary start, causing her to sit bolt upright with her hand on her chest to keep her heart from jumping out of it. It only took a second to realise she knew the sound, recognised it as her cell phone, and carefully listened as the ringing continued to try and figure out exactly where it was coming from. She distinctly remembered putting it in her purse before they left Vegas, but then came the task of remembering where she had put the purse.
She pulled back the sheets and tried to pick out in the dark where she could have dropped her purse, but apparently she wasn't looking where she was going and let out a yelp when she stubbed her toe on the suitcase that still lay in the middle of the floor. Eventually she found the armchair in the darkened room, locating the sound at the back of the cushion, and pulled open the bag to grab the phone.
She checked the caller display, seeing Mike's name flashing at her as she crossed back over the room to sit on the edge of the bed. She pulled her legs up and crossed them, flipping open the small cell phone and putting it to her ear curiously. Mike never called her – well, hardly ever, anyway. Mike was more known for his graphic text jokes than anything else.
"Hello?" she said.
She couldn't hear anyone at the other end of the line, just the sound of someone knocking, pretty heavily by the sound of it, followed by muffled yelling. Okay, that scared her.
"Hello?" she said again, this time louder and even she could pick out the panic in her voice, but all she heard was someone moving the phone around at the other end of the line.
She opened her mouth to ask again, when there was a reply.
"Mary?" A voice asked, and she heard herself let out a breath of relief at Mike's voice. "Mary, are you there?"
She heard more voices, a male and female, and Mike muttered something to them before he got back to her.
"Yeah, I'm here," she told him, but the sound of his voice was strange. Mike was pretty much always smiling, even if you couldn't see it in his face, you could hear it in his voice. Mary couldn't hear anything now. "Is everything okay?" she asked.
"Well, uh…" he said, and all she detected from him was that he was nervous, or upset, and suddenly Mary was very, very afraid.
"Mike," she said anxiously, "What's going on?"
"There…" and there was a moment when it sounded like he couldn't really speak. "There was an accident," he finally said, and Mary felt like she was going to throw up. Danny flashed through her mind and she couldn't breath, couldn't think. She sat there with the cell phone still pressed against her ear.
"Danny's okay," Mike said quickly, but not quickly enough because he'd only just worked out how that statement must have scared her. "He's okay," Mike clarified, and Mary nearly choked on the huge gulp of air she had to take to fill her lungs. "He wasn't involved."
"Then, what…?" she managed to say.
"It's his dad, Mary," he told her. "He died."
She closed her eyes, "Oh, my God…" she said quietly.
"I just…" Mike said seriously, "I don't know what to do."
Mary felt herself nodding in the dark. "It's okay, Mike," she told him. "I'm on my way."