I'm What?
By theladyknight
Disclaimer: Digimon—not mine!
A/N: So yeah, I was going to update this on my 1-year anniversary on the site. Well, that was about four days ago, and it didn't quite work out as planned. Took me ages to write this. I'm pretty sure this fic has only about two chapters left…maybe three. I'm not really sure. It's something like that. But, please review and let me know what you think!
Placid Snowflake: I know what you mean. I do that all the time with fics if I miss a few chapters. I missed like three in this one Harry Potter fic I was reading so I just went back and reread over half the story. I like those scenes too. I'm glad my grandmother is like Yamato's instead of Sora's…
Calare: My trip was fun. There were a couple places we went that were kind of retarded, but the rest was great! Trip out there was a long bus ride…but the trip back was worse. Yeah, a tangible relationship is better than an overly perfect one any day.
Wishinstahhz: Wow, remind me never to be around you when you get pissed off at a guy like Jacob. Though he does very much deserve for that to happen.
Twilight: Yes, being a princess is a hard job. Not that I know or anything—that would be weird. But she's learning some of the harder lessons are the normal things in life, not necessarily the crap Grams puts her through. And this chapter is basically a flashback of everything that happened to her.
Mrs. Ishida-to-you: I went to Colorado. I went to DC and New York the summer after eighth grade. I'd figure out how many years ago that was, but…wow…this is the summer after eleventh grade…that's too much math to do without a calculator! Lol! Thank God for summer break…
And thanks to: Cute-Funky-guRL, My Name is R.C., Kay, sorato-takari, Kari, KoumiLoccness, and Soraslove.
Chapter 19: Of Instinct and Reason
Saturday December 21 (continued)
The Plane
Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote, "Trust your instinct to the end though you can render no reason."
Is his one of those times where old pearls of wisdom become true? Could a writer who lived before my time period—a writer whose works I am being forced to read in my literature class—really hold the key to unlocking the secrets and problems in my life? Am I overthinking this?
Perhaps I should back up to where this all started and a time before my literary allusions and conceits began running rampantly. In simpler terms, here's what happened…
A very long hot shower was my first dose of medicine. Before anything could happen to me, I wanted to clear my mind. Water, the essential purifier, life's natural cleanser, could hopefully give me a moment's notice of sanctity.
My moment disappeared much too fast. I stepped out of the shower and dried off, doing my best to come up with my plan of action. There was so much I needed to do—all in a period of a week—but rushing into something without thinking probably wasn't a good idea this time. I knew that talking to both Yamato and Mimi should be high up on my priority list.
Looking around the apartment, I realized Mom wasn't there. I had a strong feeling where she was, and the note on the computer desk only confirmed my belief. That makes things easier. While sometimes it's good to confide in her, I don't think the topic of men would be a strong one for her to handle at the moment.
I glanced at the old clock on the kitchen counter. Mimi would be up by 11:00 on a Sunday, right? Though I knew I should talk to Yama first,—as I was lost as to where our relationship stood— it just seemed like I need to seek out a female opinion on things first.
Mimi had been my oldest friend. She and I grew up together, facing all sorts of different things. Both of us, after a long silence and ignorance, were ready to face our differences right in the eye. If anyone could help me out and provide knowledge on the mystery we call men, it was she.
"Hello? Tachikawas."
"Is Mimi there?"
The voice on the other end of the line, her mother, paused. "Oh Mimi! OH MIMI DEAR!"
I cringed. It wasn't hard to see where my pink-haired friend got her loud voice from. "Hello?"
"Mimi it's me."
"Oh, hey Sora," she replied quietly, as if unsure I was really talking to her. Maybe she thought last night was an illusion as well. I wish it was.
"Listen, obviously there's some things we need to talk about. Do you want to meet at the park and talk there? I don't think this is something fit to discuss over the phone."
She was quiet. "Are you sure you want to go…out into the open?"
I caught what she was referring to. Ever since this whole ordeal has happened, I've tried to stay on the down low, remaining inside more than out. But it was finally time, time for the change. Like I caterpillar changing into a butterfly, it seemed only natural that I choose sometime to go out into the public without a bodyguard. Considering I'm going to be officially crowned Princess in the coming weeks, this definitely sounds like the right time.
"Yeah, it'll be fine. I'll meet you in the park under the maple tree with the seesaw we used to play on when we were little."
"Okay, see you there in ten minutes…"
I arrived at the park first, patiently sitting on at the place Mimi and I agreed on. It was so refreshing to be here, out in public without Antonio. For once, it was like I was actually a normal teen.
But reality checks in as usual.
"Excuse me, but you wouldn't happen to be Princess Sora Takenouchi?"
I looked up to see a woman. Her—probably—eight year old daughter was standing behind her, looking at me with wide eyes. I smiled at the woman and nodded my head.
"Wow, a real life princess? What's it like?" the little girl exclaimed, leaving the shelter of her mother.
"Somedays," I paused, finally finding a fitting response, "I think Cinderella had it easier than me."
He mother offered me a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry,"
"Don't be. It's the way things go. I just wish every now and then my fairy godmother—wherever she is—could step in and make things easier." I noticed the camera in the woman's hand. "Go ahead."
Her mother motioned for her daughter to stand next to me. "What's you name?"
"Betsy," the girl replied. "A fairy godmother would be cool! She could send you a Prince Charming!"
I laughed along with her, thinking of Yamato, as her mom snapped a picture. "Well, if you ever find a fairy godmother, Betsy, please send her my way."
"Of course," she cheerfully grinned at me. "Thank you, Princess Sora."
"Thanks," her mother offered up as the two of them each waved before wandering off to play on the slide.
"So, have you been waiting long?"
I turned to find Mimi standing a few feet away, obviously here to watch the scene that had just happened. "Not really. I just got here."
"Does that happen a lot?" She couldn't contain her curiosity. "Do people stop you for pictures and autographs?"
"Not as much as they used to. But not everyone is exactly "nice" when they come to talk to me or meet me."
Her face became red, and I knew she remembered what happened the day she and the world found out I was a princess. "Sora, I'm sorry about that."
"I actually don't blame you guys for being mad at me, Mimi. It's really understandable. I probably would have done the same thing if I found out one of you was a princess."
"But we refused to listen to you. I feel so bad about it, especially with all the shit we went through. Tell me about things now. I'm ready to listen…"
Two and a half hours later and very happy that one problem had been resolved, I headed home. To my surprised, Mom wasn't back at the apartment.
I walked into the kitchen, ready to get something to eat. But the blinking answering machine instead caught my attention. "You have two new messages," the annoying voice proclaimed. "Message one…"
"Sora, honey, it's Mom. Sorry I didn't get home last night. Carl and I went shopping for baby room necessities. We got back late, and we're going to look again today. Take a $20 bill from my room, and go out for lunch or something. I'll be back in time for supper. Love you."
That explains things. "Message two…"
"Sor?" I felt my heart rate speed up. "It's me. We really need to talk things over now that we're in rational states." He paused. "I don't' want us to end. I guess I'll catch you later then…"
"End of messages…"
Picking up the phone, I knew I was ready to take to him. My visit with Mimi really helped. Talking to someone about my problems instead of trying to figure everything out by myself is something I'm gradually learning to do. Mimi gave me some good advice as to the "Yamato problem", and I'm really hoping this phone call clears the foggy issue away.
"Hello? Ishida residence."
"Mrs. Ishida, it's Sora."
I could tell she was smiling. "How are you doing, dear?"
"I'm coping the best I can. Things are getting much better."
"That's good to hear."
"Is Yamato there?"
"He's at band practice. He'll be there for a good deal of time. Then he's going to run and pick up some things for his trip."
I sighed. So much for that plan. "When does he leave?"
"He and his father are driving out on Wednesday morning."
"He will be back by Saturday, right?" I was almost afraid to ask.
"Don't worry, dear. I know my son's interests very well. He won't miss your coronation for the world."
I sighed again, this time out of relief. "Thanks, Mrs. Ishida. Can you tell him I called?"
"Of course, Sora."
"Thanks! Goodbye."
"Bye…"
School on Monday was full of rumors. The school was buzzing about what had happened at the dance. Apparently someone had seen Jacob pull me into the hall and seen the confrontation.
He had been called into the principal's office during first period, and word around school was that he'd been punished and sent home. But that's just what the rumor mill was saying. For once, I really had to agree.
"Hey, Takenouchi."
I groaned. Antonio and I both turned around to face a seething Jennifer Jones. "Yes, Jennifer?"
"You bitch! I can't believe you got my boyfriend suspended."
"It's not my fault he tried to rape me. And last time I checked, the two of you weren't together."
She sneered at me. I was sure she would have attacked me but was stopped only by Antonio's presence. "He and I are still together. Make no mistake."
"Look, I don't have time to listen to you complain."
"Do you do anything but complain? Jeez Jennifer. If you keep that ugly look on your face, it'll stay that way. Too late; have you ever considered plastic surgery?"
Mimi, along with the now stunned Christine and Miyako, walked over to me, linking her arm through mine. I glanced at Antonio. "I think this is our cue to leave."
The three of us walked off, and Mimi motioned for Christine and Miyako to follow. "Thanks for the save, Meems."
She gave me a hug, causing the two female bystanders' to watch helplessly as their jaws dropped to the ground. "Do you want to explain what's going on Mimi? Why are you talking to that traitor?"
"Miyako, she's not a traitor. I…we've been stupid in refusing to listen to her."
"Start talking then, princess."
"Sora?" Mimi's voice registered in my mind, but my attention was elsewhere. Yamato and his friend Jyou walked by. The pink-haired girl caught my shifted gaze. "Go talk to him. That's more important than this. Go…" she gave me a push in their direction.
I could hear Christine laughing in the background. "Yep, ditch us once again. It's not surprising."
Not at all shocked by her behavior, I continued to walk on, hoping to catch up to Yamato. Mimi was attempting to explain things to them. Hopefully they don't ignore her too because she's siding with me.
"Hey, Jyou; hey, Yama." Finally my feet reached my destination: the blonde's locker.
They both turned to face me. "Oh hey, princ…uh, Sora. I'm going to go on into AP Biology. I need to get in some last minute studying."
Yamato cracked a grin. "Jyou, the test isn't until Thursday. Bedsides, I took it already. You won't need to study that much."
"Yamato, you never need to study. You're a genius."
"So are you."
Jyou shook his head. "Only after studying. And you know me; I like to get a head start. Later guys."
The blue-haired boy walked off, obviously in an attempt for us to be alone together. "So…" Yama stated while grabbing books from his locker.
"So…I called you back yesterday."
"Mom told me." We were both silent before he let out a laugh. "This is awkward."
"Should it be?"
"No. We should be able to figure this out. Cause I don't like being on an awkward basis with you. Where's your next class?" he called out, shutting his locker door.
"Spanish 2,"
"I'll walk you there. It's right on my way to Bio."
I smiled up at him. "That'd be nice." While Yama and I walked up ahead, Antonio lagged a bit behind to give us a bit of privacy. He'd heard all about what had happened—I had to use every ounce of resourcefulness I possess to convince him it wasn't his fault. I'm just surprised he's giving me even a little bit of space. I was sure he would tail me around everywhere. "Yama, I'm sorry."
His cerulean eyes studied mine at the comment that seemingly came out of nowhere. "I'm sorry too. We were both apparently caught up in the moment."
"Yeah, can we just forget the whole Jacob incident?"
He stopped walking, pulling me to the side of the crowded hall. "I don't know if that's possible. I keep wondering what might've happened if Mimi hadn't found me or if you wouldn't have been able to fight him off."
I didn't want to dwell in the past, particularly that incident. "Can you try…for me?" That comment hit him hard. His eyes studied mine carefully as if asking them to put the answer in his mouth. "Yamato, what happened wasn't your fault. I should've realized Jacob would try something. If you wouldn't have been there to help me…"
"…that's it, though. I should've been there for you instead of talking to other people. I wasn't there for you."
"This is what I mean." Placing a hand on his shoulder, I made his wandering eyes look at me again. "Things would be better if we forgot about this thing. We both know we made mistakes. We both know we need to work on them. And we both," I hesitated for a moment, trying to find the right way to word it, "we both know we want to be together and make this relationship last."
The first bell rang.
Knowing we were outside my classroom and the tardy bell would be ringing shortly, I made my exit. "Sora…" I looked back at him. "I'll try my best…"
The rest of Monday and then Tuesday passed with a blur. I went to my last weeks' worth of lessons from Grams. By the 31st, I'm going to need to know everything possible to be a successful future queen. I really hope I'm ready.
Grams and I have been getting along decently. We haven't had large arguments or any cat fights. We can hold our tongue long enough to survive a lesson, even if we don't particularly like something.
Tuesday night I found myself sitting at home, staring out the window at the snow. We've been getting some odd weather lately. The weathermen have predicted it's going to be a snowy Christmas. Too bad I'm not going to be here for it.
A lot of snow is predicted for the rest of the week. But Chicago has missed a lot of the big weather things this year. This'll probably be the same.
My thoughts were interrupted as the doorbell rang. I wasn't really sure who it could be. Mom went—again—with Mr. R. Honestly, now that they know she's pregnant, it's so hard to find one without the other. It's like they're two peas in a pod. Corny metaphor, but it's sadly true.
Antonio and Grams wouldn't be stopping. It was only—shit, where did the time go. Who would be stopping at 11:00 on a Tuesday night in the middle of a snowfall?
I got my answer and really, I should have known it was coming.
"My God, Yamato, you're soaked! What are you doing here?"
"Can I come in?"
"Of course," I gestured for him to enter the room and hurried into the bathroom to give him some towels.
He seated himself on the couch—after I got the towels. Mom would've freaked, even if she wasn't there. "So…"
"Why are you here?" I couldn't keep myself from asking it.
"I wanted to say a proper goodbye. I don't want us to be on even shakier terms than we already are."
It was true. Though we had both knew the old saying "forgive and forget" was the best remedy, we were hesitant. It's not like we weren't trying to fix things between us. Quite the opposite in fact. It just seemed like this was one of those times we should've let bygones be bygones. But it wasn't that easy.
It seemed like we should be doing something more. Yama and I both felt that it shouldn't be that easy. It just felt like something more needed to be said, something else needed to happen. Looking back now, I can see we ignored the shortest, easiest path and instead journeyed the rocky, uncertain one.
I glanced up at him, not sure if he expected me to say something.
The blond ran a hand through his hair. "Sora, I don't know what to say. We both know what we need to do. But we just can't seem to get it through our stubborn minds to do so."
A grin formed on my face. "Yama, stop before you start to apologize. You're right. We both need to forget. Why not start right now? What time do you leave tomorrow, and how did you manage to get out of your apartment at this time?"
He gave me a true smile, something I've been waiting to see for awhile. "I told Mom I had to run to pick up some donuts for tomorrow's breakfast. We're leaving at three a.m."
"I'm sorry; I'll be thinking of you while I'm sleeping."
"Very funny,"
"Have fun on your trip. Good luck at your audition. I know the judges will love you."
Yamato stood up and looked over at the clock on the wall. We both knew he had to get going soon. "Thanks, Sor. I'm getting kind of nervous for the whole audition thing, but as corny as this sounds, things feel better knowing that I have all of you supporting me back here. And Dad will be there. But he's tone deaf so yeah…"
I laughed at his joke, and for the first time, the realization finally sunk in. This is the last time I'll get to see him until Saturday. It sounds odd, considering we're not on the best terms or anything and the fact we haven't really defined our relationship. But I'm going to miss him. A lot.
"So…I guess this is goodbye."
He walked over to the couch I was sitting on. Yamato leaned down to me and placed his lips over mine in a heart stopping kiss. I felt all emotions drain out into this kiss and knew he was experiencing the exact same feeling. Our lips crushed against each others', and I never wanted the moment to end.
"What time does the plane leave on Saturday?" he panted out, releasing my lips a good few minutes later.
"Two thirty. You will be back, right?" Though I had heard the answer to this from so many different people, I needed to hear it from him.
Yamato grinned again. "I will make sure of it. I can't miss your big day, and I have to be there to sing the song you're going to play to test out of Music Appreciation."
In all the excitement—well, in my case I probably wouldn't refer to it as excitement—of the coming trip, I had forgotten about that little detail. Mr. R. told me I was going to perform down on the Isle. "It'll give you a chance to do it before the year is over. You'll do fine…"
"Well, I'm not going to sing it."
"Thank God," he murmured, prompting a glare in his direction. Yama turned away, glancing at the clock to avoid my eyes. "I need to get going. They're going to wonder what's taking me so long."
I stood up and followed him to the door. He was about to leave when he suddenly turned back to face me. "Sora…I think I'm…"
"You're what, Yamato?"
"I'm…never mind. I've got to go."
With another kiss—this one less passionate then the previous one—Yamato left, leaving me even more confused about things…
The rest of the week came and passed. My friends—namely Hikari, Taichi, Takeru, Mimi, and Koushiro—surprised me with a going away party on Friday night. There were a lot more people there, a lot of them friends from school or adults I knew. It was fun, though, given the fact Taichi kind of blew the secret that it was a surprise, I wasn't too shocked to see everyone there.
I know I've been skipping around quite a bit, jumping from one subject to another unrelated one. But I'm only choosing to write down the important stuff. The other things that have happened to me are minute and aren't as valuable to me as those that I choose to write.
This morning was pure chaos. Mom ran around the apartment like the pregnant madwoman she can be. Mr. R. came over at seven to help us with last minute packing Mom had forgotten about. He, Mom, Grams, Antonio, Takeru, Kari, Taichi, and…Yamato…were the only ones coming. As Mimi and I weren't exactly on speaking terms then, she understood why she hadn't been invited. "I promise I'll watch you on TV."
The morning came and went all too quickly. With the others' help, we managed to get everything I had that needed to get to the Isle packed inside someone's car or van. The trip to the airport—we had decided to leave out of a smaller airport on the outskirts of Chicago because of our private jet Dad was sending—went by quickly. I couldn't keep from checking my watch over and over.
It was almost 2:30 when we arrived, and there was no sign of Yamato. "He'll be here, Sora. Don't worry." Takeru promised though it seemed like he was trying to convince himself the same thing.
The clock was ticking. A pilot—Yo assured me that she was one of Prince Phillipe's Isle's finest fliers—and plane had arrived nearly fifteen minutes ago.
"Sora, as much as you want your novio here, we must get going soon."
I looked up at the man who I'd come to get along with really well. "Antonio, can't we wait at least another half and hour."
Grams stepped over. "Sora, we have a schedule to maintain. Your father will be very disappointed if we do not arrive on time."
"Half an hour, Grams. 3:00. Half an hour can't make much of a difference for his plans."
"Where's your friend coming from, Princess Sora?" the pilot asked.
"New York. Why?"
"Have you caught the news recently? New York's under a heavy blizzard. They got what you had here in the middle of the week. But it was worse,"
"Half and hour," my response never changed.
Grams sighed, facing the woman. "Half an hour."
I was so incredibly surprised to have Grams agree with me that I did something very uncharacteristic of myself. I gave her—her of all people—a hug. And for once, she didn't reprimand me or push me away. She hugged me back.
Half an hour came and passed…and the plane took off without him…
Sunday December 22
The hot sandy beaches of PPI
Imagine, if you please, startling blue waters capped off with mountains of waves and foam. Tropical plants foreign to your eyes, lush fruit trees of every variety spaced out all across the entire land before you—millions of tiny white and tan grains—and the hot sun shining its rays upon your back. Sounds like paradise, no? The problem is only one thing is keeping it from being paradise.
There's no Yamato.
We arrived here around 12:00 am this morning, and though none of us wanted to sleep because of the sights we saw, jet lag came calling. Taichi, the last of us to wake up, headed downstairs to the breakfast table of Grams' beach house at noon. Dad was there to greet us.
"So who all do we have here?"
"Papá…"
"No need for the Spanish, Sora. You're free to talk in English. You're going to be speaking plenty of Spanish in the future."
"Dad," I made a huge point of saying, "these are some of my closest friends. This is Hikari Yagami and her brother Taichi, and this is Takeru Ishida."
Dad rounded on the boy with gravity defying hair as he ate the last of his mountain of pancakes. "Son, I'd like to know the extent of your relationship with my daughter. She's only sixteen and I don't…"
His hand immediately went to Tai's back as the brunette began to cough up his breakfast. "Sorry…si…King Olivarez, but I think you have me mistaken with someone else. Sora's one of my friends. There's no romantic thing going on between us."
Raising his eyes, Dad faced me. "So where is this boy I'm supposed to meet?" My eyes shifted from his. "Did he hurt you, Sora? If he did…Antonio! Call up the commander of the army…"
"DAD!" My cheeks heated up. I glanced over at my friends and saw them all snickering. Even Mom and Mr. R. were trying not to laugh. "Dad, it's nothing like that. Yamato was auditioning at Julliard yesterday, and he and his father got stuck there due to a blizzard." My face fell at the last comment.
"That's not just an excuse…"
"Excuse me, sire?" Takeru bowed down.
"Don't worry about that stupid gesture." Dad waved his hand frivolously, and Grams, standing about two feet away from him, clenched her teeth in internal anguish at what he had said. "Continue on, please."
"Yamato is my brother. I talked to my mom earlier this morning. She talked to Dad—before his cell phone died—and found out the two of them are stranded at a rest stop in Pennsylvania with a bunch of woman who are headed to an "I Love Lucy" convention. They're all dressed as Lucy."
I cringed. Poor Yamato. Truthfully, I'm not really that mad at the reason he's not here. I really want him here, probably more than the others—but I didn't say that…I support the fact that he's trying out for Julliard. I want him to follow his dreams. I know he can get in. But I also want him here with me. Selfish, no?
Dad looked at the younger blond. "That's all I found out. Mom said the battery on his cell phone died before she could find out anything more."
He gave a sigh, probably still wanting to call in the army and navy but was forcing himself to restrain from it. "Shall we go tour the beaches…"
"What's eating you?"
Antonio turned toward me at the question. I had seen the pensive, far away look in his eyes. "I…it's…it's nothing."
I raised my eyebrow. "My butt it's nothing," my response came as we walked out the door, lingering in the back of the group.
"If you need to know, I was…uh…thinking about my family."
"Sure," Like I bought that answer.
He glared at me. "It's true, Princesa. I haven't seen them since I was stuck babysitting you. It'll be nice to see them again."
"Do I get to meet them?"
"You will meet them tomorrow when we venture to the castle."
"I can't wait."
He smiled, wrapping an arm around me. "Come, Princesa. You're father wants you at the front with him. It's time to tour the island…"
A/N: -cringes- Yeah, well, at least I got the chapter done if nothing else. I'm not too happy with it—it took me over a week to write. Nonetheless, I'd love to hear what you guys think about it.And sorry ifthere are any errors;I'm typing this note up at my sister's house.Happy early 4th of July to anyone in the USA. This is the last update of this fic until…-thinks-sometime in mid-August. But it'll be the first one up when I get back from MexicoPlease review!