AUTHRS NOTE: THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS. THIS CHAPTER DOES CONTAIN SOME DISTURBING MATERIAL, SO IF YOU DON'T APPROVE OF HARMING YOURSELF AND IT MAKES YOU SICK, THEN I SUGGEST YOU DON'T READ THIS CHAPTER. FAIR WARNING. OH AND ONE MORE THING. PEOPLE, I UNDERSTAND SOME OF YOU MAY NOT LIKE WHAT YOU READ, SO PLEASE, DO NOT SEND IN RANTS OR THINGS INSULTING ME. JUST DON'T REVIEW AND DON'T READ IT K? I APPRECIATE CRITISISM, BUT NOT INSULTS. THANKS ENJOY THE CHAPTER .
CHAPTER #2 PAIN WITH NO FEELING
HATORI'S OFFICE
Kaida had just entered Hatori's office for her visit and check up to see where her treatment needed to begin. Today she was wearing another dress, this one all black with white trim, sleeveless, but with black and white striped gloves that hooked to her thumb and went up to her elbows.
"Please sit on the table and we'll begin." Hatori said in a professional manner.
Kaida obliged. After a moment of Hatori flipping through the paperwork to be filled out in his hands, Hatori sat down on a rolling stool in front of Kaida with a pen ready.
"I'm going to ask you a few questions. I need you to answer to the best of your ability." Hatori said.
Kaida nodded her head to let him know she was listening.
"Any mental disorders in your family history? I know your fathers side, I need your mothers side." Hatori said knowing Kaida was going to tell him that he should know this.
"Not to my knowledge." Kaida answered.
"Heart diesease?" Hatori asked marking something off on the papers.
"Not that I know of." Kaida answered.
"Breathing disability's?" Hatori asked.
"Yes. Asthma." Kaida answered.
"Lets see, that leaves, nerulogical problems, and bone dieseases." Hatori said.
"Not that I was ever told of." Kaida said.
After marking a few more things on his paper work Hatori stood up and handed Kaida a paper robe.
"I'll leave you in here for a minute to change. Everything has to be off except that robe." Hatori said.
He left the room. It was nothing new for him to see someone in nothing but that, family at that. He treated all the Sohma's. After a minute he knocked on the door and walked in. Kaida sat on the table in the robe, but her gloves were still on.
"The gloves have to come off as well." Hatori said.
"Why?" Kaida asked monotoneously.
"So I can take your blodd pressure and check your pulse." Hatori said getting the blood pressure ready for her.
"You can feel my pulse from my neck." Kaida said.
"It's much better of a reading from the wrist." Hatori said.
"Too bad." Kaida said.
Hatori looked at her for a moment. She was staring blankly at her gloves out of the eye that wasn't under an eyepatch. Something wasn't right.
"What are you hiding?" Hatori asked calmly.
"Nothing. It's cold in here. I don't want to take my gloves off." Kaida said in the same tone.
"Too bad. Thier coming off." Hatori said sternly.
"No thier not." Kaida said firmly.
Hatori thought for a moment.
"I can take your pulse through the fabric then." Hatori said.
He put the pressure checker on her upper arm and she held her right hand out for him to feel her pulse. The minute she did however Hatori grabbed the cloth and pulled the glove completely off.
"What the hell?" Hatori asked in shock.
Her forearms were covered in barely healed and almost fresh cuts. Some of which were still bleeding slightly. Kaida just sat there staring at her cuts.
"What the hell did you do?" Hatori asked his voice slightly raised.
"Made sure it was real." Kaida said.
Hatori grabbed gauze and peroxide to clean the cuts and bandage them.
"While your at it..." Kaida pulled of her other glove to reveal more cuts on her left arm. "You might want to clean these as well." Kaida said.
"What did you do this with?" Hatori asked angrily.
"A nail I found in the woods. It was a little rusty. So you might want to give me an antibiotic." Kaida suggested.
"Why the hell would you do something so stupid?" Hatori asked.
Kaida stared at her arms for a moment before a small demented smile crept to her lips.
"I needed to be sure. I always need to be sure. I need to know it's real. It's not a dream. Not a hallucination. Not a nightmare. It's real. I'm awake. Make sure no one else is there, no illusions anymore." Kaida said.
Hatori didn't question. He actually felt sorry for her. He knew that being the cursed twin surely meant some mental disorders. And she did just loose her family to the curse. He patched her up, finished the exam, and gave her a antidepression perscription.
"I'll start therapy with you next week. You do want to talk to someone about everything yes?" Hatori asked.
"I suppose. Keeping it inside isn't good is it?" Kaida asked.
"No. I'll give you a ride home now." Hatori said getting his jacket on.
"That place is not home. I have no home. Merely a place to sleep and eat. Home is somewhere you never leave. Your family is there. People who care for you. I've never had a home. Just a temporary living space. This one is no differant." Kaida said.
Hatori ignored the comment for the moment. They were almost out the door when Hatori remembered something.
"Your eye. How is it?" Hatori asked.
Kaida lifted her eye patch to reveal the once light green eye to be a misty grey.
"I can't see out of it any more." Kaida said calmly putting the eyepatch back on.
Hatori had no words of comfort for her.
"You don't have to wear the eyepatch any more." He told her.
"I like it. It makes people think i'm eerie, they keep thier distance that way." Kaida said walking past Hatori and out the door.
It was a silent car ride back to Shigure's house. Once they arrived Hatori suggested that Kaida go make herself something to eat to start taking her medication.
"So whats wrong with her?" Shigure asked once him and Hatori were in his office.
"She's blind in that eye now and she has depression. She's on medication. But if she doesn't talk to me, I fear she may develope a mental disorder. Well, another one. I need all sharp objects removed from her room. She is not to touch anything as sharp as a plastic knife. Understood?" Hatori asked his cousin.
"Sure. But why?" Shigure asked.
"She cut herself yesterday. Or maybe this morning before I came to get her. Her wounds were still bleeding. Thats why she wore the gloves." Hatori said.
"No! Alright then. Did she say why she cut herself?" Shigure asked.
Hatori thought for a moment. Kaida stared at her arms for a moment before a small demented smile crept to her lips.
"I needed to be sure. I always need to be sure. I need to know it's real. It's not a dream. Not a hallucination. Not a nightmare. It's real. I'm awake. Make sure no one else is there, no illusions anymore." Kaida said.
"No, i'll have to ask her next week for her therapy session." Hatori said.
He had no idea why he hadn't told Shigure. But he hadn't. On his way out he spotted Kaida sitting in a corner in the dark sitting room. He was about to leave without saying anything...
"You hate me?" Kaida asked calmly.
"Why do you ask?" Hatori questioned.
"Just wondering how many people hate me here. Trying to keep count for my record book is all." Kaida said calmly looking at him.
"I don't hate you." Hatori said honostly. He had nothing to hate her for.
"Thank you. I don't hate you either." Kaida said.
And that was it. She went back to staring at the floor. As if nothing happened.
A WEEK LATER
Kaida had been on the medication for a week now. But it didn't seem to be helping her. Hatori was considering taking her off of it. But he realized she had no new cuts since the medication was prescribed. The three other teens at Shigures house however seemed to be more afraid of her if anything.
She did nothign but walk around in a stupor, as if she saw no one, heard no one. She just woke up, ate breakfast, went for a walk in the woods, came home for dinner, then went to her room for the night. Sometimes thoug, Kyo could swear he heard her talking.
"So, why exactly did you start cutting yourself? Besides to make sure it was real." Hatori asked in thier first therapy session.
"...The pain. I needed the pain to tell me I was awake, I wasn't dreaming. It was real. In a dream you feel no pain, so if i felt pain, I knew I was awake. But then, I never remember the pain. Ever. The last time, I only knew I had cut myself becuase I woke up with blood all over my arms. I didn't remeber the cuts being made, the pain, the reminder, the hope, the realization I needed. I didn't remeber any of it." Kaida said.
Hatori wrote some notes and called it a day. He had started her off with small questions before building up to that one. All the answers he had gotten were a little scary. He decided to up her dosage from 300mg to 500mg. That should keep her from thinking of suicide.
But this particular day when Hatori was driving Kaida home there wasn't silence for the whole ride. In fact, once they left the main house Kaida asked him a question.
"Is jealousy a bad thing?" Kaida asked still looking out her window.
Hatori was shocked for a second before pulling it together and answering her.
"Well I suppose it is. Everyone looks down on it. Jealousy can make you do stupid things." Hatori answered.
"I think it's beautiful." Kaida said.
"Why's that?" Hatori asked.
"Becuase everyone feels jealousy at one point or another in thier life time. The best freind jealous of the girl who got the boy's attention. The younder brother jealous his older sibling has a girlfriend. The child jealous of the other child who's mother will let him get candy. The wife jealous of the nieghbor who has no financial worries." Kaida was silent for a moment, then without moving her head she looked at Hatori out of the corner of her good eye. "The twin jealous of the other one who isn't shunned." Kaida said with a hint of anger.
Hatori kept driving in silnce for the rest of the ride. Once they reached Shigure's before Kaida could open the front door Hatori turned Kaida around.
"You have nothing to be jealous of. I'm envious that you are not trapped in this family. Your not the only one, who thinks jealousy isn't ugly." Hatori said then took his leave.
After he drove away kaida smiled slightly then went inside and striaght to her room for the rest of the night.
OKAY. AGAIN I KNOW KINDA FAST, BUT I LIKE TO GET TO THE POINT OF THINGS. NOT TO MENTION I DID HAVE THIS STORY WRITTEN AS KINDA OF SLOW, WELL THIS CHAPTER, BUT IT WAS CRAP. I FIGURE A LITTLE QUICK PACE IS LESS BORING. NO WORRIES THOUGH. YOU WILL NOT MISS ANY OF THE EXPLANATIONS. THEY WILL ALL BE IN THIS STORY. THOSE WILL NOT BE RUSHED BY. PLEASE REVIEW. THANKS. AGAIN, NO RANTS ABOUT HOW YOU THINK THIS STORY IS GAY, OR I'M A DUMB WRITTER, IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, PLEASE JUST SAY THAT, THERE IS NO NEED TO BE RUDE.