Warning: This fic is very dumb and may disturb you. It also has several deaths. You are warned.
Sora and Kairi were bustling about their house trying to get everything ready in time for their friends' arrival, for it was Thanksgiving. The two finally stopped and huffed and puffed, trying to catch their breath.
"So do you have everything for supper?" Sora asked his darling wife.
"Most assuredly," Kairi answered her handsome husband. But then her large eyes grew bigger in realization. "You forgot to buy my turkey!" Kairi screamed. Sora jumped back in terror.
"Sorry! I'll go get one as fast as I can!" Sora promised his enraged spouse.
"You'll never get one in time! You have one hour! Now go!" Kairi pointed sternly at the door, and Sora raced off.
Sora hopped into his car and began zooming down the road towards the closest super market, but just then, a turkey strutted out in front of Sora's gas guzzling SUV. Sora's massive tires completely killed the turkey, and Sora stopped to investigate the dead bird. Surprisingly, the turkey appeared cooked and ready to serve.
"That's weird. Oh well," Sora gladly picked up the odd turkey and entered back into his car. He then drove back home.
"How did you find such a nice and cooked turkey so quickly?" Kairi inquired. "You didn't steal it did you?"
"No, of course not!" Sora assured her. "They sell already cooked turkeys at the store," Sora fibbed.
"That's nice. I'll have to remember that next year,' Kairi carried the turkey to a large dinner table crowded with other tasty food.
(An hour later)
"Welcome!" Sora and Kairi exclaimed as there guests entered. Cloud and Tifa, Squall and Yuffie, and Riku and Sephiroth all shuffled in.
"Thanks for the invite! I just love Kairi's cooking!" Cloud laughed.
"Hello my dear," Riku said to Kairi. Kairi gagged. Sora kicked Riku in the butt.
"Don't push it!" Sora warned Riku. Everyone took his or her seat at the table. Cloud held his fork in knife while banging the table in anticipation. Squall tried to act like he was too cool for the bunch, and Sephiroth was tying his napkin around his neck like a bib. The females were just talking and gossiping. So was Riku.
"Now it is time to say grace-"
"Grace!" Riku cut Sora off and attacked the turkey with the huge sharp knife. But before Riku could cut into the bird, the turkey suddenly grabbed hold of the knife and pulled hard, throwing Riku over the table and into the wall.
"Mua-ha, ha, ha!" the turkey cackled devilishly.
"Holy crap! Where'd you buy this turkey?" Kairi screamed.
"He did not purchase me! I have chosen you all to be this year's victims!" the demonic turkey flew at Riku with knife in hand and impaled the young man.
"Gaaah!" Riku screamed in agony. Everyone else at the table began running away, except for Sephiroth, who had unsheathed his Masume.
"Time to die, you barnyard fowl from Hell!" Sephiroth swung his sword, but the turkey blocked the massive blade only with its knife.
"Such a strong human! Your soul will be quite delicious!" the turkey stretched out its golden brown arm and sucked out Sephiroth's soul. Sephiroth fell to the ground. "I will consume all of your souls!" the turkey yelled to Sora and the gang.
"There's only one way to properly kill a turkey!" Sora began. "To hunt it!"
Sora broke a nearby case on the wall and pulled out a pump action 12-gauge shotgun.
"Say gobble, you piece of crap!" Sora fired his shotgun and blew the turkey into pieces. "Good thing that's over." Kairi slapped the back of Sora's head.
"You idiot! We could have all died! You could have died! I don't know what I'd ever do without you!" Kairi hugged Sora.
"I'm sorry Kairi. I'll never bring a demonic turkey home again," Sora pledged.
"Thank you!" Kairi then began kissing Sora without refrain.
The morale of the story is: Be thankful that your turkey isn't trying to kill you. And don't take life for granted. Happy Thanksgiving!
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