IV.
Captain Janeway sighed. She hadn't had coffee for almost 24 hours and it was already a nightmare.
It began yesterday after she finished alpha shift. For days now she had a bellyache and slight digestion disturbances. So she decided to pay the Doctor a visit. Sure he would have something in his hypospray that would help, but her visit at sickbay should turn out different.
"I have detected a malfunction in your pancreas, Captain," the EMH said.
Janeway sat on a bio bed looking at the ship's Chief Medical Officer who happened to be a hologram. "What will you do about it?"
"Actually I can do little," the Doc said slowly looking down, away from the Captain. He was going to drop a bombshell.
"You must refrain from coffee," he said and exhaled noisily.
"What?" Janeway looked at him puzzled and amused. Sure it was one of his sarcastic jokes.
"Your pancreas is highly irritated," he began to explain. "The main reason is your superhuman consumption of coffee. Caffeine together with tannic agents and various acids are the main problem. Your unhealthy lifestyle contributes to the problem. I have told you before that you should eat regularly, sleep at least seven hours a day and recreate."
Janeway stiffed. "You're serious?"
"Of course I am!"
A thought crossed the Captain's mind. "And why you just can't transplant me a new pancreas? Compared to other surgeries you performed it should be easy. You can do miracles."
"It is easy, compared to other surgeries I did in the past," the Doc confirmed. "But that's not the point. You must change your lifestyle. If you have refrained from coffee for a couple of weeks…"
"Weeks!" Janeway cried out.
"Please let me continue. Your pancreas will stabilize, as your digestion will. I also recommend food that is easy to digest and has lots of energy. It would do you no harm to gain one or two kilograms."
"We can discuss the nutrition and the sleep, but I won't give up coffee."
"There is nothing to discuss, you have to give it up, at least for while. I will not transplant anything unless it is absolutely necessary. Even in 24th century medicine there are risks to such a procedure. Risks, that I'm not willing to take, only because you can't control yourself. If something goes wrong, there is no one to help me. Other Chief Medical Officers in other sickbays on other ships have a whole team to their assistance. I am alone here; unless you call the unqualified crewmembers you have assign to my assistance a medical team."
Janeway jumped down from the bed. "Let's focus on how we come to an agreement about this transplantation."
The Doc threw his hands up. "See, that's what I mean. No one appreciates my work. Everyone thinks I can do miracles, but surprise I'm no wizard. I am progr.."
Janeway rolled her eyes. If the Doctor was in a ranting mode there was no way to stop him, apart from…
"Computer, end medical holographic program."
Janeway might have ended his holographic projection for now, but the Doctor was still very much alive in Voyager's database and he was everything but pleased with the treatment he had just received.
The Doctor immediately busied himself to block the replicator system for orders of Kathryn Janeway containing anything that had to do with coffee. He also send a note to all crewmembers that until further notice no one was allowed to order something that contained coffee for the Captain. At the end of the note the Doctor added the reminder that in medical cases he was able to override Captain's orders if it was for the health of a crewmember.
Janeway had to realize that the Doctor was good. However after all this was a battle of wills, which could be won with the right attitude. And attitude was something Kathryn Janeway had cargo bay loads of. For now she was far from admitting defeat. But Janeway also realized that what happened in the mess hall today must not happen again. She needed to open up a regular source of coffee.
V.
"Captain." Tuvok looked at the woman at the door of his private quarters and knitted his brows. "Is there a problem?"
"Absolutely not, Tuvok. I just thought to visit my old friend." Janeway leaned against the door frame.
"Very well, please come in." Tuvok said and looked doubtful at her. "May you tell me the reason of your visit?"
"How are we doing, Tuvok?"
"Since you sign my reports, I assume you read them too, Captain. "
Janeway started walking up and down Tuvok's quarter. "This is not what I mean. What's your impression of the crew?"
"Most crewmembers are working on peak efficiency."
"But not all?"
"On a ship with 152 individuals it is highly unlikely that everyone is working in peak efficiency all the time."
"Care to give me examples?"
"Due to all respect Captain. I know you long enough to see through your attempts of engaging me in superficial small talk." Tuvok stated and knitted his eyebrows even tighter.
"Alright. Excuse me. I should have known." Janeway stopped and looked at her friend.
"Indeed. You may want to tell me now, what is your concern?"
Janeway started pacing again. "You sure know that the Doctor and I have a slight disagreement."
"I heard it." Tuvok approved without giving away any hint of what he thought about it.
"So which solution do you suggest?"
"The most logical solution would be to follow doctor's order."
"It is no solution at all Tuvok."
"It is the most logical solution, but I am aware that it is not the most suitable solution to the problem, since you're not the most logical being." Out of Tuvok's mouth who was not only someone who was committed to logic, but also a close friend of Kathryn Janeway for years this was a mere observation, no insult.
"Thanks Tuvok." Janeway murmured at gave him an amused look.
"Furthermore the Doctor is a very logical being, which is surprising, regarding the fact that he consist of a conglomerate of programs, which are entirely logical."
"There I would agree. So what do you suggest then?"
The Vulcan raised an eyebrow. "Regarding the situation and the persons involved I don't know."
"Now you're surprising me." Janeway's lips curled up. "Even I know solution to this problem. You just need to replicate me a fine cup of coffee."
Tuvok looked at her disapprovingly. "This is one of the most illogical solutions. You must know that if there is no logical course of action that can be applied, the only logical course that remains is inaction and not illogical courses of action."
Janeway rolled her eyes. "Please, I have already a headache of the size of the Delta Quadrant, which is from my perspective endless, so save your Vulcan logic."
"So I assume, seeking my advice was just a pretext to come here and ask for coffee?"
"That's right."
"Then I must disappoint you."
"Why? Did I have ever disappointed you? "
"No."
"Don't we share little secrets? Secrets about your pon farr for example?"
Tuvok stiffened. "I would prefer to keep it a secret between us."
"My lips are sealed, but well you should decide whether you pretend a flu and eat Neelix soup or if you just admit the truth next time."
"The Doctor is bound by the doctor-patient confidentiality and I hope you are bound to the relationship we share. I would appreciate if you would agree on that."
"I would never dare to disappoint you, but I would appreciate a secret cup of coffee."
"I am sure you would, but I can not help you this way." Tuvok paused. "But I can assist you in other ways."
"What are you suggesting?" Janeway studied her friend.
"I suggest a partial mind meld. We could try to extract your infatuation with coffee and encapsulate it."
Janeway raised an eyebrow. "Could we un-capsulate it later?" To her credit she was at least giving it a thought.
"If you wish."
"Actually my headache increases only be thinking the words 'Your mind to my mind, your thoughts to my thoughts.'"
"I take this as no."
"True old friend. I think this discussion will also be one of our secrets, right?"
"Of course. Good night Kathryn."
"Good night Tuvok."