I have to give credit to my friend emily because she wrote the beginning of this story up until "YOUR BURNING MY MASTER'S EYES" and gave me inspiration to write more funny and random things !

The sun set slowly on that day in December, I recall, as I was watching it from the balcony.

"FIGI!" I called. A Hispanic woman came to the window.

"Si?" she asked.

"I want a Firewhiskey."

"Si?"

"I want a Firewhiskey, Figi."

"...si?" I sighed.

" HABLA INGLES, YOU WHORE?"

"Si!"

" Then get me a fucking Firewhiskey!"

"Si, you whore!" I smacked my palm against my forehead and walked off the balcony.

"Drackey!" A woman I affectionately call "Mommy" yelled from the eightieth floor.

"YES MOMMY?"

"Your daddy wants to talk to you!"

"But Daddy hits me when he's angry."

"But he's smiling!"

"OH OKAY!" Excited about the fact that I might be getting a piece of candy tonight, I rushed down those ninety-eight flights of stairs separating the eightieth floor and me. Obviously, I arrived on the eightieth floor two days later.

"Yes Daddy?" No one was there.

"Aw, shucks." Frightened that I just said ''aw, shucks", a cowered in the corner until Figi found me.

"Here's your Firewhiskey, senor."

"Thanks, Figi. Have the night off."

"OLE!" She then salsa'd out of the room, making me giggle like a Catholic school girl.

"Draco," my father said, entering the room.

"DADDY!" I cried. But then I stopped. He wasn't smiling. I started to cry.

"NOT THE BELT AGAIN, DADDY!"

"No, Draco. And Merlin, you're freaking nineteen years old. You can stop calling me Daddy now."

"Okay Dad-...uhh...Daddio." Daddy smacked his palm against his forehead (like father like son) and proceeded.

"Draco, you will marry a muggle girl."

"WHAT." My childish instincts went away and puberty set in. Then hate. Then nausea.

"Yeah, that's right. I went there."

"Why?"

"It was in some prophecy or something. So...yeah. Well, have a nice life!" Lucius (I refuse to call him Daddy anymore) boogie'd out of the room, leaving me to cry. Then Lucius boogie'd back into the room.

"Megan Greenrose is her name, and being a bitch is her game." A pause.

"Well... HAVE FUN!" He boogie'd out.

"MAY GOD SMITE YOU, LUCIUS ARMANDO MALFOY!" I then realized my father's middle name was 'Armando' and I started to giggle again. I will call him 'Mandy' for now on.

"Hello? Is it me you're looking for?" A voice sang from the hallway.

" YES! IT IS YOU!" I yelled. Then I realized that made me sound homosexual so I stopped. A girl appeared in the doorway, and I became heterosexual again. She was drop dead gorgeous, and I promptly fainted. Drop dead gorgeous, literally.

" SENOR MALFOY! WAKE UP!" I opened my eyes slowly to see Figi slapping that girl from the doorway.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM!"

"I don't know!" the girl cried. Figi glared at her in that Mexican way of her. It made me want some tacos.

"Figi, get me some tacos. AND YOU! IS IT REALLY YOU I AM LOOKING FOR?"

"Uh...maybe. My name is Megan. And...uh...well. Yeah. You can call me "Master"."

"OO;" I said. I then realized you couldn't say a face. Well, you can say 'a face', but you couldn't say...that...I'm going to stop now.

"Uh, I mean...Megan. You can call me Megan."

"Okay." An awkward pause fell upon the room.

"HERE ARE YOUR TACOS, SENOR!"

"Care to have a...taco?" I said suavely.

"Eh, I'm allergic."

"What, to tacos?"

"No, to...well...Mexican...food. And the country. And Mexicans." She stared at Figi.

"I'm Puerto Rican!"

"Oh! So if I ate you I wouldn't get hives."

"You might get Hepatitis B, but not hives!

"YAY!" Then Megan and Figi salsa'd 'til the break of dawn and back. Figi broke her ankle when she fell into the break of dawn, but it was easily healed. When they got back, two other girls were with them.

"Who are you?" I say.

"I'm Emily!" the PRETTIER one said.

"And Y-OH GOD YOU'RE HIDEOUS!" The other girl sobbed.

"No, that's my nickname. My real names Marisa." Figi walked up to Marisa.

"YOU ARE BURNING MY MASTER'S EYES."

"OH GOD I DIDN'T MEAN TO!" the tall girl sobbed. Then she preceded to jump out of the window. Everyone rushed over to the edge.

"I'm ok!" she stumbled slightly and then fell flat on her face into some dog crap.

"OH GOD IT BURNS!"

"I didn't know you had a dog," Figi said.

"Aw it comes and goes as it pleases I give it Kibbles 'N' Bits and sometimes he boogies, salsas, and maceranas. He is fun to watch." Draco replied. "'Kay now everyone out so my braid. . I mean bride and I can have some time to get to know each other 'cuz were getting married soon!"

"'Kay!" and then everyone cha cha'd out of the room.