What exactly is grief and depression? This question has plagued our minds and us since, almost, the beginning of civilization. All peopled of this earth has experienced grief at least once in their life. But what is it? Some say its sorrow, a deep mental anguish over a loss. Others have said it's an emotional reaction to the loss of a dear. In my eyes, both are correct but with an addition, what one may say, definition. Grief is something that cannot be taught nor defined, although some have created definitions most likely from personal experiences and/or studying others experiences and reactions. Along the road, as one or many, the question of grief and depression will become clearer and finely tuned.

In the dark, the curtains were drawn, a young woman whimpered,

"Mom, why did you have to go? Why now?"

Her eyes were red from tears. Her hair, tussled, nappy, and disoriented from crying since. In her group of friends and family alike, she felt alone; none to comfort her in her time of need. Sweet 16 passed. All her friends wished her happiness and joy; family wished the same. But to her, it is not enough.

"I just want to hear my mother's voice wishing me a 'Happy Sweet 16th Birthday' but it will not happen."

Years passed; still the pain would not go. It remained in replacement to the void in her heart. Boyfriends came and went; still the pain would not go. Finally her friends convinced her to go to the Fourth of July Fireworks. She shrugged and went anyway, deep down hoping and wishing to find someone who will care and understand.

Hours passed in the day; still no one has bothered to ask. Finally, a guy with dusty blonde hair and chocolate brown eyessat down next to her in her circle of Juggalo and Juggalett friends. He said his name was Nathan. The woman nodded and replied her name in order to be polite: Victoria. They befriend one another and something happened. The pain in her heart slowly faded the more shewas with her newfound friend, Nathan. As usual, the Goth girl began to wonder,

"Don't fall for this guy. He's probably just like all the others."

Later that night, before the fireworks celebrated our nation's independence, she realized the pain of losing her mother has diminished.

"What's wrong with you, Victoria? He's just like all the guys. Watch, he and I will start dating and later on down the road, he will leave me for some blonde strutting her finely tuned and tanned legs around, making him come running."

She sighed and put on her 'yes I'll go out with you' smile. She mastered that smile. From all the guys who have dropped to their knees for her she'salways had to smile her perfected 'yes I'll go out with you' smile.His mother, Pat, gave her a ride home later that night and the pain in her heart, filling the void, returned.

The next day, she went on with life as though the previous night had never happened. That is until she got a call. She shrugged it off, thinking it was one of her girlfriends calling to brag about how love has entered her life and all, not even realizing Victoria's already depressed state. So she went on through the day ignoring phone calls to her house and cellular phone. Until that night, her 'boyfriend', Nathan, had been trying to get a hold of her all day.

"Sorry about that. I haven't been feeling well and I've been resting all day." She was always good at that. Lying that is,

"I was calling to see if you wanted to go to a movie tomorrow night but if you aren't feeling well then…"

"I'm sure I will be fine. What time do you want me to be there?"

"Around seven or seven-thirty. Is that good?"

"Yeah. I'll be there."

They hung up. She sighed, slowly getting frustrated.

"Why is that a problem?" her councilor asked, acting as though she actually understood Victoria's problem.

"I don't know. Every time I'm with him, the pain seems to fade away, almost disappear completely."

"And what is the void filled with otherwise?" the bright colored dressed poor excuse for a professional councilor asked. It took her awhile to answer. Not because she didn't know the correct answer but because she need the courage to say,

"Love."

After several dates to the movies and parties, Nathan pulled Victoria off to the side while hanging out one night.

"Victoria, sweetheart, I need to tell you something."

She knew somehow that shewas right from the beginning.

"He's leaving me for another girl. I knew it. I knew it all along!"

Tears unwilling began welling up in her eyes. She looked down as to hide until she felt his hand on her cheek. Her head was tilted up just in time for her lips to be captured by his.

"I love you." He whispered into her ear gently.

It was exactly two months ago when the two started going out. Ever since that night under the stars; since that kiss, the pain never came back. She, the lonely Goth girl by the name of Victoria Night, became a glowing young woman who fell in love.

The day was beautiful; sun; the sky blue with perfectly white clouds moving ever so slowly. Victoria was on her back porch, drawing, when she heard a voice. She paused, listening, but heard nothing.

"I guess no one's going to help me with these groceries I took time out of MY life to get!"

There it was again. It sounded a lot like her mother's voice. Victoria's heart began pounding and thumping against her chest. She dropped her sketchbook, seeing her mother walking down the driveway with arms full of bags. Tears began pouring down her face,

"Mom!" she screamed, running to her mother. Her mother dropped the bags and held her crying daughter.

"I thought you were dead! I thought I'd never see you again! I though..." she opened her eyes. A pile of ashes lay on the ground in front of her; her arms and face were covered in ash.

Sheets and pillows flew across the room. Screaming, Victoria awake, her eyes wide and cold sweat ran down her forehead.

"M-Mother…"

In the dark, a woman whimpered and cried. She stood and stepped to her stereo. Soon after, Broke by Seether and Amy Lee began playing. Her soft voice followed along with Amy's.

"The worst is over now. And we can breathe again. I wanna hold you high and steal my pain." She continued, "There's so much left to learn… and no one left to fight. I wanna hold you high and steal your pain."

Sighing, she grew tired of music and turned off her stereo. She fell against her comforter and stared into nothing. Sleep slowly consumed her during the night. Tossing and turning kept interrupting her dreams and sleep.

Victoria's day was incredibly slow and tiresome. The nightmare truly disturbed her concentration. She couldn't tell her beloved Nathan or he'd think she was crazy and leave her. But if he truly loved her like her said, why would he leave? That particular question stuck in her mind like a fly on honey. It would not go away.

"If he truly loves me," mumbled Victoria in class.

"Excuse me, Miss Night? Do you have something to add to my lecture?"

"No."

She liked simple answers. 'Yes', 'no', and 'maybe' were her favorites. Explaining 'why' all the time was, although helpful to others, quite annoying.