What did Loz do for a Klondike bar? Let's find out...
-A few days before all this happened- Yazoo and Loz are sitting at home. Yazoo is polishing his gunblade and Loz is watching T.V. "Hey, Yazoo" Loz turns to his brother. "Yes, Loz" Yazoo sighs. "My bologna has a first name, it's O-s-c-a-r" Loz smiles. "Enough!" Yazoo throws a shoe at him. "You never laugh anymore" Loz tries not to cry. "Laugh ha ha" Yazoo fake laughs. "You're not even trying!" Loz starts to cry. "I'm still trying to think of ways to torture brother. I have no time for laughing!" Yazoo gets back to polishing his weapon. "I'm back!" Kadaj busts through the front door. Yazoo and Loz get up from the couch and go into the kitchen. "What'd ya get?" Yazoo asks looking at the groceries. "Food of course" Kadaj tosses him a box of pockies. "Hey, Loz" Kadaj smirks. "Yes?" Loz looks through the bags. "What would you do for a Klondike bar?" Kadaj takes one out of the bags. "I dunno" Loz shrugs. "You gotta do something for it" Kadaj sighs. "What would you do for a Klondike bar?" Yazoo asks. "I got one from that guy in the wheelchair. I said I'd steal the wheelchair if he didn't give" Kadaj laughs.
"I'll...kill a kitty?" Loz shrugs. "Lets see it" Yazoo walks out the front door. After tieing up a kitty, Yazoo and Kadaj see if Loz is actually gonna do it. Loz trembles with the knife in his hand, looking down at the poor kitty with sad, teary eyes. "I can't do it!" Loz drops the knife and turns around to cry on Yazoo's shoulder. "Great, he'll kill a person, but he won't kill a cat" Yazoo rolls his eyes. "You gotta admit, it is pretty cute" Kadaj picks it up and unties it. "Fine, you can have the freakin bar" Kadaj tosses it. Loz catches it and runs off saying "Thank you!" "I've got a bad feeling about this" Yazoo looks to Kadaj. "Oh, well. Now we have a playmate for Azura" Kadaj holds the kitty closer to him.
-Back to the real point- Kadaj drives in through the church and stops. "Mother" he looks down at the box. He looks inside the crazy hole made by that speedy ganzallas bullet. He gasps for some reason (I didn't get that part for some reason). "Mother" he says as he's about to cry. "Mother!" he cries, making all these crazy choking crying noises like a little kid who fell off his bike and squished a bug. He holds it to his chest and lets out some type of manly scream or something that echoes through the whole world (Maybe he's an even bigger crybaby than Loz...). "Shut up ya crazy hooligan!" some old lady throws a shoe at him and walks off. Hearing Cloud's motor, he's automatically back to normal and looks to the door. "Seriously, man! I can hear you from the bathroom" Cloud complains. He lifts the front of his motorcycle and drives in. Kadaj blasts a pillar down as Cloud rides in and jumps up on it. Cloud smoothly slides under it and stops. Kadaj blasts another thing from some high place up in the church. Cloud is, of course, blasted off his bike. Kadaj is laughing like a madman as he looks down at Cloud.
"What's so funny?" Cloud gets up and holds his arm. "I just remembered this joke I heard" Kadaj laughs even more. Kadaj is about to fire another, but this icky crazy looking black water comes out of the burnt ground. It creates some type of out of the zoo aquarium around the church as Kadaj is freaking out, trying not to get wet. "I can't afford dry cleaning!" he tries to keep the water off of him. Cloud lets go of his arm and looks around. He looks back down at his arm and sees that that crazy black spot is gone. He looks up with his mouth opened and tastes the rain, but..."It freakin burns!" he shuts his mouth and covers his hands over it. Kadaj gets too wet to handle and drives off, jumping over almost anything like ruins, blocks, trucks, people (Except for this one person he landed on), and giraffes. It stops raining and the last drop falls into the lake of who knows what that stuff is! "Let's go, Cloud" Aeris says. "I'm not listening to you!" Cloud gets on his bike and drives off after Kadaj. He ends up near the Shinra bulding which now says Taco Shack! He takes out a few swords and sticks them in his butt sword holder. He walks a few steps away and sets the alarm on for his bike.
Kadaj is standing a few feet away on another ruin piece. "I was finally able to meet Mother" he calls down. "What's gonna start now? You gonna let me have it?" Cloud asks. "Mother will tell me" Kadaj looks down at the box. He reaches in his pocket and pulls out a blue doll and a plushie that looks like him, but even more cute. "Mother will give me a higher allowance" he moves the blue doll up and down in one hand. "And I'll be the happiest and carefree boy in the world" he moves his doll from side to side. "Hey! What about me!" Cloud shouts. Kadaj pulls another plushie out of his pocket that looks like Cloud in a straight jacket. "Mother will send you to rehab" Kadaj laughs. "No fair!" Cloud stomps his foot. Kadaj puts the dolls back in his pockets and fires up an aura on his hand. "Too hot!" he throws it at Cloud. He jumps at Kadaj as he takes out his sword. Cloud pushes him to a small open area. They begin to clash swords and sometimes Kadaj would stop and spin his sword. "I can do that too!" Cloud tries to spin his sword, but nearly breaks his wrist (Why do you think Sora got the keyblade instead of getting that huge thing? The keyblade's lighter and isn't a suicied like weapon). Cloud recovers and swings his sword at him, but Kadaj jumps to an even bigger area.
Cloud follows and lands while ducking Kadaj's sword. He gets back up and tries to chop of his head again, but Kadaj ducks. They clash swords as Kadaj looks up and sees the Sierra nearly crash into them. "Cloud, I brought you some materia!" Yuffie holds a bunch of materia. Everyone in the world gasps, even Kadaj and Cloud (Is she sick or something? Has she gone nuts! Is it the end of the world! This is a new event in world history!). "What?" Yuffie looks around, seeing everybody stare at her. She nearly trips. "Don't shake it!" she looks back at Cid. "Hurry up, Cid and land this thing!" Barret shakes his fist at him. "Get off my ship and jump!" Cid groans. "Let them fight by themselves" Vincent crosses his arms. "Wha?" Yuffie looks back at him. "That guy's the spirit of the best cake maker in the world" Vincent explains. "You could say he's a kind of larva or caterpillar" Vincent ends. "Larva? Bug! He's a bug!" the camera zooms in on Yuffie. "Squish him!" Yuffie shrieks. "Calm down, princess!" Cait throws his fist down on Red. "You're saying he'll turn into Sephiroth one day?" Cid looks over to Vincent. "Hey, do you think Cloud knows that?" Tifa asks. "By his IQ level, probably not" Vincent shrugs.
"Let's leave them alone" Tifa smiles. "I don't get it! Explain!" Yuffie exclaims. "It's man's talk. No girls allowed!" Cid says. "Discrimination! Discriminaaaaaation! Even Tifa's not a man and she understands!" Yuffie pouts. "Calm down, princess!" Cait keeps slamming his fists down on Red's head. "Us men don't understand either" Barret snaps. "Two years ago" Tifa starts. "That strong and stupid feeling he had during that final battle...Somewhere along the way he lost that feeling and got more stupid. I think that brought Cloud's IQ level down" she ends. "Tsh...I'll wait ten minutes" Barret mumbles. "Cloud sure is a pain, just as always huh?" Yuffie smiles. "He may be an idiot, but he's our idiot" Tifa smiles. Cloud grabs his sword out of a wall and sees the Sierra fly away. "Wait! Where are you going? Don't leave me to fight him alone!" Cloud waves his sword at the airship. He pouts some more and goes back to sword fighting with Kadaj. They lock blades and then jump back. Kadaj runs back at him and jumps in front of the sun like a crazy hero person and comes down with his blade. Cloud wacks off the edge of a building. "Homerun! Homerun!" Cloud dances like moron. Kadaj drops, but grabs onto the ledge of a building.
He looks down at his sword, seeing it drop a loooooong ways down. He doesn't hear a clank sound until an hour later. He gulps and looks back up to see Cloud. "How long have you been like that?" Kadaj asks. Cloud just stares at him until he starts blink again. "Sorry, I can sleep with my eyes open sometimes if I stare at something long enough" Cloud smiles. Kadaj is about to hit him with the box, but Cloud wacks it away. Kadaj jumps and catches it. He throws the box at some random dude and holds whatever surprise was inside to his chest. "Now, I'll show you my reunion and how to make a cake" he looks over to Cloud.