20 ways of Killing Yugi part 9
disclaimer: No es el mijo. Quiero, pero no tengo.
Yugi was ever so bored in civics class. It didn't help that he was being picked on by the teacher because the teacher was a carbon copy of Shaquille O'Neal (cuz I don't want to be sued!), and Yugi was only about half the size of Shaq's left leg.
" Hey shorty!" said the teacher, for what had to have been the 100th time that class, " Where's the Empire State Building?"
" New Jersey City?" Yugi tried.
" WRONG! New YORK City!" the Shaq clone said, bouncing a basketball off Yugi's spiky head for the 101st time that class. " And since you can't answer, once again, any question about New YORK City," he said, towering over our diminuitive hero (so small he makes Yoda look like a giant), " You have to GO there and come back before the end of the week or else you gonna fail this class."
" Can you pay for it?" asked Yugi.
The Shaq clone picked him up by the tallest spike of his hair and hung him by his belt loop from the ceiling and then bonked him in the head again with the ball.
" That's a no," Yugi muttered to himself.
A day later Yugi found himself taxiing into LaGuardia Airport in New York City.
" Thank you for flying WenospeakEnglish Airlines," said the pilot over the intercom. " Please get off the plane now, and if you leave anything behind, we will take it back and use it in a sacrificial stew for a fertility ritual involving missing luggage, dead sheep and the 11th baby of a Viatnamese priestess. Good-bye."
Yugi's eyes twitched and left his lunch on his seat, he hadn't found the rotten cabbage, stale rice and cardboard scotcheroos entirely appealing. " They're welcome to it," he muttered, collecting his carry-on bag and leaving the plane. " I hope their babies have blonde eyes, green hair and 32 nipples."
After collecting his luggage and switching his return ticket to Japan Airlines, Yugi tried hailing a cab. And tried again. And kept trying until finally, sometime around Midnight (he had arrived at three p.m.), he managed to get someone to take him to the Holiday Inn.
At 7 the next morning, he decided not to bother with hailing a cab, choosing instead to walk to the Empire State Building. He did somehow manage to get through Times Square without getting snatched to star in midget porn movies, and continued towards his destination.
When he got within a block of the place, he saw a helicopter with a familiar symbol on the side landing on the top of the building. Yugi immediately craned his neck up…and up, and continued until he was nearly bent over backwards to wave at Kaiba when he got out of the chopper.
He saw Kaiba wave back, and dropped something so small Yugi figured it must be a note telling him that his civics teacher had been kidding and that he could go home now. But then the object got bigger…and bigger…and bigger, and then Yugi realized. It was no note.
" Hey," he said. " That's not a note, it's a-"
SPLAT! The bag of quarters did a very efficient job of smashing Yugi's head into the pavement of New York City. The puzzle easily punched through the thin flesh of the dead teen's neck, and also of punching through the bag of quarters. Some of the New Yorkers bent down to retrieve some of the quarters, but were deterred from that train of thought when a cab swerved onto the sidewalk at nearly breakneck speed, doing a donut around Yugi's corpse and running over several ignorant bystanders. Marik leapt from the cab and started collecting.
" Yay! Quarters!" he said, gathering the rolls and flinging them into the passenger seat of the cab. He then noticed the gold gleam of the puzzle calling to him.
" YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! PUZZLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!" Marik nabbed it from Yugi's chest and held it up, breaking out moves that were rarely seen outside of Riverdance. As for Yugi himself…
Someone eventually got around to identifying him and shipping his corpse back to Domino. This was done by a one-vote margin on the City Council, with the losing faction wanting simply to dump the idiot's body into the Hudson River.
Six months later, the tectonic disturbance from the impact of the bag of quarters with Yugi's head caused a massive earthquake on the East Coast and destroyed New York City, with all of its history and crappy salsas.
End of Part 9.