Disclaimer: I own nothing. The full versions of this and all my fics can be found on adultfanfiction.net author ID Shanastay.
Chapter 7: Going Back - Part I
Janessa paused mid-strike, belatedly feeling someone watching her. She swiveled to face the stairs, katana at the ready, forehead creased, and a question rising to her lips.
No one there. Huh. Probably just Pat and Ed checking up on me anyway. Gotta start paying better attention to my surroundings or I'm gonna get nailed by those aggressor teams in no time flat.
Janessa quickly finished the kata she had interrupted. She bowed to her weapon before carefully returning it to its resting place. Jan carefully laid the katana on the bed next to Legolas. She caressed his exposed limb before turning away to clean up. On her way to the bathroom she snatched up her leathers, taking them with her.
Janessa cleaned up, donning the form-fitting halter top and pants. She eyed herself critically in the full length mirror.
Wow. They fit perfectly.
Jan ran her hands down the front of the halter over the swell of her breasts, smoothing out the leather. The front of the halter was cut low, but not too low revealing the curves of the tops of her breasts. The back of it cut about halfway down her back, leaving bare her arms, shoulders and upper back. Her tattoos were clearly visible above and below the expanse of black leather. She flexed experimentally, watching the rippling of muscles under the skin.
Jan faced sideways, running her hands along her abs and over her stomach. Her leather pants slung low across her hips revealing an expanse of taut muscles and her pierced belly-button. She currently wore her "good luck dragon" charm. It was inverted with the dragon actually at the top and the tail hanging down over her belly-button. Small red gems formed the eyes, giving it a fiery gaze. She twisted around in front of the mirror seeing how the leather pants formed themselves to the curves of her hips, ass and muscular thighs before flaring out from the knee into a boot cut.
Enough already. Now I'm just preening. Vanity, yuck.
Jan made her way back into the bedroom, retrieving her boots and leather jacket. The boots went all the way to her knees both lacing up the front and zipping up the insides of her legs for quick donning and removal. The boots were rugged with a bit of a heel to add a little to her height. She could easily fight and run in them.
Huh. Now that I think of it, everything I wear nowadays I can either fight in or kick off and use as weapons. Paranoid much?
She rolled her eyes eyeing her belongings, trying to figure out what she was going to take and how.
I need to practice, so the bow and arrows need to go. Need a change of clothes for the qualifying run.
She grabbed a plastic bag loading it with a long-sleeve shirt, warm-up pants, socks and sneakers. She made sure she had her back-mounted quiver, taking the time to wrap a bandana around the shafts so they wouldn't rattle around in the wind and another around the fletches so they wouldn't get damaged. Next she donned her zip-front leather motorcycle jacket. The heavy jacket clung to her curves hanging down over her hips.
Janessa snagged her bag of clothes after securing her quiver and bow on her back, heading out to the garage.
On her way out she passed by Ed in his den watching golf, waving to him. Pat was in the kitchen and stopped Jan as she passed, smiling and handing her a paper sack.
"Be careful."
Janessa gave her a brilliant smile, winked and disappeared into the garage. She put her clothes bag into one of the bike's saddlebags and peeked into the paper sack Pat had given her. Inside she found an assortment of power bars, granola and some juice pouches.
Damn. Pat thinks of everything doesn't she?
Janessa put the bag of goodies in the other side of the saddlebag. She walked to the wall and hit the button bringing up the garage door.
Jan walked over the bike, picking her helmet up off the seat where she had left it earlier. She twisted up her hair tucking it into the helmet as she adjusted the shin strap and flipped up the visor. She felt around in her right pocket, finally noticing the bulge there.
Aha! So that's where I put my gloves.
She slipped the soft leather gloves over her hands before straightening up the bike and putting up the kickstand. She walked the bike out of the garage and onto the driveway.
Janessa swung her leg up and over the cycle, straddling it. She sat there for a moment, hands gripping the handlebars, getting a feel for her bike again. She reached up and flipped her visor back down. After a moment she started the bike up, feeling the vibrations, the power held barely in check between her legs. She ran her hand down the center of the bike.
God, I missed this.
She revved the engine once before taking off down the street. She started off slowly, picking up speed as her body remembered riding. Soon she was leaning into the curves as she roared around them.
She headed up toward the Academy. The qualifier run was being done on the outdoor track, and they had opened the archery field for practice.
Since 9/11 the Academy had been shut down to the general public. Jan had a special pass to get her onto the base.
Wonder what would happen if I flashed my expired military ID at the gate?
Jan entertained the thought for a moment before dismissing it.
Last thing I need right now is to get arrested by the SPs.
Jan went up Academy Blvd to enter by the South Gate. She pulled up at the guard shack, retrieving the pass from her pocket and flipping her visor up sp the SP could see her face.
He took the pass from her looking back and forth from it to her. Jan's eyes widened.
Why do they have a 1st Lieutenant on guard shack duty?
That's when it dawned on her who she was actually looking at.
He was in my class, my squadron no less. What the fuck? You're not supposed to get stationed back here until you're at least a Captain.
Jan quickly regained her bearing as he handed her back the pass and waved her on. The entire exchange couldn't have taken more than 30 seconds.
Something's not quite right here. But hey! Not my problem anymore.
Jan made her way to the athletic fields by way of a detour past Fairchild and Vandenberg halls. As she passed the ramp leading up to the Terrazzo she stopped, mouth agape.
"OH. MY. GOD." They took down the "Bring Me Men…" ramp.
Where the quote used to be there was a blank wall with small holes where the letters had been.
When did that happen, I wonder?
Jan continued on her way to the outdoor track. She stopped at the main gym to change into her running clothes before continuing on to the track. She parked the bike, taking her bow and quiver with her. She hid them under the bleachers in a spot only she knew about.
Heading towards a sign labeled ESPN she joined the growing crowd of competitors. They were calling out names to confirm everyone was there. She responded when she heard her name called.
"Alright. Everybody listen up…" As the announcer started speaking Jan recognized the voice. Wonderful. What the fuck is that asshole doing here? I swear he's following me. "…do this in 3 groups. As soon as one group gets done we'll start the next. We have our own timers here to prevent any, shall we say, discrepancies in the times. general laughter from the competitors Now listen for who will be timing you …"
Jan tuned out the announcer-guy after she found out who was timing her and that she was in the first group.
Not gonna let him get to me…
She stretched out, waiting to be called to the line. She could taste the coming cold front in the air.
Wonder if it'll snow tonight. It'll definitely rain at least.
Jan took a deep breath, inhaling the crisp, clean mountain air.
Ahhhh… No smog. No allergies. Just air.
Looking at the other competitors she watched some sucking on bottled oxygen. She laughed inwardly, 7258 feet above sea level. Gotta love it. "Where the air is rare." They're all gonna die.
Smirking, she found herself unimpressed by the competition. No sweat, she thought as she felt the butterflies start up. Here goes the adrenaline…
Just as she was getting herself all worked up they called her group.
Alright, 8 laps. Just 2 more than I did every semester I was here. I can do this.
Shaking herself out, Jan positioned herself to start. She got a song started in her head with a beat she could keep pace to. As the horn sounded she took off to the mental beat of Robert Miles' Dreamlands.
The beat pulsing in her head, she set out at a ground-eating pace she could maintain and leave the competition behind. After 2 laps most of her group had fallen back. Several were trailing her, figuring she'd tire and they could take the lead. Janessa had the throbbing beat of Fable going through her head as she kept up her pace.
By the 6th lap the grueling pace she had set for herself was starting to take its toll on the competition. She had lapped most of the field and the nearest competitor to her was over a minute behind.
Janessa's lungs screamed and her body ached as it told her she should be done already.
I'm still used to doing the AFT. My body thinks it's over. Gotta push it.
Jan actually increased her pace for the last lap, passing some of the field for the second or third time. Her timer, wide-eyed, called out her name and time for the record keeper. Janessa smiled at the awestruck woman and stumbled over to the bleachers, her legs ready to give out. She dropped down hard into her seat, trying to get her breathing under control.
Janessa sat up straight taking deep breaths, forcing what oxygen was available into her lungs. Her breathing and heart rate back under control she opened her eyes to watch the last few stragglers from her group cross the finish line, gasping for air, a few throwing dirty looks in her direction. One of them made his way to an oxygen tank as quickly as he could. He put the mask on, hyperventilating.
Janessa smirked, not a good idea, buddy. You're gonna pass out. She smiled wider, suppressing chuckles as he promptly crumpled to the ground. She then noticed an entire row of competitors and the announcer asshole positively glaring at her. She rolled her eyes and made a kissing motion toward them.
Whatever. Don't know why these people brought oxygen tanks. What're they gonna do? Carry them through the woods? The altitude is even higher in places over there than it is here.
When the second group started Jan snagged her clothes and headed up to the gym to get cleaned up and changed back into her leathers. When she got back she retrieved her quiver and Legolas from their hiding place. She strapped the quiver onto her back and sat down again to watch the rest of the groups and find out the order for the actual competition.
She sat slightly hunched over, arms wrapped around her bow, the tip resting on the top of her boot. She kept Legolas off the ground and out of the dirt whenever possible. Unconsciously she kept running her hands up and down the bow's limbs. Every once in a while she would rub her cheek against the bow.
Jan closed her eyes and rested her forehead against the bow. She tuned out the sounds around her.
I can't believe I'm back here. IHTFP!
Janessa thought about why she had ever come to this place. It was the only acceptance letter dad actually cried over. If only I had known… Fear and doubt began to creep into the edges of her mind.
Janessa opened her eyes to find herself in Arlington Cemetery, music drifting to her along the air. She walked to her left finding what she was looking for.
Hey dad, look at me
Think back and talk to me
The snow crunched under her boots as she kneeled down in front of the headstone.
Did I grow up according to plan?
Janessa sat back on her heels as she felt a presence behind her.
And do you think I'm wasting my time
Doin' things I wanna do?
Jan spoke to the presence behind her, "I miss him so much. He was my whole world, despite everything."
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
A tear found its way down her face as she reached out to touch the white marble.
And now I tried hard to make it
I just want to make you
Proud
A strong slender hand grasped her shoulder and she placed her hand over it.
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
"He always pushed and pushed for me to excel, but I disappointed him. It wasn't enough to do my best. I failed him."
Can't pretend that I'm all right
"He never knew about what happened at USAFA. I wonder what he would think now. Would he finally believe I didn't lie?"
The comforting hand squeezed her shoulder.
And you can't change me
"I'm who you made me Dad," she spat at the headstone. "Don't know if you like the results, but here I am."
'Cause we lost it all
Nothin' lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be
Perfect
Flashback to dad pinning Janessa's maintenance badge on at tech school graduation.
A maintenance badge, not gold bars. He should have been commissioning me as an officer, not putting a badge on a disgraced ex-cadet.
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
Flashback to dad's hotel room the night after graduation as the police usher Janessa in to collect his personal belongings.
"It was a heart attack, or so they said. If the AF hadn't screwed up we would have been on our way to Whiteman when it happened. I could have saved him."
I'm sorry I can't be
Perfect
"He was hanging on to life so he could commission me. After tech school, he had no more reason to live."
I try not to think about the pain I feel inside
Tears fell freely from Jan's eyes now. She found some comfort in the presence behind her.
Did you know you used to be my hero?
"I wanted to be just like him. I was my father's daughter."
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
"It's been four years."
And it feels like you don't care anymore
"Mom says it was my fault. He came to see me and he died. I killed him." She was barely able to form the words as she burst into full-blown sobs, tremors wracking her body.
And now I tried hard to make it
I just want to make you
Proud
The presence behind her kneeled, wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her back against him.
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
Janessa turned her head to the side, resting her face against his chest.
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright
She inhaled his distinctive scent as she sobbed for all she was worth.
Cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be
Perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be
Perfect
The presence just held onto her as she clung to him and it all came pouring out.
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
And nothing's gonna make this right again
Flashback to Mom standing in Jan's bedroom doorway
"It's your fault he's gone! He went to see YOU! And now he's GONE! YOU killed him!" Jan's heart stopped. "You have till the end of the day to get your shit and GET OUT!!!"
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's all just to you
But you don't understand…
The presence just held her as whatever it was going on in her head played itself out.
'Cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be
Perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be
Perfect
'Cause we lost it all
And nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be
Perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be
Perfect
Janessa started up to her feet as she felt herself being shaken.
"Wha..?"
"Earth to Janessa!"
Janessa turned to find the woman who timed her standing next to her.
"Hey, we're all done. You'll be going first in the competition. Impressive performance out there." The woman looked at her with a hint of concern in her eyes, "You ok? You looked deep in thought. I didn't mean to disturb you."
"Oh, no prob. Thank you. I just have lots on my mind." If you had any idea…
"Well, good luck in the competition," the woman said as she walked away.
"Yeah, thanks."
Janessa looked down at her hands realizing she was holding Legolas in a life-or-death grip. She sat back down.
Wow. That was…fuuuck. As if nightmares aren't enough, now I'm getting daymares too. Janessa looked around her. This place is bringing it all back. At least you were with me. She looked at her bow caressing it affectionately. Although you were never there as a physical presence like this one. Before I always just knew you were there, trying to help me fight, lending me your strength, even if you couldn't change the outcome.
Janessa sat for a moment longer, wondering at what it all meant before strapping her quiver and bow to her back and heading to her bike.
Should have it all to myself. No one else would dream of practicing after that run.
She took off toward the practice field, a smile of excited anticipation plastered to her face at the prospect of putting Legolas through his paces.
Alright. A couple of explanations are due I'm sure.
IHTFP=I Hate This Fucking Place
SP=Security Police
"Bring Me Men" is the first line of a poem written about fighting forces. It was up on the wall over the ramp that leads from the parade grounds to the cadet area at the Air Force Academy. It was removed not very long after the recent cadet sex scandals broke. It was considered a symbol of the negative attitude towards women that is fostered there.
The AFT is the Athletic Fitness Test. It is a 1 and a half mile run completed for time and factored into a cadet's Athletic Performance Average (APA). You have to run it every semester unless you are on an intercollegiate athletic team, then you run it once a year.