Disclaimer: I own nothing. The full versions of this and all my fics can be found on adultfanfiction.net author ID Shanastay.

Chapter 15: The Twins

Janessa lay back in bed mulling over the EXTREMELY vivid dream she had.  That was something else…  Janessa turned the radio on, still in bed, letting the strains of Evanescence Bring Me to Life flow over her. 

She thought back to when she had first become acquainted with archery.  She was recovering from back surgery after a terrible car accident.  She could no longer perform her katas as before.  The accident had left her weak and unable to move with the ease she had before.  A dear friend decided she should try modern archery.

How can you see into my eyes
Like open doors

Jan stared at the strange looking contraption with all those strings.  The compound bow was odd looking.  She felt like the bow was looking back at her, straight through her.



Leading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb

Jan felt like she had died inside, being unable to handle her sword and her body as she had before.



Without a soul
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold

She was hesitant as her friend put the bow in her hands.



Until you find it there

And lead it back home

Janessa felt something stir inside her as she struggled to pull back the string, arrow nocked.

Wake me up
Wake me up inside
I can't wake up
Wake me up inside

 
Her friend finally relented at her struggles, helping her bring the bow to full draw. 

Save me
Call my name and save me from the dark

The bow called out to her as she tried to hold the arrow on target.



Wake me up
Bid my blood to run
I can't wake up
Before I come undone

Janessa finally got the arrow on target and released it, watching as it hit the outer gold ring.

Save me
Save me from the nothing I've become

Janessa had lost everything with that crash.  She couldn't teach, she couldn't compete.  Releasing that arrow she felt something she hadn't felt for some time.  Hope.

Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me

Janessa held her friend's bow like a lifeline, unwilling to give it back.

Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life

Janessa insisted on shooting more arrows even though she needed help every time.

Wake me up
Wake me up inside
I can't wake up
Wake me up inside

Every time her arrow hit the target, regardless of where, she thrilled at this new experience.

Save me
Call my name and save me from the dark

Wake me up

Her blood sang in her ears, exaulting at the realization that she would still be able to compete.

Bid my blood to run
I can't wake up
Before I come undone
Save me
Save me from the nothing I've become

Janessa was in love.

Bring me to life
I've been living a lie

There's no faith inside
Bring me to life

She looked at the bow with unrestrained desire.

Frozen inside without your touch
Without your love

Darling only you are the life among the dead

Janessa couldn't believe what she had discovered at her friend's urging.

All this time
I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark
But you were there in front of me

Janessa felt alive like she had not in the months since the accident.



I've been sleeping a 1000 years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything

After her first couple of shots, every arrow hit the x-ring, her confidence soaring, she came alive as she held that odd-looking, beautiful bow.

Without a thought
Without a voice
Without a soul
Don't let me die here

There must be something more

 
Janessa turned away from the range, back to her friend.  Tears of gratitude shown in her eyes, her face alight, a smile gracing it for the first time in forever.  All the while her hand gripped the bow tightly.



Bring me to life
Wake me up
Wake me up inside
I can't wake up
Wake me up inside
Save me

That was the moment.  The moment I knew that I would survive.  I would get through it.

Call my name and save me from the dark

Janessa rubbed her cheek against Legolas' limb, pulling the bow closer for a moment.

Wake me up
Bid my blood to run
I can't wake up
Before I come undone.
Save me



If it wasn't for your compound cousin I wouldn't be here today.  You've given me purpose, a life.  She kissed the bow, murmuring, "Thank you."



Save me from the nothing I've become
Bring me to life
I've been living a lie

There's no faith inside
Bring me to life

Janessa sighed, looking at the clock.  Still have a while before the banks open up and I can get at whatever's in that safety deposit box.  I'll show the key to Pat.  She'll probably know which bank I have to go to.

Janessa climbed slowly out of bed, snagging the small CD player from the bag at her feet and placing it on the end table.  She dug around in the bag for another minute or so coming up with a pair of mini BOSE speakers.  She plugged them into the CD player checking which CD was inside and set it on random play.

Those speakers are one of my best finds.  Sounds like I've got a full-size stereo in here.

Janessa moved about as the sounds of Alanis Morissette filled the room.

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone

Oh yeah, I've got SUCH a great track record with men.

I recommend walking around naked in your living room

Looks down  Got that one covered.  Janessa's hips swayed as she moved about the room.

Swallow it down (What a jagged little pill)

It feels so good (Swimming in your stomach)

Wait until the dust settles

When the dust settles I wanna see a great big crater where USAFA used to be.

You live you learn

You love you learn

You cry you learn

You lose you learn

You bleed you learn

You scream you learn

Is it possible to unlearn stuff?  Got lots of knowledge I could do without.

I recommend biting off more than you can chew to anyone

I certainly do

Hmmm, school full-time40 hours of work a week all while keeping a 4.0?  Fun fun!

I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time

Feel free

Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, it says, "Don't Go There!"

Throw it down (The caution blocks you from the wind)

Hold it up (To the rays)

You wait and see when the smoke clears

Can I watch the Academy burn? Please? Please?

You live you learn

You love you learn

You cry you learn

You lose you learn

You bleed you learn

You scream you learn

Ignorance is not necessarily bliss, but the lessons I've learned could have been better taught through other non-violent means.

Wear it down (The way a three-year-old would do)

Melt it down (You're gonna have to eventually anyway)

The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

Burn baby, BURN!

You live you learn

You love you learn

You cry you learn

You lose you learn

You bleed you learn

You scream you learn

Your experiences do shape who you are.  There was a time when I would not change my past.  I'm not so sure now.

Flash to sophomore year at USAFA, senior-level English-Public Speaking

The assignment was to speak about a life experience and how it affected you.

You grieve you learn

Janessa chose something that had affected her deeply and profoundly changed her.

You choke you learn

She talked about the gang rape she suffered at fourteen and the aftermath.

You laugh you learn

The class was eerily silent as she spoke, several holding their breath.

You choose you learn

It was horrible, but it made her stronger.  She chose to be strong, not a victim.

You pray you learn

Janessa posed a question to the class, "If you had the power to go back and prevent this event from ever happening would you do so?"

You ask you learn

The class overwhelmingly responded in the affirmative.

You live you learn

Janessa again shocked the class by telling them she would not change it.  It had so intrinsically shaped who she was, that to take it away would make her a wholly different person.

Janessa came out of her flash-back to find herself with one leg in her pants and the other halfway there.

I'm broke but I'm happy

I'm poor but I'm kind

I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah

The sounds of Alanis still rising around her, Janessa hopped around on one foot for a moment before crashing to the ground.

I'm high but I'm grounded

I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed

I'm lost but I'm hopeful, baby

Really bad time to be reminiscing, girlfriend.

What it all comes down to

Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine

Janessa finally managed to get into her pants.

I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is giving a high five

She moved to her boots, humming along with the song.

I feel drunk but I'm sober

I'm young and I'm underpaid

I'm tired but I'm working, yeah

Jan finished with one boot and started on the other.

I care but I'm restless

I'm here but I'm really gone

I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

She finished with the second boot and stood, surveying the room.

What it all comes down to

Is that everything's gonna be quite alright

Janessa glanced at the CD player, Is it?

I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is flicking a cigarette

She looked about the room, trying to locate her jacket.  Finally spying it under a corner of the bed, she pulled it out and dug around inside the inner pocket till she came up with the safety-deposit box key Stef had given her years ago.

And what it all comes down to

Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet

I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is giving the peace sign

Jan studied the small piece of metal for a moment, turning it back and forth in the light.  How could something so small be the source of so much trouble?  Assuming I'm right…

I'm free but I'm focused

I'm green but I'm wise

I'm hard but I'm friendly baby

Janessa's expression turned serious as she let doubt creep in for a moment. 

I'm sad but I'm laughing

I'm brave but I'm chicken shit

I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

Now I know I'm walking into a trap, but will that knowledge be enough for me to survive this?

What it all boils down to

Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet

Janessa considered something and returned to her travel bag, first tucking the small key between her breasts.

I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is playing the piano

She dug around in the bag until she felt the smooth handles she was looking for and withdrew the items from the bag.

What it all comes down to my friends

Is that everything's just fine fine fine

I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is hailing a taxi cab….

As Alanis' voice trailed off Janessa went and sat on the end of the bed, contemplating the two identical, carefully crafted weapons.  The CD player clicked, indicating it was shuffling.  Janessa drew her finger along the flowing gold designs in one handle.  The first strains of the song the CD player landed on wafted to Janessa, sending a chill up her spine.  Forgot that was on here.  The drums filled her with dread.

You think that I can't live without your love
You'll see,
You think I can't go on another day.
You think I have nothing
Without you by my side,
You'll see
Somehow, some way

Tim, you will NOT win.  Her resolve hardened, Janessa put aside the long knives and drew up the legs of her pants.  She drew the zippers of the boots down, then turned back to the knives.  She withdrew them from their sheaths, laying them carefully on the bed.



You think that I can never laugh again
You'll see,
You think that you destroyed my faith in love.
You think after all you've done
I'll never find my way back home,
You'll see
Somehow, someday

The sheaths had hooks built into their backs.  Janessa clipped each one to the outside of a boot, the body of the sheath inside.  Janessa took a deep breath, drawing strength from the defiant nature of the song playing.



All by myself
I don't need anyone at all
I know I'll survive
I know I'll stay alive,
All on my own
I don't need anyone this time

She loosened the laces of her boots before bringing the side zippers back up.  The sheaths went the length of her calves, ending just above her ankle joint, about 10-12 inches long.  They were just the right length that they didn't affect her movements.



It will be mine
No one can take it from me
You'll see

Janessa took up the knives and carefully slid them home.  She proceeded to adjust the boot lacings to accommodate the added masses.  The handles were short for such long knives, but perfectly fitted to her small hands.



You think that you are strong, but you are weak
You'll see,
It takes more strength to cry, admit defeat.
I have truth on my side,
You only have deceit
You'll see, somehow, someday

She drew her pant legs back down, standing and bending experimentally.  The way the fabric moved you couldn't tell there were weapons in her boots.  The handles were not noticeable even to experienced eyes.

All by myself
I don't need anyone at all
I know I'll survive
I know I'll stay alive,
I'll stand on my own
I won't need anyone this time
It will be mine
No one can take it from me
You'll see

Janessa drew strength from the words and somber tone of the song, Madonna's refusal to give clear in her voice.  I will not fail.  I can't.  There's too much at stake here. 



You'll see, you'll see
You'll see, mmmm, mmmm

Janessa looked around the room one last time as the final words of the song solidified her courage and determination to see this thing through.  She reached over and turned off the CD player then headed upstairs to corner Pat.

A/N:Yeah, kinda slow, but the next couple will be faster paced.