She hates me now.
It is the first thing that enters my head as I sit on the creak surface of what I suppose is to be my bed. It doesn't look much of a bed. Maybe it just because I'm use to the massive four poster beds like the one I had at home as a young boy, like the one I had at Hogwarts or like the one I shared with her. A massive white bed which we snuggled up on together nearly every night for the last four years, ever since we graduated from Hogwarts. This bed is nothing like that bed. I know that there will never be another night where I will be truly warm, there will never be another morning where I will wake to see her face and there will never be another night where we'll watch the sunset together. I miss her already and I know …
She hates me now.
This place is freezing. I'm shiver in these black robes which I am wearing. I still feel like laughing but I can't. I'm transfixed by the horrible memories that are flooding to my mind. I can hear the other prisoners muttering under their breaths, going insane. If you weren't insane when you were locked in here then this place would turn you insane they would say. I now know it's true. I have only been here a few minutes but I know that I will loose my mind eventually. I wonder how long it will take for me. A day, a week, a month, a year? Maybe I won't last an hour. I don't know but I know I'm cold. I'm shivering and my teeth are chattering. Images are floating before my waking eyes. I see her and I know …
She hates me now.
I can see the memories so clearly now. It is almost as though I'm back crawling on the kitchen floor with my father towering over me. I can see his black hair, I can smell his foul cologne and I can hear his cruel voice, "Crucio". It's almost as though I can feel the pain all over again. I'm shaking my head madly driving to drive the image out but as soon as it's gone it's replaced with another one. The dark mark is hovering the sky, the snake flickering menacingly. The house is deathly quiet. I'm moving in through the doors my wand at the ready. I step over the limp body of a death eater and into the kitchen. Gideon Prewett is lying dead on the floor another death eater on top of him. I'm shuddering. The cell is cold and I can feel ever happy thought being sucked out of me. I'm trying to picture her but I can't and I know …
She hates me now.
I'm grabbing my knees just to try and stop me shuddering but it isn't working. I'm still remembering things. Like last night. I kissed her goodbye and I left. I thought I would be back. I thought I'd be back to wake up in the morning beside her. Who would have thought that I would awake to a cell? I went to check on Peter. I wanted to make sure that Lily, James and Harry were okay. I can see it now as if I was doing it. I'm walking determinedly up to Peter's hideout. I push open the door and ok in. Peter's not there but there doesn't seem to have been a struggle. I immediately knew something wasn't right. I'm flying to James and Lily's to check up on them, to makes Voldemort hasn't got them. I can see Godric's Hollow from the sky and as I land I loose control and my bike falls to the side. The house is destroyed, utterly ruined. I'm running towards it pulling at the debris shouting their names. Lily. James. Harry. Lily. James. Harry. Lily. James. I pull aside a piece of board and I find her. Her beautiful red hair is a mess and her eyes are closed. I know she is dead but I lay her aside. I continue reeking havoc on the wreck on a house and suddenly I've found him. My best friend James Potter. I pull him from the rubble. His glass are cracked but I quickly mend them. I'm crying and screaming. I'm calling out for him. I can hear myself doing. James, James, no, please, James. Suddenly there is Hagrid, he has Harry, Harry is alive and I'm thankful for that. I want Hagrid to give Harry to be but he won't. He has got orders from Dumbledore. I know Dumbledore thinks I betrayed Lily and James. I didn't. I give Hagrid my motorbike and wave goodbye as he disappears. I mess my James's hair for the last time thinking of how upset she is going to be and I know …
She hates me now.
I tracked him down the little rat. I can see it now. He tried to hide in a muggle house but I cornered him. I cornered him the little rat. He was sobbing. I felt so sick. How could he cry knowing he had just killed my two best friends? Lily and James, Sirius, he shouted. How could you? I was furious. How could I? How dare he? I went to kill him once and for all but the little rat was too quick. He blew the street apart before he transformed going down to the gutter. Muggles lay dead left, right and centre but I laughed. I laughed hysterically knowing if I stopped I would cry. I laughed knowing that he thought he could fool me but I know what he is. Now I'm in here and I know I'm innocent but I know …
She hates me now.
As I sit there is a hoot and a tiny owl is sitting on the window of my cell. I stand and reach out for the scrape of paper tied around its leg. It flies away immediately leaving me shivering in this cell. I collapse on the thing I suppose is a bed and unfold the tiny scrape of parchment. There are three words upon it. Written shakily but they give me hope. A hope I thought was lost. Just three little words.
I Love You.