Beware the randomness...

To all my reviewers: I LOVE YOU MORE THAN PIE!

Chapter 5: I've No Idea What's Going on Here

"So, now what, narwhal?" Naruto inquired/narwhalled as he picked a tomato off of Sasuke's head. Turned out he was tomato plant that just needed a good plowing and raining. Who woulda guessed?

"End the wars, man," Inuyasha proposed. "Porpoise," Kagome sighed/porpoised in exasperation.

Then, a GIANT CLAM WEARING CHERRY-RED LIPSTICK FELL OUT OF THE SKY!

Everyone turned to Miroku, expecting him to scream something about girl clams, but he merely read a little pocket Bible with great interest. "What?" he asked when he noticed everyone staring. "I'm not afraid of cross-dressing mollusks. Uncomfortable, but not afraid."

There was then an 'oh' moment.

"Roar, I'm a clam!" the clam roared in a voice all too masculine for it's wearing lipstick. "Keep the peace, man," Inuyasha demanded as he threw a random object, which turned out to be a frying pan, at the clam thing.

"How dare you! I will kill you all!" the feminine, yet masculine, clam exclaimed. "What, are you Hitler or something, porpoise?" Kagome porpoised with a giggle. "Crap!" the clam said. "You've seen through my disguise!"

The clam then tore off his shell to reveal that he was actually…

ADOLPH HITLER!

Sesshomaru then popped out of nowhere. "What is this?" he said with a cool curiosity as he picked up a Magical Cookie from BuTtErFlY lAnD. There was much shouting of protest, but Sesshomaru…

ATE THE COOKIE! And what did he become? He turned Jewish!

So now we have a narwhal, a prep, a goth, a priest who's afraid of women, a hippie, a McDonald's Furby, a porpoise, a Jew, and Hitler. This could get messy.

"Sqee! Hitler! Run away!" Sesshy screamed as he ran in circles, eventually settling on hiding behind a tree. "NARWHAL!" Naruto shouted in challenge to Hitler. "Adolph Hitler, I challenge thee to a doo-ell!"

"Wait! He's not Hitler!" the not-teacher, appearing out of… somewhere, protested. "I AM!" With that, he tore off his face! Revealing a mass of muscles and bones. Sakura hissed with pleasure as everyone else averted their gaze in disgust.

"Whoops," the not-teacher muttered. He peeled off a layer of his torn-off face and slapped it back on. And, yup, that was Hitler. So… now there were two Hitlers. And they were waging war on each other, as any Hitler should.

Not-Teacher Hitler slapped Clam Hitler across his face, effectively removing half of his little black mustache-io. "NOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOOooooo!" Clam Hitler wailed as he melted. Now in puddle form, a single solid hand squiggled up with - GASP! - a black marker!

The hand scribbled the missing half of mustache-io back onto his face, but it soon dispersed. I mean, the guy's a puddle. And you know good and well you can't draw on a liquid. I guess Clam Hitler really was a Hitler impersonator.

"I'm Adolph Hitler and I'm the real Hitler now would the real Adolph Hitler please stand up! Please stand up!" Hitler sang as he danced… strangely. Just out of spite, Naruto pushed him down.

"Look everyone! Naruto's standing up! He's, like, the real Adolph Hitler!" Sasuke observed loudly. Sesshomaru then lost it and attacked the accused 'Hitler'.

"MY PEOPLE WILL NO LONGER YOUR BE YOUR PLAY THINGS!" he screamed as he slashed repeatedly with poison-tipped claws.

"Hey, Big Bro, let's all get along," Inuyasha suggested as he made a peace symbol to Sesshy. The other white-haired demon Jew stared at his brother with cruel eyes, but his gaze then softened and tears filled his eyes, just ruining his fancy eyeliner. "Brother!" he sobbed, collapsing into Inuyasha's embrace. "It's okay, Bro. It's all over. We got years of peace ahead of us. Let's all share the love," the hippie reassured. Then he washed his air with Herbal Essences.

"Oh em gee! Don't you know they, like, totally use animal testing with that stuff!" Sasuke warned. Inuyasha gasped and immediately drew up some signs for a picket… thing. With the protesting and whatnot. You know what I mean.

"Come on, Bro! Let's go save the animals!" Inuyasha said as he threw an arm around Sesshy's shoulder and pointed to the sky dramatically. The backdrop consisted of many, many colorful lines all radiating outwards from Inuyasha's head. The siblings then ran directly into the backdrop, tearing a gaping hole in it.

Naruto glanced through the hole warily. "I think this is our ticket out, narwhal," he said, gesturing to Sasuke and Sakura. The latter two climbed through the hole and into another section of Crossover Land. As Naruto turned to follow, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked over his shoulder to see a very sad-looking Kagome.

"P-porpoise?" she questioned. "Narwhal narwhal, nar!" Naruto narwhalled soothingly. Tears brimmed at Kagome's chocolate eyes. "Porpoise!" she laughed as the tears spilled down her cheeks. "Narwhal," Naruto murmured with a nod. He went through the gaping hole, at which point the backdrop repaired itself and the portal disappeared.

"PORPOISE!" Kagome porpoised one last time. An atmospheric rain began falling. Then the mood was totally shattered. "Would someone PLEASE step on my feet!" Shippo begged.

Kagome's face could be compared to the following: -.-;

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"Where are we now, narwhal?" Naruto narwhalled in awe as he glanced around the chamber. There was ice all over the place, and a fiery light illuminated the room.

"Come on! We need to hurry and get to the Mars Lighthouse Aerie!" came a male voice from an auxiliary corridor. A door swung open, and through it came a guy with brown hair and a green cape. Somehow, eight other people came out of his pocket and spread around him. Seven of them looked ready for battle, and one of them was just… old. W00t. Old guy.

"You! …Who are you?" the guy with brown hair, who was obviously the leader, question with a raised eyebrow. Naruto noted that his sword was out.

"I, uh… I COME BEARING GIFTS!" he shouted as he presented the nine people with some of his Magical Cookies from BuTtErFlY lAnD.

The brunette buy's face could be compared to the following: o.ô

No offense to any Jewish folks reading this, 'kay? Next chapter we get into Golden Sun! YAY! Expect some of THE MOST RANDOM crap ever.

Also, I know I said stuff in my summary that hasn't yet appeared in the story, but YET is the key word. Harry Potter'll probably come in after Golden Sun for those of you waiting. And yes, Harry WILL be evil. But it's not the evil you're expecting...

One more thing! There's a new contest in the works! It's not an art contest this time, so I don't wanna hear, "I can't draw!" The deadline is December 1st and the details are in my profile.

Seriously, this is the LAST thing. My buddy Tomai has a great Naruto fanfiction on the way, and I strongly suggest keeping a look-out for it. It's really funny, has a great plot, and the errors are kept to a bone-bare minimum.

THAT IS ALL. PLEASE REVIEW!