Set during Maternity. Point of view of the mother of the bay girl Maxine.

A response to the Parents challenge on genhouse community on Live Journal

Disclaimer Not mine

Through a Parent's Eyes

When you're single you think you know everything about relationships. I mean, it's simply common sense. Then you get married and realise common sense has nothing to do with it.

When you're married you think about having children; you're a woman you've always thought about them. You think about how they will change your life. You wonder about how you'll cope. Will you be a good mom? Will you love them unconditionally no matter what they do? You build up the courage and talk to your husband about it. He has the same worries, hopes, and dreams as you and you decide to start a family. The questions you've posed to yourself begin to assault you when you find out you're pregnant. You buy all the parental advice books you can lay your hands on. You and your husband are so happy. Although you're scared you think you're ready.

You are not ready for what happens. Your newborn is sick, dying, and you realise that you know nothing, you know nothing that will help your child. The life of your child is in the doctor's hands, in the hands of five people you've never met.

You take a long look at the people trying to save your baby.

Dr. Foreman seems like a caring but honest doctor. He leaves no doubt in your mind that the treatment they're planning may or may not work: "It's a Hail Mary pass." You look over at your husband and he looks defeated and you're not sure if you wanted a caring and honest doctor.

You talk briefly to Dr. Chase. You ask him if your baby is better. He gives a side stepping answer about her fever. He's a doctor and seems like a nice, caring doctor and you feel you can open up to him. You tell him you think you won't make it. You're worried that if your baby dies your marriage will be over. You tell him the story about your neighbour. He beings to give you hope but then reality seeps in and the monitor begins to bleep. You panic. Your worst unrealised nightmare comes true. Your baby is dying.

"Is my baby dying?"

"Mrs Harti-"

"Is my baby dying?"

Your painfully relieved when he says. "It's not your baby." You're pushed out of the room and you look over at two women standing by the window and realize that, while you're relieved it isn't your baby, you're guilty that it is someone else's, someone else's baby is dying. You look along the corridor and see a tall man limping towards the room. Even though he's disabled the speed at which he is moving and the look on his face lets you know that no one around the hospital thinks of him as disabled. You realise that this must be Dr. House. You are given hope that he will discover what's wrong with your child. But you don't forget that he was too late for the parents beside you.

You stand off in the corridor hiding behind the pillar as Drs Wilson and Cameron inform the patients. Dr. Wilson is a man suited to being an oncologist. He has a warm and assuring smile and you can't deny that he is handsome. However, you soon berate yourself for thinking that. You're married and your baby is dying and you're rating the doctors. You notice even from the back that Dr. Cameron has frozen and wonder if it's because she's a young doctor or if it's because she's a woman or if it's because she's experienced this. Dr. Wilson also has noticed that she's frozen and steps in. He tells the parents calmly and sensitively that their baby has died and they tried everything they could. You morbidly hope that if the worst does happen, that if your baby should die, that it's Dr. Wilson who tells you.

Except it's not Dr Wilson who comes to tell you the bad news. It's Dr. Foreman. You have no doubt he's a great doctor but you're worried about how he's going to tell you and again he's blunt. He tells you they've found out what's making your baby sick but helpfully informs you that they've yet to find a cure for the common cold. Your hope is almost gone. These five doctors have done so much. They've found out what's killing your baby and now it may be all for naught. But then he gives you a life line. He says that there is a company that may have an antiviral. It's your last life line and you're grasping it with two hands.

Dr. Cameron was sensitive enough to ask you to hold your baby up while they changed her sheets.

"Maxine." You tell her the first time since this horrible nightmare began. Now that you've said her name and it's the first time you and your husband have touched her in days you realize that you've had an ache in your arms for the past few days that you haven't been allowed to hold her. You look at your husband then over at Dr. Cameron. You both a share a moment of some understanding. You don't know if she ever lost a child or empathises with you because she's a woman but it gives some comfort, some hope that the other doctors, while excellent in their field, were men and could never truly understood your heartache.

You understand some of the roles these doctors seem to have. Dr. Wilson, because of age and experience, has the unfortunate and unbearable job of telling patients or parents that the worst has happened, that their child has died or that they only have a few days to live. Dr. Chase, however, because of his youth, has the pleasing and warming job of telling patients that everything is okay. That Maxine will recover. You're happy. In fact, you're over joyed and you are glad that it wasn't Dr. Wilson who was walking towards you to tell you the news.

M.DM.DM.DM.DM.DM.DM.DM.DM.DM.DM.DMD.MD.DM.DM.DM.DM.DM.DM.D

Wilson walks into the conference room and offers Cameron a quick smile who was seated at her desk. He couldn't help but notice the card that was slightly hidden behind her computer. He walked behind her but didn't reach for the card. He just asked. "Who's the card from?"

Cameron can't help looking at the card and a small smile graces her features. "It's from the Hartigs. A thank you." And then her smile becomes sad as she remembers the Hausens. The parents of the baby boy. The moment Wilson kindly stepped in for her and told them the news with tender and kind words that she just couldn't manage to say. Her mind wanders to her own thoughts on being a parents. Her smile slips away.

Wilson notices her smile has gone and knows what she's thinking. He never talked to her about the Hausens or about how she couldn't give them news. It's the worse news to give and the worst news to hear. The harsh reality that your child is dead. The worst thing about being a doctor is seeing how the news breaks people.

He rests a gentle hand on her shoulder and almost whispers. "I know. This job scares me out of wanting to be a parent too."