Killing Me Softly

Chapter Two The Weakness In Me

Logan's blood ran cold has his brain finally caught up with what was going on around him. Suddenly it all hit him at once, flashbacks of his last few weeks with Veronica. The way she turned her nose up at food, the way she had began to lose her color, her lack of interest in intimacy. The way she had been disgusted by every smell around them, and then her mysterious disappearance,. It all suddenly made sense to him.

He felt weak and stupid. How could he have just realized this? How could he have been clueless for so long. Was he that dense? Was he that selfish? He was pulled out of his pondering when he saw Keith whisked the curious little girl away from Veronica, a sympathetic look on his face.

Suddenly it was too much, the news, the crowds, the whispers, he couldn't take it anymore. Next thing he knew he was moving, he was almost running, running away from her, away from the truth.

He felt relief when he saw his cherry red mustang at the end of the driveway, his escape was so close. Just as he had climbed in he felt a hand on his shoulder, his whole body tensed, his hand still on the ignition switch. His eyes closed in agony and his throat ran dry. He couldn't handle this. Not now.

"Go away, Ronnie." He pled through gritted teeth.

But the blonde was still as determined as always, she was going to relent. "Logan, I really don't think it's such a good idea for you to drive right now. You're not in the best of mindsets." She said to him, her false concern making his stomach churn in disgust. He swallowed the bile that was rising in his throat and laughed sadistically. "Hmm...Lets' see, Ronnie, do you think it was a good idea for you to tell me about my four year old daughter in the middle of the Kane's annual 'social event of the season' pool party?"

Veronica closed her eyes, expecting the blow. She sighed and looked at the man she had once loved more than life itself. "Logan, I know it was in bad taste, but..." She cut herself off, not knowing what to say, not having a real excuse for her actions. Other than she was just tired of running, tired of the lying.

Logan laughed again, this one sharper and more false than the last. "Oh please Veronica Mars, please tell me, explain to me how I deserved this. Enlighten me with you holier than thou bullshit, about how I wasn't worthy of your time. Tell me why I wasn't decent enough for you to let me know I had a child. That we had a child. Veronica we have a child, a daughter. That beautiful little girl in there is ours. We did that. And you didn't even fucking tell me." Logan's eyes burned with the flood of tears that was threatening to break. He slammed his car into reverse and started to back out of the drive way when she put her hand on the open window.

"Logan, don't. You can't just run away from this." Veronica's wide eyes stared at him, begging him to understand. Logan looked at her, disgust evident n his face. He smiled coldly and then said "No, baby, your right, that's your job." With that he slammed on the gas and sped from the driveway, roaring onto the quiet streets of Neptune, heavy metal blasting through the open windows.

Veronica stared at after him for what could've been hours before her father came to get her. His eyes hard, but understanding. She looked at him her smile broken and empty. "Dad...what...what am I going to do?" Veronica asked him, her voice coated with grief.

He wrapped a arm around her, ignoring the tears than were suddenly soaking his shirt and smiled sadly. "Oh, baby..." he said into her hair. "It'll be okay, you'll fix this. You'll fix everything. But not tonight. Tonight we're going home. You have a lot of explaining to your little girl.

Keith's eyes burned with sleep but he knew it was useless to go back to bed. He couldn't sleep peacefully knowing that both his little girls were hurting. Everything had been going so well. Veronica had done well for herself after leaving Neptune all those years ago. She had carried her secret to term. She hadn't taken long to decide tat she wanted her and Logan's baby more than anything else in the world, so with some money her father had saved up she moved into a small two bedroom apartment in New York and started college, found a great job and received a degree in photo journalism. She was quickly picked up by a small independent magazine in Manhattan and loved every minute of it. She and Amelia had been doing great. The child was very well adjusted and happy, had lots of friends at her pre-school and loved mystery shows, just like her Mommy. Keith hadn't gotten to see either of them as much as he would've liked, but had made it a priority to get to New York at least once every few months.

Veronica said she was very happy being a single hard working mother, but lately Keith had noticed that his daughter would get those far off gazes, and her telephone conversations often contained long, distant pauses. He knew she was lonely, that she longed for a real, adult relationship. He knew she wanted love.

He had tried to keep his nose out of it but when she had asked about two months ago if everyone in town was okay, if he had heard about...'anyone', in a while, he knew something was going on. He knew she was starting to miss Logan. She had said she was starting to see him in Mia more than ever. Veronica said that she had his nose, and lips. He voice always got so distant when she talked about things like that.

He had even gotten a call from Duncan last week, he was worried about Veronica. During her weekly call to him she had broke down in tears. She was becoming a mess. She had even broken down and flat out asked how Logan was...what he was up to. That had been the whole reason Duncan had invited her to the party. He had stopped inviting her to Neptune function years ago, but he knew the time was right; it was time to clean out the spider webs and come to terms with the past.

Keith had called Veronica back right after he talked to Duncan and begged her not to come home. He had known it would turn ugly. He wanted his daughter to be happy more than anything, and yes, he did want Logan to know his daughter, but not like this. But Veronica had been as hardd headed as ever and had told him she already had bought her and Mia's ticket. She also told him she would be home in a few days, then she told him that she loved him and bid him goodbye.

When she got home she had calmed his nerves somewhat when she told him she had a plan on how to break the news to Logan. She wouldn't tell him the plan, but she was sure she had one, a good one. She told him she was just tired of lying to Mia every time she asked about her Daddy. She smiled and old him that Duncan had been right. It was time to great rid of some spider webs.

Keith shook the memory from his mind and slid off the barstool, tired of watching the clock on the microwave and set his coffee cup in the sink. He made his way down the hall to his bedroom. First checking on a happily sleeping Mia and then walking a bit further to Veronica's old bedroom. He poked his head in not really all that shocked to see her gone, a lone seashell lying on her pillow. He shook his head, and made his way to his room and crawled into bed with his wife, his mind at ease knowing both his girls would be okay.

Logan stared at the ceiling of his hotel room, his eyes far off. He had been laying there for hours now, still in the clothes he had on for the party. Memories just kept running through his mind. Veronica's smile, her laugh, the feel of her lips on his, the way her eyes glittered when he told her he loved her. Then his stomach curled when flashes of the last few weeks of their relationship surrounded his mind. The way she avoided his eyes when he asked if she was feeling okay, the way she kept canceling dates, the sound of her voice, so broken, the last time he talked to her. He closed his eyes in pain, breathing in the sweet smell of the salt air that was drifting into his room from the open balcony door.

Then he good flashed started in his mind again, the stolen moments they had shared on the beach, all the times they had went walking on the pier, the summer crowds surrounding them. The way the moon reflected in her eyes. Those eyes, so much like their daughters'. He gasped suddenly, his throat closing. He sat up quickly, the room spinning around him.

Their Daughter.

They had a daughter...him and Veronica had created a life together.

He was a father.

Suddenly the room began to close in on him. He needed to get out of there. He needed air. He quickly looked out the balcony door and felt safe again. He grabbed his keys off the dresser on his way out the door and locked up behind him, and then he walked barefooted across the parking lot of the motel and made his way to the beach, smiling slightly at the way the moon light bounced of the calm water.

He breathed in the air as he walked slowly along the beach, feeling the sand between his bare toes. He ignored the way the current kept sweeping at the edges of his slacks, making them cling to his bare ankles.

He looked away from the starry sky gazing along the shore. His heart nearly stopped when he saw that he wasn't alone. About fifty yards in front of him he saw her. The blonde girl that had occupied his thoughts daily for the past ten years. She hadn't spotted him, he could still walk away and she would never know he was there.

He could...but yet there he was still walking towards her, entranced by the way her hair blew in the breeze. He took his time in getting to her, for some reason not wanting to startle her. He was about ten feet from her, his feet making squishing noises in the wet sand when she spoke.

"I didn't think you'd come. I thought you would leave once you saw me." She said softly to the water, her voice far away.

Logan seemed stunned by the sound of her voice. He quickly corrected himself and went to sit beside her, a safe distance of about 4 feet. He looked into the water, noticing all the sea shells that were being swept away with the current. "I didn't think you knew I was here." He told the seashells quietly. He was taken by surprise when she laughed quietly.

He looked at her, he was seduced by her haunting eyes. She smiled slightly. "I always know when you're around, Logan. You're every bit a part of me as Mia. I can always feel when you're close to me." With that said Veronica turned back to the water, her eyes distant.

Logan stared at her for a while. She took no notice of his gaze. Finally the question that had been burning on his tongue for almost five years came forth.

"Why?"

"Why did you leave me? Why did you keep her from me, Ronnie? Am I that horrible? Did you not love me? What…just, I need to know why?"