Killing Me Softly

Chapter Three Without You

Veronica looked away from Logan, her ears clouded with the roaring wind, her hair flying around her face. She looked to the sky, wishing that the stars could help her find an explanation. She dug a deeper whole in the sand with her feet, her toes curling underneath the surface, gripping the wet sand.

She breathed in the salty air, the smell soothing her nerves as she looked to her hands, the ones that had spent the last five years caring for a child. Her voice was soft and warm when she finally spoke. Her words confusing to Logan's already hazy mind. He shook his head, letting her know he didn't understand.

"I said I did love you. Logan, that's why I left. I loved you more than I thought was possible. I was consumed in you. I breathed you in; you were surrounding my every move." She said her tone mesmerizing.

Logan's eyes watered, from sadness or the wind she wasn't sure. He blinked and a lone tear trailed down his perfect cheek, onto his chest where he had unbuttoned his shirt and un did his tie.

He spoke then, his voice harsh and broken. "I don't understand, Ronnie. Why did you leave if you loved me so much? Why didn't you let me know about Mia? "He looked at her, his expression sad, his hands curled tightly in his lap. She took comfort in the fact that there was no ring on his finger.

"I got scared Logan. I found out I was pregnant and it scared the hell out of me. All I could see was my life, our relationship, everything we had built together being torn away. Our love had always been like a fantasy, a dream that was kept protected from the world, from everyday life. All I could think was that it was all going to be stolen away and I couldn't take it. I couldn't take looking into your eyes, telling you that I had a life inside of me, and then watching you fall apart along with our dream.

You once told me that you would never have a child. That you didn't want them; you didn't want to bring a life into this world only to destroy it. Those words were with me every time I saw that little person on the screen in the doctor's office. All I could hear was you saying that we would never have a child together.

So yes, I was scared. And yes, I ran, because that's what I do Logan. I run when I get scared. I figured that if I made the choice to leave on my own then it wouldn't hurt as badly, then if you had been the one to say it.
Now all I can say to you is that I'm sorry Logan. I am so sorry for doubting you. I was young and scared shitless. I had so much to happen that I guess I was just plain gun shy and you were the unlucky one to be holding the gun.

So that's why I came back, it has been haunting me for the past year. I can't sleep without thinking about you. I see you every time I look at Mia. Every time she laughs my heart breaks a little more and so here I am. I need her to know you, Logan. I need her to see what a wonderful person helped to create her. I need her to know what she came from, how much we loved each other back then.

I guess the only thing I need to know now is, do you need her to know you, too? Do you want to see her grow up, do you want to see her spirit, her ability to love above anything. She is an amazing person Logan, and I need you to be a part of it. Do you need the same thing?"

Veronica looked at Logan, willing to give him time to process everything she had told him. After only a few minutes he looked at her and this time she was sure it was tears of sadness that swam in his eyes. He sniffed softly, his face a mess of tears and he smiled at her his eyes clearing.

"Please. I need to know her. I need it more than anything." He said his voice breaking.

Veronica smiled in relief, her heart slowly beginning to heal from all the years of cracks. She slowly climbed to her feet shaking off the caked on sand. She held her hand out to him, helping him up from the sand and smiled softly when he didn't release her hand once he was standing upright.

They slowly walked back towards Logan's hotel when Veronica did a mock sigh of relief. "Good thing to, cause I would've hated to have to kick your ass. I promised Mia I'd cut down on the violence."

Logan's echoing laughter filled the nights air as the sun started to rise in the distance, the start of a new day.