I'll tell him tomorrow.
It's said that when you've made a hard decision it's best to inform people as quickly as possible. But today's not the right time. Bodies, and other things, have to be buried.
Whilst I believed that my feelings for Mal were one sided, that they weren't reciprocated. Then I could function. But now, with my knowledge that the feelings aren't all from one side. Knowing that he has feelings for me. I'm not sure I can carry that knowledge and maintain the façade that I've kept up for so long.
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I stand, watching the survivors of the Heart of Gold burying their friends, and burying Nandi. Their mentor and my true Jie-Jie. I have no fears for them though. Nandi taught them well, and already I can see Petaline taking charge, becoming a Mother to all of them, not just to Jonah. In such a short time she's blossomed from a scared young girl into a Matriarch, who'll ensure that no-one like Rance Burgess abuses any of her girls in the way he abused her.
It's myself I have fears for. Everything is going to change after I tell him. I don't know what will happen to me. But it has to be done.