Legolas: IS doesn't own LOTR. If she did, Aragorn, myself and the twins would be covered in scars/ suicidal.
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It was a beautiful day in the woods by Rivendell where Legolas and Aragorn were hunting orcs. The sun was shining, the clouds were non-existent, except for the one being shot at by some stupid orcs; but we'll ignore that, and the birds were chirping. That is, they were chirping until something wearing black, green and blue with brown hair crashed down from the trees……
Contrary to the weather in Middle Earth, it was a dreary day in northern Illinois. Clouds blanketed the sky and even though it was 7:00 am and the sun had 'risen' there was little light. One girl, like thousands of her teenage brethren sat on a school bus going to school. Her hair was brown and she was wearing a pair of plaid, skintight pants and a sweatshirt bearing the legend Kings Island. On the seat next to her was a dirty pink backpack. Something whacked her head and she shook it irately. "Was that supposed to hurt me?" She muttered outloud to herself.
Sauroman rolled his eyes as the orc failed to knock out his quarry. He used his orc puppet to grab her leg and she yanked it away from the grasping hand, more irritated now. Sauroman sighed and came up to snatch her himself. "If you want something done right…" He muttered under his breathe. Grabbing his staff, he whacked her on the head with as much force as a gross old man could muster. She slumped down and slid under her seat Sauroman could get a hold of her. "Damn!" He cursed, ignoring the other high-school students on the bus, many which were unaware that a fellow student had disappeared, "I knew I should have invested in a Saft-ee-Net®." With his eye twitching, he sank back into Middle Earth.
Back in Middle Earth, the strange creature sat up and groggily shook its head. When Legolas and Aragorn saw its face, they gasped in shock. "It" was a girl, human from the looks of it, with brown hair pulled back into a low ponytail on her back, and some form of spots on her face. She was wearing a pair of plaid pants and a baggy black shirt with some form of writing on it. When she was finally had gotten the annoying dizziness gone, she looked up. Her eyes grew larger and she started giving off a high pitched shriek.
"I wonder if she broke herself when she fell." Legolas muttered to Aragorn and they laughed.
The girl got up and ran toward Legolas; then she glomped on his legs, causing him to crash down on his back. "Oh my God! It's Legolas! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!"
Legolas had a terrified expression on his face and Aragorn gave him and the crazy girl an amused look. The girl rolled her sleeve up and gave the arm she exposed a good hard pinch.
"I'm not dreaming." She shrieked again. Aragorn and Legolas winced at her high pitched voice. Aragorn couldn't help but laugh as she threw herself on Legolas again. "Oh my God, I like, so totally love you!" Hearing Aragorn's laughter, she latched onto him as well and he crashed down on the ground next to Legolas, who promptly smirked at his friend.
"Don't worry Aragorn, I love you too!" After a moment, she stood, er, bounced up and held out her hand. "I'm sorry. I never introduced myself. I'm Smurfalina, but everyone just calls me Smurf. "
Giving her a strange look, Aragorn and Legolas stood up and backed away slowly. Backing away slowly, the two terrified males looked at Smurfalina. "What's your full name?" They asked in unison.
Smurf took a deep breathe and said, "My full name is Smurfalina Cookie Murphy. My parents were smoking the good stuff when they named me. I like it, but am still toying with the idea of changing it in four years when I'm eighteen."
Before Legolas and Aragorn could reply, a crashing from the bushes alerted them to the presence of the orcs they were hunting. Legolas and Aragorn lunged in front of Smurf, ready to protect her, but before they could draw their weapons, Smurf stepped in front of them. Opening her bag, she pulled out a pencil and stabbed the orc hard in the chest. "You big bully, I won't let you hurt the guys I love!"
The orc looked confused momentarily, and then it grinned, pulling its sword and starting to stab at Smurf. Before the orc could complete the motion, it staggered backwards. Smurfs hand was up and her hand print was on its face. Doing a classic example of a bitch slap, she soon had her opponent cowering in fear at her feet. Kicking it, she grabbed its ear and forced her enemy onto its feet. "Go and tell your friends never to bother this group again." The orc fled, telling its scouts to retreat, for this orc was the leader of that particular band.
Smurf turned and smiled innocently at her companions. "What? I didn't want him to hurt you, mon chères."
Legolas stared at Smurf, but Aragorn poked him in the side but Aragorn poked his side and said, "Er- Thank you . What does mon chères mean, what language is it in, and where did you come from?"
Smurfs smile never faltered as she smoothly replied, "Mon chères is my dears in French, it's in French and I came from my bus. Where am I?"
Aragorn blinked. "French? Where's is the country of French? And this so called bus? Milady, you are in the woods outside Rivendell, across the the River Bruin."
Aragorn and Legolas thought they were ready for any possible reaction but Smurf dumbfounded them once again as she pinched her other arm, then tore off in the opposite direction of the Last Homely House. "Oh my effing God! I'll know it's not an elaborate joke when I see Rivendell."
"Umm, Smurf?" Legolas ventured timidly, "Imildras is the other way."
"Oh." Slightly embarrassed, Smurfalina skidded to a stop and then took off in another headlong rush. Aragorn and Legolas grabbed her arms before she could run smack dab into a tree.
"Milady, we are several days travel away from Rivendell, at least on foot." Winking at Legolas, Aragorn gave an earsplitting whistle. Two horses soon were seen coming from the east.
"Milady, may we present you to our mounts?" Legolas asked the surprised girl, playing along with Aragorn's game of flattery.
Smurf turned a bright pink and looked at the horses. "Ooooo. I love horses." Swinging herself up on a white horse, she asked, "Whose mount is this, what's her name, and how the heck are we going to ride if there's only two horses and three people.?"
Aragorn chuckled evilly at the torture he was about to inflict on Legolas when Smurf answered her third question. "Never mind. I'll take this lovely mare and you two can double up. And whose beautiful mare is this, anyway?"
Legolas and Aragorn exchanged dismayed looks. 'Riding double? Oh shit! I don't want to,' Ran through both their minds. With a sigh, Aragorn swung himself up onto his mount, Snow, and helped Legolas up in front of him.
(A/N- In my own little fantasy world, Aragorn learned to ride the elvish way, tackless. Don't like it? DEAL! Canon is non-existent in this ficcy. Leaving me free to do as I please with them.)
Legolas nudged Snow in the sides and Smurf followed him as they started riding. "That would be Frost, my mare from Mirkwood."
"I love riding. I used to ride until my parents stopped giving me lessons." Smurf sighed contentedly as they trotted along.
Legolas gave Smurf an odd look. "What do you mean, your parents stopped giving you lessons? You seem to have a grasp of the basics, but don't they want you to able to travel? Or do they want to keep you home all your life?"
Smurf raised her right eyebrow at Legolas. "What do you mean? I'm fairly sure they don't want me to. Even though I am the only girl."
Legolas turned around gave Aragorn a strange look that Aragorn returned. The customs of 'bus' made no sense.
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After a couple days of riding with Smurf, Legolas and Aragorn were more than relieved to see Rivendell, even if it meant Lord Elrond would make sarcastic comments about them being unharmed.
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Well, what do y'all think? Like it, love it; want to set it on fire, think I should burn in the bowels of Hell for writing it? Just tell me and I might not hurt you for a flame. Just kidding, I do except constructive critisism, but flamers will be called names and either poked with my Cattle-Prod-of-Doom ® or will have my dragon, Fluffy, set on you. Please R&R! Also, if anyone can translate Snow and Frost to elvish, you'll get a surprise. EDIT! I fixed a couple of mistakes that annoyed me and I missed the first time around. They are all gone now.