WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'm still writing! I just had a vacation, finals and writers block. But enough about me. DISCLAIMER TIME! Before that, do I even need to add my warnings by now? I hope y'all know them by my third chapter. –eyes bug out- HOLY FRUITCAKE! I'm on my third chapter and the masses haven't rioted yet! Ok, now disclaimer time.

Disclaimer- Don't own, don't sue. Mr. Willhoit, my English teacher, won't let me use his room to hide the bodies of lawyers anymore until I can bury them in the courtyard. Something about needing the space for his students…..O.O

After dinner, Elrond summoned Legolas, Aragorn, the twins and Smurf to his study.

"I want you four to escort Smurf home." Holding up a hand to stifle the protests he knew were enviable, he continued, "I know it's by the sea, so the three of you," cue a point towards the elves, "Could stay in Mirkwood or somewhere else far enough away. Aragorn could usher Smurf home."

Pulling down an enormous map from one of the numerous bookshelves lining the room, he dropped it on his desk with a terrible bang. It was a metal map you see. Whipping out a set of Lord of the Rings action figures, including one of Smurf, and set them on the map. The old road is here. You can go through there and blah blah blah blah."

After several hours, Elrond finally stopped talking. The others had been dozing lightly in their seats and woke up when they heard an end to the boringness. "Do you understand?" Elrond said in an old-fashioned teacher voice. The kinds where they have no problem whacking you with a ruler, yardstick, and other students….You know the kind.

Smurf got all teary eyed before glomping the elven lord so hard his eyes practically bulged. "Thank you so much, but it's unnecessary." She said.

"It's no trouble at all….." Elrond got out before fainting.

After Elrond had been treated -much to the amusement of his sons and Legolas- for his head injury from hitting his head, the group set off.

Smurf grinned from atop Legolas's mare. She had been offered a horse from Rivendell, but had declined. "That's OK!" She'd exclaimed. "Legolas will let me use Frost again. RIGHT!" She glared daggers at the poor prince while he nodded and gulped.

After stopping to make camp for the night, Smurf pulled out a deck of cards and some poker chips. Holding them up, she asked, with a slightly twisted grin, "Anyone up for a game of strip poker?"

"What's strip poker?" Elladan asked curious but not scared despite the sight of Smurf pulling on several layers of clothing. That would have tipped anyone off, but these guys aren't the brightest out there.

"Dun worry, I'll teach you….." Smurf said with a decidedly maniacal grin now.

"I bet pants!" Smurf cried gleefully. The boys were in their swords and pants. Smurf on the other hand was in her tunic, her undergarments, and two pairs of leggings having ditched her shoes and socks due to the fact that she preferred bare feet.

"Dammit!" Legolas swore. Smurf had the guys hiding behind nearby trees, seeing as they were in their birthday suits.

"I win again!" Smurf shouted happily. She was in her tunic, panties and bra. "Seeing as how I am so nice, I'll end the game so as too spare you further humiliation. I'll turn away so you can come out and change, or would you like the trees more?"

After exchanging looks, Elrohir said, "We'll take the trees."

Smurf smiled and closed her eyes. "One problem. I don't know whose clothes are whose. So come out and get them. I won't peek." Holding four tunics in front of her, she waited for the male parties to get their leggings, socks and boots.

"Oh dear. Is something missing?" Smurf smirked at the four fine looking males shirtless before her. Tossing them their tunics, and pulled on her own outfit.

Reaching the borders of Mirkwood took several more days of travel and card games, but once they reached them, the guards recognized everyone except Smurf. Legolas vouched for her good behavior and they passed into the former Greenwood the Great.

"Mirkwood." Smurf sighed.

"Mirkwood." Elladan and Elrohir confirmed.

"It's only a forest." Aragorn whispered.

"Quiet you. Companions, let us ride to Mirkwood!" Legolas scolded.

"Where did that music come from?" Everyone wondered.

Upon reaching the palace, a red haired blur came tearing out, skidding to a stop much like Smurf had in the first chapter. Frost, Snow, Star and Moon shied, snorting as Aldaril grabbed everyone in turn, giving them a bear hug.

When she got to Legolas, she almost lifted him off of Snow. "I missed you! No one else provides a decent challenge around here. Next time, take me with you. You have all the fun."

Going to Smurf, she wiggled her eyebrows. "What's this? Little Greenleaf got himself some arm candy for the festival tomorrow."

Smurf grinned. "Hullo. I'm Smurfalina, but I prefer Smurf. What's your name?"

Legolas started to protest. "Wait! She's not my date for the Festival of the Stars! I can barely stand her." but Smurf cut off his protests. "Don't listen to him. He's just embarrassed of me."

Aldaril laughed. "Awwwwww, my little cousin is embarrassed of you? I don't see why. You seem like a sweetheart. By the way, my name is Aldaril."

As Aldaril and Smurf went off in a chattering whirlwind, Legolas sighed. "I am so screwed. Aldaril's going to spread the word all over Mirkwood. And the worst part is that I don't like Smurf."

"Yup." Elladan said absently staring after Aldaril.

"Do you like Aldaril?" Aragorn asked.

"Maybe…."

"Do you?" Legolas pressured.

"Maybe….."

Elrohir sat there and smiled. He knew about Elladan's crush, but wouldn't say anything unless his twin said anything about him crushing on Eowowen, Legolas's younger sister. She was fair-haired with big violet eyes, surprising skills weapon-wise and had an incredible figure. Plus she was really really really pure. In short, she was an elven-sue.

While Elrohir day-dreamed, Elladan, Aragorn and Legolas played the maybe game, Aldaril dragged Smurf off to meet Eowowen. She greeted Smurf courteously, having never said a cross word in her life and was pleased her brother had found a woman at last. "Come!" She cried. "You must meet ada (daddy/dad/father/papa).But first, you simply have to change into fresher attire. Something a bit more feminine would be more appropriate."

That's how Smurf ended up in front of King Thranduil wearing a deep purple gown, with Aldaril and Eowowen next to her wearing similar gowns. Smurf promptly collapsed in giggles when she saw Thranduil.

Eowowen and Aldaril were sent to fetch Legolas, Aragorn, Elladan, and Elrohir. When they had left, Thranduil turned to the girl before him and demanded, "Why are you laughing so hard at me?"

"Well you majesty," Smurf began, looking amused, "mybrotherandIhaveajokeaboutyou,wecallyouamolesterandIthreatentosicyouonhimwhenhewon'tbehave." She rushed then started giggling again. (Translation: My brother and I have a joke about you, we call you a molester and I threaten to sic him on you when he won't behave.)

"WHAT!" Thranduil was looking very pissed, wouldn't you if someone called you a molester?

Just then Legolas, Aragorn, Elladan, Aldaril, Elrohir and Eowowen walked in. They saw Smurf giggling insanely, her face red from the laughter and Thranduil looking murderous.

Right when the sixete was about to turn around and hide out in the gardens for a couple of days when Smurf curtsied deeply, then fell flat on her face. "Owwies……" She moaned sitting up and rubbing her nose. "Your majesty, I am truly sorry for the comment as we never had a chance to get to know you or even hear anything about your reputation. And I must say, your floors are so hard and clean. I've never walked into or fallen onto such a clean surface.

Thranduil melted. "Your apology is accepted. You simply must stay for the Festival of Stars. Legolas will show to your room. Tonight you shall stay for dinner. Before you do, you might want to get the travel stains out of your continence."

Smurf curtsied again and managed to stay upright this time. (!) "Thank you your royal highness. Might I add, you've raised a remarkable son?" She winked cheekily before walking out of the audience room.

Thranduil stroked his beard thoughtfully for a moment then looked down. "Dammit Nibbles! You belong outside!" swore the king as Nibbles, Eowowen's pet black squirrel, streaked out through an open window.

Muwahahahahahahahahahaha! I know this isn't a very funny chapter and Thranduil is slightly OOC. Please don't hate me. About Eowowen and Legolas or Aldaril and Legolas, there is absolutely no incest between them. Aldaril is from An Elf in Rohan and Eowowen is an elvish name I got from a name generator. I can send you the link if you ask. PLEASE R&R! Next reviewers replies.

Lexi G. - Welcome to the insanity, Lexi! Your not alone out there! Have a cookie and some anti-confusion pills! –hands over pills and cookie-

Nringa Bleh- YAY! I get the favorites list! Sweet! Gee, I wonder who Smurf Murf is? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm……Here mellon-nin. You get a cookie too. –hands Nringa a cookie-

For everyone else, Smurf is a nickname of mine and Murphy is my last name. Cookie is a card playing name of mine. So everything is connected to me in some way. TTFN and R&R! Reviews make me happy and might make my muse come back. If you see Denise, my muse, please send her back to me via review or e-mail.