An AU from "The Penultimate Peril". What if Justice Strauss was not as innocent as she seemed to be? All characters belong to Daniel Handler, not me.
Janice-Faced
The month of January is named for the Roman god Janus, who has two faces -- one looking back at the past and one ahead to the future. "Janus-faced" is another way of saying "two-faced."
The first indication that Strauss was Janus-faced came at the end of The Marvelous Marriage. There was also that wall of pictures of horses in her library, but that had seemed merely a harmless eccentricity...
Violet had just claimed that signing with her left hand made the marriage legally invalid.
"It doesn't matter which hand you signed with," Count Olaf insisted.
"I'd like Justice Strauss to make that decision," said Mr. Poe.
Justice Strauss frowned thoughtfully. Olaf whispered to her out of the corner of his mouth. Only the Justice and Violet could hear him clearly. "Find in my favor, Janice. You'll get your share."
Strauss whispered back, barely moving her lips, "I really wish I could, but she's found a loophole. I can't risk an investigation if Poe appeals." Aloud, she said, "I must conclude this marriage is invalid, since Violet did not sign in her own hand."
Later, Violet told her siblings what she had overheard.
"She's Janus-faced," said Klaus. "Two-faced, pretending to be nice to us but plotting with Olaf behind our backs."
Since her first name was Janice, they began to refer to her as "Janice-faced Strauss." Unfortunately, Mr. Poe wouldn't believe Violet. He thought she must have misheard.
I have since learned that Janice Strauss put herself through law school by stealing horses at night. Although she became a respected Justice in the High Court, she has never been able to give up the thrill of a secret life of crime.
The Baudelaires had hoped they would never see her again. Alas, they did. They had been working at the Hotel Denouement as concierges and flaneurs. After midnight they had met Dewey Denouement, who told them of the underwater catalog, and that they were noble enough.
Then a taxi pulled up outside the hotel.
"Baudelaires!" called a familiar voice, a welcome one.
"Baudelaires!" called another voice, one that was most unwelcome.
"Jerome Squalor!" Klaus cried.
"Janice-faced Strauss!" Violet cried.
"It's so good to see you children again," said Jerome. "I've regretted ever since I walked away from being your guardian."
"I've regretted letting you get away, too," said Strauss.
"These two have been very helpful to us," said Dewey. "Jerome Squalor has written a comprehensive history of injustice. Justice Strauss has arranged for a trial on Thursday. All the V.F.D. members will bring their evidence and the villains will be judged once and for all by the High Court."
"Dewey, you're making a terrible mistake," Violet said. "I'm not sure about Jerome, but Strauss is definitely a villain herself."
"She's in league with Olaf!" Klaus declared.
"Oh, I've reformed," said Strauss smoothly. "Believe me, I'm on your side now."
"You see?" said Dewey. "Everything is going to be fine."
The children didn't believe it; they were not born yesterday. Neither was Dewey, but it seemed he was as naive and trusting as if he had been.
"Let's run back into the hotel," whispered Klaus. "We need to find a way to signal to Kit and the rest of the V.F.D. that the Thursday meeting is a trap."
Unfortunately, they ran into Count Olaf in the lobby. In the confrontation that followed Dewey was accidentally shot with a harpoon gun, and the Baudelaires found themselves accused of his murder. The trial date was moved up to Wednesday.
"I don't think we're going to get a fair trial," said Klaus when they were locked in a closet.
"There are two other justices," Violet pointed out. "They might be noble."
"Doubt it," said Sunny gloomily.
When they were asked to stand to give their statement at the trial, the Baudelaires were on high alert. They heard the creaking of the bench behind them and realized Olaf was sneaking away. When they heard the voices of the other two justices, they knew they had to take off their blindfolds and peek.
They saw Justice Strauss and Count Olaf walking stealthfully to the elevator, with Olaf carrying the harpoon gun and Strauss carrying Jerome's comprehensive book on injustice. Even worse, their peek confirmed who the other two Justices were.
"The Baudelaires have taken off their blindfolds!" shouted the woman with hair and no beard in her deep, deep voice.
"They are guilty of contempt of court!" said the man with a beard and no hair, in his hoarse voice that sounded as if he had been screaming.
"This court is contemptible," said Klaus. "All three justices are villains, and one of them is sneaking away with Count Olaf!"
"They're lying," said Justice Strauss. "I'm just stretching my legs. Don't take off your blindfolds or you'll be in contempt of court."
The Baudelaires pushed their way into the elevator just as the door was closing.
"Going down?" asked Olaf.
"We're going wherever you two go," Klaus replied.
The two villains reached the laundry room door. "Let me type," said Justice Strauss. "My spelling is much better."
"Spelling doesn't count," said Olaf sulkily.
"Let's see, the first phrase is a medical condition the Baudelaires all share," said Strauss. "I've researched their medical records, so I know that one. A-L-L-E-R-G-I-C-T-O-P-E-P-P-E-R-M-I-N-T-S."
"I know the next one," said Olaf. "Ha! The weapon that made me an orphan. Poison darts." He gave the children a frightening look as he said this. Strauss typed it in.
"The last one is tricky," said Strauss. "The famous unfathomable question in the best-known novel by Richard Wright. I don't know it. Maybe Klaus does."
"Tell us the answer, bookworm," said Olaf, menacing Klaus with the harpoon.
"I don't know it, but I know where to find it," said Klaus. "I'll tell you."
"Klaus, no!" said Violet.
"Why?" asked Sunny.
"Every noble person has failed us," said Klaus. "Why should I protect the sugar bowl? Look in the index of the comprehensive book on injustice you're carrying. Richard Wright wrote about racial injustice, so the quotation should be there."
Strauss found the phrase and typed it in, and the Vernacularly Fastened Door unlocked. However, the villains quickly discovered the sugar bowl was not inside.
"I knew it," said Klaus. "The locked door was just a decoy."
"So where is the sugar bowl?" Olaf demanded.
"The secret died with Dewey Denouement," said Klaus.
"The V.F.D. must have it," said Strauss. "Let's take the Baudelaires back to the trial. We can still find them guilty and take their fortune. We don't dare use the Medusoid Mycelium to slaughter the V.F.D. while they have the sugar bowl contents to use against us."
"No!" said Olaf. "I say we slaughter them anyway. It will throw them into confusion. The less of them around, the less effectively they'll be able to use the sugar bowl against us. We'll go up to the roof, get the mushrooms, expose everyone in the lobby, go back up to the roof, and escape to the sea using the boat. Ha!"
"The boat would never survive the fall, due to the force of gravity," said Violet. "But I can get it off the roof safely. I'll help you."
"You will?" said Olaf in surprise.
"Why?" asked Sunny again.
"Every noble person has failed us," said Violet. "Why not help you and escape with you?" She gathered up some dirty sheets from the laundry room to make a drag chute.
"You would have ended up in my clutches anyway," said Olaf. "Why not?"
"One more thing," Sunny said. "Burn down hotel."
"Ha! That's my girl!" said Olaf in delighted surprise. "Taking after your old guardian, after all."
"It's risky," said Strauss. "We need time to expose everyone to the Mycelium."
"There's time to do both, and I want to," said Olaf. "One should always take time for one's hobbies."
"Sunny, why do this?" asked Klaus.
Sunny shook her head. "Help me."
Under Olaf's direction they got a fire going in the laundry room, using more dirty sheets, jugs of highly flammable chemicals, and the comprehensive book on injustice which Strauss willingly supplied.
"Preludio," Sunny said to her siblings, and they immediately understood.
They punched all the elevator buttons, robbing the villains of time to poison people and also giving them a chance to warn people of the fire on their way up. Some believed them, but many believed Olaf and Strauss when they said the Baudelaires were lying.
On the roof, they pushed the boat to the edge and Violet prepared the drag chute. They all looked down at the blazing building.
"We've done terrible things," Violet said. "We burned down a hotel."
"Signal," Sunny said. The V.F.D. would be watching the skies, and this would tell them that all their hopes had gone up in smoke.
"It probably saved lives, compared to letting them poison everyone," said Klaus.
"We didn't get to use the Mycelium, but at least we got to start a fire," said Olaf.
"I haven't had the opportunity to do much violent crime," said Justice Strauss. "It's even more thrilling than stealing horses."
They launched the boat from the roof, and Violet's drag chute brought them safely down in the water.
"You know, Janice, I'm in the market for a new girlfriend," Olaf said.
"Don't press your luck, Olaf," said Janice, but she gave him a flirtatious wink.
The Baudelaires looked at each other in dismay. They were in the same boat with the notorious Count Olaf and Janice-faced Strauss. They looked out to sea, where they hoped to find their noble friends, and wondered what else they could do, and who they might become.