HOWDY! Wazzup? Ha ha! Okay. My name is KungPowKitty, and I'll be your pilot this evening. Please keep hands, arms, etc. inside the fiction at all times.
So I was looking through the TLK section at fan fic-dot-com, and I noticed how almost every single fiction there was a sort of romance/someone-trying-to-get-revenge type thing. Not that those aren't cool or whatever, but I figured why not lighten the place up a bit? Oh, are you wondering what this thing is about? Well, you'll just have to read it, won't you?
Simba looked across the desolate landscape. Impossible. This was what was left of the Pridelands? This had been his home? No, it could not be. This was a place of death and destruction. This was a place of fear, anger, and hate. This was not his home.
The land lay barren, completely destroyed by drought and the faulty rule of the king. Trees were bare and slowly becoming dust as they died. Grass was practically nonexistent. The river was dry. The sky seemed scorched. Animals of any kind were unseen, unless one included the rotting corpses of skeletons, picked clean by scavengers long ago.
This was not Simba's former home.
Yet, as he looked over the land from atop an outcropping of rock, Simba knew this was the Pridelands, for there breaking the horizon line, stood a jutting rock like no other: Pride Rock.
Scar.
He did this.
What kind of king lets his land decay in such a manner?
"Simba, wait up!"
Simba looked back over his shoulder to see a young lioness, his best friend, Nala, running towards him. As she reached him, she slowed to a trot and stopped, looking out at her home, slightly shocked by the memory of how terrible it was.
"It's awful, isn't it?" she asked quietly.
"I didn't want to believe you."
"What made you come back?"
Simba grinned slightly. "I finally got some sense knocked into me. And I've got the bump to prove it. Besides, this is my kingdom. If I don't fight for it, who will?" Simba said, stepping forward as the wind picked up.
Nala stepped up beside him. "I will."
"It'll be dangerous."
" 'Danger? Ha! I laugh in the face of danger, ha ha ha, ha!' "
"I see nothing funny about this."
Simba and Nala turned to face the voice that produced this last sentence. A rather stinky warthog and a meerkat stood there.
"Timon, Pumbaa, what're you doing here!"
"At your service, my liege!" the warthog exclaimed with an enthusiastic bow towards the red-maned lion.
The meerkat slowly traipsed up beside Simba, looking at the barren place. And not without a slightly put-off face on, mind you. "We're gonna fight your uncle... for this?" he asked incredulously.
"Yes, Timon," Simba said. "This is my home." Saying those words made the destruction all the more real to him. His anger towards his uncle seemed to pulse within his blood.
"Ah, talk about your fixer-upper!" Timon said through a grin. "Well, if it's important to you, we're with ya to the end."
Simba smiled down at his longtime friend, and turned to look over his once beautiful birthplace...
All of a sudden, a putt-putting jeep and a roaring truck-type thing pulled up about twenty feet behind them. Having never seen either, the four critters were natural stunned... and curious. (A/N the infamous 'curiosity killed the cat' cliché comes to mind right about now)
"Alley-oop!" a two-legged, pink animal with the strangest pelt ever seen growled as he hopped out of the jeep.
"Take it easy, Mate," another two-legged animal (although this one was brown) growled to the other, himself with an equally ridiculous looking pelt as the first. "Wouldn't want ya to re-sprain that ankle o' yurs."
"Oh, keep your shorts on, Harry, ain't nothin' gonna happen! Besides, I've seen 'Croc Hunter' loads of times!"
"What on earth...?" Simba said.
"I think I missed something," Timon added, perfectly befuggled (A/N befuggled: see confused).
"Wow, idn't they somethin' eh, Charlene?" the pink one shouted to another one, a female, back in the truck thing.
"Gorgeous. Now hurry it up, you half wit!"
"Gonna ask her to marry me one day, I am!" the pink one growled quietly to the brown one.
"Oh please. Charlene?"
"Do you think they're edible?" Nala asked, a hungry look in her eye.
"They look kinda gross," Simba admitted.
"Carnivores," Timon grumbled, rolling his eyes.
"Would you hurry it up, Simon?" the brown one, still in the jeep, growled agitatedly at the pink one.
"I'm just takin' a picture, Harry!" the pink one growled back, holding a strange black contraption in front of his face... or what Simba supposed was its face.
(Click)
"AAAAAAA!" Simba and the others cried as the black contraption blinded them with a flash of light brighter than the midday sun, leaving brightly colored circles in their field of vision.
"I'm blind, I'm blind!"
"Simba, is that you?"
"Timon, let go of me!"
"Nala, since when do you have a purple mane?"
"Well, I guess we better shoot these buggers before they get to runnin' off, now, huh?" the pink one growled decidedly as he reached back into the jeep.
"Yeah yeah yeah, whatever, move your tuckus already!" the one in the truck shouted.
Simba, finally shaking off the camera-induced delirium, looked up just in time to see the pink one holding a long, black, shiny, stick thing. And pointing this stick right at him.
"What d'ya think he's gonna do with tha-"
BAM!
"MY BUTT!" Simba cried, suddenly a whirlwind of fur, teeth, and claws. "WHAT THE HECK DID HE DO TO MY BUTT!" he again screamed in pain.
Little did Simba realize he'd just been tranquilized.
"Huh," Timon said, himself and the other two coming out of their own delirium by the sudden shouting. "That's odd," the meerkat stated, motioning to the panicking lion.
"Simba, you seem to have a bright pink feather sticking out of your bum," Pumbaa commented. "You aren't turning into a bird, are you?"
"MY BUTT, MY BUTT, MY FREAKING BUTT! My butt!... my butt... my... uh... whoa..." Whump.
That's one down, three to go.
BAM, BAM,BAM!
You can imagine three voices raised in perfect harmony, crying out to this world so full of hate and chaos, trying to bring us all back down to earth, to love and kindness and cookies, yes, raising their voices and calling out to this world, "MY BUTT!"
Whump, whump, whump.
After loading the successfully sleepy-fied critters into the truck-type thing, the pink one hopped back into the jeep.
"The Doc says this pride o' his lives at the big pointy rock up there?" the brown one asked.
"Correct-a-mondo, buddy! Onward!" the pink one cried as the brown one and the female one drove their respective vehicles towards Pride Rock.
And you thought The Lion King 1 1/2 was far-fetched!
Hehehe! Bwa ha ha! Oh man, who knows how this one's gonna turn out. I honestly admit, I have no idea what I'm doing with this thing! This is gonna be my one and only fiction written on a whim. Well, unless you count "Disclaimers," but you'd have to be an Inuyasha fan to see the comedy in that last line. But anyways, until we meet again... POWER TO THE CRAZY!
-KPK