Disclaimer: I still do not own Harry Potter.
A/N: Once again, still a flashback – but don't worry the flashback is almost over.
Chapter 4 – Too Quiet for Love or Words
Ray walked slowly towards the Great Hall to join the others. She hoped that Sirius would understand why she made him leave. It wasn't like she was afraid to tell him; well, she was, but that wasn't the point. She just didn't want to ruin the image that Sirius had always had of her. She had always tried to come off as strong-willed and independent, but if he knew all the pain that Lucius had put her through, she didn't think he could ever look at her the same way. When she was around Lucius, she felt weak and helpless; an image that didn't suit her well at all. She kept walking aimlessly around the halls until she heard voices moving towards her. Almost immediately, she recognized them as James and Lexie.
As she turned, she was greeted by, not only them, but Remus, Lily, and Peter as well. Sirius was nowhere in sight.
"We were wondering where you went." James said.
'Where's Sirius?" was Ray's immediate reply.
"Well, hello to you too." Lexie muttered.
"Where is he?" Ray asked again, getting more worried by the minute.
"We haven't seen him since we left you." Peter replied.
"Ray, why is you neck red? Are you okay?" asked Lily, concern showing on her face.
"I'm fine." Ray snapped as she started to leave them.
"Wait! Where are you going?" Remus asked.
"To find my boyfriend!" She yelled as she stormed off.
Ray finally heard the foreboding footsteps of Sirius pacing around the halls.
"Sirius?" She stepped out from the shadows as he whirled around to face her.
"Ray." He tried to keep his voice calm, but it was becoming quite difficult. "Are you okay? I was worried about you." She smiled at him as she walked up and wrapped her arms around him. Instinctively, he returned the gesture and held her as she started to cry.
A few minutes later, Ray pulled away and wiped the tears from her face that she had been holding back for so long. It wasn't often that she cried, but when she did, Sirius knew something was definitely wrong.
"I think we need to talk," whispered Sirius as he led her up the stairs and into the frequently visited Room of Requirements. Sirius figured that the best way to get Ray to tell him was to keep pushing until she broke.
"What was going on back there?" asked Sirius, breaking the intense silence that had begun to fill the room. Ray looked down at her hands, at the door, back down at her hands, anywhere except directly at him. She wanted to tell him, but she was afraid of how he'd react. She wasn't ready to lose him. "Ray?" He said again, this time in no more than a whisper. Finally, she met his gaze, but only held it for just a second before looking away.
The room was so silent, yet it screamed at her. It screamed betrayal, betrayal for hiding everything, and betrayal for having every available moment to say something, and not even speak a word. Just sitting there with him made her feel guilty, like even if she told him now, he still might not forgive her. She had kept this secret for a long time. She had no idea where their relationship could go after that. She knew that from this point on, nothing would ever be the same. If she didn't tell him, he would know that she was hiding something and everyday would be a lie for her. If she did say something, he'd never see her in the same way, for he'd never forget how she betrayed him, and betrayed their trust, what they had always tried to base their relationship on. It was just so easy to forget everyone else when she was with Sirius, for she could look into his eyes and feel like the only one in the world, and she wasn't ready to lose that.
She gathered up all her courage, and lifted her head. The man that she loved more than anything in the world was staring at her with a look that seemed to glance right into her soul. It was at that precise moment that she realized he already knew. How he knew, she hadn't figured out yet, but that wasn't the point. The point was that he knew. And she still couldn't bring herself to say anything. The only sound that Ray seemed to hear was the sound of her love's heart as it broke.
"Sirius, I…I don't know what you want me to say." She mumbled, unable to look at him any longer.
"What about the truth? Ever thought of that?" he asked, his tone becoming harsh.
"You wouldn't understand!" She cried, stifling back tears.
"I cared about you." Was all that he could manage to say.
"Cared?" Ray questioned. "Cared? That's it!" She asked, her sadness turning into anger and frustration.
"No, that's not it. I thought, at one time, that I loved you. And that was my mistake. But I know better now." He said. He stormed out before Ray could say anything else.
Ray stared at the door, waiting for him to come back and tell her that he was feeling just as miserable as she was. But he didn't. She didn't know how long she sat there, waiting for him. Finally, she stood up and headed to the door. She had to find him and explain, explain everything. She just hoped it wasn't too late.