Oh, it's been forever. Well, here it is. The new chapter. Expect one sooner than the last update, but I'm not sure when. Read, ejnoy, review )
It was like he wasn't surprised to see Remus standing outside of his cell; it was as if he's almost expected it. "Hello, Remus." That's what he said, as if greeting an old friend at the front door for the first time in many years, or something. He didn't even have to pretend to be friendly towards Remus, it was as if they were still friends who loved and trusted each other.
But Remus didn't trust him. A fact that he mad evident the second he'd realized that Sirius was awake. He'd backed away from the cell door and stood shaking in fear.
No, Sirius thought, he might still trust me, but he's terrified of me, of that I have no doubt.
The two wizards stood in a silent stare down, neither willing to be the first to admit defeat. Sirius knew that Remus was just as strong minded as he was himself.
Finally, Sirius got bored with the childish game and broke the stare, in somewhat of a rage. If he's going to come to visit me, he could at least get past these childish games.
His eyes traveled down Remus' body to where he had his hand clasped tightly around Sirius' black journal.
"Find anything interesting in that?" He asked, breaking the silence, as he jerked his head towards the journal.
Remus didn't answer; he didn't do anything, actually.
"You're afraid of me, aren't you, Rem? Dumbledore said that everyone is; that no one trusts me any more. Do you trust me, Rem? Or are you just here to try and show yourself that you're not terrified at the sight, let alone the thought of me. What is it Remus?"
Again, Remus didn't offer Sirius an answer.
"You come to visit me for some God-forsaken reason, you could at least be good company and be considerate of my wishes. At least tell me why you're here, why don't you?"
Still, Remus remained silent, staring at Sirius' feet with, what appeared to be, great interest.
"Be a coward, then, Rem." Sirius finished and retreated to the far corner of his cell.
However, suddenly, Remus raised his face to Sirius. "I'm not a coward, not like you." And then, almost as an afterthought, he added "And don't ever call me Rem again."
"Well, I knew you were in there somewhere, Remus." Sirius gloated as he stretched his back.
Remus, however, reverted to silence once again.
"Alright, I'll make you a deal." Sirius offered.
Remus looked into Sirius' eyes, and with all the courage he could muster said, "I don't want to make a deal with the Devil, Sirius."
Somehow from deep within, Sirius found it in him to laugh. How he managed it, he'd never know, but he laughed as if it was the last time he'd laugh (which, given the circumstances of his location, wasn't entirely impossible).
Remus looked taken back as Sirius continued to laugh. After several minutes, he could stand it no longer, and threw his hands against the bars of the cell in anger. "God, Sirius, you're such an idiot. STOP laughing, there's nothing funny about any of this.""
But Sirius couldn't stop. "FINE!" Cried Remus as he turned and stormed away from the cell, "I'll just leave then!"
Sirius stifled his laugher enough to be able to ask Remus to at least return his notebook.
Remus stopped dead in his tracks and spun around to Sirius. "Give you back your journal? That's all you want? You don't care that I'm about to walk out of that door and your life forever? You don't care that I'd leave here, without any explanation as to why I cam in the first place, or anything? You'd let me walk out as if our friendship never meant anything to you?"
Sirius sat back against the wall and look at Remus. He gave Remus that almost could have been described as quizzical. Someone who hated me wouldn't care how I felt about throwing away all that friendship. Without even meaning to, Remus has just given me a great gift of knowledge about himself…
But Sirius didn't reply. Remus sighed and walked forward, slipping the book through the bars of the cell door, and left it resting there. He stood awkwardly at the cell, strumming his fingers of his left hand on the cold, hard stone of the wall.
"I didn't really mean to read it you know… But… I had to know, and you were asleep. …I just had to know, Sirius.
Sirius remained sitting against the wall, but he did speak. "And did you find out what it was that you needed to know, Remus?"
Remus sighed. "I'm not really sure."
"What is it that you need to know, then? I'll tell you… If I remember."
Remus regarded Sirius for a few second, having an internal struggle if he should accept the murders' offer or just leave and draw his own conclusions.
"What's the deal, Sirius?"
"You know the deal. Here I am in Azkaban for a crime that I don't know what it is, and you come to see me but won't tell me why. I think I should be the one asking you what the deal is."
"No, that's not what I mean. You offered me a deal, what was it?"
"Willing to make a deal with the Devil now, are you?"
Remus looked at the prisoner coldly. "You're not the Devil. You're just practice."
Sirius sighed, it didn't really matter to him what Remus thought of him, be it the Devil or some other highly unusual being, like a banshee. "I thought maybe we could… trade information… or something… I guess. It sounds like a stupid idea from this side, now that I think about it, really."
"It's an honest request. Something I wouldn't have expected from a prisoner of Azkaban. What is it you want to know?""
Sirius blinked, he hadn't really expected Remus to cooperate. "Would you tell me… what I've done?"
It was Remus' turn to be taken back. "Only if you answer one thing for me first."
"That's fair enough, I expect."
"If you could live your life over, would you do anything differently?" He asked quietly.
"From what I remember, no. But, whatever I did to get me into Azkaban, I'd never do it if I had the chance. I don't know what it was, but I'd never do it again."
Both men stood in silence for several minutes. Finally, Sirius broke the somber mood by asking, "What did I do, old friend?"
Remus shook his head, "I can't tell you."
"Don't go back on your word, Remus. It's more than your pride can handle. Tell me what I've done."
"No, Sirius, I didn't mean I wouldn't tell you, I mean I can't. Saying it out loud will make it seem more real. I just… I can't."
"BUT I NEED TO KNOW!"
"Dumbledore believes it'll come to you, Sirius. He wants you to remember on your own."
"Dumbledore no longer cares for me. Now, tell me what it is that I've done."
Remus picked up Sirius' journal and closed his eyes momentarily. "It doesn't matter if he no longer cares for you, he doesn't want to me tell you what it is you've done." He stuck his hand through the bars, holding the book out to Sirius. "Keep using this, it will do you good…" He trailed off as Sirius rose and took the book from him.
"You were once a good friend to me, Remus, don't make me think otherwise now."
Remus said nothing, but simply turned his back and left the cellblock. Once the heavy steel door slammed shut behind him and the Dementor had gone off, Remus slid down the wall, and stuffed his hands into his eyes, trying to impede the tears.
Back in his cell, Sirius held the book in his hands. As anger as he'd ever been, he ripped open the book, and pulled out the pen. He flipped viciously through the pages until he reached the first clear one. He was about to write all that had just passed when he noticed the writing on the opposite page.
It wasn't his writing.
He blinked, and did a double take to make sure he wasn't mistaken, only to find that he wasn't. He squinted his eyes and started to read.
Dear Sirius,
I said I couldn't tell you what you've done. But I believe you do need to know, even if Dumbledore doesn't want you to find out anyway but on your own.
Sirius, this is what you've done…
When Sirius was done reading the letter that Remus had managed to leave for him, he, like the Werewolf outside his cellblock, collapsed on the floor as the tears began to slide down his face.