A little piece written after the plot bunnies got me. Totally blamed upon watching 'Lost Boys', therefore warnings for spoilers.

End Transmission

"At the time of this transmission, Colonel Sheppard's team is still missing and is…"

Can I say it? Can I really admit it? The words are there, but I can't form them. I can't say it. I care about them too much.

They warned me about this. They warned me about getting attached to people. But I can't help it. They are our flagship team. They have become my friends. In fact, they're almost like family to me.

Rodney's like my brother, my very annoying brother, but a brother all the same. He saved my life; he stood in front of a gun for me. I may not show it but I do care about him.

Teyla is a leader, like me. We both have a responsibility to so many people. We have to work together to keep out people happy. And to keep out people working together. It's not a close relationship, but we're getting there.

Ronon. Well, Ronon's a little different. He's been on the run so long I don't know if he knows how to get close to people. He and Teyla are getting closer, but I guess that's because of their…well I'm not sure what, but something. He's a warrior though, and he's loyal. He'll protect the team. He'll protect John.

Strange how my thoughts stray to him last of all. They normally stray to him first. He has that affect on me. He's the only one who's gotten close to me. He's the only one I've let get close to me, even if he doesn't know it. Seems strange, considering he's a soldier. But he has matured, a little, with the added responsibilities, no thanks to me. He cares about the soldiers, about the team. Does he care about me though? I definitely care about him. Probably more than I should. I guess I need to talk to him about our relationship, if I can call it that.

Stop it. Stop it! I'm being stupid. I am a leader. I have to accept the facts. It's my own fault. I got attached. I got too close. I even fell in love. I have to step back for a moment. It's only a few words.

"…is presumed…"

No. This time I won't say it. If I say it, that's it. I'm pronouncing them dead. I can't give up on them. I can imagine it, playing back the message later. Sitting here in my office. They could be back, and I could be feeling so stupid. They could still be missing, and I'd finally have to accept it. Or even worse, I'll know they're dead. I'll remember my thoughts. I'll probably cry. I'll miss them, even more than I miss them now. They've hardly been gone five minutes, but already I feel an ache inside when I when I think about them.

I've got to stop this. I've got to stop thinking like this. I won't give up hope. If I give up hope, there's no point. They're my friends, my family. I know they're not dead, deep in my heart. And I will believe this until I see their bodies. I'm not going to lie to myself just because everyone else has given up. I won't give up. Not yet at least.

"…Colonel Sheppard's team is still missing. End transmission."