Author: Athena
Rating: PG-13
Show: Dark Angel
Genre: Drama/Action/Romance
Pairing: M/A
Summary: A lonely night changed Max, Alec and Logan's life, probably forever. AU. Sets after "Hello, Goodbye"
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.
A/N: I know this storyline has been used before, but it came to me so easy, that I had to try. It was supposed to be a stand-alone fic, but I'm still working on the end, so I decided to post the first part. I hope you like it.
Mistakes
Alec
She considered a mistake everything. He knew it the minute he wake up and noticed he was alone. She left without even say good-bye to him, not even a note. She just run away, like she always did when she can't handle something. When she thinks she did wrong. He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to capture forever her image, her body, her smell, her voice. But he knew it wasn't necessary. He will remember last night to the day he dies. The last hours were impressed like hot iron in his memory and he suddenly felt his heart broken.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Last night she came looking for him, seeking for a way out of her loneliness. He knew she wasn't with Logan anymore, and it must be really hard for her. At first, they talked a lot about the job, their friends, but after a while, they went deeper and deeper, and started to share confidences, memories, and fears. They talked about Manticore. All the things they put them through. He opened his heart to her and he knew she did the same. They talked about love and how afraid they were to lose it, once they had it. But he never asked about the reason of her breakup with Logan. He also was grateful she didn't ask him about Rachel. They both knew it was so painful to remember. Max knew about Rachel, and he knew about Logan and that was all they needed to know.
She talked about her siblings, how they take care of each other, and he could felt the warm on her soul when she was remembering the time they were together. He felt a little envious. He never had that kind of bond with his unit. It was true he made good friends, like Biggs, but never something as strong as brotherhood. The only person who brings to his heart that feeling was Ben, even when he never met him. When he asked about Ben again and saw her pain, he knew it was a mistake. But he needed to know more about him. What they talked the other night when he was mistaken for him, it wasn't enough for him. He knew the bad moments were more than the good, but he needed to know everything. The way Ben used to talk, what his fears and his dreams were.
His heart sank when she started to cry. She needed his comfort, and not knowing what else to do, he just hugged her. It was a mistake too.
The contact with her warmth body makes him feel. And it wasn't desire or lust. It was something pure. He hadn't felt something like that since Rachel. And when she kissed him, it took him by surprise, but he kissed her back without thinking. Another mistake.
He knew it wasn't way back. Everything between them had changed, and it seemed it was for worst.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
He called Normal to report in sick. He didn't feel physical pain, but he couldn't stand to see others right now. He knew he couldn't stand to see Max. He didn't want to see the embarrassment, the shame he knew she felt, right in her face, for everybody to see it. Because he knew she was ashamed. She wasn't in heat, so she couldn't blame the instinct. They perfectly knew what was happening. He suddenly felt ashamed too. He must have stopped her. He knew she was in love with another man, a man she couldn't touch, but she didn't want to give up, either. It didn't matter that they were separated by now. He wasn't the kind of guy who stole another man's girlfriend.
He knew she didn't love him. Well, she do love him, but as a friend, or worst, as a brother. Well, maybe not as a brother, he thought, he didn't want to imagine her doing what they did with Ben. And what if she was pretending he was Ben? His mind started to travel to a really bad place: jealousy. No. It was His Name the one she screamed last night. She hasn't mistaken him. She knew it was him. So, she loved him as a friend. But they weren't friends anymore, not after what happened. So whatever they had, it was gone.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
He stayed hidden in his room like two days or so; he just wanted to be alone. Some of his friends went to see if he was ok, but he send them away, without even open the door. Biggs, OC, Cece, also Sketchy and Normal came to see how he was doing (he knew later that OC had taken them to the house without letting them know how to come back on their own, clever girl). Even Logan stopped by. He told him through the door something about being strong for Max, but he wasn't paying attention. Max. If he knew that she was the reason of all this, he won't be so sympathetic. It seemed that everybody had check on him; that everybody cared for him. But it wasn't true. The most important person for him wasn't there. Max. Before that night, he might be able to deny his feelings for her. But not anymore.
He finally went out of his room the next morning. Now, he was prepared to deal with the upside-down world Max left him in. If the situation had been different, he would have found funny the shocked face his friends had when they saw him. Joshua, Biggs and OC were in the living room, half sleep, visibly waiting for him; they must have been there for days. He smiled. It was good to see that someone cared.
He went to Jam Pony with OC and Biggs to see if he still had a job. It wasn't like he really believed that Normal could fire him, but you'd never know. OC told him that Normal gave her and Biggs permission to be absent because they were "nursing" him. Rare thing, because OC wasn't one of Normal's favorite persons, but well, Normal loved his Golden boy. So he was prepared for every kind of reactions from him, except for the one he got. The minute he got in Jam Pony, he was greeted by affection displays from all his co-workers, even from the ones he barely knew. Everybody seemed to be happy that he had recovered from his "illness", so phrases like "Thanks God, you're better", "I'm glad you're back" and things like that were said by everyone. Even Normal surprised him when he hugged him almost in tears and told him about how glad he was seeing him, that he was worried he would never see him again … He couldn't be cynical about all this. He could see true affection from everyone. He seek for the one he wanted affection. But Max wasn't there.
His arrival to TC was almost the same. Everybody was worried to say the least. Even Mole hugged him, rare thing coming from him. But something kinda bothered him. Nobody seemed to know about the real reason he hidden. Everybody thought he had been ill or something like that. Even the transgenics. That was odd. Someone must lie to them, and it must be a convincing lie, because transgenics didn't get sick. A thought came fast to his mind. Max. But where was she?
And then he saw her. He noticed her presence minutes before she entered TC headquarters. It was like he could sense her, like they were connected somehow. Their gazes joined an instant. And then he knew. She had been worried too. She came to the spot he was and just hugged him. "I'm glad you're ok now, Alec. I just hope the shakes didn't come back after I left", she said almost whispering, but loud and clear for a transgenic hearing. So that was she told to the TC people. That he had seizures. Everybody knew about them, how bad them could be. And she obviously told the same to OC and Logan. The cover story in Jam Pony must have been easier. Nobody knew about them being transgenics.
She lied to cover the fact that she broke his heart.
&&&
A week passed from that night and he tried to remain away of her path as much as he could, and she was surely doing the same, because they barely see each other after his "comeback". No chit chat, no grinning Alec, no bossing Max, no smart-aleck comments, no kick-ass threatening; everything they usually had was gone.
Everybody was concerned. What happen to them? But everybody was smart enough to stay out of his or her paths. Nobody, transgenic or ordinary, ever said something to him about their sudden "break up".
And then, the Jam Pony siege happens.
That day he fought for his life side by side with Max and the others. But when they finally got out and hidden themselves at TC, along Joshua, Mole, OC, Logan and Sketchy; he knew that everything went back to the way it was before, that he never had a chance with her… especially when he saw Max and Logan holding hands at the end of the day.
&&&&&&&
All the people at TC were talking about it. Logan found the cure. Alec hoped it was a rumor, but he heard it so many times that he begun to accept it. Apparently, the day the Jam Pony siege occurred, Logan had found a cure and Max was moving in with him. Great. Good for them. Like he cared, he told for himself.
Nobody mentioned it to him directly, well, nobody except Sketchy. A totally drunk Sketchy told him one night before he left TC that Max was leaving too, that she had come back with Logan. He just glared icily to his fool friend and he never mentioned the subject again.
&&&&&&&
Two months after the Jam Pony Siege, the pressure of the government was increasing and the transgenics knew that they had to do something about it. Mole and Alec were assessing their options. They needed to do something fast before the government finally decided to terminate them. And the most viable was moving discreetly to an anonymous location, where they weren't so vulnerable like they were on TC.
After a long search, they found some place that seems perfect. An abandoned town in the mountains on the Canadian side. It was perfect; it was in a valley surrounded by mountains, almost inaccessible; they had sent some guys to do recon and the data they brought was really promising. The houses were in good conditions, despise the time; it was only reachable with a good guide, a small river line close. It was perfect. They are going to leave TC in small groups, through the sewers, so the government forces didn't suspect anything until it was too late. It was going to be a long journey, but it was worth the shot.
Alec asked to be in the last team. He wanted to be sure that everybody was safe when he leaves the compound.
&&&&&&
Max
She had been living with Logan for two months. When he told her he had found out a cure, the first night they stayed at TC after the Jam Pony siege, he asked her to leave TC and move in with him at the city. He wanted them to be a normal couple. She agreed. They finally got the chance to live happily ever after. Or at least what was she thought. It was a mistake, even if she didn't realize it at the time.
From the start, things weren't like she thought. Even when he always said that he didn't mind what she was, he asked her to change her identity; now she was Linda Eastman, a former school teacher from New York that met Logan some years ago, so nobody from his social circle knew that she was a transgenic. She had to lie about her past, so they could live a normal life when they were out with his family, his friends, the neighbors. All the lies made her feel uneasy, but it was for their love, she said to herself.
And there was also the guilt. She felt guilty for leaving her people. The army's siege was still on. She couldn't bear watching the news; she didn't want to know if they were suffering. She couldn't stand it. She wanted to see Joshua, Gem, baby Eve, Dalton, Dix, Mule, Mole… Alec. She wanted to see him more than everyone. She missed his smart-aleck remarks, the fights, everything. She missed the things they shared, the Manticore past. But she couldn't tell Logan, of course. Few days after she moved in, she suggested that she wanted to talk to him, to see if he and the others were ok, and Logan went mad. He was jealous. He always thought they had something, and even when she denied it, it was clear that he hated Alec. She couldn't imagine what he could do if he found out about that night.
Nothing was like she thought it would be. Not their daily life, nor their lovemaking. Even in their intimate moments she wasn't able to let go and be herself, to reveal her desire and share it with the man she loved. Logan was a devoted lover, but… something was missing. She couldn't let go. Logan freaked out the first time she tried to go wild, like the night she shared with Alec, and since then she repressed herself every time, trying to convince herself that it was for the best. That she needed to be "normal".
&&&&&&&&
Until one day she realized that all was a mistake. It was plain like day. Everyday she had to lie about herself. Why? She wasn't normal and it was obvious she didn't belong with the ordinaries. Alec told her once that they didn't belong with them, that they were a danger to them; and now she finally understood it.
She needed to get back with her family, with Alec. She needed to tell him that she missed him, how much he meant for her. She didn't know if she was in love with Alec, but she knew she didn't have the life she always wanted with Logan.
She was packing, preparing her things to leave, when she received a call from Dr. Shankar that changed everything for her.
&&&&&&&&
She hadn't been feeling all right the week before, so they decided to pay a visit to Dr. Shankar, the only doctor besides Dr. Carr that knows about her transgenic condition. She ordered all kind of tests, just as precaution, they couldn't discard anything.
The day she decided to leave Logan and return to TC with the other transgenics, Dr. Shankar called to give her great news, she said. Max stayed in shock for what seemed an eternity after hanging up. She was pregnant.
Alec went to Logan's house. He needed to see Max. He needed to tell her what they were planning to do. He knew she probably didn't care, the lack of communication with them just proved it, but she was one of them and she deserved to know.
He found her sitting on the dark living room. Apparently, Logan wasn't home.
"Max" he said softly. "Alec" she acknowledged him. Alec shivered; his name sounded like music with her voice.
"Max, are you okay?"
She paused a moment, like if she was going to tell something, but instead she didn't say anything.
"Max, what happened? Is Logan ok?"
She sighed. It was hard to see him after knowing that she had no chance to be with him anymore.
"yeah, he's fine. It's just … I'm pregnant, Alec. I'm having Logan's baby"
Alec was shocked. That wasn't what he expected to hear. But he had to ignore it. He had something to do.
"So, why don't you look happy?"
"I'm happy. It's just I didn't plan it", she said defensively, "why are you here?"
"I just wanted to tell you that we're leaving TC", he said coldly.
"What? Why?"
"Because we're tired of the siege, Max. We're surrounded, we're starving, and some of our people are dying. What else?", he said bitterly.
"well, I'm just…."
"Max" He interrupted her, "we're leaving tomorrow night in teams of 10. Each team will leave with an interval of 15 minutes. The last team, my team, will leave if everything is all right, at 0400."
"Why are you telling me these?" The confusion on her beautiful face was evident.
"Because if you don't show up before 0400 we'll leave without you"
"What do the hell that means? Alec, spare me the drama, just tell me where the new place is, so I can find you later."
"I can't. Only few people, one by team, know where the new location is. I don't know it myself, Max" he lied, "And even If I knew, I wouldn't tell you."
"Why? Don't you trust me?"
"It isn't like that, and you know that." He sighed; this is going to be hard. "It's just that we don't want anyone to follow us, Max. We're escaping, you see". The sarcasm on his voice just made her angry.
"And you think I'll rat you out? You're my family, for god's sake!"
"Yeah, a family you abandoned for an ordinary!"
"He's the man I love and I'm having his baby, Alec!" she said vehemently, like if she was trying to convince herself it was true.
"So, stay with him if that's your wish, but I warn you, Max, you'll never see us again. None of us will ever come back again to Seattle and you'll never be able to find us. So, think carefully."
And he left.
&&&&&&&&
Max didn't know what to do. She called OC for help, and now that she was there, sitting in front of her, she didn't know how to start.
"Well, boo… what's up? You know I luv ya, but I also luv my beauty sleep. It's past midnight, you know" She looked at Max carefully. She looked different from the last time she saw her.
"You looked tired, boo, what is it? Something's wrong? It must be, and that's why you called me, isn't it? "
"It's just that I'm not feeling ok…"
"oh, boo… Please, tell me you aren't havin' seizures… I was so worried when Alec got sick, that I don't …"
"Alec didn't have seizures, OC" Max said suddenly
"What? But, boo, you told us… and I saw Alec…."
"He wasn't sick… he was … ashamed"
"Ashamed? Of what?" Now OC was intrigued. What the hell is goin' on?
"Alec and I … we… slept together that night"
"What?" That was the last thing she expected to hear. She knew Max and Alec's relationship was … complicated… but since when it included sex?
"Like I said."
"Now I understand why he looked like shit. You hurt him. And that's why he's been avoiding you all this time." OC didn't mean to sound accusatively, but she couldn't help it. Max was her boo, but she cared for Alec too.
"Do you think I don't know that he cares for me and I used him? He has the right to be mad at me. He's my friend and I treated him like a meaningless one night stand. Don't you think I know that I screw up everything between us? And only because I was feeling lonely one night." She said, choking into tears.
OC hugged Max trying to comfort her. "Shh, shh, it's all right. Does Logan know?"
"Hell, no! That's why I invented the whole seizures story. Because I didn't want anyone to know, OC"
"But, why don't you tell me? You're my boo, and I've always been by your side. Even if what you do is totally wrong"
"I know. It's just that… I was ashamed too. I thought that if I acted like if nothing happened, it would just fade away."
"But it wasn't, right?"
Max got silent.
"Max, there's more, isn't? What aren't you telling me? C'mon, spill it."
"I'm pregnant, OC"
"And the baby is Logan's?"
"I don't know." She sighed. "Dr. Shankar told me that I'm two months pregnant"
"And that's the time you're been living with Logan, right?
"Yeah, but… I had sex with Alec a week before, OC… so, there's the possibility that…"
"… It's Alec's" OC looked at her friend's terrified face. She had never seen her like that before.
"Well, boo, there's only one thing to do. You have to know whose the baby's father. None of them deserve a lie, boo"
"I know. But… there's no time OC. Besides, I already told Alec that Logan's the father"
"What? What the hell are you talking about?"
"Before I called you, Alec came by to say that they were leaving TC, OC. Tomorrow night. He gave me an ultimatum. I show up before 4 am and I go with them, or I'll never see them again."
"Oh, my… and you told him that you're pregnant and it's Logan's? Why?"
"I don't know!"
"Boo, he deserves to know if he's going to be a daddy"
"What if he doesn't want the baby? I know Logan will love him even…"
"And lie to Logan too and let him raise a child who isn't yours? Deny the baby the chance to know who his father is? Max, please, don't screw up again…"
"There's no time!"
"Of course there is! You have more than 24 hours. Move your sorry ass and call Dr. Shankar. She will understand"
&&&&&&&&
"Tks Doctor. I'll see you there in an hour."
"You see, it wasn't difficult…"
"shh, Logan is coming.."
&&&&&&&&
Logan was working in an EO assignment with Asha and the S1W when Dr. Shankar called him and gave him the good news. He was so thrilled, that he thought about leaving all to see Max, but then he regained his senses. A lot of people depended on it, so he decided to wait until it was finished to go home.
He arrived home past midnight and he found OC with Max. It didn't surprise him. Max must call her to give her the good news. She's so happy that she couldn't wait to tell her best friend
"Sweetheart, I'm home" he said playfully. He was so enchanted with his own joy, that he didn't notice Max's watering eyes.
"Logan, how was the job?" Max asked, trying to control her emotions. The last thing she wanted was to be seen all emotional by him.
"Well, everything went like we planned… but I have something more important to tell you…" he sit at her side and hugged her tightly. Max didn't know why, but it felt wrong, so wrong. "Max, Dr. Shankar called me and gave me the news… I'm the happiest man on earth." He said, and kissed her tenderly on her forehead.
"She …. She called you?" Max was about to have a heart attack. So Logan already know…
"Yeah, like two hours ago. She called to my cell, because she didn't know if we were home. I told her you were here, so I imagine she already called you, right?"
"mmmh, yes. It's just I didn't know she have called you first."
&&&&&&&&
Max waited until Logan fall sleep to leave the house. Dr. Shankar was already waiting for her when she arrived to the hospital.
"Max, are you ok? Do you have problems with the baby?" the doctor said honestly worried.
"No, the baby's fine. It's just, I want to ask you a favor, but you have to promise me you won't tell Logan"
"Max, what is it? Why don't you want Logan to know?" Dr. Shankar was looking at her suspiciously.
"Promise me first. Please" The desperation in Max's eyes got Dr. Shankar's sympathy. Even when she was a good friend of Logan's and she didn't like the secrecy of Max's request, the true despair on Max's eyes convinced her to help her.
"Ok, Max, whatever you want me to do, I won't tell Logan. It isn't anything illegal, right?"
"No. I just want you to analysis the baby's DNA and compare it with Logan's. I need the results for tomorrow's night."
"Are you telling me that maybe Logan's not the father?" Dr. Shankar suddenly felt uneasy. She knows how much Logan loves her, and she cheated on him?
Max saw the hatred on the doctor's expression. What do you expect? She's his friend. But you can't stop know. OC is right, you need to know. They need to know
"I don't know. That's why I'm here, asking you. Begging you. I know you must be thinking the worst of me, but I need your help"
"You want me to compare it only with Logan's DNA. What about the other options?" the doctor didn't mean to sound rude, but she couldn't help it. Max didn't deserve her consideration after what she'd done.
"That's MY problem. Can you do it? Because if you can't, I'll look out for another doctor, more willing to help me." Max said aggressively.
"Ok, I will do it. And even when I don't feel any sympathy for you right now, I'll keep my promise. I won't tell Logan, whatever you decide to do after giving you the results. I'll leave it to your conscience."
----o ---- o----o ---- o----o ---- o----o ---- o ----o ---- o
24 hours later - The Space Needle
Max was sitting on the top of the Space Needle like she always do when she want to escape from her reality. There was something about that place that calm her no matter what. She had in her hands an envelope with the results, but she doesn't have the gut to open it.
When she finally opened it, the results didn't surprise her. It was like if she knew it all along. But it didn't solve her doubts. What is the right thing to do?
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
TC - 3: 50 amAlec was at TC headquarters, supervising the whole escaping operation. Only his team remained. Everything had gone perfect, totally flawless. The government didn't have a clue of what was happening on TC. When they realized TC was unusually quiet, the Manticore alumni would be kilometres away from Seattle.
Alec received news that the first team had already crossed the border with Canada. The transgenic migration was going on excellent. Only one thing bothered Alec.
Max. She hadn't show up and his team was about to leave.