Raindrops and Realizations Pt. 3
See disclaimers in whatever part I last left them… Yes, it's been that kind of day, week, month, take your pick. Had to help move one of my sisters to Colorado earlier this month. Believe me when I say that I am VERY glad it was the first weekend of the month, because the idea of driving a 14-ft moving van in the snow is not something I want to consider – EVER. Family or not, that's too above and beyond, even for me. But that's another story for another time.
Now, back to Josh and Donna. Enjoy. Karen
Previously:
"Did you read it?"
Thunder rolled then faded, leaving the sound of the rain as the only noise to be heard in the apartment. Josh crossed the room to where she stood by the window. He gently turned her around, resting his hands on her shoulders.
"Donna, look at me."
She lifted her tear-stained face and looked at Josh.
"While I admit the thought crossed my mind, no, I did not read your diary. I haven't even read the entries you indicated, I just found the dates and ripped them out. Your diary is personal and private and I am not going to invade that. You don't need to tell me anything unless you want to. It's not my place to know what's in there. I want you to be able to be comfortable with me, to be able to trust me. Do you see what I'm trying to get at here?"
Donna nodded her head, relieved that as pissed off as Josh had been, he had managed to remain an honorable man. His reading the diary would have been vastly humiliating but totally justifiable. It would have been his duty to insure the integrity and continuance of the Administration. She lifted her head to look at Josh.
"I am so sorry, Josh. It should have never come to this. Thank you – I know I don't deserve to be this lucky."
"Well, we still have to meet with Calley and see which way he jumps – it's not over yet, I'm afraid." Josh replied seriously.
She simply nodded, all her energy gone. Josh noticed how tired she looked and his conscience felt a hefty twinge of guilt. He put an arm around her shoulders.
"Come on, we have a few hours before the thing – you are going to sleep before you fall over."
Donna started to be protest, but a yawn effectively ruined her argument before she could even start. Josh grinned and steered her to the bedroom. The lack of a fight from Donna spoke volumes to Josh as to just how tired she was – he NEVER got his way this easily with Donna. God bless her, because he would be even more spoiled then he already was.
They stopped at the side of the bed and Josh pulled the covers back and Donna clambered in, eyes half-closed already. Josh grinned as she pulled the covers up under her chin and nestled down into her pillow. She mumbled something that he didn't quite catch.
"Donna, I couldn't understand you, can you repeat it?"
"Stay with me please?" came the soft reply.
Josh smiled down at her, and reached out to brush an errant strand of hair from her eyes.
"Sure, I won't leave, don't worry just go to sleep."
He pulled a chair over next to the bed and settled in, content to simply sit still and watch her breathing even out as sleep took over. Intermittent flashes of lightning brightened the room, but most of the time cloudy twilight held sway.
As he sat there in the dark room his thoughts returned to the matter of the diary. The look of relief on her face at his answer made him wonder just a bit about the contents of her diary. She had sworn that there nothing about the President or anything classified, but there was something in there she didn't want anyone else to see.
Normally Joshua Lyman would have been bouncing off walls and begging for hints and just generally been annoying to such a degree that most people would surrender just to get him to go away. But this was different – this was something personal and important enough to make Donna consider risking perjury.
'Donnatella Moss, what have I done to earn such loyalty from you?' He thought back to the days at GW when she didn't leave his side unless absolutely necessary. He remembered how she calmed him when nightmares began. He remembered the soothing tone of her voice and her gentle touch as he relaxed enough to fall into a hopefully dreamless slumber. What he hadn't known at the time was that Donna never went back to sleep after his nightmares until the sun came up and then only for an hour or so. He never knew about the detail Ron Butterfield had assigned to her to keep her safe. Only recently had CJ said something about "The Donna Rules" that the First Lady had imposed on Donna. The Rules were simple and direct, and were enforced by CJ, Toby and Mrs. Landingham. When Josh queried CJ further, he discovered that Toby had been adamant about keeping watch over Donna – and why.
Josh recalled how CJ had explained Toby's role – as if Toby were seeking redemption for being the one to bring Donna's world crashing down that night at GW. CJ said that Toby had not been able erase the memory of Donna's face when he delivered the news. Toby truly liked Donna, and to be the one to cause her so much pain ate at his soul. So, every day after Donna returned from lunch Toby would appear at her desk and escort her back to his office and she would rest, more often sleep, on his couch. He would stay at his desk until she was fully asleep then quietly leave to go work at her desk. The phone was transferred out to Ginger and Bonnie, and a 'Do Not Disturb' sign was hung on the door.
Guilt wasn't Toby's sole motivation. He had been headed to see Leo one day when he saw something happen. It was shortly after Josh had been released from the hospital, and not too long after the nightmares had begun. As he passed by Josh's bullpen he caught a glimpse of Donna in Josh's office. Normally he would have kept going but then it happened – Donna fainted. She had been standing at the file cabinet when her legs just gave out and she slid to the floor. Toby rushed in, closing the door behind him. After making sure that she was still breathing, he grabbed the phone and called CJ and asked her to get the First Lady down to Josh's office. He hung up and knelt by Donna's side, rubbing her hand and brushing a strand of hair away from her face. That's how CJ found them. And that's when 'Big Brother Toby' started taking care of Donna.
Josh shook his head as he thought about his conversation with CJ. Looking back at the slender woman snuggled under the covers, he marveled at the idea of Toby being so fiercely protective of anyone, with the exception of possibly CJ. But there it was, even to this day. And apparently Donna had felt safe enough around Toby to be able to sleep. Josh remembered that fateful night she whispered 'Sagittarius' – yet again Toby's doing. For all that Josh had wanted to be the one to tell her, a part of him would be forever grateful that things had turned out as they had, because it spread the burden. Because at that point Mrs. Landingham had still been alive.
Thunder murmured in the distance as Josh recalled that night. A late night strategy meeting turned into a gut-wrenching sucker punch that left the First Family and the Senior staff and assistants reeling, as if the very earth had been yanked right out from under them. Mrs. Landingham's death affected the senior assistants the most, she had been their mentor, role model, friend. Donna felt the loss most keenly, because Mrs. Landingham had treated her as an equal to the other assistants, lack of degree and experience notwithstanding. Mrs. L had been given ultimate say-so when the assistants had been hired, and she didn't even hesitate when Josh put in Donna's name as his first (and only) choice. Josh knew that there were times Donna still missed the woman terribly, but he also knew that Donna gave thanks that Mrs. Landingham had been spared the MS scandal and its subsequent hearings. He sighed as another round of thunder rolled, this time seemingly closer than the last.
He rose from the chair and stretched. Quietly padding over to the door, he checked his watch in the glow of the hallway light. It had been two hours since Donna fell asleep, he should wake her soon. 'We should get some dinner before we go meet Calley' he thought, although deep down he knew that Donna probably wouldn't want anything to eat, citing a nervous stomach. He couldn't blame her. She most likely would not be able to relax until after Calley made his decision about the diary. Josh gently pushed the door open and walked into the living room. He stood at the window and watched the rain.
TBC - almost there, folks.