He Thought ... She Thought
Lee's and Kara's thoughts in their encounters during the timeframe of 'Kobol's Last Gleaming part 1'. What each of them might have been thinking during their various conversations. (Including deleted scene)
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1. He Thought
"Good morning Lieutenant, it's our favourite time of day again." Holy shit, she looks terrible. "Whoa, nice hair. What happened, you get laid?" That ought to get her going.
"Nice eye, the old man get under your guard again?" she said sarcastically, evading his question.
Frak, she's upset. Maybe she DID get laid. Whatever it was though, it didn't go well. Hopefully I can cheer her up some. "I had him, then he flipped out. Threw this badass left hook. Still pretty mean. Anyway, let's go." He offered her his hand. She stretched, ignored it and used the ladder to pull herself up. Is she mad at me, or is she just tired of needing help all the time? Probably just irked that her knee is still screwy. She's so frakking independent that way - hates needing anyone for anything. "Okay, it's like that ... 'up all day with the rising sun.'" Lee began to chant.
"Don't ... " she said warningly, as they began to jog.
" ... gonna run all day till the running's done."
"Lee, shut up." She sounds weary. Almost ... vulnerable.
They ran three laps of the ship, exchanging good mornings with those they passed, including the ritualistic ' morning Starbuck, whaddaya hear?' banter with Lee's father. Lee smiled. He was glad they were so close - Kara needed people, even if she didn't know it.
" I'm done, I'm done, I'm done," she said, panting, near the end of the third lap, collapsing onto a seat in the hallway.
"What? Come on Starbuck, you've got a reputation to keep up. Come on, two more laps." He grabbed her arm.
"I can't, I'm done," she said wearily again, head hanging down. "Besides, I've got to get ready for the jump test so..." Lee studied her for a moment. She really does look terrible, he thought, defeated somehow. Never seen her hang her head in shame like this before. Something must be wrong.
"Look are you okay? You don't ... you don't seem so good." That's it Lee, show her you're concerned but don't pry. She hates that.
"Rough night," she answered, sounding tired. She wouldn't meet his eyes. That was bad news. Maybe lightening things up a little will help.
"So I see." He leaned close to her. "Anyone I uh... I know?"
She half turned but still wouldn't look at him. "Frak you." And suddenly she was gone. What the hell?
"You don't look that bad. Not ... not really," he said to her retreating back, but she didn't respond. That's not like her at all. Normally she'd joke back ... or punch me. It's like ... she's got something to hide. Something painful. Maybe she DID get laid, but she's upset about it? What the hell happened after the party last night? Lee decided then and there that somehow he would find out what happened. Kara was obviously hurting and he was going to kill the son of a bitch who caused it.
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The triad game was slow. Slow and boring. Due to Baltar. He was either drunk or just plain crazy - Lee couldn't really tell which. Or maybe he's on something. Who knows what drugs are hiding in that lab of his? He sure acts like he's seeing things that aren't there sometimes.
"Alright twenty I call and I'll raise you thirty." Lee had a strong hand, he expected to win.
"You can't compete with me, I ALWAYS win," Baltar slurred, giving Lee a curious look. Wonder what's got his knickers in a twist? He looks like a man with a bone to pick, but what have I ever done to him?
"Well, I'm sorry," Lee laughed, trying to make light of the situation. Never letting this lunatic join our game again. The longer I know him, the more I dislike him.
"So sorry to disappoint you," Baltar mumbled over his shoulder. There he goes, talking to no one again. What is the man's problem?
"... disappoint you all," he repeated more loudly. He showed his hand after the others did, and the table groaned, especially Lee. He was so sure he was going to win.
"What, there's a card game and no one told me?" Lee heard Kara's voice and immediately turned to see her smiling face. She looks better. Amidst the greetings, Lee noticed something odd. She called Baltar 'Gaius'. When did that first-name basis begin? And why? She can't stand him any more than I can.
"Feeling better?" he asked, and was rewarded by her hand resting lightly on his arm as she nodded. Good, she's not mad at me.
" Mr. Vice President to you if you don't mind, Lieutenant Thrace. Some level of decorum must be maintained here, or is it a pirate ship you're running?" Gods, the man makes no sense at all! Frak, he sounds pissed. Why would he be pissed at Kara?
Lee stole a glance at the rest of the table. Everyone was staring at Baltar, thanks to his outburst. Even Kara.
"No, just a battlestar sir," she challenged. Whew, is the tension high here, or is it just me? He looked from Kara to Baltar and back. Their eyes were locked. Oh, frak no ... it couldn't be ...
"Would you like to play?" Baltar looked and sounded like he was acting a part. Strange, even for him. "Maybe you'd like to sit next to Captain Adama?" What the hell is he bringing me into this for?
Be cool Lee, Kara's fragile today. "Sure Kara, why don't you pull up a pew." He looked at her but she and Baltar were still staring at each other. Kara broke it for a moment to glance over at Lee.
"No, it's okay Lee. I got things to do." And with one final look at Baltar, she left.
Lee stared after her for a moment, then looked at Baltar. He covered his mouth, looking for all the world like he was about to cry. Oh gods, he's the one! They slept together last night! I can't believe Kara frakked Baltar of all people! And Lee began to feel revulsion creep from the pit of his stomach up till he felt as though he was going to puke. He excused himself from the game and left, needing some breathing space away from that scumbag.
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Lee was a man on a mission. He needed to find Kara - to understand how she could do such a despicable thing. He found her in the hangar bay, loading bullets into the raider.
"Going hunting?" he asked, half-jokingly, as he walked up behind her. If he caught her off guard, she sure didn't show it.
"I'm adding a gunnery run to the jump test tomorrow, see if our boy here can shoot anything with our ammo."
"So it's a boy now."
"Changed my mind."
"You ever wonder why everyone calls it a 'she' but to you ... it's a 'he'?"
"That's fascinating Lee. You should write a paper." Her voice dripped with sarcasm. Oh no you don't - you don't throw my sarcasm back at me. And inside, Lee boiled. How could she have done what she did and be so cool?
"It's not really my scene. I'm not as smart as say um ... Doctor Baltar." That should get your attention. Kara's head whipped up and she briefly met Lee's eyes before walking past him to continue work on the raider. "How is the Vice President, by the way?" Dig.
"I don't know, I haven't seen him." I'll bet. Judging from his behaviour earlier, you screwed him over big time. Another broken heart to add to your discard pile.
Lee nodded. It was time to get to the point. "So, he's a love 'em and leave 'em kind of guy, I guess."
"I guess," she answered non-commitally. She shook her head almost imperceptibly, but Lee didn't miss much, especially where Kara was concerned. That got you - now give!
"Ships that just pass in the night."
"Yup." She walked past, giving him an 'I wouldn't go there if I were you' glare. Yeah? Well I would! You're not getting out of it that easily Kara.
"Didn't mean a thing." He knew he was really needling her, but the only way to get a response from Kara was to push. Hard.
"Nope." Don't you walk away ... you're going to talk to me even if you don't want to!
"Just bored, looking for something to do." His voice suddenly took on a bitter sound as his anger boiled over at her nonchalance. "So frakking the Vice- President of the colonies just seemed like a great way to waste some time."
"You want something from me?" Now she was angry. Zing! Finally pushed the right button.
"Not a thing," he spat.
" 'Cause I don't owe you anything." The hell you don't!
"No, you don't owe me anything. 'Cause I'm just a CAG and you're just a pilot." Come on, lay into me Kara - tell me we're more than that. We're friends, right?
"Right." That was the usual Kara belligerence.
"A pilot who can't keep her pants on!" he hissed angrily, knowing he was hurting her but not caring. Why? Why don't you defend our friendship? Don't you care?
"Right." Her voice held resignation. His heart cracked. She didn't care. She'd fight back if she did. Come on Kara, please? Show me you still care ...
"Oh it is just like old times Kara, like when you got drunk and you couldn't keep your hands off the Major from ..." She suddenly whirled around and punched him in the mouth. Ouch! But at least she was responding, not laying down like a doormat and letting him walk all over her. Before he was aware of it, his hand had balled into a fist and he'd smacked her right back. Hard. And you say I don't lose control dad. She groaned and held her cheek in her hand. Lee regretted it immediately. He was about to apologize when she turned and walked away.
"Why did you do it Kara, just ... just tell me why?" He could hear the pain and desperation in his voice and knew she could too. Please, please talk to me Kara. Make me understand. Did he force you? Were you too drunk to know what you were doing? Why?
" 'Cause I'm a screw-up Lee. Try and keep that in mind." And she walked away, leaving him standing beside the raider.
Has it come down to this? Eight months together and all we still do is fight? Why can't you open up to me Kara? I'm your friend - or at least, I thought I was. Lee stood there for a few minutes, struggling to get his emotions under control. Frak you Kara, was his last thought as he left the hangar bay.
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Lee was seething. She'd done it again! Screwed him and made him look the fool. In front of his father, Tigh and the President no less. You'll be lucky if I don't strangle you Kara. He stalked into the hangar bay to find her giving orders to the techs as though she was a god.
"Lieutenant Thrace, attention!" he ordered, stomping up to her angrily. She didn't move. Frak you Kara, you WILL obey me! "Lieutenant Thrace, I gave you a command. You will obey it. ATTENTION! " He grabbed her water bottle, and finally she turned to face him, defiance evident in every gesture and look. "You DO NOT take your hare-brained ideas to the XO without going through ME first. Do you understand?" Their eyes locked, and for a brief moment Lee saw pain in hers. You don't trust me anymore. The thought was like a spear through the heart.
"Yes sir," she answered meekly, the mask over her face again. They continued to stare for a few more moments, Lee searching her eyes for anything other than meek acceptance. He didn't find it.
"At ease. So what's the plan?"
She described it in a few sentences. It really was a brilliant idea. He'd never have thought of it himself. You really are a tactical genius Kara, but this plan sounds exceedingly dangerous.
" ... picks up the transponder, allows the raider to approach, nuke goes off," Lee finished for her.
"Boom sir." A trace of sarcasm. Only a trace though.
"Might work. Might get you killed." He sounded worried, even to his own ears. She can probably tell how close I am to breaking down.
"Would you miss me sir?" What do you care? At least if you get your sorry ass blown up, you won't keep breaking my heart every chance you get.
Lee struggled to keep his voice steady. "I need every pilot I have. Even the screw-ups." Direct hit. Her face crumpled, but Lee didn't care. It was time to resurrect those walls around his heart - the ones only Kara could breach, and had numerous times, only to stomp on it and leave him bleeding.
"Captain." Her voice held anger and pain. "I'm really sorry." Is she apologizing for her breach of protocol, hurting me, or frakking Baltar? No matter, Lee was having none of it. I don't need your apologies. I don't need you. And he walked away.
Kara was a lost cause.
TBC