The Fire Temple

Link, Komali, Gaylord, and Darunia entered the Fire Temple.

Link shot a nervous glance at Darunia as he made sure to maintain a good distance between the agressive Goron.

"Umm...so this is...the Fire Temple. It sure is...hot? Eh heheh..." he chuckled nervously.

"...Yep," said Darunia simply.

"Yeah...is it always this hot?" offered an equally nervous Komali as he tried to make pleasant, violence-free conversation.

"...Yep," replied Darunia. "Why...do you wanna fight about it?" He raised his fists.

"NO!" Link and Komali cried, jumping back further.

Darunia glared at them for a moment before the foursome went onward. They walked across a long bridge suspended over boiling hot lava, and entered a room.

"What do we do here?" Link asked, failing to remember that Darunia hated questions.

"DIE!" screamed Darunia, punching Link across the room. Komali gaped, but remained still.

But all of a sudden, the Rito prince noticed something.

"Hey -- guys! There's a treasure chest!"

The group approached it, and hesitantly opened it.

"This is the...Big Key?" said Darunia, gaping at it.

"This shouldn't be that easy..." noted Komali warily.

"Pphht..." Link snorted, snatching it up. "Oh, PLEASE...both of you, don't be so cautious! If it's here, it's here, and there ain't nothin' wrong with that!"

With everyone except Link worried, they traveled out of the room.

"This is good luck! All we have to do is find the boss room, kill whatever's there, and get the fucking medallion!" our hero said cockily.

"FUCKING PUNK!" shouted Darunia hitting Link.

"Oooowwww, why do you keep doing that?" Link whined.

"...I don't know. WHY, DO YOU WANT TO FIGHT ABOUT IT?" Darunia growled.

"STOP THAT!" Link snapped.

Darunia was about to strangldee Link, but was cut off when Komali interrupted, "Guys, stop it. Save your killing energy for whatever's in the boss room."

"Oh, no, I don't think you want to kill what's in the boss room..." said a slow voice dripping with slyness.

"Oh, shit..." Link said, staring at Bambi, who stood at the far end of the room.

"Where the hell did YOU come from?" Komali asked.

"I go where I want, do what I please, go where I want how I want and/or please, be who I want, do what --"

Link cut Bambi's rambling short by saying, "Ok, ok, I get it, but WHAT THE HELL do you mean when you say, 'don't want to kill what's in the boss room'?"

"Well, if I told you, then it wouldn't be any fun, now would it?" Bambi replied, grinning.

"Yeah...well...you're a DUMBASS!" Link spat.

Darunia stared blankly.

"Oh, I'm most certainly not a dumbass..." Bambi said calmly, still grinning. Then she disappeared.

"Dammit!" Link cursed.

All of a sudden, an army of Mighty Darknuts streamed into the room.

Bambi's voice rang, "If you can kill all these Mighty Darknuts, you can get to the boss room..."

Moblins arrived, too.

Added Bambi, "Oh yeah...and these moblins, too. Hehehehehe..."

Link picked up Gaylord and shook him.

"DO THE THING WITH THE LASER BEAMS AGAIN, DAMMIT! DO IT!"

Gaylord stared at him blankly.

"Shit..." Komali gasped. "We don't exactly have weapons, now do we? Link, do you have anything in your ass that's...useful?"

Link gasped too, and dropped Gaylord.

"How do you know I keep things in my ass?"

Komali said quickly, "Uuuuuhhhh, doesen't matter! But, do you?"

"Hmm..." Link pulled down his pants, and reached around. Everyone stared, including all the foes.

"Quit watching me when I have my hand up my ass, dammit!" Link snapped at them. Everyone looked away.

"Let's see what we have here..." Link muttered, pulling out the items he named.

"An umbrella...a car seat...my old hamster -- ew...a teen magazine..."

The room's occupants exchanged glances.

"Fruit Loops...Toucan Sam's corpse -- double ew...Bambi's panties -- MEGA EW. Then I have here Tetra's panties...Medli's panties...Makar's panties...Komali's panti --"

"OK, THAT'S ENOUGH, YOU'VE JUST GOT CRAP!" interuppted Komali.

Link pulled up his pants.

"Well, EX-CUUUSE me, princess!" he said haughtily.

"Ew, Link, what the hell did you just say to me? WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY?" Komali demanded.

"Why so pissy, Komali? Getting your period?" Link sneered.

"TAKE THAT BACK, YA MOTHER-FUCKA!" Komali screeched as he attacked Link. The two boys ripped off eachother's clothes and started fighting as the monsters advanced on them.

Suddenly, Darunia let out a battle cry, and went on a killing spree.

"GGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH, BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed, knocking the armor off of a Mighty Darknut and ripping its heart out. Then he leapt upon a Moblin, and pulled its colin out through its ass crack.

"I'm dyyyyiiiiing!" said the Moblin.

Darunia ripped the head off another Moblin, and humped a Mighty Darknut until it exploded. Several other monsters spontaneously combusted. Darunia whipped out a machine gun and shot a group of Moblins.

After about 15 minutes, the bodies of Darunia's victims lay slain. Blood covered everything. Gaylord pissed on the floor.

Link and Komali stopped fighting.

"Woah..." Link uttered, staring around with wide eyes.

"Hot piss!" cheered Komali.

Link and Komali put their clothes back on, and with Darunia and Gaylord, they left the room. The boss door loomed in front of them.

"Are you guys ready for...whatever's in there?" Link asked.

"...Yep. WHY, DO YOU WANT TO FIGHT ABOUT IT?" Darunia yelled.

Link backed away. Komali took the key from Link, and slowly unlocked the door. Everyone entered, shutting the door behind them.

Giggling rang through the pitch black room.

"Hehehehehehehehe!"

Suddenly, several torches lit themselves. Tetra raised her vacant eyes to them, grinning.

"Uh-oh..." Link muttered, noticing the look in her eye.

"Um...t-that's not all..." uttered Komali as several giant Redeads burst up from the ground around Tetra.